I'm sorry." The pretty girl beside him muttered morosely.
Now, Issei may not speak English for shit, but he could recognize a 'sorry'.
"That's alright." Issei assured. "I wanted to do this."
She didn't seem particularly convinced as they walked up the hill to the darkened church, but then she couldn't understand him either, so they might as well be grunting comfortingly at each other.
Actually, that would be preferable. Worth a shot later, maybe. Not right now. Now, he had a bigger priority, one that swayed as she walked, smirked as she talked, and waved him in as he crossed the threshold into the holy grounds proper.
The church was dark when he approached it, only the faintest flickers of light in it's deep windows revealing that it was inhabited at all. He somewhat regretted laughing at Matsuda, because this place was almost certainly haunted. The reliefs were elaborate, curling around massive circular windows set above the entrance that Issei would bet good money caught the sun really nicely in the morning. They danced people, animals, and worse around the building framing the rows of windows going down the building before curling back and framing the massive wooden door that squatted in the entrance before him.
The cute nun kindly held the door open for him, having slid behind him to palm the wooden door that Yuuma cracked open gently behind her. It looked heavy, thick and oaken and plain in a way that spoke of confidence, but she didn't strain at all. Issei was impressed. And slightly attracted. If only she could speak to him, so he could hear about how cool she thought he was.
"Issei."
His attention danced back to the highlight of his evening, long hair fluttering around her. It was striking, even picturesque, the backdrop of faded gold-threaded wallpaper lending the entire area a faintly warm glow. She stood in the middle of the elegant room on her delicate heels, stretching out her arms and sending clouds of ethereal dust swirling around her. On the street it hadn't felt so bad, but here, where faded elegance formed a patina on the walls, he felt positively drab. Her outfit even matched, he noticed idly. Thin veins of gold traced her sleeves and leggings, invisible in anything but the wan moonlight.
Pricy, this girl was pricy.
"Welcome."
Issei reddened a bit, and he looked away reflexively.
The church was an old one for sure, at second glance, which meant that most of the carvings were probably hand-made. Marks of dust lay mussed on the floor, where large furniture had once stood. There were empty spaces where paintings once hung, stained paint hung above the imprints of chairs large enough to fit three people side-by-side. Notably, a little lamp sat in the middle of the largest circle of dust, that Yuuma smoothly moved to and flicked on.
The room lit up, shadowy relief cast upon broken statues shoved unceremoniously in a corner. It was ghoulish, how out of place the careless disarray was, compared to the elegance of the walls. Cobwebs and powdered stone fought for dominance between the effigies. Issei chanced a peek upwards, only to be disappointed by the bare bulb swinging freely by it's moorings. Not even a broken chandelier.
"The renovations look rough." He observed sourly. "They say God's in every church, but you're leaving him out in the cold. He'll cry you know, with a reception like this."
"He'll survive." She replied drolly, stepping past him to the door on the far side of the entrance room. Yuuma paused there, thoughtfully.
"Hey Issei," She said. "Didn't you mention that you'd love to see my home sometime?"
Issei blinked, startled. "Did I? I did. Definitely. Even if I don't recall, I definitely did. I may have shouted it in my heart, even. All the time."
"You don't recall expressing it?" She murmured. "Silly me. My memory must be going." Instead of giving him a second to question that, she thrust the doors open and strode through.
Issei paused at the door, Asia trundling behind him and peeking under his arm. It was a rectangular room, inside, windows high above with thick bars of moonshine pouring through every 10 feet or so. Superficially similar to pictures of churches he'd seen before, pew after pew filled the room, candles on holders repeating as often as the windows they stood parallel to.
Every seat was full. Hooded men bowed in supplication all the way down, head after head hunched and mouthing words that echoed around the cavernous room, a rumbling drone that gently shook the stone dust off the statues, flowing down each row to a vast stone figure at the top. It was a familiar man with arms outspread and a kind smile. His hair was carved with painstaking detail, a mullet from which gold shone at the curved tips. The lips were painted and the eyes shut. The clothes were covered with real cloth, but his feet were bare, and worn almost entirely away. However, from each painted hand, hung men tied like hams, limply spinning gently in place.
Beneath this sat a plain podium, at which stood a pale-faced figure in vast robes.
"-but hear me Brothers." Intoned Father Freed Sellzen, a hazy memory of a sallow grimace briefly overlaying itself over his broad grin, before it vanished. "I maintain that icing these motherfuckers is both expeditious and efficient, but waiting for a while and kicking them while they're down is totally more fun. All in favor say aye."
AYE
"It's so nice to work a crowd." He sighed happily, the noise carrying like a hot knife through the haze of sound. "A flock is only as tame as it's tender, and I am a very firm hand with a crook." His arms spread open in parody, and swept the room.
"Isn't that so, Mr. Hyoudou."
Issei's mouth, already drier than sandpaper, convulsed.
Freed grinned. "I have that effect on people."
"...hello?" So maybe Kiba had been right. The priest had been sketchy. In his own defense, how many secret death cults could a man be reasonably expected to believe existed in his hometown?! "How do you do, Father?"
"Pretty fuckin' nice, lemme tell you. I'm glad you took me up on my offer." He chortled, speaking as though Issei stood directly before him than over a hundred meters away. "The flock will always welcome another. Maybe slightly more hardcore an introduction than originally intended, but we would've gotten here eventually. Never enough bodies in this godless hellhole of a land."
"Shut your mouth, Freed."
And a slight figure continued walking as though uninterrupted, black hair whipping behind her as she crossed pew after pew. The ceiling above her was shaped like a bell, faded carvings running up it's length and arching down into fourteen pillars that staked into the floor. Each and every one reflected off the polished wooden floors, shining like an oak mirror, so deep you could fall into it. She danced atop this, heels clacking and arms swinging confidently, and god help him the entire seriousness of the situation wasn't half as important as watching her move so cooly past that congregation. Already she'd walked halfway down unstopped.
"Get off my goddamn podium."
Freed placed his hand to his chest, and leaned away. "Well, I never!" He raised one hand, and brought it to his lips. His other hand went out, and waggled a finger. "Rude! Unwelcomed! Incompetent! That's three strikes, you know? Even a bad ref would kick out a player at this point! Even a saint would call a bad play!"
"And leave you to fuck around?" She whipped her hair back, and snorted loudly.
Issei winced.
"Not a chance."
At this, the bold priest chose to abandon all sense of propriety, and placed one foot on the podium itself. "I've been doing a damn good job, if I say so myself." He grunted a bit, hopping a bit in place, then managed to get his other foot up. "I dare anyone to say otherwise!" He wheezed a bit, straining to pull himself up, as both his arms and legs on the podium strained to lift his torso above the wood from where it hung precariously, threatening to tip him backwards.
It took him a few seconds, slowly inching upwards, until with an almost sudden jerk he pulled himself up, almost overbalancing in the process. He wobbled back and forth a bit, slowly straightening his legs until he stood proudly on the little railing. He raised his arms high over his head, twining them together, long spidery fingers crooked and curling around the halo cast by the lamp above him. "I welcome you all to stand and speak! Speak your vows, your beliefs, and most importantly your unquestioning and unwavering devotion to my cause!" Both arms came down in a violent chopping motion. "Traitors will be executed immediately, so I'm confident anyone looking will find nothing other than the utmost support from everyone involved!"
AYE
"Mood." Freed slowly slouched, pulling his hands through his hair and slicking it back. "So I assure you Raynare, you bitch, that I am too goddamn cool to just put aside."
She paused, hips cocked and fist planted on it. "Then I'll put you down, like the godless mutt you are." Her eyes narrowed and met Freed's, who looked delighted.
Hips lips curled. "I know you are, but what am I?"
Raynare growled violently in anger, startling the people around her, and snapping Issei out of his fugue. He was still in the open! What a mistake!
Stepping in quickly, Issei immediately sidled to the side, slowly moving closer and closer to a pew with some seating space that he could hopefully duck into. Shit was scary.
No one made anything of it, though Asia did turn to him with an odd expression. He could only assume she was judging how well he integrated with these strange foreigners, and their deeply disturbed ideology.
Well, Issei would have her know that he'd never stood up for himself or another human being even once in his life! He sat firmly on that chair, and pretended he was brain-dead.
He even managed to keep it going for a couple minutes.
His lolling eyes eventually caught his neighbor shooting him an odd look, but their eyes were blue so they were probably american or something and so couldn't express an opinion that affected his societal standing negatively. He was, however, very large, and his fingers were definitely of crushing size, so politeness nearly forced itself into his spine, straightening it.
"Welcome." The man whispered in probably english or some other equally inscrutable european tongue. "Might you be a godless pagan of some sort?" He actually understood a word or two of that! It was English, thank god.
"Hello fuck chillax shizzle." Issei offered politely in response. The man's eyes warmed immediately, so Issei knew that he'd successfullycommunicated. Maybe he could ask Hana-sensei for extra credit at this rate. He offered his hand, and Issei took it in a warm handshake.
"I see you're not the target of tonight's execution." The man spouted, chuckling a little, and Issei nodded enthusiastically. Anything to keep the large bearded man happy.
Asia was shooting him increasingly dubious looks, so he responded with a smug one. See, he couldadapt. This was easy. There was no way Asia had negative thoughts about him. She totally thought he was super cool.
"Frankly." Freed continued after a pause, silencing the small conversations springing up immediately. "I'm not sure it's my leadership we should be challenging here, if you catch my draft."
The second he started speaking, every eye in the hall turned back to him, a hundred unwavering eyes. Issei, cowed, followed suit, eyeing the deranged priest. Even the two men hanging from the statue were looking at him with something like anxiety in their expressions.
Raynare was unmoved. "Where are Mittelt and Dohnaseek."
"Who knows?" Freed replied smoothly. "Not much keeping them here any longer, now is there?"
Yuuma's fists clenched, and loosened. "They didn't leave."
"We're not all as needy as you." He shot back nastily. "They have no stake in this race."
Her eyes narrowed. "They have enough stock in it to not leave their investment untended."
"Shame then, isn't it." He grinned. "Maybe we're a bit tired of doing laps ourselves, you know?"
"And what." She said slowly, ice crackling into her voice. "Are you going to do about that."
And then every man in the hall stood as one. The assembly rang in the hall as wood screamed, shoved away in careless abandon as people rose and reached into their long white coats. Issei began quietly hyperventilating as his polite and nice neighbor stood to his towering feet, casting his whole body in shadow with tree-like shoulders, and drew a fucking revolver from his waistband. Issei immediately turned away and got small so he didn't display weakness or seem too edible. That was supposed to work on gorillas right?
Not well enough, because his neighbor turned to him, and stared at him meaningfully.
Issei froze.
Think think think Issei what does the crazy man want?
He wants me to ape him.
Issei slowly put his hand inside his jacket, and the man looked a bit happier. If he pulled it back a bit, however, the man's expression immediately froze. In again and it thawed with something like anticipation. Out a bit, frozen fury.
Issei shivered. There was nothing for it.
He slowly reached deep into his jacket, and made exaggerated clawing motions, slowly pulling his hand out...in a finger gun.
He stared at his fingers. This and a smile was all that stood between him and a nickel-plated barrel. He slowly raised his hand, finger gun clearly displayed, and looked at the priest.
He looked at Issei expectantly.
He wasn't about to shoot. That was a start. Now what?
The foreigners eyes darted to the side.
Ah.
Issei slowly raised his finger gun, placed the 'butt' in the palm of his other hand, and pointed his index at Yuuma.
The man slowly drew back the hammer of his gun-gun with a meaty shifting of metal, the barrel revolving.
Issei waggled his thumb a bit and made clicking noises out of the side of his mouth not facing the gunman.
Asia seemed distressed.
He looked at Yuuma, and saw that she was staring right at him with a deeply unimpressed expression.
He shrugged. What was I supposed to do?
She rolled her eyes and turned back to Freed.
"Enough." She said firmly. "I'm done with you fucking around." Her long fingers stretched out, and began popping by one as she clenched them into a tight fist. "Move or be moved."
"And risk harming our guests?" He gasped sharply. "I'd never." He spread his arms out white, covering them with his outstretched arms. "I'll have you know I am a proponent for all human lives."
"Funny from someone that barely qualifies himself."
Freed's smile faltered, wobbling uncertainly. For a moment his eyes widened, an almost childish note of disbelief to it.
Then it redoubled, returning in a great rush of schadenfreude to fill out his face. There was something gutteral in how he snarled words, whispers to commands to yells to incoherent screaming at the top of his lungs, standing before the crowd, to kill, to maim, to-
"Silence, please."
The slight figure stumbled out the back, tripping over her own feet.
Freed paused, mouth agape and finger pointed accusingly at Yuuma.
"What the heck." Said the, now shortest blonde in the room, huffing and placing her hands on her hips, skirt gently ruffling. "I thought this was an undercover op, you know? Private? Slick? Suits and leather and cigarettes?"
"It still is." Freed rasped solemnly.
"Shut up." Yuuma snapped, taking great loping strides forward to tower over the little blue girl. "What're you still doing here? You left a week ago"
"My orders from Lord Azazel told me to stay here." Her voice took on a distinctly whining cadence. "I'm basically stuck here. It's boring, so I wandered off, but I lost all my money. Now Mr. Sellzen keeps killing people and leaving the bodies in my room."
"He's a freak."
"It's a sign of my deep affection."
"Ignore him."
"They're fat and smell like Devilllllll!" She spun in place, and began walking away. "Just like Mr. Sellzen kinda. Less bloody though, somehow."
"It's that time of month again." He fluttered his eyes. "Can't be helped, you know."
Yuuma rolled her eyes, and walked behind the girl, who crooked her finger and gestured upstairs. "Come along please, Sir Vali keeps reminding me to find out more, so I need a better idea of what your job is..."
Freed stood limply, hands still extended in grand accusation, as the two girls promptly walked away from the hall with a deep urgency, ignoring all the people in it. Including Issei, hands also extended in grand accusation, though decidedly less heartfelt.
Asia shuffled a bit in place, awkwardly. However, even the slight scuff of her feet on hardwood broke the silence.
He felt the first pangs of apprehension as Freed slowly turned back to the crowd, rictus smile in place, and instead brought his hands together and began slowly clapping.
"Alright!" Said Freed happily. "Now that all that unpleasantness is over with, all of you line up in front of me for the baptism! If you smell too much like devilshite, I'll plug you instead. Chop chop!"
"I'm a devil." Kiba said simply.
"I'm a devil." Kiba said simply.
"I'm a devil." Kiba said simply.
Issei felt his pants grow heavy with sudden fear.