Ok so i havent updated in a while but that was only becuz i went on vacation and then had some SERIOUS writer's block. Anyway this chapter may be a bit boring but it had to be for me to get to the next chapter. Also i know that Rosalie's charecter is waaay off but i personally think in her early years of being a vampire she was more ah.."vunerable"..."mellow" i daresay. And thankyou to the people who reviewed they help ALOT. ok enjoy the chap and review.

i dont own twilight or any of the charecters...not even edward

Chapter 4

I absolutely…absolutely hated being wet, but right then I didn't care one bit as my head was pounded with fat, cold raindrops. My mass of blond hair was plastered to my skull, giving me the "half-drowned cat" look. I sat there alone in the mountains soaking wet, crying...or trying to. Was I really meant to spend eternity alone? If being beautiful meant being alone, then I wanted nothing to do with it. I began thinking of what Edward had said to me earlier. I should know better than anyone else what having a life taken from you feels like. I had experienced it not that long ago. Yet I found myself not caring at all. It wasn't fair that they were allowed to live normally. Just because my heart did not beat did not mean that I felt nothing, cared about nothing but myself. I did. I cared about Emmett. Slowly the rain ceased and I picked myself up feeling my dress clinging to my skin. My family would ask what was wrong; they probably think I have gone mad…maybe I had gone mad. I opened the door to the house and everyone was in the den. Esme stood. "Rosalie…" She said with question in her eyes.

"I'm fine I just…went for a run."

"In the rain? You hate the rain." Edward prodded suspiciously.

"It was refreshing actually," I lied.

Edward narrowed his eyes at me, for he knew my mind and what was going through it. Then I saw something in his eyes that I dreaded: pity. I didn't want any of them to feel sorry for me. I didn't want to be thought of as pitiful. I dragged myself upstairs into my bathroom and shed my dripping clothes. I turned the knobs on the shower and let the steaming water fill the tub. My hands shook as I lowered myself in. Perhaps this "infatuation" would pass. Perhaps I would find someone who was like me, and they would love me. I looked at my chalky skin and cringed, thinking of how I used to love myself when I was human. How I would waste hours fussing over my complexion and hair, and figure. Now I despised the way I looked…so much had changed in such a short time. I ducked my head under as if drowning out the memories that flowed back from somewhere far, far off where I had hid them after my first realization of what I had become. I chuckled bitterly as I remember Carlisle trying to calm me after my transformation. "You are more beautiful now." He had said. Yes, I was beautiful; however I was also repulsive at the same time. The stupid human men would stare as if they saw some goddess come down from the sky, yet they would shy away from me instinctively and it hurt to know that no one wanted to be close to me. I began remembering the ways Carlisle tried to console me those first few days. Edward had kept his distance, and did not talk to me much. I stayed under the water for and hour reminiscing trying to think of anything other than what I was about to give up. Then Edward came. I didn't want to hear the pity speech that Carlisle or Esme probably forced him to come up here and give me. I lifted only my head out of the water, the rest of my body remaining under the dense bubbles. "Yes?" I said tilting my head back and closing my eyes.

He said nothing for a while and I knew he was listening intently to the war that was going on in my head. "Will you leave him Rose?" He asked bluntly.

I frowned still not opening my eyes. "I do not know honestly, I love him Edward really… you must think me insane for doing so, but I can't help it. It's like some strong ache for him…we belong together, I know it. Part of me is saying that I need to leave him alone but…

"But…"

I opened my eyes and the emotion that filled them must have shocked Edward, for he strode over and gave me a kiss on my wet head.

"I need him Edward…but I love him also… and if I love him…" I could not finish the rest. It would hurt too much.

"You will do the right thing…you will leave him alone."

I nodded, trying not to sob and make things more awkward for poor Edward who just didn't know how it felt to love someone so much. As if the whole scene wasn't already strange. Me in a bathtub, pouring my heart out, and Edward not knowing how to comfort me. "I'm sorry Rosalie." He began, and he sounded sincere. "Just because this didn't work out doesn't mean you will be alone forever… look at you Rose, you're beautiful." "I assure you...you won't be lonely for long." He said attempting a smile.

I buried my face in my hands and sobbed tearlessly. "Thank you Edward." I managed between my spasms and gasps. I heard the bathroom door shut and I sobbed harder, the reality finally hitting me that I would never have Emmett. I would have to force myself not to go to the mountains anymore. I would not see his beautiful face anymore. Never see that grin of his spread across his face as he took his kill home. I got out of the bathtub and dried, then drug myself to my bed and gripped the sheets tightly. I screamed into the pillow trying to muffle my wild cries. My whole body shook and I wanted to die. I longed for the night sky to swallow me up and let me fall into nothingness. I would stay in my room that night and let dry sobs rack my body. My family would not intrude for they knew my wrath. Tomorrow would be a new beginning….maybe I would help Esme around the house or go shopping for something new. My life would be fresh and beautiful and Emmett would have no part in it. But still in the back of my mind I longed for the human. "My Emmett," I whispered my voice shaking. "I've lost you."

Bare with me...terribly sorry for this terribly boring chapter :)