The group began to file down the large stairs that spiraled around the enormous skeletal structures in the main lobby. Hauser was in the lead. He checked his watch nervously, placed his finger underneath his thick collar, and coughed.

Raquel looked at the giant maroon haired man with concern. "Hauser, are you alright? There's not any tropical diseases running amuck here are there?"

"Oh shit!" Scythe's eyes widened. "The last thing I need to catch is malaria or West Nile, or Ebola, or River Blindness, or –"

"You're a freaking vampire Scythe, you don't get diseases!" Arnaud interrupted the silver haired lawyer.

"That's legal representative!" Scythe balk talked.

"So Scythe, is it true that all lawyers are members of the undead?" Gawn asked.

"We are Crimson Nobles thank you very much, now back to the topic at hand, money!" Scythe looked to Hauser.

"Well, we'll be having more company. Your about to take the basic tour that the park will open up with, and of course, you'll see it with the parks target audience." Hauser sweated.

"Oh shit…" Raquel glanced to Arnaud, "Everyone, if its what I think it is, get ready to hit the deck!"

"GRANDPA!" Came two very jubilant sounding voice. Running up the stairs like a missile gone out of control were two CHILDREN! (gasp). One was a young boy who looked in his tweens, with maroon colored hair, fair skin, a thick jacket, a yellow shirt with green shorts. The other dreaded child monster was a young girl, in her early teens, in a blue dress with dirty blonde hair and blue ribbons and white stockings. Overall dress not uniform to tropical adventure standards.

"Brace yourself gentlemen." Hauser told the group before receiving a gut wrenching bull rush from the children monsters. They tackled him to the ground and began to squeeze the life out of him with their affection.

Raquel, Scythe, and Gawn looked on with disgust before turning their attention to Arnaud, behind them, who was in complete horror. Raquel grabbed Arnauds hand and squeezed it gently. "It'll be alright. Lets just make it out to the car."

-- -

And thus the group traveled to outside the great visitor center doors, where, on the paved road before them, sat two Ford Explorers, colored green and yellow with a camouflage effect. The children monsters immediately gunned for the explorers, searching the ins and outs of it like beasts ready for the attack. Hauser looked to his group of horrified scientists and shrugged. "You'll have to excuse Jude and Yulie, they've been looking forward to this trip for quite the while now."

"Hold up a sec, Hauser. Aren't you Jude's dad?" Gawn raised an eyebrow. "If so, why'd he call you grandpa?"

"Well, technically I'm dead and this is a body constructed out of nano ARMS that also store my memories and personality. Also, aren't you and scythe dead?" Hauser replied.

"Yea, and didn't you die of some God awful disease?" Arnaud looked to Raquel before being slapped.

"Maybe she picks up the disease on this tropical island…" Gawn whispered to Scythe, who ignored him.

"Anyhow, all of this irrelevant." Scythe cleared his throat. "Where are the drivers?"

Hauser walked towards the vehicles, his entourage coming in tow. "Oh there are no drivers, Mr. Scythe. It's all fully automated 100 mechanically enhanced super doper de cooper Jeep Explorers with four wheel drive 0 APR until January 2100 void where prohibited must be 18 or older to play all entry must be done by 1993 many will enter few will win!"

Gawn and Arnaud opened a door and peered at the drivers seat. In the seat was a machine that appeared like a big stick coming from the seat and a pair of binoculars at the top, looking out the window, with a few tiny hydraulic arms that pressed the gas and turned the wheel. Gawn leaned in and took a seat. "Eh, this must be his driving ARM, bad um chu!" The machine swiveled to look at him and then zapped him with an electric current emanating from its cameras.

Arnaud looked on and grinned. "No bad deed shall go unpunished Gawn." He then turned to see where the hell Raquel was when standing before him, looking into his eyes, NO, his very soul, was the male child monster! Arnaud immediately leaped away on to the top of the Explorer with the look of a horrified cat.

"I read your book! You're Dr. Vasquez! You're Awesome!" Jude innocently showed Arnauds his own copy of "Wild ARMs Erotic Doujinshi and You"

"Oh… MY… Gawd!" Arnaud then took off like a lightning bolt to the other car, where he planted himself inside. However, things were not as they should be. Instead of sitting next to Raquel, he was sitting next to Yulie, the female child monster! Arnaud lost all color and lost his breath as well.

"Hi! I'm Yulie, I like cookies and puppies! Tee hee" Yulie giggled. "Raquel said I should sit next to you because it'd be good for you! Lets be friends!"

Arnaud cleared his throat. "Yea, well Raquel's about to get a good fist to the mouth!" He then scooted himself out of the car to find Scythe and Jude. Grabbing Jude, he shoved the child into the car along with Scythe, despite his protests, clapped his hands, and entered the other Explorer with Raquel and Gawn. "One of these days Raquel, bang, zoom, right to the kisser!"

Hauser looked on from the steps and waved. "Good bye! See you when you come back! Take care of the kids for a few hours." He then turned and walked into the building. "Suckers."

The Explorers began to roll out with much excitement from the party. Through the forest, a giant gate came into view. Made of huge pieces of wood, it stood some forty feet high above the path, lit by torches and electric lights. At the top were the words "Welcome to Filgaia Park" Arnaud instantly screamed. "We're going to hit it!"

Scythe sighed. "They're supposed to fit thousands of people into two cars?"

Jude was playing his Game boy Advance. "C'mon Link! Bite 'em!"

And Gawn tried to make a witty retort. "What do they got in there, Ragu o Ragla? Oh, I'm witty."

Hauser walked into a previously unseen room. It was large, sort of dark with a few spot lights illuminating important areas, like cubicles and computer work stations. Super computers sat here and there as well as many televisions screens and a giant projector screen. Sitting next to a window to the hall was Tony, at a messy work station. He was sitting there in a Hawaiian shirt, sipping herbal tea and munching on butterfingers as he did some tapping on the Mac. (!) At the station across the aisle was an older man, in his forties or so with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a neatly dressed baje coat with several designs on it also drank some herbal tea, but he was listening to a phonograph of Wagner and preparing to put on a monocle and top hat. Balgaine was also there, watching professional boxing on one of the TV's. Hauser turned to the older man. "So how are the systems running, Augst?

Augst, the older man, turned off the phonograph and hid the monocle and top hat underneath his desk. He swiveled in his chair to Hauser and was about to speak when Tony interrupted him. "Everything is Okily Dokily."

"Jesus Christ Tony, first you start stealing my tea act and now your trying to steal my lines!" Augst retorted angrily.

"Hey, I've been dinking herbal tea for years. It's good for you!" Tony replied.

"This coming from a man who eats nothing but butterfingers and carb loaded pies!" Augst laughed.

"You're just jealous that I look classier than you." Tony smiled.

Augst growled at the fat man and then turned to Hauser. "The systems are running fine, however, there's something you need to see." He swiveled back to his computer and clicked on an icon, brining up a window with a scantily clad woman with the world "Hot Sexx "Oops, not that." He then clicked another icon and brought up the National Weather Service website with a picture of an enormous apocalyptic storm with red and black clouds and lightning and four horse men riding out in front of a huge skull shaped cloud.

"Zoh My Gawdz!" Hauser clasped his hands to his face in a very un Hauser moment. "It's the Kuiper Belt!"

"Eh, it'll pass." Balgaine shouted from his leaning position while watching boxing "So stop whining, you pussies!"

"It'd better! I have a lot riding on this trip!" Hauser replied while marching off to who knows where. Once Hauser was out of sight, Augst stealthily reached under his desk and pulled out the monocle and top hat…

The two explorers had been bouncing around the trail, as they really didn't have any shock absorbers (talk about cheap!) through the dense jungle foliage before coming to a stop. On the left of the cars was a long stretch of electrical cables, and on the other side were even more jungle! A sign post near bye had a silhouette of some sort of bug like creature and the words Augoedies.

"Augoedies?" Jude narrowed his eyes. "How do you pronounce it, or even spell it!"

"Use the interweb, kid." Scythe lazily replied.

"I hope its cute and smiles a lot!" Yulie giggled.

Just then, in both cars, an automated sexy male voice came on. "On your left, you will see the first Guardian on our tour, Augoedies. It is beautiful, like myself."

Hauser's voice than came on, as he was spying on them through a hidden camera. Voyeur! "The voice you're listening to is Lambda! Spared no expense!"

"Well you certainly cheaped out on the shocks." Gawn crossed his arms.

"From fossil evidence, we always thought it was a giant bug, but now we know it has natural jet engines! How very sexy. Also, we now know it shoots light directed energy to blind and then paralyze its prey. How very not sexy. This make Augoedies a beautiful, but not as beautiful as me, edition to Filgaia Park!" Lambda spoke.

Everyone peered out their windows, expecting a giant red and gold bug to come out of the foliage and do something… interesting. But no guardian appeared, instead all they saw were brilliant tropical flowers and foliage shifting in the wind, along with sounds of a tropical forest. Everyone looked disappointed. Gawn growled. "Hey, I paid, uh, paid good money to, um, see this!"

Arnaud looked to him. "No you didn't, this was free!"

Gawn sighed. "Oh yea…"

Raquel sighed as well and took her face away from the window. "Damn…"

And thus the tour moved on…

Back in the control room, Tony stood up from his chair and scratched his rump. "Hey, does anyone want a Butterfinger?"

Hauser came walking back as Augst hid his monocle and top hat again. Hauser looked to Tony. "Our lives are in your hands and you have butterfingers?"

"I hope were getting paid every time we say BUTTERFINGER!" Balgaine shouted from his boxing watching post.

"Yup, I've also got some chocolate ARMs too!" Bad um chu! Tony pretended to play a drum on his desk. "But hey, if you know anyone else that'd do this 5000 man job on minimal staff for up to a week for what I get paid than go ahead, make all the references to obesity as you possibly want! If you can though, I'd love to see him try, Hauser, I'd love to see him try!"

Hauser got that bad ass look in his eyes and he looked as if he were about to destroy Tony. "Look, Tony, I don't want to get into another financial debate with you! Keep talking and I'll force a pay cut. I don't blame people for their mistakes, TONY, but I do ask if they pay for them."

Augst gave a sly smile. "Quite the philosophical statement there. I do believe Socrates would be impressed."

"Thanks Dad, sarcasm sarcasm." Tony drank some more tea after mixing in much sugar.

"HEY SHUT UP!" Balgaine shouted. "I'm trying to watch my God damn program! And they're approaching the Equitess paddock…"

"Aru?" The other three glanced to the television screen that was keeping track of the Explorers whereabouts.

The two green automobiles came out of a tunnel into what appeared to be a great ravine. The sky had become a bit foggy and forested mountains stretched in both directions. Very tall electric fencing stretched on both sides of the trail, closing off a thick forest on one side, and a sheer drop on the other. The vehicles pulled ahead until they came to a rest before a blinking light.

"If you look to your left, you will see the most feared creature beyond my sexiness, the giant Equitess! Using the giant blade on its back, it can tear anything asunder with mui machoness!" Lambda went on.

"Equitess! Yulie, Equitess!" Jude plastered himself to the window.

"Does Equitess like mermaids?" Yulie tilted her head.

The group all stared out into the jungle, but once again, nothing came into light. Gawn began spouting all sorts of nonsense. "God creates Rudy, God destroys Rudy, God creates guardians, God destroys guardians, God creates man, man destroys God, man creates guardians…"

Raquel leaned forward a bit. "…guardians eat man… woman inherits the Earth."

"Now that's an RPG I'd play." Arnaud grinned.

"Excuse me, good sirs and madams." Augsts voice came into the cars. "I see the dilemma your facing, so I've prepared a bit of bait so that we can lure the brute into view. Thank you for your time."

"Now that guy, that guy sounded like a man who'd wear a top hat and monocle." Gawn rubbed his chin.

On the other side of the fence, a small platform was raised into view. Chained to a post was a small purple pooka. It then creepily floated in circles, never realizing it was actually tied up.

"He's gonna eat the pooka!" Yulie looked horrified.

"Whatsa matter kid?" Scythe looked on. "Not like Pooka has a sense of self, so it doesn't matter."

"I'm a vegetarian." Yulie glanced to the vampire. "who occasionally eats eggs, milk based products, fish, and other underdeveloped life forms."

"This will be rad! Cowabunga!" Jude expressed some dated material.

Gawn looked into the hidden camera and tapped it a few times. "Now, you do have guardians, guardians on your tour, right? Cus it looks to me like you ,uh, just created a lot of trees, and, uh, bushes! We can call it Flora park! Watch out for the bushes, they're thorny! Ah!" Gawn then leaned back in his chair and chewed his noodle.

Arnaud shook his head and sat back as well. "Equitess doesn't want to be fed. He wasn't to hunt! You can suppress 3 Wild ARMS worth of instinct…"

The vehicles press on, following the trail for some time, coming in and out of forests and glades, before coming into a bit of a field. They sky had grown darker. (foreshadowing!) Gawn leaned in his chair and played the imaginary drums on his thighs. "Ah, you see Equitess, doesn't have any, uh, set patterns, or um schedules! Its out of control, and that's the essence of, uh, chaos."

"I'm still not clear on Chaos theory." Raquel frowned. "It's not that we all have powers in our heads and we can use it to change the world using Yggdrassil, right?"

"No, no, that's not it at all!" Gawn turned around to face the playable characters. "I would get a cup of water to demonstrate blood flow in your body in an excuse to touch your hand, but I don't feel like it! That's chaos theory!" Arnaud, who looked positively bored out of his mind, saw a glimpse of something in the unprotected field below. To this day we have no reasons or explanations as to what went through his blonde head, but he suddenly opened the door and leaped out. "Ah, you see, there we go, no one could have predicted that Arnaud would have, uh, jump out of a moving vehicle!"

"If there's a woman out there, I'll kill him!" Raquel growled as she followed after him.

"See! And she jumps out of the car too! What'll happen next? A giant bird will come and take me away? That's chaos theory…" Gawn continued talking to himself.

"STOP the vehicles!" Hauser shouted. He once again had a visibly pissed off look.

"I told you we needed locking mechanisms on the doors, but no, you guys didn't want to, and now you're paying for it, dip shits!" Balgaine rolled his eyes. "Even a God damn monkey could screw up the tour!"

"That's not true, Mr. Balgaine." Augst spoke up. "We were sure to vigorously test the vehicle with various species of monkey, and all tests proved the vehicles monkey proof!"

"Well it looks like its not genetically enhanced child proof." Tony laughed as he pointed out the second car being empties.

"My dear Hauser," Augst looked up to the giant. "We are doing just fine. This is also a debugging procedure, this being only item number 151 on the list of things that are not working. Of course, this would be a lot easier if Mr. Tony was doing his job." Augst gave a mean glance to Tony.

"Hey hey hey! I've been compiling the systems all day. You know, the technical coding mumbo jumbo that none of you could possibly comprehend. You know that storm looks pretty mean." Tony attempted to change the subject.

"Yes, Balgaine, how does that storm look?" Hauser looked over to the boxing match.

"What the hell do you care, we're inside." Balgaine continued with his match.

Hauser shook his head and looked to Augst. Augst brought up the weather data. "It appears as if that dreadful storm is going to hit us right on. Speaking of which, we should probably evacuate all unimportant miscellaneous scientists and janitors and such."

"Right, right." Hauser sighed. "DAMN!" He broke a table with his fist. "Bring the cars back once they return. End the tour…"

Augst looked up to his boss. "I say, it could have been a lot worse. For instance, the guardians could have escaped and eaten everyone."

BUM BUM BUM!