Silverbolt knocked softly at the rusty door. The truth was he hoped that Starscream wouldn't answer because, frankly, Silverbolt didn't know what to say to him. Sorry for your memory wipe? Sorry that the Autobots messed up your processor? Sorry that I'm still nervous around you even though you can't hurt me?

Skyfire had asked Silverbolt to check on him and bring him a cube of energon since he had yet to emerge from his new quarters even though it was halfway into the next day. Silverbolt had thought that maybe something had happened between them, given Starscream's absence and how pensive Skyfire was suddenly. Maybe Starscream had rejected him? It was clear that Skyfire had been carrying a torch for the seeker, which could explain why Skyfire had asked Silverbolt to intercede.

But maybe he was hurt? Perhaps he had left? Had he been kidnapped? All things that were bad and so Silverbolt was about to knock again-

"Come in," he heard from behind the door. Starscream's voice was soft and raspy.

Silverbolt took a deep breath.

He opened the door and came in, seeing Starscream sitting at the edge of the berth. His servos were resting on the edges beside his lap, gripping the berth with some force, and his shoulders looked slightly slumped. Silverbolt might have been imagining it, but his wings looked drooped behind him.

Silverbolt felt guilty for interrupting his solitude. He looked like he didn't want to talk to anyone, but he also looked incredibly lonely.

"Uh. Starscream, I'm Silverbolt. I brought you some energon."

Starscream looked up at him and noticed the cube before nodding. "I suppose it has been a little while since I fueled. Just put it there on the table, would you?"

Silverbolt couldn't help but be taken aback by Starcream's gentle voice. "Sure. I guess…" Silverbolt set the cube down with a soft clink and glanced back at him. "Skyfire wanted to know how you were doing."

Starscream blinked back at him, and there was a significant tension that increased in his frame. "Ah," he said with a bitter laugh. "Yes. I suppose he wants an answer."

Silverbolt frowned. "No, I mean- I don't think so. He just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Starscream clenched his jaw and looked down at the ground. "He really is a nice mech, isn't he?"

Silverbolt didn't mean to have his face heat, but it did so without his permission. "Y-yeah. He is."

Starscream had looked up at him and gave a small, knowing smirk. "I can see what my former self saw in him. It is too bad that I am already in the middle of some relationships."

"Oh?" Silverbolt said, feeling a slight bit of relief. He wasn't sure why he felt relieved but, the feeling was there, unbidden. "I mean, I'm not trying to pry."

Starscream gave him a fetching smile that was without any kind of malice or bitterness. "My trine. Things have… developed into something with Thundercracker and Skywarp, and I was truly happy." He sighed and gripped the berth a little harder. "I am not sure what remains there with them after the stunt I pulled by going to the Autobots. But I guess I don't know for sure." He sighed deeply. "And I kind of thought I detected something from Shockwave."

Silverbolt swallowed. "Erm. Really?"

Starscream gave him a toothy grin. "At this point, I like seeing everyone's reaction to that bit of news. Clearly, I saw something private from him that he must not often show to others."

Silverbolt wanted to warn Starscream against the purple bot; not many other Decepticons inspired such fear or unease as the scientist. But it occurred to Silverbolt that he might need to reevaluate more than just one preconceived notion about his former enemies. The idea that Thundercracker and Skywarp could be kind and gentle was also something he was having trouble wrapping his helm around.

"I'm not very experienced with these kinds of things," Silverbolt replied. "I'm not much older than you, I guess, since we were created only three years ago. But I wish you luck. I'm sure if Thundercracker, Skywarp, and Shockwave really care about you, they just want you to be happy, even if you have made mistakes."

Starscream looked taken aback for a moment, his optics widening in surprise. It was weird to see him so open with his emotions. "I… hope you are right," Starscream said slowly, smiling. "That was very wise of you to say."

Silverbolt's face heated at the praise. "I-I'm sure I'm just repeating something I've heard before. But I'm glad it's helpful.

Starscream's optics softened. "Are you trined, Silverbolt?"

"Oh no- I'm part of a gestalt. My gestalt-mates and I combine to form Superion- a combiner. So, no trine, per se."

Starscream nodded thoughtfully. "Ah, you are part of this famed combiner I've heard so much about," he said gently. He looked away thoughtfully before finally standing. "It's a pleasure to meet you finally." He extended out his servo.

Silverbolt glanced at the servo and then back up at Starscream. "Honestly. It's good to meet you again too."

They shook servos, and then Starscream nodded. "I'll be out soon. I just have a lot on my mind."

"Sure. It's a lot to keep jumping around different factions and meeting everyone. And I'm sure… Skyfire is still confusing."

Starscream's smile faded a little. "Yes. Confusing is a good word for it."

Silverbolt nodded. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to reach out to me or my gestalt. We're here for you." He placed a servo on Starscream's shoulder and ended with a soft look. He then turned to leave, closing the door behind him.

Starscream stared after him in the rusty room and glanced at the energon cube before sitting back on the berth.

Starscream eventually decided to come out after another hour or so. He still couldn't bring himself to sip the energon despite his tanks rumbling that he had not fueled in more than a day, but his anxiety sat heavily in his belly, and he wasn't sure there was room for fuel there too.

He was nauseous at the choice he had to make.

Despite his desire to just get it over with and let Skyfire have his Starscream back, Skyfire was making him wait. And think over things. As he thought about it, he realized how sad Thundercracker, Skywarp, and Shockwave might be if he decided to go through with it and revert to his old self.

Or… would they be sad? They must have had some affection for his old self too as much as they liked the "new" him; he had picked up on some lingering feelings and a shade of the grief that Skyfire had.

Did all the mechs in his life like him, or did they like the memory of his old self, and he was the closest they could get to him still being alive?

These were dark thoughts, likely brought on by the events of the past couple of days. Starscream was still trying to figure out who he was, and it was so hard with everyone's expectations and memories of him getting in the way.

Starscream tried to dismiss these ideas because he knew in his spark the feelings he had shared with the mechs he loved were genuine; just the memory of Skywarp and his soft looks and amorous attentions were enough to soothe his spark.

But had he messed that up?

Both Skywarp and Thundercracker had drilled into him that loyalty to the Decepticons was important. It was what they lived for, it was what they fought for, and if they had to, it was what they would die for. Starscream had been alarmed by the thought; he could not fathom why the cause was so important to them. Even his former self had been adamant that he should start as a Decepticon, and he certainly seemed to have formulated his opinions off of something. He didn't understand it, but he wished he had something he believed in that strongly.

He walked down the corridor of the small base, finding it a novelty that he was alone. He hadn't been able to wander a place ever in his life. He liked the solitude but wasn't sure what to do with himself.

He just wanted to find somewhere to fit in. Maybe this little dilapidated hangar on this small little island with a bunch of misfit fliers would be the place he would finally find… a home?

Was home a place? Or was it the people you surrounded yourself with?

If he chose to keep this life, Skyfire might never have a home.

If he chose to get rid of his life, then maybe Shockwave…

Starscream clenched his jaw. He stopped walking and only managed to avoid getting dripped on from a leak in the ceiling. He grimaced as he looked up; this place was a total mess. And Starscream felt like he knew how to fix it too; as in, if someone gave him some tools, he might be able to warp the metal around and seal it up properly. But as he looked at it and imagined having the tools in his servos and attempting to bang and smooth the metal out, he realized he wouldn't be able to do it. He would be damaging something that was already damaged, but… it wouldn't matter.

He stood there in the hallway looking up at the small hole in the ceiling, and it created a kind of spotlight on him. Starscream sighed as he looked around and wondered what kind of existence was this? To know what you once could do, to know what everyone else could do but yourself, but to know you were just unable.

It was unfair, of course. But it went beyond that.

He felt useless.

He looked down at his servos again and thought long and hard about the choice he had to make. He didn't know what to do because as much as it was unappealing to move forward for him, it would be the same for his old self.

At least Starscream didn't have enemies. His predecessor seemed to collect them.

The old Starscream would be helpless against them. In a way, Starscream's current ignorance and innocence protected him more than any mech could.

He continued walking down the hallway and entered a bigger common area where the other Aerialbots sat around a table chatting and playing a game. Skyfire was seated next to another flier that Starscream didn't recognize, talking quietly about something and occasionally smiling. The atmosphere here was relaxed and unbothered by the war, and Starscream found he could relax for the first time in a while.

But he didn't know these mechs. He was an outsider, and as much as they were trying to include him, he was not about to open himself up a third time to try and truly befriend them, only to be ripped away yet again. He didn't think he would be here long. Someone else would decide they'd be a better keeper of him, and he'd have just to do what they say because that was what he did now.

"Starscream?"

He hadn't realized Skyfire had noticed him and joined him by his side. His voice was quiet and slightly worried, and Starscream looked up at his kind blue optics and just stared for a moment. "Hi, Skyfire," Starscream mumbled quietly.

"Did you get some fuel?"

"I did, thank you," he lied. He bit the inside of his cheek, looking away from Skyfire's perceptive gaze. He probably knew all his looks, all his ticks, and all his tells of what he was thinking. Starscream probably couldn't hide anything from him.

"I regret that we couldn't have talked more about everything before I showed you the recording," Skyfire said lowly. "I'm sorry that you are in pain."

Starscream gave a ragged exvent. "Honestly, I was in pain before, so it didn't change much," he replied with a shrug. "I just don't trust my ability to make choices. I have made the wrong one in the past, with much less permanent results than this."

Skyfire's brow furrowed. "I know. It was a lot to leave at your pedes, and I will do anything to help you. And I will be there for you, no matter what your decision."

"That's awfully kind of you. I'm not sure I deserve such kindness."

Skyfire shook his helm. "We don't often get what we deserve, Starscream. You don't deserve to have all this handed to you, but here you are. You don't need to be worthy of kindness. I offer it to you freely, without any expectation."

Starscream sighed and nodded, looking at the ground. "I hate that for you to be with the one you love, I would have to die."

Skyfire nodded. "And I think for you to be with the ones you love, my Starscream would need to stay dead. As I said, we don't often get what we deserve. We do the best with what we have."

Starscream nodded, thinking hard for a long moment. His resolve was weakening, and he just wanted the choice made so that he would stop thinking about it. He was so tired of pacing back and forth over these arguments in his helm, trying to divine the right answer that would solve all of his problems.

He sighed. "I think-"

"WHERE IS HE?"

Starscream blanched at the shouted question. His spark skipped a few beats as he slowly turned, looking in the direction of the mech who had yelled.

A seeker had appeared in the common room. His face was fierce as his red optics scanned all the inhabitants.

"Starscream," Skywarp's voice said, his voice becoming quieter as he finally found him and locked optics.

Starscream was glued to the spot. His mind was spiraling, and his throat felt like it was closing up with the overwhelming emotion when he saw him again. Why- why was he here? He stole a glance at Skyfire, who smirked. "I thought you might want to see them again."

Following behind Skywarp, Thundercracker appeared, and Starscream made a small, quiet whimper.

Skywarp rushed to him, and Starscream wasn't quite sure what he was going to do, as he was so sure that Skywarp and Thundercracker would be furious with him. He stood there, shaking a little, prepared to be yelled at, shaken, or angrily pointed at like that short red Autobot before who at looked at him with such malice-

But no. Skywarp reached him and enveloped him in a crushing embrace.

Starscream tried to return the tightness of the hug, but he was weak. He was trembling in Skywarp's arms, and his mind was racing about what this meant. He was scared and happy all at once, and he just happened to catch the optics of Skyfire over Skywarp's shoulder, who looked at them with such soft affection that it finally broke the dam of Starscream's emotions.

He sobbed and scrambled to hold Skywarp back, and before he knew it, Thundercracker had enveloped him on the other side, and they were trine, and they were together again. He was between the two mechs who had first shown him how to navigate this new world. These two seekers had taught him how to fly again, had taught him what love and affection could be, had protected him, and had taught him to value life.

He couldn't abandon them.

"'Warp," Starscream murmured. Skywarp squeezed him harder and then leaned down to kiss him, using his arm to pull Starscream up against his cockpit so that he couldn't escape. Starscream didn't want to escape, and his frame relaxed in the strong hold.

Dimly he registered that the other bots in the room left to let them continue their reunion in privacy. He thought he saw Skyfire give him one last little smile before leaving, but Starscream was so distracted by the kisses, the affection, the sheer relief that was Skywarp and Thundercracker that everything else was distant and hard to process.

Thundercracker pulled him away from Skywarp's mouth to kiss him too. Whereas Skywarp was insistent, demanding, and needy, Thundercracker was commanding, strong, but gentle, and Starscream surrendered to him. Thoughts fled his processor as they kissed him and ran their digits across his plating. He realized they were inspecting him for damage and checking to make sure he was alright.

They might have been talking, but he didn't hear them. He was just so happy he couldn't think straight, and he was almost dizzy with contentment.

But the joyful feelings started to fade, and that old familiar lick of guilt washed over his processor. "Skywarp, Thundercracker; I am so sorry," he started mournfully. "I should never have left you."

Thundercracker answered him with a small smile and a kiss on his forehead. "There is nothing to apologize for, Star," he said in his deep rumbling voice. Starscream loved hearing the sound, and he leaned into the kiss with his optics closed. "You made a decision trying to help. I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't trust us."

"It wasn't-" he protested.

Skywarp cut him off with another kiss. "I'm sorry, but less talking, more kissing," he said huskily. "Is there a berth nearby, or do I need to put you up on this table-"

"'Warp," Thundercracker said in warning.

"Don't 'Warp' me; I missed him a lot, and I want to show him."

"Can't you just give him a minute? We talked about this-"

"I have a room that way," Starscream said breathlessly, pointing down the hallway. He was hazy from all of the kisses and a little weak in the knees, but Skywarp held him close.

"I've got you," he murmured, and Starscream looked up at him with dim optics. Skywarp's face was arranged in such a display of adoration that it melted his spark.

They made their way down the hallway, the two other seekers barely able to keep their servos off of Starscream, but he relished every moment of it. He still wanted to talk, apologize, and beg for their forgiveness, but the desire to be close to them clouded over anything else. He had been without physical contact for so long, especially from these two seekers who had defined everything for him, and here they were, showering him with affection and murmured promises of pleasure.

They reached the door, and Skywarp opened it as Thundercracker picked Starscream up, carrying him to the berth. Starscream's vents were hitching at the strength and the feel of Thundercracker's warm plating against him. He had missed their touch and their smell; something so familiar and yet hard to describe.

Thundercracker put him gently down on the berth, and his optics were looking at Starscream with that constant watchfulness, looking for any sign that Starscream wanted to stop or was uncomfortable. Well, he would be looking for a long time, as far as Starscream was concerned; he pushed his frame forward to kiss his lips and trace his glossa along his bottom lip. Thundercracker hummed in delight, smiling wildly. It appeared that despite his chastisement of Skywarp, he was just as enamored.

Skywarp slipped in behind Thundercracker, leaning up against his back. As Thundercracker began to kiss down Starscream's neck, Skywarp leaned over his shoulder to find Starscream's neglected mouth and kiss him passionately.

Starscream felt rising heat in his frame, and he tried to stifle a shiver. Their searing mouths and exploring digits traced his frame like it was precious and new, and he held onto them as they gently loved him, voices breathy, needy, and desirous of more.

After a particularly clever mouth brought him to overload, he found tiredness won, and he blearily pawed at his trinemates, wanting to wrap around them. Both chuckled affectionately, murmuring to him and settling down beside him.