Back to normal view
You looked the sky as you walked out of the hospital. You were deep in thought. Maybe you were a little too harsh for yelling at Jade but you didn't understand why he was so angry about it. Even though Geiger was nothing but a brother to you, you knew you wouldn't be able to ever be with him. So you took what you got. Geiger was all you had.
You walked up to Geiger as he waited fro you on the sidewalk. "Hey," he said as he kissed you on the cheek. Your eyes hit the ground but you didn't let him see that you were objecting. "How are you feeling?" he continued. "I'm feeling a lot better but I think I might want to return home for rest later." You lied. You weren't feeling tired at all. You wanted to go home and soothe your emotional complication. But Geiger couldn't know that you didn't want to be with him. You relentlessly gave in.
"Do you want to go to lunch? I can take you anywhere you'd like."
You looked up and said, "I don't care where we go. Take me anywhere."
He grabbed your waist and walked you to the car and opened the door for you as you drove to the restaurant. You sat on the outside tables and ordered as you casually talked. You held hands over the table as people unwillingly passed by you.
You then stood up and told Geiger you were going to go to the bathroom. You bent down and kissed him lightly on the lips as you turned to leave. You then looked up and saw Jade standing with a group of girls. His eyes were dull and distant, and he looked at you like you were invisible. He saw right through you. The group of girls were skimpily dressed and you understood his intentions. You felt a pang in your chest as you turned around to leave. You felt your eyes well up and you ran before anyone could see.
In the bathroom, you screamed at the mirror. "What's wrong with me? Why do I feel so horrible? I just fucking met him!"
You then broke down and cried as you thought of everything he's doing. "Why does he hate me? I didn't do anything. I don't want him to look at me that way..."
You then got up and washed your face. Your eyes were swollen. How were you going to explain this to Geiger?
You walked out and kissed him strong and hard this time. It took him by surprise. You needed to get over Jade. You were out of his league and you needed to convince yourself you were.
You pulled away and sat down as the waitress gave you your food. You sat across from him and stared into his blue eyes. "You have really sensitive eyes. I like them."
Fast Forward A Few months
AFI left for recording their new album a few weeks ago and you're starting to move on. You and Geiger are going pretty strong and everything seems to be coming into place. Or so you thought.
You were dreaming. You could hear his voice saying, "I love you, and this is why I'm sending you away...but you mean more to me than anything. I don't want you to leave either but you have to," he paused and pulled out a guitar pick, "Here. Keep this with you always. It doesn't matter if I die someday; I'm always with you. You may not know it now but I'm here for you even if you hurt me."
You looked down at your shoes and asked, "Why are you saying this to me? What did I do for you?"
He smiled warmly and said, "You set me off to follow my dream. I want to help people. Someday I was hoping my music would help make people realize how genuine the life of a child is. And I want you to have the chance to live like a child should. Every child has someone who loves them."
Reality
You woke up and looked around. You couldn't get back to sleep so you decided to take a midnight walk. You started to walk downtown as you past the nightclubs and bars. You shivered as the night air-cooled your skin as you walked past an alley. You heard a gagging sound as you saw a shadow trip and fall onto a garbage can. There was a loud clatter as the cans hit the ground.
You walked and hid behind a corner so you could spy and see what was going on. You then realized that the figure was Jade! You ran over to him and saw that he was lying on the ground. Drunk, you assumed. "Jade, are you okay? Look at yourself! Why are you doing this?"
He mumbled a bit and tried to get up but kept falling. You said everything you can to convince him to stay down so he wouldn't pass out. He then stood and slurred, "Why do you care...? You're just some kid I found...somewhere..."
You stood up and yelled, "Jade, I'm here because I care, okay? I'm not here as a kid from a show; I'm here as your friend! I love you!"
"You're not my friend...you hurt me so bad...you don't' love me...I don't deserve your love...I didn't even tell you how I felt..."
You looked at him confused as he continued; "Everything was great when we were friends. I got mad about Geiger because I liked you but I know you didn't have a clue. I still do like you but I'm holding back because I'm scared and it's depressing me. Why would you love someone like me? I'm a loser without a backbone..." You swallowed as you tried to take it all in. You then said, "Every child has someone who loves them."
His eyes widened as he remembered how he'd said it 14 years ago. "It's you? But...how? I had the feeling it was you but why? How was it that fate let us find each other? It wasn't supposed to be a happy ending...I thought I wouldn't see you again," he cried out and sobbed as you took his hand and sat by his side. You inhaled his scent as you wrapped you arms around him lay your head on his shoulder and said, "I love you. You deserve everything and more. I know the real you. The one with no secrets. Tell me everything from the beginning to the end of time.
"This is all so sudden for me, you'll have to excuse me if I seem nervous or something. But I feel some connection with you, Jade. I don't truly know the answer to whether I really do love you or I just really like you. What is this all going to mean when we wake up tomorrow?"
You looked down at the ground and so did he. He sighed. You put your hand on his shoulder and said, "I didn't know I meant this much to you. I didn't think you'd be so upset about it because I thought it would be better for me not to try for your heart if I was just going to get hurt. My heart is damaged just like everyone else's."
He nodded and smiled at you. His tears were wiped away and he stood up, appearingly sober now after your long conversation. "Jade, I waited so long questioning my faithfulness to Geiger. I only love him as a brother but he's so secretive...I can't bring myself to hurt him." You wrapped your arm in his and continued walking down the street.
"Eh, I don't remember where my car is..." he said as you led him towards your house. "I know this seems weird but until you remember where your car is, you're staying at my house."
You pulled him up the stairs and laughed as he stumbled up silently. As you got into your room, you told him he'd have to stay on the couch. He laughed and tried to put up a fight but you overcame him. You sat cross-legged on your bed as you two shared secrets of everything you didn't know about each other.
"Virgin?" You asked, when it started to get quiet.
"No. I didn't want to be the next 40-year-old virgin. What about you?"
"Eh...no?"
"Liar, are you serious? You're a virgin, aren't you? Oh I can't believe this!"
You stood up on your bed and yelled, "Shut up! It's not funny!"
He covered up his laughs with his hands and spat out, "Dude, I lost my virginity when I was in high school!"
You jumped off the bed, and yelled, "It's different for guys, you know? It actually hurts for us. It's not a matter of simply 'screwing', it does a whole lot more on our side of it." You shuddered.
"Oh you mean, it pops the..." He trailed off as you interrupted him.
"Shut up already! God, this is the last thing I wanted to talk about with you!"
He lifted his finger up and said, "You started the conversation though."
"So what? Now I'm ending it!" you said and smacked him on the back of the head. He giggled girlishly and said, "Okay...new topic. Favorite sad song?"
You stopped to think about it. Hmm. "Um, I think the best sad song is "Tonight I want to cry" by Keith Urban.
"I don't think I've heard but maybe you can sing the chorus for me and maybe I'll know it."
You sat up on your bed as you remembered the words, "And I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show, and I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control, but I'm just drunk enough, to let go my pain, to hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes, tonight I want to cry."
He smiled and said, "I like it. Those are pretty powerful words."
You nod. "Yeah, I listen to that song when I'm feeling sad."
He frowned, "When do you feel sad?"
"A lot more than you'd think." You said sadly. "Oh yeah, with the overdosing. I meant to say if you do that ever again, I will seriously kill you. Or worse."
You sighed and changed the subject. "What am I going to do when you're gone on tour? I'm not going to survive without your bed head every morning!"
He stopped. He most likely didn't think about that side of it. "Hey, how'd you know about my bed head?"
You swallowed. "Internet."
"Stalker." He smirked. But really, what would you do if he left?
"Hey Jess, I think there's something I should ask you...will you go on tour with us? I know it's sudden and you'd have to leave your roommates here but I'd love it if you came with us. You'd meet a lot of new people and it'd be great to get away for awhile," he spat out all at once.
You stopped to think about it for a few minutes before saying, "I need more time to think. I want to go but I'd have to talk to Schilling and Geiger before I agree to anything. I'm not sure if they'd manage without me for a few months." Jade nodded in understanding. You then lay down and stared at the ceiling for a while before falling to sleep.
You woke up the next morning to Schilling and Geiger arguing over something. You moaned and turned over and put your feet on the floor. You rubbed your eyes and stood up and walked downstairs to see Schilling screaming at Geiger. There was broken glass on the floor.
"You idiot! I am so fucking sick of this! You always do this! Break one more of my great aunts vases and I will seriously kick you out because as of now, I have that authority!" she spat all at once as you held your head from how loud she was and it was only 7 in the morning. "Whatever happened to peace and quiet? And since when did you have the authority to kick him out? I'm the supplier and I'm not going anywhere."
She gaped because she didn't hear you come down. "Oh hey, Jess. I overheard what you were saying to Jade last night so I assumed..."
"What? You heard that?" You stared as she grabbed your arm and pulled you into the kitchen. "Yes, I heard. Geiger doesn't know yet. You might want to fill him in before he gets suspicious. Is Jade still sleeping?" You nodded and said, "Is it okay with you? I want to go...and I want you to go with me."
She shook her head in disbelief, "Why do you want me to go? I have no reason. I know about you and Jade. It doesn't take a genius to know that. But I don't think it'd be right if I went and left Geiger here."
You sighed and walked out of the kitchen. "Hey babe, did you sleep good last night?" said Geiger as he came up from behind and put his arms around your waist and kissed you on the lips. "I slept like a log to be dead on. I went on a walk last night and I ran into Jade so I figured he could just stay here. I let him sleep on the couch." Geiger made a face like he knew that would happen but he put it off and smiled. "Well that's nice. What'd you all do for the rest of the night? I heard you screaming at him."
"Oh haha, yeah. I was yelling at him because he was being mean to me because I'm a virgin."
"You're a virgin?" He smirked. "Not again!" you yelled as you pouted your lip at him, "I can't help it."
You then heard footsteps as you turned to see Jade walking down the steps, his hair all messy. You smiled to yourself and said, "Good morning, sunshine. You look like shit. What'd you do last night?"
He groaned and said, "I'm never drinking again...got any cheese bagels?" You laughed and said, "I somehow knew you'd say something like that. That's why I bought some yesterday!" Jade jumped up and made this high-pitched "eeeee" noise. You shook your head smiling as you turned around and looked at Geiger. He looked agitated as you gently grabbed his hand to reassure him. Jade noticed this as he walked out of the kitchen with a plate in hand. You saw a sad look in his eyes but he knew that you weren't going to leave Geiger quite yet. You were going to act like nothing happened and then when you left for the tour, and then when you came back you'd tell him you thought of him only as a brother. And that you knew that he thought the same thing but was trying to make it work just to see if it would. It almost did.
A few weeks later you pulled Geiger to the side to tell him you wanted to go with Jade on Warped tour. "But why? When will you be back?" he asked. "I'll be back in a month. I don't want you to feel tied down so while I go on tour, I think we should take a break. It'd be easier and no one would cheat accidentally." He sighed. "But a month is so long. How am I going to survive being without you for that long? You lighten everything up here. It'd be a depressing month." You smiled sympathetically and said, "I know but I think you'll manage. I'll be leaving in 3 days. I better get packing soon." He nodded and left you to pack.
As you went upstairs into your room, you grabbed a pile of clothing and laid it down on the bed. You packed 2 pairs of tight blue jeans, A from first to last Teeshirt, your favorite long sleeved fitted hoodie just in case, 4 pairs of dickies pants/shorts, a pair of black and pink converse, and a bunch of shirts and tank tops. This was going to be a long month.
Three days later you woke up at 9 and met with Jade who drove you to where the bus was. It was the largest tour bus you'd ever seen. "How many people have you crammed in there?" you asked worriedly. He made a face and said, "about 28. And that includes the back room and the couches." You sighed and walked up into the bus to meet the manager. "Jess, this is Smith. He's our manager and my brother, sadly." Smith punched Jade in the arm as they headed back to claim a bunk. "I call top bunk!" You yelled as you ran to the end and jump up only to hit your head on the ceiling. "Jess are you okay?" asked Jade as you lied on the ground, your head throbbing from the impact. "Owwww...You didn't tell me there was like zero space in those bunks."
"My bad."
And on with our amazing tour journey.