"I think." Issei said, and if his voice wavered a bit, no one called him on it. "I've seen enough ghosts for one day."

"Pussy." The ghost grumbled.

"Coward." Motohama grumbled.

"Hear, hear!" Matsuda said enthusiastically. The lot of them looked somewhat worse for wear, (ghost excepting, who seemed to be exactly as sleazy as he was upon death) sweat and dust caking some of Motohama's frazzled hair. Matsuda seemed to have avoided the worst of it however, having been nearly frozen in fear for most of their encounter with the ghost. All eyes turned to Matsuda; he seemed positively thrilled at the concept of being literally anywhere else. He bounced from foot to foot, eyes constantly flickering between the door and shooting the ghost somewhat nervous looks. "Let's just pretend this never happened and find someone who knows what they're doing."

The ghost whipped around on the bed, sliding off and suddenly diving for Matsuda's leg. He yelped and jumped out of the way, and the ghost went sailing past. Rolling to a rather graceless stop as his form turned briefly insubstantial, the ghost popped back up. His expression as he turned to them was teary. "You can't!" He wailed, hands coming up and twisting into knots."Please don't exorcise me!" His features rippled a bit in distress.

"That is not an option." Motohama said sharply, looking slightly away from the ex-man. "I don't care whether it was someone else before, but you're a moving obstacle to my happy time right now. You need to move on or leave."

The ghost went quiet, and fidgeted a bit. "I'm not doing anything though..." He whined. "I was just looking for another ghost. People with regrets are pretty rare, you know. Especially pretty people with regrets. This place is my best shot right now."

"Wait, what?" Issei looked at the ghost strangely, straightening his back. "What person doesn't have regrets when they die?"

"When they're dying maybe." The ghost shrugged a bit, sniffling. "But they usually let that go, you know? Grudges are really hard to hold when you're dead. You gotta be real motivated. It's like the tail-end of a 58 hour all-nighter after a full case of red bull, with another 200 pages to read for a final the next day. Only the really motivated prevail."

"But you're still around." Matsuda pointed out thoughtfully.

The ghost puffed up, literally expanding like a pale balloon. "Yes! I am!" He spat. "I'll read as much as I need to get laid!"

Despite himself, Issei felt himself tearing up a bit. "Shit." He sniffed. "You're a brave guy! I feel you man! That's how I got into Kuoh!"

"I'll never give up!" He cried, enthused that they understood him. "I'll fight anyone to make my dream true!"

"Shit, Moto-chan." Matsuda wiped furiously at his eyes. "He's a good guy!"

"We can't even get ourselves laid, what hope does a ghost have?!" Motohama hissed, eyes reddened. "Accept it! The best he can hope for is God sending him to a world where they could use a resentful virgin! Beg to be transported!"

The ghost started rolling around, whining in sadness as Motohama stared at him pitilessly. Issei instead began twirling the ofuda around his finger thoughtfully.

They needed to do...something about this guy. He felt bad, sure, but also something about this ghost was also kinda pissing him off. Namely, the fact that he was hovering around them like the Ghost of Virgin Future. He didn't need a portent as ominous as that!

The ofuda whirled past his ear again, and caught his eye. It was a little heavy. Not much, but a hair heavier than an ofuda should be. He tossed it into the air, and caught it tightly in a clenched fist. Opening it, he examined the little rumpled bag.

It was a proper hemp Ofuda. How strange. He'd visited Ise Shrine as a joke once, and even they'd switched to paper. This was some antique shit.

On closer inspection he confirmed that it was actually an omamori, a personal protection, rather than the household protection he'd assumed Kiba had offered with his talk of warding off ghosts. Issei felt his fist clench around the little hemp bag. He was certain he hadn't imagined the heat it had given off, nor how warm he had felt holding it. Not to mention that weird hallucination of a gauntlet. This omamori had certainly done something. Probably.

Maybe.

He swiftly untied it, emptying it out, and actually jerked back in shock as some rice grains fell out. Quite a few grains remained in the bag, so he emptied them out into his hand, rolling them around a bit. Shines to Inari would put harvest rice into their ofuda, but it wasn't really a protective thing. Tossing the rice away, he slid two fingers into the bag, feeling around inquisitively. His fingers caught onto what felt like paper, bumping into a thick edge. He drew it out slowly, careful not to grip hard enough to crumple it, and pulled out two papers laid atop one another. The first was a thin folded sheet, reading Zochouten in flowing calligraphy. That made the miko in question one dedicated to Summer. Issei could even think of her likely location; the old Summer Festival Shine up in the hills.

Which made the other paper so odd. It was also a tightly folded square, but when opened, it unveiled a carefully drawn circle, full of lines and odd squiggles. Issei raised a finger, and carefully traced out a pentagram from the connected lines.

"What are you up to?" Issei murmured. This was not the sort of thing you'd expect to be given, much less in an Omamori. This looked more like the problem than a solution.

"What the fuck is that?" Matsuda walked over, and peeked around Issei's head. "Jesus, look at that linework. Is that a curse? Is someone cursing you?"

Issei shouldered him off, waving the paper a little. "It's from Kiba."

"So, yes. It's totally a curse."

Issei shrugged. "He put it in the Omamori man."

Matsuda eyed the little paper oddly. "That was in the ofuda? Is he trying to get smited or something? That's bad luck man."

"He said he knew the shrine maiden who made it." Issei said, shrugging. "Maybe he thinks it's worth it."

"So." Motohama's voice grew heavy as he faced them. "He finally manned up and decided to get even for all those times we cursed him, spat at him, nailed his effigy to walls, -" Matsuda and Issei began nodding along thoughtfully, "-sacrificed chicken blood to wish bad luck at him, shoplifted and told the officers we were him, bought freaky porn in his name-"

"I think he definitely decided to get even." The ghost said bleakly. "In fact, I think he probably wants you all dead."

"But why?!" Issei cried. He roughly shook the paper at the heavens. "Damn you Kiba, why would you do this?! I've done nothing wrong, ever! Answer me!"

The paper faintly glowed red, flickering and popping.

"Uh?" A faint voice popped into Issei's head. "Yes? Hello? Who is this?"

Issei froze, paper going limp in his hand.

"Hello?"

Motohama slowly walked over, and waved his hand in front of Issei's head. "Dude? Hello?"

"What." Issei croaked.

"Who?"

"What?" Motohama blinked.

Issei trembled a bit. "K-Kiba?!"

Motohama whirled around. "Where?!"

"Hyoudou-san?!" The tinny voice went flat. "What's going on?"

Issei slowly looked down at the paper. It was glowing very slightly, light rippling down the pentagram in the center and circling about the entire pattern.

It popped again, faintly singing his hand.

"I'm cursed!" Issei screamed, hurling his hands up in fear. "I'm dying! My life force is being drained!"

Motohama dove out of the room, frantically looking around. "Matsuda!" Echoed his panicked voice. "Kiba's somewhere around here! That prick is definitely trying to finish us off! Find him!"

Matsuda seized the stair bannister and hurled himself up them. "I bet he made the ghost show up!"

"I don't know who the hell you're talking about." The ghost insisted. "But that definitely didn't happen."

Issei continued wailing, falling to his knees and rolling around. "Oh god I'm gonna be old and wrinkle up and be impotent! I'll never get some!"

"Hyoudou-san! Calm down!" Kiba's ghost voice said impatiently.

Issei stopped rolling, sniffling a bit as he curled up on his side. "What?"

"You're not cursed."

"I can hear you in my head." Issei said. "You're very clearly haunting me."

"I'm not dead Hyoudou-san."

Issei slumped a bit. "Damn."

A brief chuckle echoed in his head. "Hyoudou-san, how did you use the summoning circle?"

"The what?" Issei blinked. "This paper is how you're talking to me?"

He definitely did not imagine the gusty sigh in his head. "Hyoudou-san, where are you."

"Motohama's house." His mouth said automatically before he thought better of it. He cursed, and held his head. Shit!

"...the haunted one?"
Issei uncurled. "Oh yeah. It's totally haunted."

"Oh really?" The response seemed almost sarcastic to Issei's ears. Issei felt the prick to his pride. "Yes!" He blustered. "In fact, the ghost is right here!"

"Alright."

Issei shook his head. "Look, I wanted to talk to you anyway." He said firmly.

"Me? You wished to speak to me?" The perplexity was the first time he felt as though Kiba had been truly taken aback. "What for?"

"You know a miko, right?"

"Technically, yes." He replied slowly. "Although I don't believe I can offer you another Omamori quite at this moment-"

"That's not it." Issei interrupted. "I need to know how to exorcise a ghost."

"...Well, I suppose all you'd need to do would be to convince the ghost that it would be better off moving on. I could try and get you a better answer in a little bit of time."

Issei thought about that for a minute or two, before a brilliant idea hit him. "Alright, thanks." He said absently. Kiba went quiet, so Issei guessed that he'd stopped haunting him. Hopefully.

He stood up and whistled, loud and clear. Motohama and Matsuda popped their heads back into the room, looking confused and scared.

"What's up-" "-what's going on?"

"I have an idea for helping our ghost friend." Issei said, waving them over.

They didn't budge.

Issei sighed. "Kiba wasn't actually here - look, it's a ghost thing, I'll explain later."

The ghost looked oddly unnerved by this, but Motohama and Matsuda pushed past him grudgingly with only a passing shiver. Issei lowered his voice as they approached. "Look, this guy's gotta go. I like him, but he's also a depressing pain in the ass. In light of that, I have two questions. One, is it immoral to lie to ghosts?"

"Nah." Motohama waved him off. "They're dead. Fuck 'em."

Issei nodded thoughtfully. "Alright. Two, anyone opposed to me getting rid of him."

"Nah." "I like him, but I like porn more."

Issei nodded understandingly, and stepped around them, waving the paper at the ghost. "Hey! Ghostie!"

The virgin ghost blinked, and pointed at himself. Issei nodded, and he perked up a bit. "Yeah?"

"I was talking to one of my associates." Issei said smoothly. "He's an expert. I was asking him how to help you out, and he told me not to worry about it."

"What?" That threw the ghost for a loop. "Really? Why?"

"Wait what." Motohama hesitated. "I mean yeah, we sure did. Just for you. We wanted to help you out."

"He told us something super important." Issei said, pausing to build anticipation. "Heaven is real - and full of angels with huge tits."

Matsuda snorted violently.

The ghost's eyes widened until they looked like they were gonna pop out. "S-Seriously?!"

Motohama and Matsuda began snickering quietly behind him, and put up thumbs-up for the ghost's benefit. Issei waved his hands with authority. "Yeap. Totally. Pinky promise."

"S-shit! Pinky promise is legit." He began wavering furiously, looking between the three of them with growing excitement. "Oh-oh shit! I'm excited now! Fuck this mortal plane, I wanna move on! Cute angels man!" His ectoplasmic shape began to contract and expand, furiously moving in odd shapes. Issei quelled the deep fear in his chest at the actual spooky ghost in front of him, comforting himself with the fact that the ghost was both punchable and a huge bitch.

The ghost suddenly formed an expression of vein-popping focus. "I think I can do this. It was in me this whole time, I think I can figure out what to do!"

"Go for it!" He said weakly.

"I cannot believe he bought this." Motohama muttered, covering his mouth. "This poor moron."

"I-I'm doing it!" The ghost slowly turned slightly transparent head-down. "I'm moving on! I see the light! It's totally there!"

"Go-" Matsuda choked a little, holding his laughter back. "G-go on! Go to heaven!"

"Oh! I totally am!" The ghost happily wiggled. "Angels, here I come! This is great! I-I can nearly see it! I-I'm doing it guys!"

They began applauding and cheering. "You're doing it!" Issei said, raising his hands over his head. "Go on! You can do it! Fight-o!'

"I'm fighting guys!" He sounded on the verge of tears. "I see them! The pearly gates! They were there! It was true!"

Matsuda nearly choked on his own laughter. "Y-You got it!" He wheezed. "Go on! Right through them! Outta this house!"

"Hold on." Motohama's clapping paused, and he narrowed his eyes. "He's seeing them? Something's not right here...weren't we just making shit up?"

Issei's hands slowed down as well. "Maybe he's hallucinating?" Issei wondered. "Beats me man. I mean, how good could it possibly be?"

"Holy shit!" The ghost suddenly shot up, the rate of his vanishing spiking as his voice began to fade. "It was legit! The angels are here! They're so HOT! Whoa!"

Everyone immediately stopped clapping, hands freezing. "WHAT?!" Issei wheezed.

"Hot angels!" The thrill in his voice seemed to buoy him away, almost vanishing to the tips of his ephemeral toes. "They're everywhere! This is mytime! Thanks guys! Later!"

And with that the ghost vanished, leaving the three of them standing alone, cold. The deal silence dragged, as they could almost see the dream of paradise in the space the ghost had left.

"A-angels." Matsuda croaked in disbelief. "H-hot angels...everywhere..."

"Just like that." Issei said, shell-shocked. "He just went to the great harem in the sky. Heaven is real and it's full of babes."

Motohama slowly leaned down, and picked up a smooth piece of jagged ceramic.

"Put that shit down, motherfucker." Matsuda said sharply, still staring at the empty bed. "You're not going anywhere. We still have more work to do."

"It's right there." Motohama said dazedly. "They're waiting. The hot chicks."

"Be reasonable." Issei said mildly, ignoring the ringing in his ears as all his blood rushed through his body. "They probably won't want you there either."

The ceramic dropped with a loud crack.

"Shit!" Motohama moaned, falling to his knees. "This is too much! Ghosts are real, and also probably get more than us! We really are the bottom of the totem pole!"

Matsuda slowly straightened up. "No." He whispered. "You don't understand!"

Issei turned to him blankly. "What." He said. "What don't we understand."

Matsuda's eyes teared up a little. "We get two!" He choked out. "We can have two harems!"

Issei felt his entire body rising up, those words falling into his ears and sinking into his flesh. All the hairs on his body slowly stood, as he felt the energy filling his body.

"Two..."

That word fell, like a feather from heaven.

"Shit." Issei said, rubbing his hands on his pants. "Shit, we need to get real. We need to get super serious right now."

"What?" Motohama whipped his head around. "What are you talking about."

"Morality points dumbass!" Issei gestured violently at the empty bed. "You only get to go to heaven if you're a good guy! We need to bank that shit!"

Matsuda turned to Issei. "Wait, hold on. Is peeping on girls a bad thing? Does that send you to the hell place?"

"Nah." Issei demurred. "God made panties to be stared at. We're still good, I think."

"Alright." Motohama turned to them, stone-faced. "We need to get karma. How the fuck do we do that?"

Matsuda befan snapping his fingers as he thought. "Shit, shit, shit. Uh, monks, Buddhist monks." He said distractedly. "Don't they do exorcisms for karma?"

"Shit yeah!" Issei said urgently. "We've basically already done that!"

"..." they paused and blinked at each other.

"Are we done then?" Issei asked hesitantly.

"Wait." Motohama said abruptly. "Who got the xp for the ghost kill?"

They traded looks that slowly grew hostile. "You know, Issei-chan, it was pretty suspicious that you were so gung-ho to fight it." Matsuda said darkly. "Were you hiding something?"

"Not at all." Issei said tightly. "But you were cheering pretty loudly, huh? You and Moto-chin here, you really pushed him on."

Motohama sighed. "I'd say there was plenty to go around. But, in fairness, Issei did the most. So we all got shares, but Issei got the most."

The simmering tension didn't leave at that, but it eased slightly, as they began pondering their chances of going to heaven.

"But is that enough?" Issei asked.

"...nah." Matsuda sighed. "No way. If it was that easy, monks wouldn't wander around so long."

"But ghosts are rare." Motohama argued. "That ghost said so himself. It's gotta take a while to find them."

Matsuda bit his lip. "So we lucked out. But how many more?"

"A couple." Issei said firmly. "Gotta be. Not enough ghosts to go around, otherwise. Those buddhist monks would be, like, kicking the shit out of each other otherwise."

"So what're we gonna do?" Motohama said slowly.

Issei thought about it for a brief second. His hand tightened around the Ofuda once more.

"Kiba!" Issei called out, grimly serious. "You know about ghosts. right?! You knew about heaven! Help us find ghosts!"

They looked at him like he was deficient, but he ignored them.

The silence in the back of his head continued, but the faint light on the sheet of paper held in his hand told him that Kiba was still listening. So he kept waiting, willing his anticipation and anger at the weird Kiba-spirit in the back of his head.

A faint, almost staticky crackle echoed in his mind. "I didn't." Kiba said slowly. "I said nothing of the sort, in fact. I'm more in awe that you successfully exorcised the ghost haunting Motohama-san's home."

"Oh it wasn't the only one." Issei assured seriously. "He only showed up like yesterday or something apparently. There's something else here. Maybe."

A long silence echoed.

"Hyoudou-san." And suddenly Kiba was as serious as he'd been around Freed. "Hyoudou-san, you need to leave that home immediately."

"What?" Issei scoffed. "Didn't you just see our super cool exorcism? Why would we leave?"

"Hyoudou-san!" He sounded urgent, and despite himself, Issei began looking around, slightly warily. Motohama and Matsuda stared at him worriedly, but had the decency not to ask why he was holding a sheet of paper to his ear like a toy phone. "Hyoudou-san, Motohama-san's home is near the occult re- the old school building, isn't it? How close is it?"

"Sure." Issei strode over to the east-facing window, peeking a bit under the blinds at the tall building off in the distance, hovering like a specter over the area. "Yeah, I can see it from here. Maybe like a kilometer or two down."

That staticky crackle echoed again.

"Hyoudou-san!" Kiba said firmly. "Please place the paper in your hand on the floor, and back away."

Issei froze up for a second, before hurling the paper at the floor and backing away. Something in Kiba's tone had him obey. He sounded resolved for something, and as Issei watched that paper flit side to side in the air, he felt nervous at finding out what. Motohama and Matsuda slowly walking up beside him, and placing their hands on his shoulder. It flitted, slower and slower, closer to the floor, and as it did, the glow upon it slowly intensified. Their eyes remained fixed on it, until it finally touched the ground with an almost audible tap.

The glow burst, brighter and brighter, and all three squeezed their eyes shut as a sun burnt itself into their retinas.

Then it vanished, and they opened their eyes to Kiba Yuuto standing on the wooden flooring, almost glowing in the wan light, surrounded by scorched bits of paper. The look on his face was solid, so resolute seemed he.

"What the fuck." Matsuda breathed. "Issei-what? What's going on?"

"The Omamori." Issei said hoarsely. "It did - it caused this."

Kiba slowly turned to them, and there was ice in his eyes. "It's good to see that you are all still so energetic." He said mildly, and tension frissioned across their shoulders.

They stepped back. Normally, they would have shouted him down, but normally Kiba didn't appear with a flash and a bang like a genie from a lamp.

"What are you." Motohama croaked, face paling to milk. "What's going on here, what - what the fuck are you?"

Kiba paused for a second, before a tail slowly unwound itself from his back. A black, spadelike tail that whiplashed itself through the air with a crack as he eyed them.

"I'm a devil." He said simply. "And if you don't listen to me, we may be in some slight very real danger."