Disclaimer: If I owned them, believe me I'd gloat on an hourly basis.

AN1: The demon talking will be in Italics. And Dean's flashbacks will be in Bold.

Dean was in the abandoned building but he wasn't. It was an illusion, his mind trying to rationalize what was happening by showing him the last place he'd been before It took over. He paced up and down the lengths of the cracked cement floor replaying what nearly happened.

He put a gun to Sam's head. He was half a second from pulling the trigger, the demon showing him images of what would happen, how the bullet would rip through bone like it was paper. And Sam, Sammy would be gone. And Dean knew that if that had happened he wouldn't have had the will to fight it anymore and keep it from killing countless other with his body.

He had a flash of pride remembering Sam knocking that gun out of his hand. That got the motherfucker good and pissed.

Dean heard footsteps behind him and turned to face himself. He was grinning at Dean manically.

"You're a tough one I'll give you that." He said. "And that brother of yours…, maybe when I'm done with you I'll take him for a ride."

"Don't you touch my brother!" Dean snarled.

"I was going to take the girl at first. Those deep dark secrets were tempting." He told Dean, completely unfazed by his anger.

But I thought that if a man like you had built walls that thick there had to be reason. I was right."

Dean glared at his copy, gritting his teeth. He had to think of something. It wouldn't let him kill himself. Maybe there was a reason for that. Maybe if the host body died he would go down with it.

"No that's not how it works." He told Dean in a bored tone.

Dean cursed, of course the bastard would be able to read his mind now that he'd set up shop.

"Where was I? Oh yeah, the girl." He walk to the wall and leaned back casually, folding his arms over his chest.

"Her blood tasted like pain and rage. And things she don't want you and baby brother to know." He said wistfully.

"But damnit I'm glad I got to you first. I felt you everywhere in this city from the moment you all arrived."

"If you think I'm going to let you hurt them you got another thing coming." Dean said smirking.

"Boy I get stronger from the second, the more I see inside you. Soon you won't be able to fight me. Then if I take mercy I'll torture your brother, make it long and drawn out while he looks into your eyes." He said coldly.

" Whether I take mercy on him or take his body for a test drive really depends on you."

"What about Jack? Does she get that choice too" Dean asked fighting the rising panic.

"Her. No, I think I'll drive her insane then watch her take matters into her own hands. Like all the others." He said with a look of relish that made Dean sick.

The demon pushed off from the wall and started towards the door. Dean followed after him not really knowing what the hell he was going to do, but he didn't want Him out of his sight for a second. As soon as Dean hit the doorway though he was pushed backwards.

"Nope, you get to stay here. Usually I let the meat come along, show 'em all the fun to be had. But I want you here." He told Dean wagging a finger at him.

"You're so full of shit. You can't do anything yet can you?" Dean said narrowing his eyes at him. "I've still got some control."

His face grew serious and he advanced on Dean with his fists curling at his sides. Dean didn't back down when his copy got in his face, didn't even blink. Dean knew in that moment that he was right. That meant he still had time.

"Not for long." The demon sneered at Dean. He turned his back on him and walked out the "door".

Dean walked across the room and flopped down on the chair near the center of it, folding his hands und his chin. He could still feel it there watching him, mocking him.

"Afraid. So afraid."

"Shut up."

"You won't be able to protect them. You can't protect anyone."

"I said shut the fuck up!"

"Just like you couldn't protect Laurie even though you promised you would."

"I'm not listening to you."

"I'll show you then."

Images bombarded Dean's mind, memories he thought he'd buried long ago. A house in the middle of nowhere. He recognized it immediately. It was the setting of his first solo hunt. He was eighteen.

"Everything's going to be fine. I promise. I've been this a long time." Dean assured the ten year old girl. Laurie Goode. She looked up at him beaming with trust. She led him towards the woods behind her house, where she'd seen the thing.

A kelpie had been preying on the locals, luring them to the water and drowning them, or controlling them to make them bring others to it. Laurie was one of the only survivors, unfortunately her older brother was the kelpie's current bait and switch. Kelpies weren't hard to kill, just damn dangerous up till the second they were dead.. An iron bullet to the heart would do the trick, but not till the boy was out of harms way.

Dean was pumped. It was the first time his dad sent him off on his own. He was sure that it would only be a couple day's work at most and bragging rights for bagging a kelpie.

When they got close to the murky stream that it lived in Dean told Laurie to go back the way they came. He should have made sure. He should have taken her back himself and come back to the stream later. But he impatient and cocky.

Dean made his way to the stream, the smell of blood becoming thicker the closer he got. Dean drew his pistol, his body buzzing with adrenaline. He couldn't keep the eager grin off his face. When he bagged it he'd call Sammy and tell him about the gig.

The kelpie was waiting half of its skeletal horse like body in the water half out, with its front legs planted firmly on the muddy bank. A puff of acrid smoke exhaled from its nostrils, its empty eye sockets fixed on the hunter. It voice, sweet and soft, seduced people to their doom, making them see past the rotted drags of flesh over the body of the creature, the worms writhing through its skin and the razor sharp blackened teeth. Dean didn't need to worry about that though, the heavy chucks of iron weighing down in his jacket pocket protected him from its power.

Unfortunately he'd underestimated the kelpie's mental reach and Laurie hadn't been wearing any iron.

A twig snapped to Dean's left just as he drew his gun on the kelpie. He shifted his weight so he could see who was behind him without giving the Kelpie his back. There standing with her brother, Collin was Laurie. She looked at the kelpie with awe in her eyes. Like it was the prettiest thing she'd ever seen.

Everything happened so fast from there. Collin shoved his sister into the water and Dean dove to catch her. His footing was all wrong, getting sucked into the mud tripping him up. The kelpie had her under the darkened water before Dean could blink let alone pry himself out. The screams hit his ears muffled by the water filling up little Laurie's lungs. He had a moment of paralyzing horror when the screaming stopped and a lock dirt blonde hair floated to t he surface. The kelpie was rising up from the water fast and heading towards Collin. Dean snapped out of it and finally pulled himself free.

He shot a full round into the kelpie before it got its hoofs out of the water. It was too late though, always too late because those razor sharp teeth had buried themselves in Collin's neck. The innocent boy and the monster died together.

Dean stumbled backwards unable to look away from the brutal scene in front of him. Fourteen. Laurie told him that her brother was only fourteen. Sammy's age.

Dean was hyperventilating. He wasn't sure how long he sat there. One minute the son was setting and he was on his way, arrogant and sure that he'd be in a bar celebrating his first solo and the next it was dark, rain was coming down in sheets and his phone was ringing. Dean fumbled to get the phone out of his jacket pocket grabbing the iron first on accident. When he finally got it free one look at the caller i.d. told him he couldn't answer.

Dean heard voices. Someone calling and a faint light coming from behind him.

"Laurie? Collin?" A man's voice was calling. Several voices joined his. A search party for the dead children. Dean forced himself to his feet and ran in the opposite direction. They wouldn't find him, he knew. His dad trained him too good to be spotted by a group of humans.

Just not good enough to go it alone, he thought bitterly as he ran through the forest. Dean didn't stop running till he got to the Impala, parked miles from where the search party would be. Once inside Dean laid his head on the steering wheel and tried to regain his calm. The phone was ringing again. He turned off his phone. He'd get reamed for it later but at the moment he didn't trust his voice.

Dean looked at himself in the mirror. Dean's hair was muddy and he had scratches on his face he vaguely remembered being caused by the trees and brush hitting him as he ran. It was all wrong. All his fault. He'd broken one of his father's cardinal rules of hunting: Don't get too cocky. And those kids had paid the price.

The next few hours were a blur of Dean driving back to his motel packing up his things and driving through the night till he was across state lines. When he finally turned his phone back on two days later his father was equal parts worried sick and pissed off.

"Dean, where the hell have you been? Are you alright?!" John yelled into the phone.

"I'm fine." Dean said in a detached voice. The alcohol helped to numb him.

"What happened on the hunt? Did you kill the kelpie?" John asked going into hunter mode.

"Yes sir. Just like you said, iron bullets took it out fast and easy." Dean said forcing a smirk into his voice.

"Why did you turn off your phone?" John demanded. The lie dropped from his lips like the most natural thing in the world.

"I'm sorry sir. There was this cute little thing and she didn't want to be interrupted during-"

"Damnit Dean! You had me and your brother worried so you could get laid. Get your head out of your pants. This is serious." John said angrily.

"It won't happen again sir." Dean said dropping his voice low.

"Maybe I sent you off on your own a little too soon." John said. Dean silently agreed with his father.

"Come on home Dean. We'll talk then." John ordered curtly and hung up.

Dean threw his phone on the floor of the car and got out. He popped the trunk and grabbed the salt and shovel.

After he was done salting the bones of the two newly buried kids he sat down between their graves.

"I'm so sorry." He said. Dean sat on the ground for a long time waiting for forgiveness that would never come. Then he blinked back hot tears, pulled himself together and lit two matches, dropping them at the same time into the two graves.

Dean sucked in a deep breath as the vision let go of him. When he got home from that hunt Sammy was the first person he saw. He'd pulled Sam close to him remembering the boy. Dean ruffled Sam's hair smiling big at his brother's surprised expression at Dean's sudden affection. He brushed off questions about the hunt, giving bare details about it. It would be years before he would go on another solo job.

"Wonder what dad would say if he knew how bad you messed that up?" Dean looked up sharply to his clone bent down balancing on the balls of his feet inches away from Dean.

Dean jumped out of his chair and grabbed him by the collar, shoving him backwards into a wall.

"You fucker! You son of a bitch!" Dean shouted in his face. The demon was laughing, getting that look of being satiated on his face. Feeding.

'Keep your cool Dean. He wants you to get angry.' He reminded himself letting go of the bastard.

"Think he'd blame you? Like with the Stritga." He asked appearing at Dean's side. "Maybe he would have written you off as a lost cause. Like everyone else in your life."

Dean clenched his fists so tight it hurt. The pain brought distraction, helped him not to dwell on the words. At least that's what he told himself.

"That shapeshifter awhile back was right. Eventually everyone will leave you." He said in Dean's ear.

"How could they not? Sammy saw it. Cassie saw it too. Even your dad left so he saw something there. You're a freak. I mean its one thing to have to do this job. You enjoy it." It said scornfully.

Dean was lying in bed, relaxing for the first time in he didn't remember how long. He could hear Cassie moving around in the bathroom and smiled. He wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her the truth about himself. It had only been a handful of weeks but what the hell? If you wanted someone what did it matter how long its been? And he trusted her.

"Hey baby." Cassie greeted stepping out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel.

"Hey." Dean sat up and pulled her to him. He kissed her deeply trying to press her as tight as he could against him.

"Mmm. What was that for?" Cassie said with a smile when they broke for air.

"I've got something I want to tell you." Dean said smiling against her neck.

"Like an I have to go out of town for the weekend kind of something? Or an I'm an escaped axe murderer kind of something?" She asked lightly.

"Somewhere in between." Dean said pulling her to sit down next to him on the bed. He felt a trill of nervousness. He'd never been this honest with another human being. Except his dad and Sam. And now he was going to tell an outsider his biggest secret his families' biggest secret. He would have laughed if he wasn't so anxious.

"I hunt things for a living." Dean said quickly, looking her in the eyes to see her reaction. She frowned but didn't run screaming from the room.

"Really? I never would have pegged you for the fish and game type." Cassie said.

"No not like that. I mean I hunt things. The supernatural. Me and my father do, my brother used to too but he quit." Dean explained. Cassie was frowning deeper now and Dean was starting to feel like this was all a big mistake.

"Are you joking?" Cassie asked starting to edge away from him. Like he was dangerous. Dean let his walls come up, this was a mistake.

"Oh God, you're not joking are you?" Cassie stood up from the bed backing away from him.

"You're crazy." She said more to herself than to him.

"I'm not crazy." Dean protested, devoid of any emotion.

"I think-I think you should go. I think you should go right now before I call the police." Cassie said pointing out the door. Dean had a half a second to feel like he'd been kicked in the stomach by a hell hound then he was pulling on his pants and shirt. He grabbed the pad of paper she kept by the phone on her nightstand and scribbled his phone number on it. She already knew it but he had a feeling she might try to forget it after this. He tossed the pad down on the bed and gestured towards it.

"If you ever need anything-"

"Out." Cassie cut him off backing away from as he moved around the room.

"Always the tough little soldier. Never showing anything." It said in mock sympathy.

"Good thing you stuck to one night stands after that." Dean didn't reply. He swallowed it all down and locked it away.

"Which brings me to my next point. That little display with Jackie Girl…." It continued. Dean clenched his fists biting back telling the thing not to call Jack that, it was almost as bad as him calling Sam, Sammy. It just wasn't right.

"What was that all about? Haven't you wondered what your real reasons for being so angry were?"

"What are you gonna Dr. Phil me now?" Dean spat out glaring defiantly at his double. His head was starting to swim a little bit but he'd be damned if he was going to make it that easy for It.

"Maybe its because…." He trailed off and Dean had an image shoved into his head of Jack and him. Her arching towards him with her eyes close while he-

"Its not like that." Dean growled. The demon was toying with him, trying to get him to lose his temper and attack him. He was alternating between painful memories and taunting him.

"Or maybe its cause you saw a little too much of yourself there." It said smugly.

"Wow you're so insightful." Dean said sarcastically. "I know it doesn't factor into your diabolical plan to try and break me but I don't do the self-hate thing."

"You should though. I mean how many times has Sammy gotten hurt because you weren't watching close enough?" Dean launched himself at the demon before he even finished the sentence. He had the double on the ground and slammed him hard against the concrete floor.

"Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Don't you ever call Sam that." He snarled coldly in Its face. Its eyes went black and Dean felt the room sway.

"I won't I won't let you hurt t hem." Dean said holding on with everything he had. The demon grinned up at him.

"He didn't want to get hurt anymore. That's why he left. You should have protected him better."

"Sammy? Sam? Please, don't do this." Dean said following his brother out the door.

"I'm going Dean and you can't stop me." Sam said adjusting the duffle bag holding everything he owned in the world. Dean could see the mottled bruise running from Sam's right temple down his face and some of the long line of stitches peeking from the sleeve of his hoodie. A werewolf attack. Dean had just taken his eyes off of him for a second and that was all it took.

"Not like this Sam." Dean begged.

"Let him go! If he wants to run away, let him." John shouted angrily from inside the trailer they were living in.

"Then like what Dean? I don't want this anymore." Sam said.

"Its not so bad." Dean reasoned weakly. He knew he was fighting a losing battle. Sam was leaving.

"I want to go my own way Dean." Sam said. Dean thought he saw a flicker of pity in Sam's eyes when he looked at Dean. Like he didn't think Dean could even comprehend what Sam was talking about.

"Your own way is abandoning your family?" Dean demanded.

"Go to hell." Sam shot back. He turned his back and started walking as fast as his legs would carry him, away from the family and away from Dean.

Dean took his keys from his pocket and got in the car. He coasted along side Sam as he walked. It was the middle of the night and they were miles from the bus station.

"Get in the car." Dean ordered. Sam looked like he was going to argue then a shot of lightning lit up the sky. It was going to downpour on him if he tried to walk all the way there.

They road in silence, just the patter of heavy rain when the storm started and the sound of the windshield wipers.

When they got to the brightly lit bus depot Sam reached for the door handle immediately. He looked back at Dean opened his mouth and closed it again then stepped out into the rain. He ran inside holding an old newspaper they'd used on a previous hunt over his head. Dean waited in his car till Sam's bus arrived and Sam was safely on board before pulling out of the parking lot. Part of him considered following the bus for a ways, just to make sure Sammy was alright but he decided against it. He didn't need anymore of Sam's scornful looks.

Dean was sitting too still. He felt like he couldn't move, his limbs seeming to weigh a ton each. That wasn't right. When did he get so tired. He looked up and he was watching again. Like a movie playing inside his mind of the things his body was going to do.

TBC……………………….

AN2: This whole chapter takes place over hours. Dean doesn't break easily. He's tougher than that……..grins