Hello dear readers,

Chapter six is here and I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks to Pixie

Thank you for your reviews, you are great!

Warning: This chapter is full of fluff, it's everywhere. So much so that it may splash you.

If you find some similarities with a passage of the book "Jane Eyre" it's normal. I got my inspiration for this chapter from that book.

Leaving you

1904

"WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? "

"There's no need to shout, Mr. Carson!"

He was about to reply, but she raised her hand to silence him, and went to close the door to indicate that the butler and housekeeper were discussing confidential matters and were not to be disturbed.

Once done, she turned back to him to continue this conversation.

"I'm sorry to put you on the spot, Mr. Carson, but I must go. The family has already been notified and they took it better than you did. "

"What are you doing, giving up your job? Your life?" Me ? He wanted to add.

"I'm not quitting anything. I'm leaving because I have to, and I'll be back"

"You have to? Why? To go where?"

He knew it was none of his business, and she also knew he had no special right to ask her that, after all, she had the family's consent, she owed him nothing, and yet...

"A sick relative has asked for me at her bedside, I cannot ignore her request. I am leaving for Scotland by the first train tomorrow. Mrs. Bute will fill in for me while I am away, and will go back to London for the season."

"To Scotland? You... you're going home?" He could feel his throat tightening, he felt as if he didn't know how to breathe.

"That isn't my home anymore Mr. Carson. I'm not going back to my house and I'm not staying there any longer than I have to."

He nodded without really knowing what else to say. The idea of her leaving, of her walking away from him, simply seemed insurmountable. He needed time and space to process his feelings that were suddenly overwhelming him.

"I'm going back to work Mr. Carson, if you need me I'll be in my office," and she left without even turning around.

She too had a heavy heart, she was going to miss Downton Abbey more than she could bear, not the house, no, but the people who lived there, and one person more than the others for sure.

Charles had slumped in his chair when she left his pantry. She was going to leave, he would not see her again for several weeks and he felt his heart tear from within. Irrationally he thought of going to her office and telling her that he would go with her, that he refused to let her go alone, without him. But very quickly he scolded himself for having such stupid and childish thoughts.

This was the first time she was going to walk away from him, that he was going to have to watch her go, and boy, did he miss her already.

He ran a hand over his weary, annoyed face.

Why now? Why this pain?

"Damn it!"

He swore aloud. He only had one more day to enjoy seeing her before she left, God only knew for how long.

He was determined not to let her go without a reminder of him to remember where she belonged and that she should come back to Downton Abbey, close to him.

It was in a very sullen mood that he resumed his work and he could not help but take it out on the young footman who had dared to brush past him.

At lunch Cora announced that Mrs Hughes was going to be away for a few days, and Carson once again felt his stomach and heart clench and his anxiety rise.

It was only when the day was over and he was seated at the end of the table for the evening meal, with Mrs Hughes sitting on his right, that he felt settled again. How was he going to manage without her? He tried to smooth things over, after all Mrs Bute was a very good housekeeper, the household would not suffer. She was also fair with the staff and she would be humbled to come to the big house to take Elsie's place.

Finally he pushed his plate away, leaned towards her and asked:

"Mrs. Hughes, would you mind joining me in my pantry as soon as His Lordship retires for the night?"

"Of course, Mr. Carson."

She was glad, she would have a chance to say goodbye properly before going to bed.

oOo

Robert had stayed up relatively late, their guest was chatty and they had been playing pool until late. Carson had had to stand around nobly, thinking of Elsie, who was waiting for him in his pantry.

Once he was free of his duties, Charles had gone straight to his room, eager to meet his friend for one last evening alone before she left. He tried to tell himself that he would be far too busy to really miss her, but his heart told him that he was completely wrong.

"Mrs. Hughes instructed me to tell you that she went out for an evening walk before she went up to bed."

"Ah? Did she explain to you why she had this sudden urge to go out in the middle of the night?"

"She told me she wanted to soak up the smell of the orchard in the spring before she left. Good night, Mr. Carson. "

"Thank you, Mrs. Patmore. Good night to you too."

He waited until the cook had gone upstairs before dressing warmly and going out to join Mrs. Hughes. Spring may have been here, but the nights were still quite chilly.

oOo

He found her under the apple tree, whose blossoms scented the air. The moon was almost full and it lit up the bench where she was sitting, staring into space.

He cleared his throat to indicate his presence and then said:

"May I join you Mrs. Hughes?"

"I shall be glad if you do Mr. Carson."

So he sat down beside her and they both stood for a moment staring straight ahead without speaking.

"What time is your train tomorrow?" he finally asked.

"Seven o'clock in the morning. "

"So, we're going to separate?"

"Yes, Mr. Carson, we're going to be apart for a while. But I shall be back. I shall be gone less time than your seasons in London. "

He tried to smile at this remark but failed.

"Still, it's a long way to Scotland."

"Yes, it is far."

"Will you write to me? "

"Do you write to me when you are in London, Mr. Carson? " She let him nod in an audible mumble.

"Then you may be sure that you will receive my letters. "

"Good, and you may be sure I shall answer them."

Another silence enveloped them.

"I shall miss our talks Mrs. Hughes. "

"How do you fare in London? It won't be much different for you, I assure you."

"You don't know that. I'm in London for work and I know you're here and you'll be here when I get back. And... I'm the one who's leaving."

She nodded, letting out a slight laugh in a breath. He was right, she was the one who usually stayed behind, she was the one who had to watch him go and deal with it, never say anything, bury her love, her grief at not seeing him anymore, her jealousy at knowing he was in other arms from time to time.

"What..."

He sighed, uncomfortable

"Nothing, never mind."

"What were you going to say? Mr. Carson please, no awkwardness between us, will you?"

He took a deep breath before speaking:

"How do you feel when we leave for the season?"

As she didn't know what to say to him she kept quiet.

"You won't say anything? I thought there was to be no awkwardness between us, Mrs. Hughes? Tell me please, I don't know."

She swallowed hard, she certainly hadn't expected him to ask her about her feelings now. Should she tell him that she felt like her heart was being trampled every time she watched him get into the car and drive away for months at a time? Should she tell him that her dreams were filled with him and him alone the whole time he was away? Should she tell him that she spent more time in his pantry than in her living room because she sat in his chair, because the place carried a remnant of his scent, because she felt closer to him in doing so? Should she tell him that she felt as if she could hear him talking or walking at any time of the day and that the realisation that he was still not there brought tears to her eyes? That she could physically ache from his absence?

No, she knew she couldn't tell him any of this without risking their friendship, their work, their future and Becky's.

"I can't tell you how you'll feel Mr. Carson, you'll see tomorrow if you're early enough to see me off."

"Oh I definitely will be."

There was another silence, they both knew that the discussion should stop, that they had to be reasonable and go home to bed before the big day ahead of them both the next day, but they couldn't bring themselves to do it.

"Scotland's a long way away" He felt silly repeating it again so he decided to blurt out something:

"I'll miss you Elsie, I hope you know that, I hope you don't forget me there too soon"

Oh why did he have to talk to her like that now? She felt now that she was crying but she didn't dare wipe away her tears for fear that Charles would notice them.

"I won't forget you, ever. I'm only leaving for a few weeks and I assure you I'll miss you too, Charles."

It was the very first time she had dared to use his first name, but that night, in that moment, she had wanted to break down the barriers between them, no longer be Mrs. Hughes the stern housekeeper and Mr. Carson the austere butler but just Elsie and Charles.

Charles. Hearing her pronounce his name with this beautiful accent, with the R she rolled beautifully, made the lump in his throat grow a little larger. Gently he took hold of her hand and she closed her eyes at his touch, her tears rolling down her cheeks.

He turned to face her, he knew she was crying, he had heard her breath shudder, he felt his own tears were not far away either. So he had to say goodbye to her, to leave her with this memory that he wanted her to take with her. Still holding her hand, he approached her, with his free hand he took her chin to turn her face towards him, and he wiped away her tears.

"Don't do this, please."

She had to stop this, he couldn't do this to her, touch her like this and yet walk through the door of a brothel at the first opportunity.

He stopped touching her but didn't walk away.

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to be inappropriate. It just seemed like the right thing to do. I'm sorry."

She got up from the bench, she needed to get away from him or she was going to do something stupid. After all she would be gone for a month minimum, when she came back he would be in London for the season and wouldn't be back for another two or three months. Four months away from him...

He stood up to join her.

"Elsie? I don't want you to go away angry with me." She laughed and wiped away her tears before turning to face him.

"It's not you I'm angry with Charles. It's me."

"I don't understand, why is that?"

"Because I... I... I may have enjoyed it too much precisely, it wasn't inappropriate, it was right. It was too right to be..." She couldn't look at him anymore, too embarrassed by her emotions dripping off of her now.

"I don't want to leave Charles, I'm torn because I have to and that means getting away from here and..."

"And?" Charles's voice was now just a whisper, he couldn't speak any louder, he was just mesmerised by her and what she was saying to him.

"you." She looked at him again, finally.

He was close to her again. They were not touching, their bodies were unconsciously reaching out to each other. Charles felt his heart racing. He couldn't believe it, she was saying things to him, beautiful things that made him want to laugh, to lift her up, to kiss her, and to shout "I love you" endlessly.

"I don't want you to go. I... what I feel when you are near me like tonight, like right now. I feel this bond that belongs only to us, something that goes from my heart and straight to yours. And I want you to..."

Damn it, he didn't know what to say, he felt like a romantic idiot straight out of those two-bit novels Her Ladyship liked to read sometimes.

She didn't move, their proximity and his words were too much for her. She placed one of her hands on Charles' chest and looked up at him.

He moved a hand behind her to place it on her lower back and draw her closer to him. She let herself go in his embrace.

It was good to be pressed against him.

It was good to have her in his arms.

"Goodbye Charles," she said in a breath.

He tightened his embrace, one hand on her back, the other in her hair. He had to let her go, he had to say goodbye now.

But... Oh her body against his, her hands behind his back, her head against his heart and the smell of her hair. How could he let go of her now when so much had been said, and so much was yet to be said?

Yet she smiled away from him, about to turn her back and leave, but he held her back a little longer.

"I have something for you, Elsie." He moved closer to her again to better take her hand and drop his memory into it.

"Your watch? Charles, you need it. I can't take it with me."

"I have another one. This one is my father's, who got it from my grandfather. It is a sort of good luck charm, I would like you to have it for as long as you are away and I am counting on you to bring it back to me. Please take it. It's not a gift, it's a memento... a way of being with you a little. "

She nodded, and closed her fingers on Charles' watch.

She then stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek, making the kiss last longer than necessary.

When she pulled back, he thought there was nothing wrong with returning her kiss, so he leaned over and put his lips on Elsie's cheek.

And what was the harm in letting his mouth trail a little further to the corner of her mouth?

What was wrong with accepting, wanting more? After all, weren't they saying goodbye? One kiss, just one. A kiss on the lips, chastely placed, like a promise to return.

Their entangled lips were still. Just that one touch, nothing unseemly.

She moved a little closer, he wrapped his arms around her again, she parted her lips slightly, he tasted her with the tip of his tongue, she invited him into her mouth and in no time they were kissing passionately. They felt like souls lost in the desert, thirsty, discovering an oasis and finally being able to drink fresh water. To have gone too long without breathing and finding the air in each other's breath. It was right. That was where they were supposed to be.

TBC…

So, how was this first kiss?