Not Another Ninja!

Disclaimer – I don't own Naruto, nor do I own Meow Mix, nor do I own Monty Python. But if I did, I obviously would not be writing a disclaimer.

A/n – Is it just me, or do I actually update more when I'm in school? Weird, ne? Also, it seems that the "Drastic Measures" arc is stretching out quite a while. Would anyone like me to wrap it up? Keep in mind that we're only on day three out of seven!

A/n – There is a quote in here that I stole from English class. You won't recognize it. I guarantee it. Also, note the changed edition of the Meow Mix song. My creative genius mind made up the other verses XD

A/n – This chapter is dedicated to Steve Irwin. It should have been a crocodile.

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And for today's random bit of randomness…

Is a stereo still a stereo if it only has one speaker?

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Chapter 12 – Drastic Measures: Part Five

"Yes, convenient is a good word to use."

The fort was equipped with pointy sticks on the walls, an actual roof, a tower with windows, and various other things that you can use your imagination to fill in!

"I'VE GOT DIBS ON THE TOWER!" Leah, Michelle, and Olivia yelled simultaneously.

"Stop speaking in all caps!" Anko ordered, "You freak me out and make me think that you're feeling 'youthful' too!"

"But I am feeling youthful!" Olivia said. Everyone backed away from her. "Whaaat? I was just kidding!"

Naruto wiped sweat from his head. "Don't scare us like that. You scare us enough as it is."

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About half a mile away, Team Youth was sitting under a tree, giggling youthfully.

"So, what is our plan to bring youthfulness to our fellows?" a youthful Sakura asked a youthful Sasuke.

"I do not know, Sakura-san!" replied our youthful Uchiha.

"We shall attack their fortress and bring youthfulness through the cracks in their walls!" Lee declared.

"YOSH!" Sasuke and Sakura yelled, and the three of them scampered off.

Back at the fort, a strangely dressed person had appeared!

"Hi there!" he said, "My name is Bill, and I will be your tour guide today! Now, this forest is a very educational place, so…"

"AAAH! A TOUR GUIDE!" Leah yelled, and promptly peppered Bill with kunai. Noticing the pointy objects flying around, Tenten excitedly joined suit. Soon, Bill collapsed.

"Hooray, he's gone!" Leah yelled.

Soon, a man with a cart came to take Bill's body.

"Wait!" said Bill, "I'm not quite dead."

"What?"

"What's that?"

"He say's he's not dead!"

"I can't take him like that," said the cart man, "It's against regulations!"

And so the argument went on for several minutes until Neji got fed up and Juken'd Bill to death.

"Okay, that'll be ten bucks."

"No."

And thus another argument brewed.

Shikamaru ignored them. I like clouds… sometimes it is cloudy… lightning is in clouds… electricity is in lightning… power strips use electricity…. Yes, Shikamaru was completely off in space.

"I'm not giving you ten bucks to haul off a dead guy!" Neji yelled.

"Hey, not my fault, it's company policy!"

"Company policy!" Neji growled, his hands lit up with Chakra.

"Ya know what?" the cart man said, "I won't charge you. Special first-time deal."

"Smart man," Neji muttered.

The cart man threw Bill onto the cart, and they poofed off into the distance.

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"Sakura-san, are you ready?"

"Yes, Lee-san! I will go at your signal!"

Lee and his two new followers were hiding in the trees outside of the fort.

"Lee-san, what is our plan?"

"We shall burst youthfully through the walls of their fort! Then, you and Sakura-san shall capture as many youthful comrades as possible so that we may educate them in the ways of youth!"

"Yes, that plan is wonderful, Lee-san!" Sasuke declared, "I think it is so amazing, that we should induce in a rendition of a song!"

"Oh, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura and Lee said simultaneously, "What a grand idea!"

And, thus they sang.

I want chicken!

I want liver!

Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver!

Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!

I want tuna!

I want bacon!

Meow Mix, Meow Mix, get it shakin'!

Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!

Sasuke jumped into the center for a solo.

I want chocolate!

I want peanuts!

Meow Mix, Meow Mix, just suck my-

"Sasuke-kun!" Lee gasped, "That is not a very youthful thing to say!"

"You're right, Lee-san!" Sasuke said, then started anime-crying in shame.

"OH, POOR SASUKE-KUN!" Sakura and Lee said, and they promptly started crying along with our severely wacked-out Uchiha. Waves crashed in a conveniently placed sunset-ocean backdrop.

"I AM SORRY!" Sasuke cried, "I HAVE RUINED OUR YOUTHFUL SONG!"

"THAT IS ALRIGHT, SASUKE-KUN!" Sakura told him.

"YES, THAT IS TRUE! WE SHALL JUST SING ANOTHER ONE!"

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Not far from the choral chaos that was taking place, the uninfected shinobi ran through various possible cures to the Lee virus.

"But, Naruto, I bet if you kissed Sasuke again, he would snap out of it!" Kiba insisted.

"For the last time, that was an ACCIDENT!"

"But what about the second time?"

"There was no second time!"

"That's not what I heard."

Naruto sighed. The villagers had it in for him, didn't they? What with first labeling him as a monster…. And now labeling him as Sasuke's secret homosexual lover…. He really needed to get Hinata to make out with him in public.

He grabbed said girlfriend and planted a kiss on her lips, which she returned. He then let go and turned to Kiba, who was staring as Naruto made out with his honorary little sister. "See? Definitely not gay! Believe it!" At the last two words, Leah began to attempt to rip her hair out.

Recovering from the ever-so-irritating phrase usage, Leah rose to voice her idea. "What I think will work, at least for Sasuke, is way better than what any of you guys think!"

"Well, what is it?" Anko asked.

"This," Leah said simply, and pulled out her omnipotent ninja phone directory. She pointed out one specific number to Anko and everyone else that was looking on.

"Ooh. That's mean," Anko said with a wince, "I approve."

"Who is it? Who is it?" Naruto asked from his position ten feet away.

Leah brought the paper over to him, and pointed out the number of which she spoke.

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Uchiha Itachi, Akatsuki Clubhouse Phone………………………………………893-203-9302

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"No!" Naruto yelled, "No, no, no!"

Gaara walked over to see what the baka of blonds was complaining about. He looked at where Leah pointed.

"No!" Naruto and Gaara yelled, "No, no, no!"

"Oh, Naruto, don't be such a pansy!" Leah said, and turned to the other complainer. "Don't worry, Gaara-kun, I won't let him get you! You're mine, not his!"

"HEY!" Olivia exclaimed, outraged, "How dare you claim Gaara-kun all for yourself!"

"Gomen, Olivia," Leah said meekly, "He's ours, not Itachi's."

"Meh," said Michelle, "He probably wouldn't agree to come anyway."

Leah shrugged. "That's why we have bait."

Naruto ran and hid.

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A/n – Haha, another chapter already! Hope you like. Coming up next – Sasuke's Cure? Maybe! You'll just have to wait and see! Mwehehehehehheheheheh!