"Come on, Rochelle," Mandy groans. "I swear I saw August down here, he's bound to be around here somewhere..."
I can feel my feet slipping into the sand as I walk. I feel as if I'm sinking... we're never going to find August, are we? Mandy and I are just going to keep going and going and going until we can't go any further. Who knows if this desert ever ends.
A cannon shot fires in the distance, followed by a second. Mandy stops, allowing me to rest as well. The cannons are followed by three more, in quick succession.
"I wonder what's going on," I say. Mandy looks back at me, unfazed by the booms. Are those really cannon shots, or are they explosions in the distance?
Three more booms follow, and I can feel myself slipping into the sand beneath me, ripped from the world itself as the sound intensifies...
I wake up with a sigh as I feel a thick blanket over me. That's right - I'm not in the Arena anymore. I'm in the Victor's Village, and I'm going to be fine.
I'm startled by the sound of thumping at my door. I check the clock - nine o'clock in the morning. Who could be here at this hour? Well, it could only be one person - Ramona.
I groan as I roll out of bed. I feel filthy; I think it's been two days since I showered, but who's counting? I look like a complete mess, but I can't find the energy in me to care.
I swing the door to my new home open, and I'm startled to see Leah on the porch.
"Oh-" I choke out, wanting to throw the door closed. "Good morning. Sorry I look such a mess."
"It's your home," Leah says warmly. "You can do as you please, Rochelle. Sorry to wake you up so early."
"It's okay," I say, waiting for her to say more, but she just smiles at me. "Here, come inside. I can make us some tea."
Leah follows me into the kitchen, and I set up the teapot just as she showed me. Leah gave me this tea set as a gift the first day I moved in here, and it's still one of the only items I have in the house.
"I thought you were Ramona," I tell Leah candidly. "She's been around here... a lot."
"Yes, well, that's how she is," Leah says, taking a look at my living room. "She was the same with Rafael, too. I don't think she was expecting us to have another Victor in District Eight so soon, or at all, for that matter. Having someone around us who understands our struggles completely is extremely valuable, and I think that's why Ramona wants to be around you so much. She's had enough of me - we've been together for nearly twenty-five years now - so having you around must be... nice for her."
I pour both of us a cup of tea, and I sit at the table across from Leah.
"Well, it's nice to have you both around," I tell her. "Especially without having anyone else around."
Leah glances at me very deliberately. "Have you thought about going back to the orphanage?" she asks quietly. "Since you got back."
"Of course," I sigh. It's been a week since we all returned from the Capitol, and I still haven't stepped foot in the old orphanage. "Something's just holding me back, I think. I don't want to bring back old memories, maybe."
"I think you should," Leah says, taking another sip of tea. "The doctor there has been calling me a lot, you know. Even if you don't want to bring back old memories, there are some legal proceedings that need to be done."
"I didn't know about that," I say. Doctor Vitale called me the morning after I arrived in District Eight; I never got to learn what the call was about because I panicked and hung up immediately. Ever since then, I've been ignoring the phone.
"I was thinking of seeing a friend in town a few blocks away from the orphanage," Leah tells me. "Maybe you should tag along and stop by. It might be good for you."
I sigh, staring down at my teacup. I don't want to go back to the orphanage, but I know that I should. For closure, at least.
"Okay," I say. "I'll go."
Leah gives me a few minutes to make myself look presentable, although I'm sure nobody at the orphanage will care. Leah seems to know the way through the District by heart, so I let her lead me through the winding streets. At first, the streets we walk through aren't familiar to me - this must be the 'nicer' side of Eight - but, eventually, as we walk deeper into the city, I start to recognize the area.
Then, there we are. The orphanage. It seems larger than usual, but maybe I just never took the time to stop and look at it before.
"I'll just be down the road," Leah informs me. "I'll try to be back in an hour, okay?"
"Thanks," I sigh. As Leah makes her way down the street, I take a deep breath before pushing the door to the orphanage open.
Home, sweet home. The lobby of the orphanage is as dreary as ever; both of the plants by the receptionist's desk look one day away from death, and the whole place has an unsettling smell that I can't quite identify.
The receptionist doesn't even look up as I enter - the orphans are always walking in and out through the main entrance, so she probably thinks I'm one of the other girls. She's been working at the orphanage since before I got here, but I don't think I've ever actually talked to her before.
The woman finally glances up from her computer as I approach her desk, and she nearly drops her mug when she sees me; she looks like she's just seen a ghost.
"I'm here to see Doctor Vitale," I tell her as calmly as I can. "Is she available right now?"
The receptionist gawks at me for a few more seconds before remembering where she is.
"Y-yes, of course, let me just check and make sure..." she says before standing from her chair and bolting into the backroom.
The receptionist returns quicker than expected. She looks much more composed when she returns. "She's waiting for you in her office," she says with a forced smile. "Go on in."
"Thanks," I say. I'm unsure of where Vitale's office actually is since I've never been there, but I decide to head into the room where the receptionist just came from. Turns out, the 'backroom' is actually a hallway. I scan the doors as I pass them - they are all administrators who I've never heard of. At the end of the hall, I find the door I'm looking for: Dr. Antonia Vitale, Head Administrator.
The door clicks as I open it, and Dr. Vitale offers me a smile when she sees me.
"Welcome, Rochelle," she says. "Have a seat."
I sit in a seat in front of Vitale's desk, taking a look around the room. Her office is a lot fancier than I was expecting - wooden bookshelves line the walls of the room, and a small chandelier illuminates the space.
"I take it that Ms. Strulovich finally reached you," Vitale says, peering over the screen of her computer.
She must be talking about Leah. "Yes," I say. "Sorry I wasn't able to pick up the phone."
"No worries," Vitale says airily. "It's understandable that you would want to... move on to a new phase of your life. There are still some legal proceedings to be completed, as I'm sure you understand."
I nod. Vitale passes me a clipboard with a stack of papers on it. I've never been a great reader, but I can make out some of the words on the page.
"This is your official Release Form," Vitale tells me. "If one of our residents is able to move into a new residence - whether they are adopted, or if they move in with a new friend or partner, we are required to fill out this form in order for the child to be released from the care of the orphanage. In your case, you have been gifted a residence in the Victor's Village."
I nod, signing my name at the line at the bottom of the page and passing it back to Vitale. She scans the page before nodding and tucking the clipboard away.
"Perfect," she says, offering me another smile. "Thank you for stopping by, Rochelle. It's great to see you back here after everything you went through. Would you be interested in stopping by your sleeping quarters? Miss Fedhelm has informed me that your belongings are still being kept on your assigned bunk."
I feel my chest tighten a bit - I don't want to see the other girls, but I think I should.
"Yes, I will," I choke out. "But I wanted to discuss something with you first."
Fedhelm's eyebrows raise slightly, but she nods, giving me permission to continue.
"The Selection Ceremony has to end," I start. "In every other District, every child has a chance of being Reaped, but here, the responsibility lands on us orphans. We shouldn't have to sacrifice our own friends just to have food on the table. It's not right."
Vitale sighs. "I know this, Rochelle," she says. "It's as hard of a decision for me as it is for you all. You have to understand the position the orphanage is in, though. It's for the greater good. Without my agreement with Mayor Cyril, we wouldn't be able to function as an institution."
"I want the agreement to end," I insist. "I'm willing to fund the orphanage as much as I can - I have a salary now as a Victor. I'm willing to promote the clothing made by orphans on the Victory Tour as well - that'll boost sales. But please, Dr. Vitale. This needs to end."
The doctor sits in silence when I'm done. After a few seconds, she finally responds.
"Okay," she says with a nod. "I'll talk to Mayor Cyril. I can't make any promises, but you make a good case. I will do what I can."
"Thank you," I sigh.
Dr. Vitale looks at me as if expecting me to say more, but I have nothing else to say to her.
"Can I go to my bunk now?" I ask. The doctor nods, picking up a device from her desk. The device flashes blue; after a few seconds, I hear a knock at the door.
"Yes?" Miss Fedhelm says, opening the door. Her eyes widen a bit when she sees me.
"Please bring Ms. Carrillo to her bed," Dr. Vitale says. "She's here to pick up her belongings."
"Of course, ma'am," Fedhelm says, bowing her head. "Right this way."
"Thank you," I say to Dr. Vitale, following Fedhelm down the hallway.
Half of me expects Miss Fedhelm to suck up to me now that I'm a Victor; she's always been sour and distant to us girls, but it just seems like something she would do. Surprisingly, though, Fedhelm doesn't say a word as we enter the lobby and walk down the familiar hallway to the girls' dormitory. I'm glad - some things never change. Fedhelm never knew who I was before the Games anyway, so she doesn't need to pretend that she did now.
Fedhelm opens the door for me and lets me pass. The girls' dormitory is as chaotic as ever - a pair of younger girls runs past us, fighting over a pair of shorts, and another group of girls is trying to pick up the contents of a suitcase that's fallen from a top bunk.
A hush falls over the room as girls start to spot me. A chill runs down my spine as I feel the eyes of all the girls on me. What are they thinking right now - is that look in their eyes respect, or is it fear?
Fedhelm closes the door behind me, and I remember why I'm here. I'm not here for any of these girls - I'm here to see my friends, grab my belongings, and go. I take a few steps toward my usual bunk, and every eye in the room follows me.
Suddenly, a girl bounds out from the crowd. "Rochelle!" Maria gasps. "I can't believe you're here!"
Maria hugs me so hard that she almost knocks me over; as if a spell has been broken, the other girls unfreeze and draw closer, forming a large circle around us.
I hate the feeling of being watched - I grab Maria's arm and bring her with me to my bunk. As I walk past the neighboring bunk, I see Alison duck behind it with one of the triplets.
"What are you doing here?" Maria asks quietly as I take a look at my bunk. It looks like all of my belongings are packed tightly into a single small trunk.
"I'm here for my stuff," I say, grabbing the trunk by the handles. "I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier. It just doesn't feel right to be back here after everything that happened."
"I get it," Maria says quietly. "You've been through a lot, Rochelle. I mean - we'd already been through a lot - but that must've been hard for you. It was hard for us to watch."
I'm not sure what Maria means by that - was it hard to watch me suffer in the Games for two weeks, or was it hard to see me do the things I did to make it out? Part of me doesn't want to know.
"I just want to move on," I admit. "But I don't know how."
"You'll find a way," Maria reassures me. "You always have."
I stare at Maria for a moment, and I realize why this has all been so hard for me. I met Maria less than a week after my parents were killed - she was in a similar situation to me. I roamed the streets with her and her brothers for a few long years, and through everything that I endured, and every struggle I faced, they were always there looking out for me. Eventually, when the orphanage expanded its capacity and we were allowed to enter, I saw less of Maria's brothers, but she was still always by my side.
This time, not even Maria understands what I've been through. This is the first time in my life that I've had to suffer alone like this. Even in the Games, someone understood my pain - Diego, Mandy, even August. Now, the only person I have is Ramona, and she's not exactly the best person to rely on, even after her emotional reawakening.
"I know you might not want to come back here again," Maria says, "but we do care about you, Rochelle. You shouldn't have to deal with this alone."
As if on cue, Allison peeks out from the neighboring bunk, with several of the other girls behind her. They finally walk out into the open - all of the other girls watch silently from a distance.
"We do care about you," Allison says, echoing Maria's words, but there's a sense of hesitancy in her voice. The girls look nervous; Shelly won't even make eye contact with me. What are the girls afraid of?
"You know you can always visit," Maria suggests. "And the front desk of Robbie's apartment complex has a phone, I think - you could call him if you need..."
"Thanks," I say, but I know I would never bother Maria's brother with any of my problems. "Maybe I'll try visiting sometime."
The girls in front of me look around at each other, waiting for someone to speak. Finally, one of the triplets breaks the silence.
"Are you going to fund the orphanage?" she asks, crossing her arms. "Before you left, you said you were going to."
The girls around us murmur - clearly they all wanted to ask me the same thing. I should have known that the girls would ask me this - I would ask too, if I was them.
"I told Vitale that I would," I tell the girls. "She's going to talk to the mayor and see what she can do. But hopefully, the Reapings will be fair from now on."
I can feel the tension leave the room as I tell the girls this news; as if an invisible barrier has been shattered, everyone rushes towards me, crushing me in a tight embrace.
Relief washes over me - the girls were never afraid of me, they just didn't know if I would forget about them like Rafael did. I don't know why I thought that the girls would treat me differently because of what they saw me do - I'm sure that most of them have seen people die before, and I wouldn't be surprised if some of them had to kill to stay alive on the streets.
"You're a hero, Rochelle," Maria says, hugging me tightly. "Really. What you've been through and what you've done... you're so brave."
I'm wiping tears from my face now. "Thank you, Maria," I sniff. This is the first time anyone's told me that, apart from Leah and Ramona.
The dormitory door swings open, and the sound sends an instinctual hush over the crowd of girls. It's a reflex at this point - Fedhelm hates the noise, and she loves to let us know it.
Fedhelm steps into the room, scanning the crowd around me. She purses her lips, looking over the crowd before landing her eyes on me.
"Carrillo," she calls. "Someone is waiting in the front office for you."
"Thank you, Miss Fedhelm," I call, bowing my head. Fedhelm's presence puts a damper on the room. Most of the other girls head back to their bunks; only my friends stay behind.
"Don't forget your stuff, Rochelle," Maria says, lifting my trunk from my bed.
I grab the trunk from Maria, unclasping the top.
"Here," I say, tipping the trunk onto my bed. "You need it more than me, now."
I reach under the pile of clothing, grabbing the small box where I keep my most prized possessions. The contents of the box are mostly useless, but they're sentimental to me. Most of them are from my time on the streets. When I get home, one last item will join the others: a spool of thread.
After the Games, Ramona gave me the spool of thread that was recovered from August's pocket; it was originally mine, after all. I couldn't keep it, though. That spool ties me to August, and it also ties me to the horrible things I did. I manipulated August with that spool of thread.
Instead, I begged Ramona to ask the Gamemakers for the spool of thread from Diego's pocket. I wasn't sure that they would've kept it, but they kept August's, so I was hopeful. Turns out, they keep all of the tributes' recoverable items in archives, and with Sylverthorn's blessing, I was allowed to keep it. One last item for the box, in memory of Diego, and in memory of everything I've endured.
Maria just stares at me, shocked. "Really, Rochelle, you don't have to-"
"I don't want it," I exhale. "Really. You can give some to the other girls. Sell them, if you want. I have my own stuff now."
Maria can tell what I'm not saying - I need to move on and leave all of this stuff in the past.
"Thank you," she says, hugging me again. "And please visit again. We'll all miss you."
The other girls murmur in agreement from behind me.
"I will," I promise, but only time will tell if I'll ever come back here.
I can feel Fedhelm's eyes drilling into the back of my head, so I give the girls one last embrace before letting her lead me into the lobby.
Leah's waiting for me in the lobby, and she offers me a warm smile as I enter.
"All good?" she asks as we walk out onto the street. I see her eyeing the box in my hands, but she doesn't mention it.
"It needed to be done," I sigh, glancing at the familiar buildings around us as we pass them.
"And now it's over," Leah says.
"Now it's over," I echo. I feel as if a weight - the weight of the past - has been lifted off of me.
I've laid the past to rest. Now, it's finally time for me to heal.
A/N - Sorry for the wait on the last few chapters - I'm still trying my best to get the last two chapters written and plan out the next story before this one is finished on top of schoolwork so it's been a little delayed... and also, forget about my author's note on Ch. 39 because this chapter is now the longest one I've ever posted! Hope it was worth the wait ;)
Two chapters left in this story - Ch. 44 will be posted either Tuesday or Thursday this week, and the final epilogue will be posted next Saturday!
~S