Chapter 15: Christine's Confession
Christine and Madame Giry walked in silence through the halls of the theatre, until they came to Madame Giry's office. It also served as her living quarters and many of the ballerinas had come to this place for council. Christine, in her time, had spent many happy and sad hours with Madame Giry and it felt so natural and welcoming now that she was in the position to do it again. The office hadn't changed at all in the years that Christine had been away, everything looked as it once had.
Christine smiled as Madame Giry motioned for her to sit down but it was clear that the madame wasn't as pleased as Christine. The look on her face was one of concern and fear but she set it aside and looked at the woman who sat in her office.
"Do you think this is wise?" Madame Giry asked as she took a seat across from Christine and looked deeply at her.
Christine felt as if Madame Giry was trying to burn deep into her soul as she looked at her. It was an almost uncomfortable stare. Clearly whatever Christine said it would take a lot to convince the one mother she had every known, "it has to be," Christine said with a sigh, "I have no other choice anymore," she said deciding that the truth was probably her best corse of action.
"How so?" the madame asked.
"Well," Christine hesitated, "Raoul is dead and I have little to my name."
"How can this be?" Madame Giry gasped.
"We all have our secrets, I suppose, some darker than others, Raoul had his. Though he hid them well from all of us, he had a distraction back then, once we married I saw everything. Really all he had left was his name after the theatre and the phantom business. His family had invested much in this place but he had some habits that were catching up with him as well. Early last year I noticed the gambling more and more until he had to tell me that we had nothing left." she said as tears grew in her eyes.
"My dear this is terrible," Madame Giry gasped, "how was this all possible, you both had so much promise."
"Yes I thought so too," Christine said, "and our love, or lust, whatever you want to call it, lasted for a little while, but it faded very quickly and we were both becoming unhappy. He took out loans to fuel his habit and I stayed in the house he had bought me. At first everything went well. I was happy and we had the help we needed to run the household, but soon we had to let them go and one by one they left. Then it was our china, and my jewelry, followed by the clothing and the linens. Until one day Raoul came home with men and told me that they were taking everything," she had begun sobbing by now.
Madame Giry handed the woman a handkerchief and waited as Christine tried to compose herself. It was a very terrible thing to watch the young woman, who looked much older than she should have, sit there across from her and tell the trying stories of the young. Madame Giry sighed and waited. She knew what was to come and yet she feared far more for the safety of someone other than Christine.
"Please, Christine, go on," She said softly and waited some more.
"We had to leave the house, and I thought, for sure this would be the last. Raoul would realise and seek help for his problems but it didn't happen. He only kept it up. We lived as long as we could in a hotel before we had no other choice but beg his parents to take us in. They agreed, though they never liked me, and we were back under a safe roof and living a life of great wealth once again. It was probably our worst move. By this time our relationship had faded, it was becoming more and more difficult to even talk to him. He was away all the time. His parents wouldn't converse with me, I was simply there. It gave me plenty of time to think. It was a very dark time for me," she had stopped and began to cry again.
"Are you still childless?" Madame Giry asked as gently as she could.
"Yes, thank God," Christine sobbed, "this life is no life to bring a child into, though we did try. I even thought, it was so stupid of me, that if we had a child then it would bring Raoul back to me and away from his lady luck but it never happened. I couldn't get pregnant and now I am thankful that it didn't happen. How would I raise a child now?"
"His parents would not have helped you had you bore his child?" Madame Giry asked looking concerned by now.
"I doubt it," Christine sighed, "they saw me as nothing more than a peasant girl moving in on their fortunes as it were. They though the baby idea was just a ploy for me to keep my hand in their money. Had I had anywhere to go I would have left a long time ago," she said pulling herself together.
Madame Giry watched the girl as she spoke about her problems. A change in her composure was so obvious it seemed like a weighed really was lifted off the young woman. Her eyes almost shown with hope behind the redness from her tears. It melted the old woman's heart to see this young woman like this and yet she knew that this had to be difficult to make Christine realise just have dangerous her decision to return could be.
"And so how did Raoul die?" Madame Giry asked.
Christine had been waiting for the question for a long time and here it had finally presented itself, "it really was a great blow to all of us. He knew of the turmoil he had been bringing on everyone and I do believe that he did love me, but he was aware of the hatred in his family for me. It wasn't long before his loans caught up with him and he couldn't convince his parents to pay anymore. They threatened to throw the both of us out again and he knew that if he could not pay the loans that the collectors would kill him anyway. He through himself into the river and I was thrown out before the incense from the funeral had cleared," she said and looked down at the floor, "they gave me enough money to take up a hotel for a few days. I prayed a lot during my time alone in that hotel room. What was I to do? I am back to being an orphan with nothing to my name and no prospects of a better life." she had begun to cry again.
"And so what brought you back here?" Madame Giry asked as she had shifted through some of her paper work that lay on the table beside her.
"When I saw that the theatre was premiering a great new work I saw it as a sign," she said finally looking at her teacher once more, "a new beginning of sorts," her eyes were pleading with the old woman now, "it was like the angels have always been looking out for me. I was so blessed to be a part of this place long ago and I wish to returned. Something is beckoning me back to this place," she said as she finally reached out and took Madame Giry's hand, "please I am begging you, I need a place to live. I will work hard and dance. Its all I want to do now. Its all I have ever known."
"Now you listen to me," Madame Giry said as she squeezed tightly to her hand, "it hasn't been as long as you may think." she hissed at the young woman. Christine tried to pull away from the old woman's grip but it no use, "The Phantom is back but not by his own choice and wicked things flow in the minds of men. It is a dangerous place to be living in the opera populair right now. Are you sure you want to deal with this?"
"I have no where else to go," Christine said fear in her eyes. Her hands had begun to shake, "there are more dangerous things out side of these walls. I think we all know that." she said.
"Very well," Madame Giry said after a moment, "you can remain in the ballet troop but that is all I will consent too. If the phantom comes to you and you are put into danger again it is not by my doings and everyone will know that I was against this idea from the very beginning. Do you understand?" she asked squeezing the girls hand very tightly.
"Yes," Christine said her voice shaking.
"Do you have much to bring to this place," the old woman asked finally letting go of the young woman's hand and falling back into her chair, looking tired and worried and far older than she had every looked before.
"Just the cloths on my back," Christine said softly not able to look at the woman again.
"Alright, we'll move you back into the ballet dormitories. You'll be fed and fitted with new practice clothing. Tomorrow you begin with your lessons again. I do not wish to hear anything further on the matter. If this is to be a new beginning for you, Christine de Chagny, then the past will be ignored so long as you are under my tutelage. Is that clear?" Madame Giry said forcefully.
"Yes, Madame," Christine said, "but please I have been told not to go by De Chagny. I am simply Christine Daae."
"Fine," Madame Giry said and stood again, "as you know, your place is in the dormitories or in the ballet hall. You are not to wonder around the theatre unless you are invited. You are free to take leave from the theatre by the evening but must return to the dormitory before eleven o-clock. If you do not follow the rules of the theatre then you will be punished. Punishment can be as light as a tap on the hands or as harsh as banishment from the theatre," the old woman said as if she was addressing any new ballerina to the company.
Christine's heart sank further and further as she remembered how long it had taken her to make her way through the ranks of the ballerinas and to gain the privileges of the others. Here she was once more in a placed she had been when she was very young and had first come to the opera populair. She clearly was a no body in this world now. She hadn't danced in well over three years and she knew it would be difficult for her to get back into it. She had lost her body strength and much of her knowledge of the craft had left her. She was starting a new, from the very beginning and if was very scary once again. Little time had really passed, three years isn't that long of a time, and yet all that she had done before this meeting has been lost. She would have to prove herself once more as a ballerina and as a singer. She fell silent as she listened to the teachers speech. Sadness filled her heart. She had gotten used to a good life and now she would have to digress. This place, in the dark office that had once been so welcoming, now felt like the rock bottom of a great black hole. It was cold and unfriendly but at least there was a shelter over her head.
Madame Giry led her out of the office and off to the ballet hall. They passed the younger girls busy at work with Meg. Christine never let her eyes rise off the floor.
"Straighten up, mademoiselle," Madame Giry said as she stopped in the middle of the ballet hall and turned to Christine, "if you are to be a ballerina again you must start to act like one. Straighten up."
Christine did as she was told, and every other ballerina in the hall, who had heard the comment, did the same. The ballet mistress was in a terrible disposition, it would not be a pleasant practice.
The two women walked quickly. Christine kept her eyes down but her body became ridged and straight. She could feel the muscles she hadn't used in a long time, becoming tense and sore already as she tried to walk along as she had once been taught. It wasn't going to be as easy as she had believed it would be. She was now, no more than a beginner in the troop, no one special by anyone's mind. They walked over to Meg and stopped.
"She's staying, tell the managers and work the girls until I return. It shouldn't take long to get Miss. Daae settled," The old woman said to her daughter.
Meg's eyes darted from her mother's to Christine's and then back. A sudden fear had struck her down to her very soul but she had to try and hide it, "yes madame," Meg said with a courtesied to her mother and quickly moved off to tell the managers. She had left before her mother could notice just how white her face had gone.
"Stop staring and practice," Madame Giry called out with a hint of anger riding on her voice.
The young ballerinas jumped at the booming sound of their teachers voice and continued on with their practice.
Madame Giry didn't continue on to the ballet dormitories until she was certain that her students had all realised the extent of her displeasure. No one dared to act up now and soon she moved off with Christine.