Not Another Ninja!
Disclaimer – I don't own Naruto. But if I did, I would stuff Sasuke and Itachi into a small room, and whichever one survived could be my super-smexy manual labor.
A/n – Have you noticed that almost every time we come upon the infected ninja, they are singing? Is singing very youthful? I used to be in chorus…. Does that mean I have Leeitis?
A/n – Oooh. Chapter 13. Only 2 more chapters until the milestone of 15 chapters! We must celebrate that chapter to come.
And do you know how?
No?
Want me to tell you?
Too bad!
It's a surprise!
You'll find out in chapter 15!
Or will it be in the 15th entry?
Do omakes count as chapters?
Review with opinions, of course!
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Chapter 13 – Drastic Measures: Part Six
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"Ah, Naruto-kun!" Lee said happily, "Have you chosen to join us?"
"HIDE ME!" Naruto yelled.
"Are we playing hide and seek, Naruto-kun?" Sakura asked.
"Yes, we should play hide and seek! That game is very youthful!" Sasuke said joyfully.
Naruto backed away slowly. "Sasuke," he said very slowly, "They are sending Itachi. Do you get it?"
"Itachi?" Sasuke said, "Who is this Itachi? Is he a fellow youthful shinobi?" Sasuke did starry eyes at the thought of more ninja converted to the ways of youth.
Naruto freaked out. Sasuke had seriously lost his mind! "Listen, Sasuke. Itachi. I-ta-chi! Scary mass-murdering man of questionable sexuality! Is coming! Here! Soon!"
Sasuke began to cry dramatically. "This Itachi-san sounds so unyouthful! It is so sad!"
"Oh, Sasuke-kun!" Lee said, crying as well, "We can help him to regain his youth!"
"Yes!" said Sakura, "We shall help this Itachi-kun return to the springtime of youth!"
"Sasuke…" Naruto said, "Itachi is your brother. Brother. The brother who you are obsessed with killing."
Sasuke gasped. "Naruto-kun! I would never do such an unyouthful thing!"
Naruto gaped. Sasuke had completely forgotten about his revenge, and now, he was saying "Naruto-kun." This was surely a sign of the apocalypse!
"What's wrong, Naruto-kun?" Sasuke asked as Naruto twitched, flamed, and frothed. Our little Kyuubi boy ran back to the fort with a flaming red tail between his legs.
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"He's baaaaack," Michelle announced to the base.
"Grrrowrrrowrr," growled the Kyuubi-possessed Naruto.
"Naruto, I don't speak rabid-animal," Anko informed him, "Speeeeaaaak huuuuuuumaaaaan."
"Sensei, human isn't a language," Shikamaru informed her.
"Oh, really?" Anko asked in a deathly sweet voice that only Anko could do, "Are you sure about that?"
Shikamaru subconsciously slid backward. "No, I'm definitely wrong. You're always right."
"Gooood Shika-kun."
Shikamaru shuddered. When Anko thought of a pet name for you, you were pretty screwed.
"Wait!" Leah said, "I have an idea!" She grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen. She drew something. "Naaaaaruuuuutoooooo… loooooook…. It's ramen…. Don't you want it?"
Naruto instantly looked up, and grabbed the paper. It turned to ashes. "Rrrrrrrrramen gggggggone," he growled, "Naruto aaaaaangry!"
As Naruto charged at her, Leah pulled out a trusty well-remembered remote control-like device.
Naruto suddenly stopped. "Sasuke is the sexiest thing on this planet!" he declared, "And I got his first kiss! I'm the luckiest boy on earth!" He clapped his hands over his mouth in horrific surprise.
Anko took this opportunity to thoroughly cocoon Naruto in rope. She picked up the bound blond and threw him in a bag.
"You can stay there until you calm down," she told him.
"Mmmph!" Naruto said.
Leah looked at Michelle, who nodded. She snuck up on Gaara, grabbed his wallet, and ran off into the forest. Gaara twitched, then chased after her.
"What was the point of that?" Temari asked, eyebrows raised
"Weeell," Leah said, "If he's here, he'll probably break my phone."
"This is true."
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In a luxury lounge hidden inside a cave, the phone rang. A certain blue guy with a freakin' huge sword picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Umm… hello? Is this Itachi?"
"No, this is not Itachi! This is Kisame! Are you deaf!"
"Hmm… you're right. You couldn't be Itachi. You don't have a sexy enough voice."
Kisame's head was covered with tick marks. "Look, what do you want?"
"I want to talk to Itachi! Put him on!"
Kisame sighed, and put the phone on the table. "Itachi-san, it's for you."
"Was it a fangirl?" Itachi asked suspiciously. They called him far too much.
"I dunno. Maybe. I didn't hear any squeals. Just pick it up."
"Fine," Itachi said huffily, and took the phone.
"Itaaaachiiiiii…. We needs you…"
Itachi freaked. "For the last time, Smeagol, my ring is not the one ring!"
"What? Smeagol? It's not Smeagol!"
"Well, then who is it?"
"It's Leah the deviously evil authoress, of course!"
Itachi blinked and said nothing.
"Whaaat? You've never heard of me?"
"…"
"Well, that's not the point. We've got a favor to ask you."
"If it involves bunshin and fangirls, then-"
"I don't even want to know where that came from. It doesn't."
"That's good."
"Look, we were wondering if you could pop down to Konoha for a little while. It involves scaring the crap out of your little brother."
Itachi immediately perked up. "That sounds like fun. But am I going to get paid?"
"No."
"Then I'm not coming."
"…..Naruto and Gaara are here."
"…..I'll be there soon."
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"Did it work?"
"I think so."
"Score."
"Rrrowrr."
"Shut up, Naruto."
"Is it lunchtime yet?"
"You shut up too, Chouji."
Leah sighed. Chaos was all well and good, but it was a bit much right now.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, a man in a black cloudy cloak showed up.
"Geez, took you long enough!" Leah complained, "You're a freakin' ninja! You should move faster!" Leah was treated to several death glares.
"Alright, where do I go?" Itachi asked blandly.
"That way," Anko pointed. Itachi went.
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"I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS, THERE THEY ARE A-STANDING IN A ROW! BIG ONES, SMALL ONES, SOME AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD, JUST GIVE 'EM A TWIST, A FLICK OF THE WRIST, THAT'S WHAT THE SHOWMAN SAID!"
The three happily youthful friends were singing and dancing around in a circle. They felt so youthful.
Itachi, who was hiding behind a tree, raised an eyebrow. This went past the lines of weird and well into the realm of severely disturbing.
"Oh, Lee-san!" Sasuke exclaimed, "I believe there is a fellow youth hiding in these trees!"
"Oh, Sasuke-kun!" Lee said, "That is so wonderful! Let us go find them!"
"…" said Itachi.
Sasuke walked over to his hiding place. Calmly, he stepped out and did the menacing-and-condescending-glare-that-only-Itachi-can-do.
"Hello!" Sasuke said happily, "Would you like to join us in our youthful activities?"
Itachi blinked. His brother had most certainly lost his mind. His eyes went all swirly in a very Mangekyo Sharingan-like way.
Sasuke clapped his hands. "You can do very youthful and interesting things with your eyes! That is so youthful!"
"…" Itachi repeated, and prepared to Tsukiyomi-afy Sasuke.
Except he didn't.
He just blinked again.
Then glomped his little brother.
"Oh, Sasuke-kun, I feel so youthful as well!"
"Oh, Nii-san! This is wonderful!" Sasuke said while crying dramatically, apparently remembering his blood relationship with Itachi, if nothing else.
Leah, who had been watching through a telescope, blinked rapidly. "Oh crap…."
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A/n – Hahaha! You totally should have seen that coming! It's like, there's no way that couldn't have happened! But anyways, I've noticed that the amount of reviews had decreased severely. And, I'm like, OMG. It makes me sad. But I write anyway. I think I'm addicted to writing this fic. It's like a drug. But reviews are like adding sugar to it. It makes it more hyper and more fun! So, REVIEW!