Mom woke me up from what had become my daily nap. I just wasn't having it this week- maybe because I was annoyed with Mom. I needed that sleep.

"Olive, why so many naps recently?" She was kneeling in front of me, since I was on the couch. Her usually happy eyes were filled with concern.

I stretched, then rubbed the sleep from my eyes, muttering a quiet, "I don't know."

"Do you feel ok? You don't seem like you have a fever..." Mom pressed her cheek to my forehead.

"I'm not sick."

"Is everything ok at school?" Mom tilted her head.

"Yup. All good." I nodded, pulling the blanket to my chin.

"Okay... if there's something you want to talk about, I'm here."

It depends Mom, is there something you want to talk about?

"Thanks" I mumbled, keeping my thoughts to myself. This wasn't something I could lash out about. This was serious. Lashing out was childish.

"I gotta head to work..." She whispered.

It was then that I noticed she was in scrubs. My face crinkled in confusion. "But it's like seven o'clock?" Mom worked day shifts- always.

"I told you, honey, I had to pick up a night shift."

"No you didn't." I do not remember that. I think I would remember that.

"I told you a few days ago." Mom laughed quietly, "It's fine. I know you have a lot on your plate with school."

No, I just probably wasn't listening. I'm mad at you, can't you tell?

"I'm heading in for 8, and should be home before 6. So, I'll be able to see you before you head off to school." Mom ran her hand through my hair.

"Oh... so I'm alone tonight?"

"Yup. Sorry!"

"It's ok. Why did you have to work at night though?"

"Someone asked to trade shifts. Something about their sisters wedding and needing an extra travel day... everyone else said no." Mom shrugged.

My mom was like that- compassionate. I smiled a little. Even when I was mad at her, I loved that about her. She was so thoughtful.

"You'll be ok?" Mom asked after some silence.

"I'll be fine, Mom. Stop worrying."

"Ok, ok. Try not to fall back asleep, you won't be able to fall asleep later if you sleep now."

"I know." Mom had said that to me every night this week.

She smiled, kissing my head. "I love you. So so soooo much. I'll call you at 10. K?"

I nodded. "Sounds good. I love you too, Mom."

"Don't open the door for anyone!" She reminded as she stood up.

"Got it." I sat up. Mom was right, I shouldn't go back to sleep if I want t actually sleep tonight.

She started grabbing her things, and I just watched, still kind of waking up.

"Ok..." She came back over and gave me another kiss on the head. "I love you, talk to you soon baby."

"Love you!" I called out as she headed out the door.

I sighed.

I felt like Mom could tell something was up. But, I don't think she made the connection. I wanted her to get it, because I didn't want to keep acting all distant with her.

But on the other hand, I wanted to act distant so she got it.

I wasn't trying to be mean. I really just wanted my mom to talk to me about what was wrong.

More specifically, I wanted to know what my dad had done that made Mom have nightmares. It scared me just to think about, honestly.

I think a part of me just thought that maybe if I wasn't as... all over my mom as I usually was, I wouldn't feel as bad. But, I probably was making myself feel worse. And I was definitely hurting Mom's feelings.

I tried to watch some Youtube to pass time, but I just felt... nervous.

This was my first night alone in our apartment- I would be sleeping the whole night, and Mom wouldn't be here.

I kind of was realizing how much I hated being home alone.

So, I decided to go to sleep, maybe that would help time pass quicker. I tossed and turned and tossed some more. Nothing was going to happen to me. I was fine. I just didn't like knowing no one else was here with me.

It felt like a blessing when 10:00 rolled around and Mom Face-Timed me. For a second, I think I forgot I was mad at her.

For a second.

"Olive! Were you sleeping?" Mom was huddled in a corner, it seemed. Her voice was soft and quiet. Comforting, nonetheless. Like always.

"Trying." I mumbled.

"Okay. I'll be quick. You're ok?"

"I'm fine." I'm scared, and I miss you.

"Good!" She smiled. "I'll let you sleep, honey. Goodnight, I love you. I'll see you in the morning." She blew three kisses.

I bit back a smile. "Goodnight, Mom. Love you too."

She smiled, waved, and then hung up.

Maybe the whole being mad thing was dumb.

I should just talk to her. Nicely. Tell her I heard what happened, and that she could talk to me.

Let her know I was there for her, too. She didn't always have to be the listener.

She would probably tell me that was her job as a Mom. That Moms shouldn't put all this on her kids.

Personally, I thought that was dumb. Relationships with people are two sided- a mother-daughter relationship should be the same.

Mom listens to me, I listen to her. Mom helps me, I help her.

I don't know why there's such a stigma around Moms oversharing.

I want to know. I want my mom to be honest with me.

Maybe- Maybe I should just talk to her about it. See what she says. Maybe that was what she was waiting for- me to bring it up. Maybe she knows I know.

I need to figure out what to do. Soon.