This will actually have something funny, at least in my opinion. The first one was bleh. Oh well.

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Second Chapter: Attack of the Killer Monster Plant

Sora, Riku, and Kairi were sitting on Destiny Islands, bored out of their minds (anything sound familiar?) But that's not where we want to be right now. Let's look in The World That Never Was for something intriguing.

Vexen sat in his labratory. He took one of the plants he "borrowed" from Marluxia (he told Marluxia he'd return it by 9 o' clock) (1) and administered a growth serum. Then he tried his prototype warp portal, only to have it blow up in his face. After much repair, he opened it, lost interest, and went to steal cookies off Luxord.

The "Jaws" theme (that I do not own) plays as the plant began to enlarge in size. It grew and grew until it was possibly 15 stories tall. DANG, Vexen has a big lab! It had a big pink head and big pink petals and some pink roots. It eyed the portal that Vexen made, and moved towards it, shattering most of Vexen's test tubes and spilling some potions (that were slippery) all around the floor. Then it entered the portal after much squeezing and struggle, and effectively breaking that as well. Right after it does that, the author/authoress ponders three things that come to mind. One: HOW ON EARTH DID IT FIT! Answer: It didn't fit on earth. Two: How long did it take Vexen to make that thing? Answer: Approximately eight hours, if you count spending half the time drinking coffee, having dinner, having the coffee lose effect and take a Mr. Nappy-bye, and waking up and stealing crackers off Larxene. And Three: Why would Organization XIII need a teleportation portal! Answer: They don't. The author/authoress needed it to advance the story. MOVING ON!

At Destiny Islands:

Sora spies a big blue shimmering gateway, and out of nothing to do, goes to investigate. Riku and Kairi sit at their spot, not noticing the sudden departure of their friend Sora. They instead stare at each other for no good reason whatsoever. Suddenly, a HUGE looming figure appears out of the portal. Two exclamation points appear over Sora's head, and Sora looks like he's only an inch tall compared to that thing. You see mini-Sora running away, screaming in a not-so-mini voice.

"AAAHHH! OH MY GOD THAT THING IS HUGE! HAS ANOTHER OF VEXEN'S EXPERIMENTS GONE AWRY! THAT'S THE 37TH ONE THIS MONTH! AAAAHHHH!1"

Speaking of Vexen, our favorite pickpocket is now stealing fudge brownies off Xaldin.

Riku and Kairi just stare at each other, not noticing. Sora runs circles around the two (screaming and in his normal size), then runs off somewhere else. You see a little shadow of Sora running across your television screen, and a HUGE flower-like thing chasing him. They do this back and forth, and Sora continually screams.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD, IT'S AFTER ME! IT'S AFTER MEEE!" (2)

"Do you hear something of little significance yet strangely annoying screaming across the horizon?" Riku asked Kairi.

"...nope," Kairi replied.

"Good, me neither."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! IT'S GOT ME! IT'S GOT ME! OH MY GOD, THAT SMELLS TERRIBLE! NOTHING SMELLS WORSE THAN OVERWHELMING PERFUME!" You see the plant picking up Sora and waving him around like crazy.

"Ignore that voice that sounds amazingly similar to Sora's in your head and continue to stare at the pretty lady."

A very long silence, then a reply to the voice earlier.

"I'm a guy." (3)

"AAAHHH! THORNS! THE STABBING PAIN! SO...MUCH...PINK! This reminds me of something..."

Flashback

"AAAHHH! THORNS! THE STABBING PAIN! SO...MUCH...PINK!"

End flashback

"Whoops, that was only half a second ago. This reminds me of something else."

New flashback

Young six year old Sora staring at a little, innocent pink flower. He smiles cutely, then brandishes a flamethrower and torches it, then stomps on it repeatedly without end, all the while laughing like a lunatic.

"HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH! TAKE THAT, EVIL PROPHET FLOWER OF DOOM! (4) MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sora screamed while laughing maniacally.

Then, "Mama Flower" moves towards Sora. Sora just laughs evilly again.

"What you gonna do, mamma? Spit pollen at me?" Sora taunted.

"Mama Flower" magnifies 30,000 times in size, looking strikingly similar to the flower strangling Sora right now. It breaths pollen, covering Sora completely in the substance. Sora just stares wide-eyed; so wide in fact that the sockets can hold both Riku and Kairi. He screams, but only succeeded in getting a mouthful of pollen. Then the flower picks Sora up and starts spanking him.

"AAAHHH! THORNS! THE STABBING PAIN!"

Then the flower eats him, but spits him back out because his body contained too much sugar. It reduced itself to its normal size and "walked" away, leaving a dazed Sora in its wake. Then Riku walks up to him, takes a sniff, and yells.

"GOD, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, SORA? YOU SMELL LIKE YOU TORCHED AN INNOCENT YOUNG FLOWER, THEN GOT COVERED IN POLLEN FROM AN OVERSIZED MAMA FLOWER, SPANKED REPEATEDLY WITH THORNED LEAVES, AND THEN EATEN BUT SPIT OUT BECAUSE OF HIGH BODY SUGAR!"

All Sora could say was: "Don't use the Lord's name in vain." (5)

End Random and Completely Disturbing Flashback

Now, Riku and Kairi FINALLY hear Sora's screaming and decide to help him out. Riku drew Way to the Dawn and slashed at the arm holding Sora, while Kairi...hid behind a rock. The flower roared in pain, and dropped Sora.

"GOOD GOING, RIKU! YOU INCREASED ITS VOICE BY 30 DECIBELS AND HEIGHTENED IT 6 OCTAVES! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!"

"SHUT UP, SORA! AT LEAST I GOT YOU FREE!"

"Why are you guys yelling at yourselves?" Kairi asked.

"Oh, we read each other's minds," the two said simultaneously. "Dude, we said that at the same time! Duuude!" (6)

"...morons."

"Hey, at least we aren't hiding behind a rock shivering like a coward!" Sora yelled.

"SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!" Riku yelled as he dove behind the rock.

"How can those two stand without spines...?" Sora muttered in an almost inaudible voice. He drew the Kingdom Key and charged at the creature.

Some 30 Minutes Later

Sora and the beast are still going at it.

Another 15 Minutes Later

"How'd you beat it, Sora?" Kairi asked.

"WHAT? I fought for my life! The least you could have done was watch!"

"Kairi and I were too busy playing Go Fish."

"Why'd you address yourself twice, Kairi?" Riku asked. (7)

Speaking of Go Fish, Luxord, Larxene, Xaldin, and Xigbar were playing the same game; with Luxord's cards, of course. That's why he LOST every match. Ironic, isn't it? (8) Anyway, they were discussing their stolen items.

"Someone stole my cookies!"

"Somebody stole my crackers!"

"Some idiot stole my fudge brownies!"

"A moron stole my ice cream!"

"Who cares about your ice cream, Xigbar? It was practically melted when you got it. I wonder what shape it is now!" Luxord said.

Xigbar cries with his good eye.

"I wonder who stole our stuff," Larxene wondered out loud.

"Yeah. All he left is his wallet, his drivers' license in his wallet, a bunch of photographs of himself, his address, both his cell and home phone numbers, and a certificate of membership in Organization XIII with the name "Vexen" on it!" Xaldin stated.

Xigbar stopped crying long enough to state: "We're clearly dealing with a genius!"

Back on Destiny Islands:

"Well, after I nearly got the living hell spanked out of me, I started crying, and I managed to knock it out cold after it looked away in pity. So I beat it...withOUT degrading myself! (9)

"So, what did you do with the thing?" Riku asked.

"I called Axel here to torch it. Sad thing is, he didn't. He carried it off in the portal it came from, saying that he'll 'put it to good use'. I wonder what he meant..."

"Whatever," Kairi said. "Let's go home for lack of a better thing to do."

"Right behind you!" Sora and Riku said simultaneously. "Dude, we said that at the same time! Duu-"

"Idiots."

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Ha ha ha, a lot of crazy thoughts came to me in this chapter. I'll add footnotes after the epilogue in case you didn't know what I was talking about.

Epilogue:

Demyx wandered the halls of The Castle That Never Was, when suddenly a MONSTER plant ambushed him! He screamed and ran into Marluxia. Marluxia gaped at the creature and shouted: "What did you do to my precious plant! Did you overwater it?"

"I didn't do anything!" Demyx shouted.

"I bet it was Vexen!"

Speaking of which, Vexen was looking for his wallet, drivers' license, pictures of himself, his home and cell numbers, and his certificate of membership with his name on it, all the while eating cookies, crackers, fudge brownies and deformed ice cream. Luxord, Larxene, Xaldin, and Xigbar walked up to him and looked at him suspiciously.

"Vexen, did you steal our stuff?" Xaldin asked.

"Uhhh...no?" Vexen replied.

"Oh, okay," Larxene said.

"I bet the Superior did it!" Luxord exclaimed.

"Let's get Xemnas!" Xigbar shouted.

Later, Xemnas ran around the halls of the castle while being chased by a mob of seven members chanting "Let's get Xemans!" For some unknown reason, Lexaeus, Zexion, and Saix were also chasing him. He REALLY needed a vacation...

"Saps," Vexen said as he entered has laboratory. Looking around, he screamed.

"Who trashed my lab!"

He took ONE step, slipped in the mixed chemicals, fell face first in them, and mutated into a one eyed, purple creature with tentacles.

"WHAT HAPPENING TO ME? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY PLANT AND PORTAL?"

"Ahem. Don't you mean MY plant! We agreed she'll be back by 9! It's 9:00:00:01! (10) You're gonna pay!"

With that, Marluxia decapitated the mutated Vexen and left, leaving a snickering Axel spying from the walls above.

Epilogue of an Epilogue

"Hey, Sora," Kairi spoke to said boy who was torching more plants. "Can you help me with my biology project?"

"When hell freezes over," Sora replied.

At the Olympus Colisseum

Hades was sobbing at his chamber, as Vexen's 38th experiment gone awry put ice all over the Underworld.

The Grand 10 Footnotes!

1) Vexen actually borrowed the plant by asking permission. I put the quotation marks to throw people off...heeee...:D

2) When my friend and I play Halo 2, that's what we always scream when we're getting chased by a rampaging elite. Shudder

3) The person who spoke first was Kairi. In other words, she addressed Riku as "a pretty lady".

4) I got the term "prophet of doom" in a vocabulary test. Amazing what you can do in English class!

5) I read this in a short story in my current English class. Heh heh, I just can't turn down the sweetness of that term. XD

6) Got that in "The Wild". Don't sue me for that, I credit Disney for that term.

7) Kairi herself said "Kairi and I were too busy playing Go Fish." Under the circumstances, it'll all just lead to the fact that Riku said it; but he didn't!

8) In all the other fanfictions I've read, Luxord won every game he played. So I thought it be funny to have him LOSE every game. Heh heh heh.

9) I credit Aro and Black Rose in their success "The Kingdom Hearts Chronicles". The term I used was taken from "Kingdom Hearts Chronicles 1.3"

10) It's .01 seconds after 9:00. But unknown to Marluxia, his watch was fast by .02 seconds...(whose watch is THAT specific?)

11) If you didn't notice the asterisk, it's after the line "He REALLY needed a vacation." Everybody's just been driving Xemnas mad. Roxas made a "poo poo" during their last meeting...

I know, I brought 11 items into the ten items or less section. That threw for a pretty good twist!

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How was this one? It's long, but I found it hilarious. Who agrees with me? Any takers? Hmm?