Hello dear readers!

Here is the new chapter, I hope you like it.

A big thank you to Pixie and a huge thank you to you for your reviews of the previous chapter.

Not knowing

"I'm sorry," she had said to him before running away crying.

If she would have ripped his heart out with her hands, it wouldn't have hurt him more.

This was not the right time, Charlie! He kept repeating this sentence to himself. He should have waited. He should have waited for her to recover from the ordeal she had just been through. They had only been together for three months, maybe he should have waited six months at least so as not to frighten her.

But after all they were together and from the moment Elsie had said she wanted him, Charles knew he would marry her sooner or later. And after what had just happened, he thought it was right, it was logical that they should get married.

Charles was pacing back and forth in his room. She had told him she would join him, but after her proposal and her hasty departure, he thought Elsie wouldn't show up and he was disappointed.

You couldn't keep your big mouth shut, could you? She's just been through something difficult, probably traumatic, and you... Idiot!

Charles looked at the clock and sighed. It was almost two o'clock in the morning, it was clear she wasn't coming. He got into bed, turned off his bedside lamp and, as he was anxious for the next day to offer Elsie an explanation, he made sure he fell asleep quickly.

But just as he felt himself falling asleep, he heard his door open softly and then close with a discreet click.

oOo

"Marry me" He could have knocked her down with a feather.

Elsie was in such pain that she saw no proof of love in this request, which she considered too hasty. She lay on her bed, caressing her belly, thinking about Charles, his stupid request and the ordeal she had just been through.

They had only been together for three months, she couldn't afford to lose her job, Becky depended on her. There was no way she was going to give up her hard-earned job as a housekeeper to be just a wife.

But she was so in love. Elsie knew she would eventually marry Charles, she loved him, she was sure he loved her back. But she also thought that he had asked her at that moment, only out of duty, or guilt or worse, pity. Elsie couldn't bear it.

She looked at the time, it was nearly two in the morning. She had told Charles that she would join him, but she hadn't. She was sure he must be asleep at this late hour. But then she needed to be in his arms. Going through a miscarriage without the man she loved by her side had been the most painful.

She got out of bed, and without a sound crept down the corridors to the door of the butler's room.

oOo

Charles did not move. He let her come to him, kept his eyes closed, hoping she wouldn't leave. But he felt her lie against him and lay her head on his chest. She had barely made the bed creak. He silently thanked the heavens and then hugged her.

"You came." He felt silly pointing out the obvious, but he could hardly believe it. "How do you feel my love?"

"I don't know."

"Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"For getting you pregnant. For leaving you alone while you lost our baby. For not having the courage to hold you in the hospital. For not telling you that it hurt me too. For proposing to you at the worst possible time. "

"That's a lot of reasons to be angry with you. But, no my love, I'm not mad at you. I'm just... I don't know. Feeling lost, sort of..."

"Can I help you in any way? I'll do anything to make you feel better, sweetheart."

"Don't pity me, ever. I don't want you to pity me!" She had said this vehemently.

"Pity? Elsie, do you really think I pity you?"

She did not answer him.

"Elsie, I love you. What we have. This here. It's precious, it's beautiful and I cherish it every day, every hour and every second. And... maybe what you've just been through is so upsetting that you don't know who to trust. I love you Elsie and it's not pity, never."

"Isn't that why you proposed to me?"

"What?" He had almost shouted and they both stopped breathing until they were sure no one was coming to the door. Once they were sure that no one would come and disturb them, Charles whispered again:

"What? Elsie, do you really think I proposed to you because I feel pity for you? "

"And why wouldn't you? We've only been together a few months, and all I have to do is to lose..." She was unable to say the rest.

"All I have to do is go to the hospital and you propose to me."

"And if I swear on my parents' grave that it's not pity, will that be enough? I'm sorry for you, yes. Because I know you were hurting and lonely and probably scared. I know you're angry or you'll end up feeling angry about what you went through. So yes I feel sorry for you and I am so sorry you had to go through this. But no I am not asking you to marry me out of pity. Will you believe me if I tell you I want to marry you for love? "

She didn't answer him but Charles felt her tears wetting his pyjamas and it broke his heart a little more.

He moved away from Elsie's arms to shine the light on his bedside lamp and rummage through his nightstand to get out a box, before returning to his previous position and taking Elsie back into his arms.

"Look what I bought you during the season, after that night under the big tree."

Elsie grabbed the box, opened it and just lay there, gazing at the jewel Charles had bought for her. She stroked it with her fingertips.

"I've been meaning to ask you to marry me Elsie. Maybe not right now, but I will. The fact is, I want to be able to stand by you if anything happens to you without worrying about propriety or gossip or whatever forbids it. I want to be able to stand by you no matter what without hiding. I should have been by your side, I should have been the one to bring you home and not that idiot Perkins. I want you to be there if anything happens to me, I want you to be able to make decisions for me if I'm not able to. I want our relationship to be legitimate. We don't have to tell the family. We can just go to the town hall and register as husband and wife. If you prefer, we can keep it to ourselves for as long as you like. But it will be legal"

She straightened up to sit on the bed, still looking at the jewel in its box. Everything was there, the two intertwined hearts, the ornate crown above them, and a few sprigs of heather were also engraved in the silver. It was truly a beautiful gift.

"How do you know about the Luckenbooth?"

Oh she was talking to him, finally.

"I'm not so ignorant you know. I've read a few history books. Some novels. And then I remind you that the Marquess and Marchioness of Flintshire, cousins of Lord Grantham, reside in Scotland. I've done my bit, Mrs Hughes."

"It's beautiful."

"Yes, I think so, and the stone in the centre is an amethyst. It is a symbol of true love and true feeling. "

Charles stroked her back soothingly.

Elsie took the brooch out of its box.

"I will wear it. Tomorrow."

"Does that mean you'll marry me?"

"I don't know. Probably we'll end up getting married, but not right away. Give me some time, time to digest all this. And we'll talk about it again."

"Yes my love, whatever you want."

"And can I still wear the brooch?"

He laughed softly, before pulling her back against him to hold her as tightly as he could.

"It's yours, you wear it if you want to."

"Normally I would lecture you for spending so much money just to hear a 'yes', but not now, I really needed this. You know, something tangible and full of love. Thank you my love."

The brooch was put back in its box and Charles put the box back on his bedside table and held Elsie against him.

"Samuel is not an idiot, you know. He can be stupid sometimes, but not an idiot. Didn't you hurt your fingers when you hit him?"

"Hurt my fingers? Not at all. And it felt really good. He told me that he asked you to marry him... Is that true?"

"Yes, but it was more of a partnership proposal. Basically, if things don't work out between you and me, if I have to leave, he offers to marry me and we run the farm together. That way I won't be left with nothing and I can continue to... well, I'll have something to eat."

"A partnership that would get you straight into bed with that fat pig."

"Oh my Charlie, you are so naive. Samuel is... I'm not his cup of tea. So no we wouldn't share a bed."

"You bet. How can you say he doesn't like you?"

"Charles? I assure you that Samuel would rather share his bed with you than with me."

"Ah don't put that kind of image in my head."

And she laughed, she did her best to remain silent but she shook and made Charles shake slightly with her. When she regained her seriousness, it was to say to him in an uncertain voice:

"I have a sister."

After a long silence, he finally answered.

"You have a sister? I thought you didn't have a family anymore. "

"That's what I wanted everyone to think. Becky is... she's not right in the head. She needs specific care, she's in a centre that takes care of her."

"How old is she?"

"She's thirty-two, ten years younger than me. My mum thought Becky was in her tummy too long before she came out. She was born that way."

"Why tell me now?" There was no animosity in his voice, Charles was genuinely curious.

"Because I want you to know. Because when we get married I want you to know that you're marrying a poor woman who gives everything she earns so that her little sister can be properly cared for. I have nothing, Charlie."

"And I'm not asking for anything. I want to marry you, because I love you. Because I think I've loved you too long to let any more time go by. I don't want to wait until I'm old. I'm not asking for anything. I have enough for both of us. We'll both take care of your sister. Do you think I could ever meet her?"

"I didn't tell you this so that you would give me anything to take care of my sister, thank you."

"Elsie... I know you don't need anyone to take care of you and your sister. But I'm here, I love you and you said it yourself, one day we'll get married. And Becky will become my sister, and I'll be there for her, because she's your sister, she's my family too. That's all."

Elsie didn't say anything else for a long time. They both felt the fatigue setting in, it was very late and Charles' work day would start in just two hours.

"I don't know if you will be able to meet her. The last time I was there was before I came to work here and she didn't recognize me..."

"I understand. I won't insist. I'm going to try and get some sleep, good night my love."

"Good night Charlie."

The alarm clock went off and Charles woke up alone. Of course Elsie had gone back to her room before anyone else was awake, but still, he wished she had stayed.

With a tired sigh, his night had been short, he turned to his bedside table to find that the box containing the luckenbooth had disappeared and in its place Elsie had left a lock of her hair.

TBC...

So... Still a bit of angst but don't worry, I'm sure things will work out for them.