No, babylon 5 is still not mine. You may notice that there seem to be a lot of drunk people here. Why? Because drunk people are funny.

Londo Mollari walked through the zocalo, heading, as always, towards the bar. However, he was blocked by a large group of people clustered around the doors to C&C. He wandered towards the center of it, in the hopes that something interesting, perhaps involving free liqueur, was going on there. However he lost interest when he found out that it was just a group of those crazy people from C&C, whining about something or other.

"Bah." he muttered. "Insane, all of them. It must be all that staring out windows at nothing all day. It's enough to drive anyone mad. Don't spend enough time enjoying themselves." He shoved his way out of the crowd, bumping into a vorlon. He stared up at it, or at least into the tubes that he assumed were near its face.

"The hour of the fish squeaks at noon." it intoned in it's deep resonant voice.

"Bah. All this foolidh cryptic talk is the result of a deprived mind. You don't spend enough time enjoying yourself either." scoffed Mollari. An idea struck him. "Come with me. I will buy you a drink, you will have a good time, yes?"

"Can articulated mollusks fly a map?" asked the vorlon, sounding slightly uncertain.

"What? Umm, yes. Excellent!" said Mollari, steering the vorlon towards a bar. Two hours later, Mollari had found the vorlon to be a most amusing drinking companion. He drank a lot, the cups disappeared along with the drink, and he ran up quite a bill. But none of that mattered, because the vorlon rude drinking songs were amazing.

"Scallop a miffed bag and wobble a moose, the virile red kumquat can flibble a goose." the vorlon, sang? Hummed? Ululated? Whatever sound it was, it was like nothing Mollari had ever heard before.

"That's it my friend! I told you you just needed to loosen up!" said A rather drunk Mollari, slapping the vorlon in the general area of it's back and joining in the verse that went "So wobbling bullfrogs must candle a fig!" "But now," he roared, in the voice signifying he was really drunk and about to do something very expensive, "We must finish this night as it should be finished! We must find ourselves a few women yes?"

"Waffle crystals?" asked the vorlon uncertainly, sounding as drunk as a synthesized voice can.

"Bah!" snapped Mollari. "If we are going to do this, you must talk like a normal person! Come on, it's not that hard, go on!" The vorlon paused, then said, sounding rather unsure

"We will...seek out...creatures of the female persuasion?"

"Yes!" bellowed Mollari, so loudly that several nearby Kiy'R!antes, a species that lived on a planet with about twenty times the gravity of earth, resulting an average weight of roughly two ounces each, were blown away. According to the laws of general humor they were blown into the nearby Fresh Aire restaurant, resulting in a rendition of the time honored classic, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!" But anyway, back to vorlon and the centauri.

"That is exactly what we shall do my friend! But, I guessing that you have never picked up women before yes? I will show you exactly how to do it!" He walked over to a shapely blond a few stools away. "Well hello there baby. Are you wearing reflective clothing? Because I can see myself in your pants." The woman slapped him and stomped off. The disgruntled Mollari came back to his stool and had another drinks.

"This is the way to acquire female companionship?" asked the vorlon.

"Well, not exactly." conceded Mollari.

"I will attempt this exercise." said the vorlon gliding over to a group of women.

"Oh, this will be good." chortled Mollari following him.

The vorlon paused in front of their table, and made a sound remarkably like someone clearing their throat.

"Greetings assorted females. Would you like to engage in intercourse with me?" The women stared at the vorlon for a moment.

"Sure!" said one of them.

"No way Jen, I saw him first!" interrupted one.

"No, I'm pretty sure he was talking to me." said another one,

"Please ladies. There is plenty of smoking hot vorlon for all." said the vorlon. Mollari watched in shock as his companion left with a bunch of giggling women on either side.