"As a human being, I've peaked." Sona droned. "All that's left is to gain power as a devil. 'Marry some high-class prick Sona', 'Sit in the corner of the room and cultivate for 40 years Sona'." She carefully adjusted the cushions supporting her lower back before slumping back into her chair, the large leather and canvas affair dominating her petite form. "It's all downhill from here," She sighed.

Rias said nothing, her long legs swinging bare on the little carpet rolled out over the student council room. She sat to Sona's left on a little barstool, who remained behind her desk, signing papers almost unconsciously even as she pored over them with an empty gaze. Rias hummed as she poured herself another cup of tea from a carafe Tsubaki had put out before pointedly showing herself from the room. The table it sat on was small, made of a strongly fragrant wood she couldn't recognize.

"And the children, lord the children." Sona groaned. "Running around with their homemade nicknames, screaming 'Princess!' 'Princess!' 'Princess!' and all kinds of shitty-"

"So-chan..."

"Sona!" Sona raised one hand demandingly. "A nickname as cute as that, friendship will certainly be assumed! I deny all involvement with you!"

"Whatever." Rias discreetly rolled her eyes, readjusting her position on the stool thoughtfully as she asked, "Where did you get this stool? It's so cute."

Sona looked at Rias with an irritated eye. "Momo brought it by, apparently it's actually called a Tea Stool."

"That seems somewhat reductive."

"It's a stool!" Sona snapped. "What does it matter?"

"Well," Rias shrugged. "You can't tell someone to drink coffee or eat lunch on the Tea Stool, can you? It's a Tea Stool, not a Lunch Stool. If you told someone to go eat lunch on the Tea Stool, would you expect them to drink tea afterwards? Would you be serving it? It would be terribly confusing for everyone involved."

Sona looked disapproving, but relented. "Fair enough. It's called a barstool now."

"But this isn't a bar."

"Are you, or aren't you being served?"

"On the tea table, you mean? Or is it the bar table now?"

Sona audibly ground her teeth. Rias smirked a little wider, and sipped at her lukewarm tea.

"Saji made the tea, fair warning."

Rias spat it out violently, coughing through teary eyes as she glared at a visibly undisturbed Sona.

"You could've warned me!" She snapped. Sona deliberately turned her head away, perhaps allowing her shoulders to shake the slightest bit, and said "I saw no reason to." Her voice shook not an iota. "Did you have an issue with a member of my peerage?"

Rias went pale with anger. "See if I ever save you from his cooking again." She grit out. "Next time he fries a dishrag in with the tempura, you can have it."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Bitch, at least my peerage loves and-"

It was at this point that Kiba strode into the room. Please make note of the fact that he was slightly sweaty, eyes darting about as though watchful. The clearly guilty-looking boy moved like lightning but still tried to make it look stylish. Alas, his attempts were in vain, he tripped over a second foot-high Ming tea stool and landed on his face. Even then, he was handsomer than Issei, as noted by impressed passersby peeking through the door. How sad, Issei.

Standing quickly and dusting himself off, he turned to his President, who smugly opened her arms to greet him gladly.

Instead, a pack of embossed photographs of an unwanted young girl slapped her clean across the face as Kiba tossed them at her. Clearly distracted, the boy stumbled over the table once more and meandered out the door with no small urgency.

Rias paused and watched him go, laminate pages sliding off her porcelain features, before whirling around teary-eyed.

"Sona! My children don't love me anymore!" Rias wailed, stamping her feet. "I knew it! I knew they took it badly! You said they'd understand!"

"I live to die a meaningless death." Sona groaned, violently shoving a third of her paperwork bodily off the table into a bin marked 'triplicate'. "I knew you were here for something inane. Are you still on about-"

"Yes!" She howled. "Can't you tell how broken up about this I am?!"

Sona sighed, exhaustion deepening the lines of her face. "It somehow escaped me."

"Make it better!"

"Take it up with Saji or something, he'll let you cry on his shoulder. Horny little gumby that he is, it might even get him off my back for a day."

Issei rapped loudly on Kiryuu's front door. "YO KIRYUU, WE GOTTA

- wait hold on."

Motohama and Matsuda stopped attempting to peer through her living room window. "What?"

"How'd we get here?"

"I recall giving you the address." Kiba said, standing well outside of the gate, leaning against a light pole. "I feel slightly ashamed for doing so, but sending people into a possessed house is fairly beyond the pale."

"No, that's not what I mean." Issei frowned and leaned away from the door. "How did I graduate my own lifestyle to the point where I can knock on a girl's door? This is cause for celebration. Where's the soju, we should be trading cups before we ring the bell or something."

Motohama and Matsuda turned and continued looking through the window, ignoring Kiba's disgusted expression. The bald one turned and said "Goddamn is this place nice."

"They've got a big TV and everything." Motohama agreed. "Yo, I saw this model toaster in Akihabara man, it was like 20000 yen."

"'Dude, that's a Balmuda man." Matsuda squashed his face into the window. "That's a goddamn steam toaster. What 'just a toaster'."

Issei felt a grand puzzlement welling up, vocalized as, "Dude, it's just toast." He stepped back a little as the two at the window turned to him.

"Toast." Motohama looked almost offended. "Just toast? You bread pleb, I bet you microwave your sandwiches."

"Sickening." Matsuda shook his head. "Moto-chin, tell this fool."

"I own three." Motohama blandly confirmed. Issei whirled around, betrayal writ large across his face at Motohama's serious expression. "Subpar toast is dry and crumbly man. It's like hard, or soft in odd places, rips like paper easily and shit just falls out. Steamed bread cooks out-in, so the outside toasts while keeping the inside mois-."

Issei whirled around and began hammering at the door. "KIRYUU! KIRYUU AIKA!" He screamed. "OPEN THE DOOR. I CAN'T BE OUT HERE, LET ME IN!"

"-ark rye easily toasts the best with a little butter, if you can tolerate the medioc-"

"NO!" Came a muffled yell from inside. "I HEARD EVERYTHING! YOU'RE ALL DEAD TO ME YOU FUCKING BREAD OTAKU!"

Motohama stopped, looking a little hurt.

"LET ME IN, DAMN YOU!"

"Matsuda-kun, did you say that toaster was 20000 yen? Did you miss a zero?"

"Cross me heart."

"That's like, three times what she owes us." Motohama held up his fingers, ticking them down as he calculated. "Four ways that's...4000 yen a pop?"

"5000 yen." Kiba corrected.

"Shut up nerd." "Piss off."

"I also get a bonus." Kiba continued diffidently. "Royalties."

""Why?!""

"I did all the work." He said. Everyone outside fell silent for a second, studying his expressionless features.

"Aw shit." "Goddamnit." "Is it too late to reneg-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP." Kiryuu kicked her door open, taking Issei clean across the face, who fell to his knees whimpering. "Holy hell, get in, what if the neighbors think I'm weird?!"

"You are weird." Issei said nasally, working out the brand new kink in his nasal passage with a finger. "What's new there? Just accept it." He swore something popped as he worked his little finger in.

She rolled her eyes, and urged them in. They trooped inside single-file, taking in the relatively normal house. Issei wiped his fingers on a rug that looked more expensive than his entire room, and took a deep joy in the flicker of disgust that crossed Kiryuu's face.

"Where're the dildos." Matsuda asked, almost puzzled as he took the parlor in.

"Upstairs." She rolled her eyes and slammed the door behind them. "Next time, just ask for the money at school. Anyway, how much?"

"30000 yen." Kiba said calmly. Kiryuu didn't argue, and there was a moment of incredulity among the goons as the two shook hands.

She turned away, saying blandly, "Let me go get the mon-."

"Wait." Issei interrupted "Hold on. Are you not at all curious about that little job? You just shelled out, like, a year's allowance, to basically sweep someone's house."

Kiba discreetly rolled his eyes, but the goons seemed somewhat troubled to take her money. Kiryuu snorted and stomped upstairs, and began loudly rifling through drawers.

"What the hell is she-" Issei turned and spotted Motohama and Matsuda slowly sliding sideways into the kitchen. "Motherfu-are you guys seriously going for the toaste-"

"Shut the hell up." Matsuda hissed. "I'm just looking at it, just looking." He added for a suspicious Kiba's benefit. "Moto-chin says it's limited edition, only like three of these even came out or something."

"Get out of there!" Kiba hissed back, looking nervously at the stairs. "Where are your manners?!"

"I just wanna-let me just lick it or something there are crumbs on it-"

"Get-" Issei seized Matsuda by the collar, who was restraining a desperate Motohama by the gut. "Get out man what is happening to you."

Motohama whimpered. "I've never seen one man, it's like actually a deluxe edition, it's at least 5,0000,000 yen or something, I just saw the embossing on the lid-"

"Yo," Issei hurled Matsuda aside and went for the toaster himself, before Kiba dove for him, and seized his shoulders, hauling him back as Issei kicked and struggled. "Leggo Kiba! Dude that - I bet it has like gold heating coils or something-"

"-I bet it uses scotch instead of water-"

"No - stop struggling Ise-kun you can't take her toaster-"

"-I bet she got like a whole case of sushi when she bought it-"

"Actually."

The room went dead quiet as the struggling boys turned to a deeply amused Kiryuu walking down the stairs.

"I didn't buy it." Kiryuu said idly. "It was a trade. So I wouldn't know." Her hand slid down the rail as she skipped downstairs, waving a wad of bills with the other.

Motohama whimpered. "How?"

She landed with a little hop and threw her hands up. "I snitched." Kiryuu looked up grinned, and all her teeth shined.

The boys recoiled like she'd struck them.

"No." Issei whispered.

"I did." Kiryuu gloated, striding over and fanning herself with the bills. "I snitched so hard."

"Narc." Matsuda hissed, holding up his fingers in a cross and backing away. "How could you." Kiryuu leered at him, and crossed her arms. "You think specks over there wouldn't." Her foot snapped out and gently struck Motohama on the shin.

The two looked down with some disgust at his quiet keening.

"He doesn't count." Issei said confidently, looking up and pointedly away.

"I never got a toaster." Kiba mused, reaching between them and snapping the bills away from Aika. She let them go happily, and he began counting them.

Issei shot Kiba a horrified look he refused to acknowledge.

"I narced someone out extra hard then." Kiryuu said smugly. Kiba frowned as he looked at her.

"How hard." He accused.

Aika thought about it. She hemmed and hawed, rapping her chin like a metronome. And for a moment the light shining on Kiryuu's face seemed to highlight the dark shadows under her eyes and about her mouth. "She may have killed someone."

Kiba's eyebrows shot into his scalp. "That's a great narc." He said, impressed.

"I can't handle the powerlevel of this conversation." Issei whispered, gently closing his eyes and turning away.

"I know right." Aika said enthusiastically. "I didn't regret anything, and the guy gave me a really good toaster too."

"Why?" Motohama croaked. Kiba echoed the question, curious.

Kiryuu thought about it. "Well, I actually asked him to lunch." She admitted. "He was really hot." She pointedly avoided their eyes as she cleared her throat. "But like, I don't think he got it? He said he was bad at cooking. Then he dropped off that thing-" she waved at the toaster idly, "-and told me to make myself a sandwich." Kiryuu sighed heavily. "Wasted. Those good looks are wasted. The sandwiches are pretty damn good though."

Kiba nodded understandingly. "Makes sense."

"Hold up." Matsuda requested, holding up a hand. "Wait, what? Someone died?"

"Oh my god, you didn't notice." Kiryuu squeezed her eyes shut and clamped down on her lips, making little moaning noises.

"W-well." Matsuda looked flustered. "No one told me?" Issei, who also hadn't noticed, quietly cheered him on. Fighto Matsuda!

"Dude, it was a classmate." Kiryuu put her hands on her hips and cocked them, looking already more tired.

Matsuda nodded in understanding. "Who?"

Kiryuu rolled her eyes.

Motohama nodded wisely, slowly standing. "Yeah, didn't you know morons?" He smirked. "I put it together as soon as I saw her name: Kanna."

"No wonder she died, her house was cursed to shit." Issei said, impressed. "How'd you figure it out?"

"I didn't." Kiryuu crossed her arms defensively. "I didn't send you to her house at all, since the girl who died was named Aoba." She glared at Motohama, who pretended the couch was on fire. "I sent you somewhere that needed it more."

"Oh?"

"Her killer. Probably. Maybe. You did say it was cursed, right?"

"SHOCK!" Issei screamed, throwing his hands in the air. Matsuda began coughing violently, turning away as he gradually turned red.

Kiba looked deeply unimpressed.

Motohama pushed up his glasses with trembling fingers. "Why?" He asked weakly.

Kiryuu looked deeply unimpressed. "Because I promised." She grumbled.

Now, that was an entire suitcase of baggage. Issei decided against poking it with a stick, a decision he mentally lauded as probably his wisest ever. "We found her name, Kaede Kanna." Issei said instead. "Why the hell don't I remember her? She went to Kuoh, right?"

Kiryuu shrugged. "She didn't draw much attention, I guess."

The room went quiet, and Issei started a little, jabbing Matsuda in the side. The bald one jerked up, opening his mouth to curse until Issei jerked his chin at Aika. Matsuda stopped and squinted at the girl. It took a second but eventually his eyes popped open a little wider, and he turned and swiftly kicked Motohama in the shins. The specked one turned, angry, until the boys gave him the Nod.

Motohama got it, immediately pasting a gormless expression on his face as he took a deep breath, and cracked his neck. It echoed like muddy gunshots. "It's always the quiet ones." Motohama said bravely.

There was a beat of silence, as Issei and Matsuda traded grim looks, before turning to Motohama.

"Motohama-chin, if you ever feel the urge to stab someone-" Issei began sweetly.

"Start with Issei." Matsuda cut in sharply. Issei whirled around, loud injury plain on his face, before turning back to Motohama.

"Matsuda ate your last dango." Issei said. Matsuda swelled like a bullfrog with indignation.

"Ise used your toilet and didn't flush."

Issei sputtered angrily. "Matsudai stole your Hitomi fanclub poster."

Wait, that's true! Matsuda's eyes seemed to widen in surprise, then narrowed suspiciously. "Ise rubbed his balls on your atomic purple gameboy."

'Why the fuck would you tell him that?! Issei mouthed, actually turning red with anger. "Matsuda ate all your cookies and replaced them with saltines he licked the salt off of."

Matsuda chose not to address that point, sensing detente was about to go hot, and whipped around for the nearest victim.

"Kiba got a love note from Marina."

Issei paused and turned to an immediately guilty-looking Kiba who looked slightly lost. "I didn't ask her to?" He said nervously. Their eyes narrowed, a true fury burning in them as Motohama started hopping from foot to foot with a dark expression bubbling on his face. Issei, shooting a look back, desperately buried his anger and gave Kiba the Nod, but it seemed beyond his strength. Thinking fast, Kiba pointed at Issei.

"Ise-kun stole your backpack and replaced your sausages with spam."

"Matsuda took a dump in your potted plants." Issei said immediately.

Motohama began clapping, and the sound was a bit like Satan's spoon ringing the dinner bell. All the hounds grew turbulently angry.

What the fuck screamed Matsuda's face, and he immediately began advancing on Issei's position. Issei started sweating hard, shot Kiba a look. "Kiba told the girl's locker room where the peep hole was."

The look said take the fall for me.

No, replied Kiba's eyes. "Ise-kun threw up in your shoes Matsuda-kun."

Issei's eyes sharpened to steel. Motohama and Matsuda approached with murder in their eyes. There was no surviving now that they'd gotten real; it was every man for himself.

Issei puffed his chest out and snapped a mental salute to the spirit of his grandfather. "Matsuda peeped on your mom in the shower."

"-"

Motohama slowly turned to Matsuda, and the look in his eyes was dead.

"-"

Matsuda flinched.

Motohama howled like an injured beast, and drove a fist as deeply into Matsuda's gut as it would go. The boy doubled over, violently retching, and Issei screamed in horror as Motohama charged him. He turned to run, but the runaway train was already breathing down the back of his neck and suddenly all he felt was pain. The clothesline was wholly deserved, Issei noted distantly, feeling only the gentle embrace of gravity as Motohama strained and lifted him entirely over his head, and spiked him into Kiba's fleeing body. The sound of bones colliding echoed, cut through by only a quiet noise.

Snrk.

The four boys paused, and slowly turned to Aika Kiryuu, who was doubled over, and shaking with quiet laughter.

"That was fucking terrible," she informed them, and burst into guffaws.

Expressions unchanged, the boys slowly crawled together and raised a hand, exchanging quiet high-fives.

"You're all morons." She informed them heartlessly, seeing them off from her doorway. The three turned around, still pushing the gate open.

"Uncalled for." Issei informed her gravely.

"I sent you into a killer's home, and all you want is-"

Motohama cheerfully riffled a wad of bills.

"-payment." She finished tiredly, honestly for perhaps the first time.

Matsuda shrugged. "Well sure." He said idly. "You asked us for a proper job, yeah? Well, we handled it proper-like." His fingers crossed behind his back.

She rolled her eyes. "And you're fine with that."

"You're a bitch, Kiryuu." Issei cheerfully informed her. "We didn't expect much otherwise."

"And that's fine?" She pressed, and there was something a little deeper to the question.

None of them particularly gave a shit. "Yeah." Motohama shrugged. "You're fine the way you are Kiryuu. See you tomorrow."

She grinned, and it took them a moment to realize she'd stopped hunching entirely. She smiled and it was...

nice.

And then the grin turned nasty, and the boys stopped feeling flustered at all. "See you tomorrow morons." She snickered, and they waved her off warily, stepping out into the street as she slammed the door shut behind them, laughing all the way inside.

"Think we fucked up?" Issei asked quietly, watching people walk by.

Matsuda nodded morosely.

"Should've asked her for a new gameboy." Motohama muttered, shooting the other three filthy looks. They ignored him, turning to Kiba who'd already stepped out onto the street.

"You caught on pretty quick." Issei cheered. Kiba still looked puzzled, but he'd cottoned on by the end.

"You have a nod for acting like morons?"

"Doesn't everyone?" Motohama asked gormlessly.

Issei yawned and stepped out onto the curb beside them. "Never know when you accidentally scarred someone's little brother and gotta cheer them up." He briefly caught the panicked expressions on Motohama and Matsuda's faces before rushing to add, "Not that I would know." He felt the heat burn under his collar. "That would be weird. Ha."

Kiba grimaced, but chose not to comment. Instead he sighed heavily. "I feel as though I'm forgetting something." He said thoughtfully. "When do the gates open?"

"6 am." Motohama yawned. "For the clubs."

Kiba's eyes flared with interest. "Hm. I just remembered, something interesting may happen tomorrow."

The other three paused walking while he continued, some degree of fear tricking down their spines.