Author's Note: Disclaimer found below.

(Ten)

Tifa didn't lose consciousness. She wished that she could, that she could sink and drown and hide from this and never wake up again. This wasn't a nightmare. This was hell.

Loz was right. It hurt. This was Jenova's Reunion - her body being overtaken by alien cells that wanted only to be as close as possible to others of their kind. This was why she responded to him the way she did. This was why she'd...

She tried not to scream again. When she'd screamed, Loz had tried to rise, still gasping, and had reached for her - but at his touch she'd only screamed again. And then Yazoo had cuffed her across the face, which had set him and Loz to shouting at each other, and she was sure that Loz was crying now. And then Kadaj had stomped out and yelled at Loz about the damage to the boat, and...

...And everything was falling apart, just the way she'd hoped.

And it hurt.

She lay on her side, curled in a fetal position with eyes open wide. Her own eyes, now - she could tell, because it was so dark that she could barely see again. She felt numb, hardly aware of the constant pounding of the cold rain that struck her and pooled on the deck beneath her.

The deck vibrated, screeched, creaked as Kadaj and Yazoo cast Restore spells on it until it had re-formed itself properly. Loz sat with his back to the wall, only a few feet away, hugging his knees and hiding his face. "I know you weren't going to kill me," he mumbled, just loud enough for her to hear his catching voice over the sound of the rain. "I don't care what Yazoo says. You would've stopped..."

She wasn't sure if he was right or not. Everything in her mind seemed to be... clashing. At war.

The feel of him struggling under her hand at his throat had been... intoxicating...

Perhaps if she willed it enough, she could simply die.

There was a slight splash; she focused on the sound, and was able to make out a pair of pale, bare feet stopped in front of her. She didn't move her head, but shifted her gaze to look up. She could see Kadaj looking down at her, glowing eyes narrowed tiredly. He stood with his arms folded across his bare chest, his long coat hung over his shoulders like a cape. He looked rather like he was trying to make himself smaller so as to be less likely to be rained on; with the rain this steady, it was a useless effort.

The boy knelt, tilting his head. "You play rough," he said simply. "That's why he likes you. But you frightened Yazoo."

Tifa blinked at him, her mouth opening slightly as she tried to take in that absurd statement - but Kadaj didn't give her time. "Come on," he said, taking her hand. "Come inside."

She obediently got to her feet, stumbling a bit - her limbs really did feel cold and numb and somehow not her own. But his hand in hers was warm...

She turned to see Loz, still huddled against the wall, visible by the yellow light spilling form the steering house's doorway. Yazoo was sitting with him now, running his long-fingered hands over his brother, casting Cure spells and gently massaging and whispering things that she couldn't hear. Tifa knew these motions - had used them on Cloud after some of the bigger battles, and vice versa - and she felt her cheeks grow warm. She knew the expression that Yazoo would give her, should he deign to look at her.

Loz still looked miserable, but he was at least no longer hiding his face. He leaned his head back against the wall, tilting to the side at his brother's touch, staring at nothing. When he noticed her looking, his troubled expression softened considerably.

Tifa looked away quickly, unable to keep from shuddering. This wasn't right. It shouldn't matter, what happened to them. To him. It shouldn't hurt. It wasn't even her, making her feel like this - it was the Reunion.

How long before she ceased to exist, and became one of these creatures, that cared for nothing but each other and Sephiroth and Jenova? Why couldn't Loz have just killed her, instead of sentencing her to this slow loss of existence?

The ferry bucked beneath their feet, passing from wave to angry wave. The sky continued to cry, with no signs of stopping.

There was nothing that she could do. No point to this. She couldn't change anything.

The deck tilted violently, so that Tifa slipped on the wet metal, down to one knee. Kadaj, just crossing the threshold into the steering house, lost his grip on her hand. He looked back at her, hand still extended.

Enough.

Tifa turned, ran the three remaining steps to the railing, and threw herself overboard.

She remembered hitting the water headfirst, the impact knocking the air out of her. Good. This was it. This was what she had to do. She couldn't back out at the last minute, couldn't accidentally survive by instinct. This was the end.

She remembered the silence beneath the waves, the currents pushing her about like a leaf on wind, the panic of her body tempered by despair. And then she'd passed through the surface currents, drifting down in perfect, cold stillness.

She remembered thinking that there was no point in crying. Tears in an ocean meant nothing.

Her lungs burned, pressure taking what air was left away from her. She righted herself, cold limbs flailing desperately, even though she knew with sad detachment that it was hopeless.

The pain seemed to lessen, the cold water growing slightly warmer, and brighter. The black around her faded, becoming bright white, still silent.

She could smell flowers. She tried to figure out why she could smell flowers when she knew that she was underwater.

And then Tifa heard a voice that she hadn't heard in more than two years.

"Be strong."

The light faded, darkness taking over again.

Arms around her

She knew this place. The Mako reactor in Nibelheim.

Tifa looked down at the sword in her hands. It wasn't hers. She didn't use swords, and this one was ridiculously disproportionate in comparison to her. But it was what she had. It was her chance.

She looked up, gaze passing over the long stairs flanked with ominous metal pods, up to the landing at the top of the stairs and the door labeled "JENOVA" and the black-coated figure standing there with his hands on the door.

She raised the sword as best she could and charged, screaming with pure, righteous rage. "SEPHIROTH!"

Coughing, shouting. "Yazoo!"

He didn't even flinch. He whirled as she reached him, easily avoiding her misuse of his sword, his hand catching hers over the hilt. He held her aloft, slowly raised his head to stare her in the face with hollow, empty eyes and a strangely soft smile.

Tifa knew that he was going to kill her. She remembered. She remembered the sudden pain across her chest, the feel of hitting the stairs halfway down and tumbling -

Cold. Everything cold. Everything but the arms around her.

Sephiroth let the sword fall, threw her against the closed door, held her there with his body. He bent his head, his lips close to her ear. "I've been waiting for you, Tifa."

She screamed, beating against him, but it didn't seem to matter. His gloved hand reached down, the soft leather smooth against her thigh, then sliding up to move aside that miniskirt that she'd thought was so cute when she was fifteen... Her favorite outfit, which she'd worn because she wanted to look good for Sephiroth, and she'd tried for so long to block that memory out and she knew that Cloud only had it worse...

The choked shouting became more desperate, nearly a scream. "YAZOO!"

She writhed under the rhythm he forced on her, still trying to shove him away, but no matter how much she thrashed or pulled at his hair, he wouldn't stop. He only smiled, holding her still against the metal door with her feet off the ground, relentlessly pushing into her. He ducked his head, teeth at her throat, and she threw her head back and screamed and sobbed because there had been a time when this had been all she'd wanted...

"Tifa, wake up, wake up -"

"What were you thinking? You can't even swim -"

"Kadaj, shut up."

He strained against her, motions becoming almost frenzied for a few moments before he groaned and went still. Tifa shuddered, her arms numb where he held her and shoulders aching.

He pulled back, straightened, his grip on her relaxing. She slid down, her head falling against his chest, trembling too much to move.

"You wanted this."

She jumped at the sound of his voice, suddenly spurred to action again, but he only took her chin in his hand and tilted her head back. His hair fell around her, an inescapable trap.

"You always wanted this." His smile was imperious, eyes half-lidded with satisfaction. "You belong."

There was nothing she could do. Nothing. No escape, not even in death; no rescue. Cloud was lost. He'd never come to rescue her again.

Cloud probably suffered worse than this.

Stunned silence.

"There's no Revive Materia. Keep breathing for her."

Fear. "Yazoo, she's so cold -"

"She's still there," Kadaj murmured. "I can... feel her."

Sephiroth leaned forward, tilting his head and kissing her. Tifa let him, closed her eyes, shivered at his rough movements. There was nothing that she could do. She belonged...

He pulled away, speaking before she opened her eyes. "Breathe."

Tifa realized that she couldn't. She choked, twisted from her back to her side, heaving until saltwater spilled from her mouth, until she could finally gasp and cough. Curling onto her knees, she clutched at her aching sides, moaning and trying to comprehend what was happening. It hurt to breathe; she couldn't stop coughing.

Her eyes flew open when warm hands lay on her upper arms. She expected her limbs to still ache from what Sephiroth had done, but the pain didn't seem to be there, and she couldn't figure out why.

Loz pushed Tifa upright, then drew her into his lap, cradling her against him. He said nothing, only held her tightly, his face buried in the wet hair at her shoulder. It was a long time before she could stop coughing.

"It'll be hours now before I can cast again," Yazoo grumbled, somewhere off to the side. "If she does that again, let her go."

"Enough," Kadaj said softly, laying a hand on Yazoo's arm. "Come on. It's cold out here."

The world reeled; Tifa realized that she was being carried, and suddenly, the relentless pounding of the rain ceased. She was dimly aware of being undressed and laid down on the pallet.

When she finally lost consciousness, she was surrounded by warmth.

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII, its story, and characters are the property, copyright and trademark of Square Electronic Arts L.L.C., and no ownership or claim on said property, copyright or trademark is made or implied by their use in the work(s) of fan fiction presented here. This fan fiction constitutes a personal comment on the aforesaid properties pursuant to doctrines of fair use and fair comment. This fan fiction is non-commercial, not for sale or profit, and may not be sold or reproduced for commercial purposes.