Chapter 6: Holidays Beginnings: Watching and Worries

November passed into December and the weather turned colder as in the first week of December snow began to fall lightly. It was now two days before the students left for holiday to spend time with family and friends. The castle was all decorated up for the festive season, the stones themselves seeming to hum with excitement. Harry, who usually found this month to be wonderful and was full of excitement and cheer himself, was feeling oddly detached from it all. Oh, that wasn't to say he didn't put on the mask of being a happy like everyone else was because he did, he just didn't feel it. Everyone seemed to be in the festive mood; even the Slytherins seemed to have more of an upbeat attitude, though more subdued than the other houses.

Harry was currently sitting on his bed in the dorm with the curtains shut and silencing and locking charms up. He was reclining against the headboard lazily, thinking of all that had happened in past few weeks. After that night in the Astronomy Tower with Malfoy he had sat and talked with Ron and Hermione the next day to smooth things out between them.

Flashback

After making their way to an unused classroom and Harry putting up silence and locking charms the trio stood in awkward silence for a moment. Then Harry, determined to say what he wanted to say, spoke up.

"Listen, I'm sorry about blowing up at you. Hermione you have to understand though, that sometimes you can't know everything and that if I don't want to talk about what's wrong then you should just accept that. And Ron I'm sorry for being such a git to you," Harry said with a gusty sigh.

Hermione looked slightly put out at his words and Harry quickly interjected. "I know your only concerned and trying to help but Hermione some things I just need to do myself, some problems I need to just work through by myself." Hermione still looked a little upset but nodded her head.

"Alright Harry, but just know that were here for you and we'll help when if you need it. Or if you just want to talk." Hermione said with a small smile.

"Yeah mate, were here for you if you need us. And you were right, you were a right git to us the other day," Ron said with a small frown. "But I forgive Harry." The red head then smiled and clapped Harry on the back. Hermione gave him a hug and they left the classroom, all tension between them gone.

End Flashback

After that talk things basically went back to normal for the three friends, though Harry had noticed Hermione keeping a close eye on him. He had made sure to keep the mask firmly in place and she had only just stopped throwing him suspicious glances two weeks ago. It was annoying how she kept watch on him like he was a child hiding something but he made sure to throw off any suspicion she may have had. Ron had pretty much gone back to the way he was before the argument and Harry didn't have to worry about Ron nagging him as much.

Well at least not about that anyway. Hermione was going home for the holiday to be with her parents before heading to The Burrow on the 30th to spend the holidays with the Weasley's. Ron, of course was going home also. Ron and Hermione had asked Harry to come with them for the holidays so they could all be at The Burrow together but he had refused. When they had asked why he didn't want to come, he had told them he preferred to stay at Hogwarts this year and left it at that. His friends weren't happy about that and offered to stay also but he told them to go ahead with their plans for the break. Mrs. Weasley had even tried to get him to come when she had sent him letters but he had politely refused that also. He just wanted to be alone for the holidays and knew he basically would be with almost every Gryffindor going home with the exception of two or three lower years staying behind.

Along with the few from his house staying he had noticed the same amount from every other house and that surprisingly Malfoy was also staying here this year. He hadn't talked to Malfoy since that night in the astronomy tower. A few nods here and maybe a lackluster insult thrown in but they really hadn't said much to each other. Harry had thought about the things said in the astronomy tower that night and had wondered just how many other people, not only Slytherin though he was curious about them, thought the same.

He hadn't told either of his friends about the encounter that night, keeping the conversation to himself as he was sure his friends wouldn't understand. He knew Ron saw things as black and white, good and evil; nothing beyond that concept. Hermione he wasn't completely sure about but from what he had observed from her he was thinking she may see things the same way. He just knew they wouldn't understand his new outlook on life. But he had to grow up sooner than others because he had a homicidal maniac after him wanting him dead.

He sighed heavily not wanting to think of this before going to bed. He sat up and took the time to clear his mind, remembering to practice his occlumency. He thought of the forest he used to guard his mind, visualizing it in his mind's eye, protecting his thoughts, feelings and memories from intrusion. He breathed in deeply through his nose and let the air out of his mouth, relaxing himself. When he was sure his mind was protected, he lay down and drifted off to sleep.

It was two days later and everyone who was going home was packed and ready to go. Draco sat in the common room watching everyone rush around to finish gathering their things in last minutes checks. He wasn't going home for the holidays this year and wasn't sure whether he was happy about that or not. He had received a letter from his mother two weeks before break stating that she was going to visit relatives and friends in France and that he should stay at school this year. The letter had been rather short and dull, but he had gotten the point; his mother didn't want him around for the holidays this year. He wasn't to upset about it as he would be able to spend time by himself with so few people staying behind.

He had noticed Potter's name on the list of those staying and had briefly wondered why he would be when he had the Weasley clan but it had drifted away when he thought about the night in the astronomy tower. It had been an honest surprise to hear the Golden Boy's thoughts on the whole subject. He had been so sure that the Gryffindor would be as close-minded as the rest of his house. He had thought about what was said that night and had wondered if any of his goody-goody friends, or even Dumbledore, knew he thought such things. And then he thought they probably didn't and it would be nice to see their faces if they knew Potter thought that way.

But now he sat in a leather armchair in the Slytherin common room waiting for the other Slytherins. He was walking with Crabbe, Goyle and Blaise to the Entrance Hall to say goodbye and whatnot before he secured himself in his room until dinner. At least that was his plan.

"Draco, Vince and Greg are coming now so we should being able to leave in a minute." The voice of Blaise Zabini came from somewhere behind the blonde. Draco turned his head slightly to look at the dark haired Slytherin out of the corner of his eye and nodded.

"Right, what's taking them so long anyway?" Draco asked.

"Their finishing packing since they left it for the last minute," Blaise smirked as he sat in a chair across from the other boy. Draco rolled his eyes, partly annoyed and partly amused, since he had told the two to pack yesterday. Just then the two mentioned came into the common room.

"Finally," Draco drawled as he stood gracefully from the chair. The four made their way out of the common room and started on their way to the Entrance Hall, talking lightly and quietly to each other. When they made it to their destination they saw many other students gathered, ready to leave. The quartet stood off to the side as they talked and waited for the rest of the students so three of them could leave.

"I still don't understand why your mother wouldn't take you to France with her. She would any other time," Blaise said with a raised brow. He had been surprised when Draco had announced he would be staying at Hogwarts for the holidays.

Draco shook his head, holding back a sigh. Since no one knew about his real home life but Severus, and they only saw what was presented to make them look like a loving family no one would understand that his mother didn't care to have him around much. "Blaise I told you I don't like our relatives in France and my mother knew that and was happy to let me stay here, as I had asked early." Draco said lying easily. Blaise looked at him a moment before sighing and shaking his head.

"I don't know why you don't like them. And this is France! It's got hot looking people there and you could sneak away and have a little fun." Blaise stated waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Draco just snorted as the students began moving to get in the carriages. He waved goodbye to his three friends lazily as they got into a carriage. With a sigh he glanced around the Entrance Hall seeing those staying behind who were waving their farewells to those leaving and turned on his heel walking back to the dungeon and his rooms.

Dumbledore sat in his office after seeing the students off gazing into the flames. He was joyful for the holidays to be there as he always liked those festive times of the year. But he was also feeling worried. Harry hadn't gone to the Weasley's for Christmas like he had expected instead opting to stay here. After there talk that night he had made sure to keep an eye on Harry but he hadn't found anything that would determine what was going on with the boy.

A knock on his door shook him from his thoughts and he looked up with a small sigh. "Come in!" The second it was out of his mouth the door opened and in walked Severus Snape, Potions Masters. He walked in and sat in a chair in front of the older wizard's desk.

"You wanted to see me Albus?" Snape said in that smooth drawl of his, declining the offer of tea. Albus was silent for a moment as he looked at the man in front of him. He remembered Severus in school from his first year, the boy who tried so hard to succeed. Severus hadn't always been as confident as he was now in himself. He had been teased and taunted terribly by James Potter and Sirius Black during his school days. Then he had gone and become a Death Eater, a young man who was powerful and intelligent in his own right had joined the ranks of Voldemort. But he had come back to the Light side in the end, offering himself as a spy for their side.

Albus sighed and looked at the man in the eye. "Severus, have you noticed any odd behavior from Mr. Potter?"

Snape raised an eyebrow at the question and his lip curled some in disdain. "When isn't Potter behaving oddly? But as to your question Albus I would have to say besides his improvement," he fairly spat the word. "In potions I haven't seen anything odd from the brat."

"I had talked to him sometime ago and he was," Albus paused trying to find the right word. "Angry still, which I can't blame him but there seemed to be something under the surface. I'm sure you were aware of the tension among Gryffindor a few weeks ago?" Snape nodded at this, he had noticed it and had vaguely wondered what that was about. Albus continued. "I had asked about it and he had said it was a simple argument but I don't think it was so simple. I've watched him since that meeting but haven't found anything to indicate something was amiss. Since he is staying here for break, I'd like you to watch him and see if you can find anything wrong," Albus finished.

"What? You want me to watch Potter because he's acting ODD? The brat is just like his father, he's probably up to something that would get him in trouble. As usual," Snape sneered angrily.

"Severus, you don't know if he's like James or not, you just assume he is." Albus said gently.

"Of course he's like his father! Sneaking out at all hours of the night, breaking rules. He's done something each year to warrant him of being expelled and you have let it slide, letting him get away with anything. You and everyone else coddle him, I'm sure he's used to that by his muggle relatives. The boy is a disrespectful brat," Snape said scowling angrily. "But if you're so concerned about him I'll watch after him. But I'm telling you Albus, he's only up to no good!"

"Thank you Severus, my boy, thank you! Well it is time for dinner, shall we go eat?" Albus asked cheerfully and rose to sweep out of the room, Snape following him grumbling about impudent Gryffindors. 'Why me,' thought Snape, scowling the whole way.

The Great Hall had been decorated for the festive season like every other year, with the huge tree dressed in a multitude of decorations, the hanging garlands and such. The hall was a beautiful sight that normally would have left Harry in awe, even after seeing it for so many years but he didn't feel anything. The season wasn't making him feel in high spirits like it normally did, just the opposite really. He was feeling more depressed and detached.

He walked into the Great Hall and sat at the table near the end, noticing vaguely the two third year Gryffindors who stayed were already there. The house tables had been vanished and there was one long table for the few people; students and teachers, who were staying for the holidays. He looked up when he heard scraping sounds and saw two second or third year female Hufflepuffs he didn't know, Stephen Cornfoot, a Ravenclaw who played chaser and another Ravenclaw, male, who he didn't know sitting down. He noticed a second or third year Slytherin boy sitting a little ways down from them. Pasting on his best cheerful and happy smile he began a discussion of Quidditch with the two Ravenclaws.

Draco walked into the Great Hall with a small sigh. He really didn't want to be here, he'd rather be in his room brooding. But he was hungry and as far as he knew the house elves didn't deliver food to a student's room. Walking up to the table that has replaced the four house tables he sat in a seat one down and diagonal from Potter, next to Malcolm Baddock, the only other Slytherin to have stayed. Slowly the professors who were there for the holidays who weren't already in the Hall came bustling in. Draco noticed Dumbledore and his godfather, who was scowling, taking their seats. He nodded to the man who nodded back. Then Dumbledore clapped his hands and the food for the evening appeared on the table.

Snape piled food onto his plate and began to eat as he inconspicuously glanced at Potter out of the corner of his eye as he talked over things he needed grown for his potions ingredients stock with Professor Sprout and things he needed shipped in with Dumbledore.

At first glance he noticed nothing unusual with the annoying brat who sat their talking and laughing and smiling with the other students around him, glorying in the attention they bestowed upon him. He was just beginning to think Dumbledore was imagining things when something caught his attention. Looking at Potter's eyes you could see the happiness he was displaying wasn't shining in his eyes like he had seen before. His eyes were guarded and you couldn't really tell what he was feeling but he definitely wasn't feeling happy.

Slightly interested in this he watched the Gryffindor a little more. And he noticed something he never saw before, or it wasn't there, or he chose not to see it but now he saw it. The Boy Who Lived was wearing a mask and a damn good one at that. If it wasn't for his years as a spy and knowing how to read people he wouldn't have caught it.

Taking a drink from his goblet he gazed discreetly at Potter. Something was off about him, something was odd and Dumbledore once again, damn him, seemed to be right. He continued to watch him throughout dinner and decided to watch him some more during the break. Something was wrong with the brat, something he couldn't figure out but he would watch and find out.

After all, Snape thought derisively it can't be that bad for the Boy Who Lived.

Harry was only too happy to leave the Great Hall when dinner was done. He wanted away from the happy chatter and some solitude. It was two days before Christmas and he wasn't sure he could make it through the next two days surrounded by these bright and joyful people. He felt suffocated among them, he wasn't really happy or anything and their incessant cheer were making him feel nauseas.

Leaving the Great Hall he was happy to be heading back to Gryffindor tower, away from the cheer of the other occupants of the castle, away from the air that seemed to him with excitement and strangle him with it. He was going to hole himself up in his dorm and stay there as along as he could the next two days. Maybe he could catch meals in the kitchen instead of with everyone else? That is a definite possibility, he thought as he walked through the portrait hole. He ran on up to his dorm room and grabbed the book he was reading, flopping back on his bed, getting comfortable and began reading.

After dinner Severus had asked him to come to his rooms. He had agreed because he hadn't talked to his godfather in awhile but he was slightly apprehensive also. His godfather could want to talk about just about anything and he was sure it had something to with his state of being.

Standing in front of the door now he sighed and collected himself. He had to be ready for anything from this man. Knocking lightly he heard the silky voice of his godfather, "Come in."

He opened the door and stepped into room, closing the door behind him. Severus's sitting room consisted mainly of black, blue, silver and green colors. The floor was covered in a dark blue plush rug with silver trim. There was a moderately sized fireplace to the left of the room where a black leather couch and two black and green chesterfield chairs were set. Between the couch and the chairs was a coffee table of a dark wood. In the corner opposite the fireplace was a cabinet that Draco knew held alcohol of all sorts.

His godfather was sitting in one of the chesterfields staring into the fire. Draco walked over and sat in the other chair by the fireplace. He looked at his godfather who sat staring into the flames with a thoughtful expression and wondered what the man was thinking.

"How are you Draco? I know we haven't talked privately much lately," Severus finally asked in a low voice that was soft and almost gentle. He kept his gaze of the fire as he spoke.

Draco took a moment to answer knowing he must answer carefully. "I'm fine, nothing worst than usual." He drawled, telling mostly the truth. His godfather didn't know about him cutting himself and he hadn't been doing it more lately so really it wasn't worst than usual, he reasoned with himself. Severus finally turned to look at him, a piercing black gaze that unnerved him just the slightest bit, but he didn't show it.

"At least you're not brooding like you were at the beginning of the year," Severus commented with a raised brow. He looked at Draco intensely for a long moment silently. "Have you been taking the Dreamless Sleep potion every night again?" his voice was casual and low but dangerous, holding a dark undertone to it.

Draco tense imperceptibly at that tone. He knew Severus would never harm him but he knew his godfather could be quite scary when he was upset. And he would surely be upset if he knew that Draco was, indeed, taking the potion every single night.

"Don't even bother to lie to me Draco," Severus continued when the blonde didn't speak. "I'm a potions master, yes, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't know the effects to taking too much of a certain potion. So have you?"

Draco nodded not trusting himself to speak and knowing Severus would know if he lied. But it was something he couldn't help, taking the potion every night that is. He wanted to escape the nightmares that plagued him and he had little care to the consequences of what would happen to him from taking to much Dreamless Sleep. Of course, he forgot to factor in his godfather knowing what he was doing.

"Damn it Draco! As skilled as you are in potions how could you let this happen?" Severus scowled, glaring fiercely at the blonde. "What stupidity overtook you to do such a thing in the first place?"

Draco looked at the man in front of him and jutted his chin out stubbornly, eyes narrowed and holding something not quite anger but not sadness either. "You have nightmares you want to escape Severus and so do I! Besides I didn't take the potion EVERY single night. There were at least one or two days when I didn't take it." Draco answered glaring at the black haired man.

"That's still too much and too often to take that potion," Severus said with a sigh, not believing his godson's idiocy and stubbornness. He understood the need to escape nightmares that torment your sleep as he himself wanted to do countless times but he never risked taking the potion Draco was on a constant basis.

"How many vials do you have left?" Severus asked in a neutral tone with an underlining tremor of suppressed anger and Draco barely held himself from flinching. Severus only used that when he was extremely upset and restraining himself from saying something scathing and only occasionally did he use that tone and then only with a few select people.

"Six vials," Draco muttered not looking into those black eyes. He respected this man who took the time to teach him privately and help him with his problems when he didn't have too and disappointing him stung more than he thought it would.

"You are to take one every three days from now on, you are NOT to take any tonight and I will give you a potion to extract the overdose of Dreamless Sleep. Do I make myself clear?" Severus demanded, voice low once again and holding that dangerous undertone. His black eyes were gazing unblinkingly at the blonde.

"Yes sir," Draco muttered again. Severus stood from his seat and went through a door and disappeared from the room only to return a few minutes later holding a vial with a yellow colored liquid. He handed it to Draco silently and watched the blonde drink it down making a face at the taste before handing the empty vial back. Severus sat the vial on the coffee table and sat back in his seat.

"Make sure you do as I said Draco. You can leave," Severus said turning his gaze back to the fire with a very clear and cool dismiss to the blonde. Draco rose and walked toward the door, not looking back as he left the room and headed to his own rooms.


Review Responses

Tempest Tamer: Glad you like my story so far. Sorry for the lateness with this chapter but I was a bit blocked on what to do for the next chapter.

amber.moora: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like the story so far and thanks for the compliment.

xJustAGirlx: I'm glad you like my story so far! Thanks for the review.

Shoonoowhatever2: Thanks for the review! A lot of the cutting ideas are from personal experience, so that may be why its so realistic.

Lanfear1: Thanks for the Review! Also i was thinking about that idea with having Snape and Harry get along. It will be a slow process but they will not be enemies anymore. Just wait and see!