Sorry for the lateness but I wanted to have chapter 8 at least half done before I did put this chapter up. So here is Chapter 7 reader hope ya like!

Chapter 7: Christmas Breakdown and Secret's revealed.

Harry awoke Christmas morning feeling a little happier than he had in awhile. He lay back in his four poster bed in his dorm and thought about past Christmases. First year he had stayed here with Ron. His first Christmas with people who actually liked him and it had been wonderful. The decorations, the feast, and the warmth he never felt at the Dursley's all made his first Christmas at Hogwarts just that much more special. Second year had been wonderful also though he and Ron and Hermione had taken time out of their break to spy on Malfoy to see if he was the Heir of Slytherin, it had still been a great holiday.

Third year had been pretty much the same. Fourth year, he remembered with something akin to resentment wasn't that much fun. With the Yule Ball and the Tournament that year the holidays hadn't been so enjoyable. When he started to think about the holidays and how he spent them fifth year he felt his chest tighten and a weight set on it and shook his head violently as he sat up. He didn't want to think about that, not today, no not today.

Taking a deep breath he got out of bed and looked at the stack of presents in front of his four poster bed. He quickly put in his contacts before deciding to start on opening them. He grabbed his blanket off his bed and spread it on the floor in front of his presents and sat down on it. He separated all the presents according to who they were from and then started in on them.

From Ron he received an assortment of candy form Hondeydukes and a single dragon tooth on a leather strip of thong like a necklace. The note accompanying the second gift stated the tooth was from a Hungarian Horntail with help from Charlie. Thinking of the Hungarian Horntail made him think of the first task of the tournament and his near brush with death at the hands of the dragon and how much fun he had had. He smiled as he slipped the necklace on, the tooth hanging only an inch under his collarbones.

The next gift was from Hermione. She got him a book on defensive spells that he flipped through quickly, noting some really useful hexes. She also got him a leather bound journal with muggle pencils and pens and a muggle sharpener. There was a note with this particular gift.

I know sometimes there are things you just can't tell other people, so here's a journal to write your thoughts and feelings down in. use it Harry, it might help!

Hermione

He thought the gift was a little stupid himself but Hermione was smart and he would at least try to use it out of courtesy.

From Molly and Arthur he received the usual Weasley jumper, green with a gold H on it, a tin of fudge and a few other homemade goodies. Turning to another gift he noticed a medium sized box with the Fred's and Georges's names on it. Slightly apprehensive to what could be inside, he cautiously opened the letter on top. It stated that there were some pranks in there that he could use to 'lighten up his day' and something to 'cheer up his nights'. So with much hesitation he opened the box to see the pranks in full view and off to the side a bottle ofOgden's Old Firewhiskey was nestled into the box. He looked at the bottle blankly for a bit before chuckling at the nerve the twins had. He was sure if Molly knew about this they would be in big trouble.

Ginny's gifts were two quills – pheasant and eagle owl – and an ever-changing inkwell. All he would have to do is tap the inkwell with his wand and state the color he wanted.

He was surprised a little, not so much that he got a gift from Neville. They had become a little closer after the Ministry fiasco so he wasn't too surprised over the gift. He had bought one for Neville as well. Neville had gotten him a black dragon hide rucksack that was enlarged on the inside to fit more than it looked like it could and still remain lightweight. He liked the bag and decided to start using that when term started again.

The last gift he went to open was from Remus and he briefly wondered how the man was doing. He was doing missions for Dumbledore and they hadn't talked much except for the occasional letter when it could be sent. Opening the first present he saw it was another book on defensive spells, hexes and charms. Sitting that to the side he opened the other one and saw it was a photo album. Opening it up and flipping through it his eyes slowly began to fill with tears.

They were pictures of his parents, Remus, Sirius, from Hogwarts and afterwards. There were pictures of his parents wedding; one of his mom in a beautiful white wedding dress and her hair done up hanging in tiny ringlets around her face. She was flushed and smiling and waving at the person taking the picture and she looked so happy as he held his father's arm who was dressed in a black dress robe. They were both beaming and waving at the camera. There was one them dancing at their wedding also as they stared into each others eyes, oblivious to anything else. He didn't even realizing he was crying until the saline droplets fell onto the picture.

Looking through it some more he saw a picture of Sirius leaning casually on his broom and smirking at Remus who was trying to looking disapproving about something. And then Sirius would throw his head back and laugh eye twinkling and Remus would smile and chuckle. Harry's chest clenched again as he looked at Sirius, head thrown back laughing, like in the Department of Mysteries before he-

Harry shook his head and slammed the book shut, tears burning trails down his cheeks. He was gulping in air or trying to because his chest was so tight he couldn't breathe. And he couldn't see as tears obscured his vision. He didn't want to think about this! Not today. He doesn't want to think about the way Sirius looked before he-

NO, he shouted at himself close to panting because he just couldn't breathe. His throat felt clogged like his heart was blocking passage for air to get it. And he didn't want to think about THAT! No, no, no he didn't want to think about that. Pushing the photo album away he got up and went to the bathroom. A shower would help, some, yes it would. He was almost hysterical in his own thoughts but he didn't care. The image of Sirius before he-

No don't think about that damn it, he scolded himself and walked into the bathroom. He turned the water on as hot as it would go and stripped down before stepping under the spray. A waterfall of hot droplets rained down on his body as he pressed his palms against the tiled wall and hung his head. He still couldn't breath and was taking deep, slow breaths in through the mouth and out through the nose. And he was still crying but you couldn't tell.

He stood there like that for a half hour before getting out. He made his way back to the dorm and quickly got dressed throwing on a loose pair of black jeans and a loose long sleeve blue shirt. He pointedly ignored looking at the photo album and slipped on his black combat boots. Grabbing a coat he quickly opened his trunk and searched through it until he found his butterfly knife and stuck it in his jeans pocket, putting his wand in his coat pocket. With that he walked out of the room feeling cold with his chest aching like someone stabbed him in it.

He left the tower and walked the halls until he came to the court yard. It was cold out and the ground was covered in fresh fallen snow. Looking up he saw that it was lightly snowing, small flakes drifting from the gray cloudy sky. He looked around and walked over to where the wall of the castle would hide him from prying eyes. He took off his coat and rolled up his shirts sleeves. Taking the butterfly knife from his pocket he flipped it so the blade was out. Without a moments hesitation he put blade to skin and cut a diagonal line from wrist to elbow.

The blood flowed freely and ran down his arm before falling onto the snow that glittered like diamonds and was splashed by the red of his life blood. He made another cut on top of that and sank to the ground, dropping the knife and cradling his head. He was crying again, sobbing quietly in the cold snow tainted with his blood. And now he was getting dizzy. He didn't know why he was dizzy and when he opened his eyes and looked up he saw everything was blurry, like he didn't have his contacts in when he knew he did. His head throbbed painfully before blackness took over and he fell unconscious.

Draco stepped out into the courtyard after following Potter. He had been coming up from his room when he caught a glimpse of Potter. Deciding it could be fun to see what the Gryffindor was up to he had followed him outside. He wasn't wearing a cloak so the biting cold was worse for him and he had been about to turn and go when he saw Potter disappear behind the side wall. Now very curious he walked to the wall and peeked around the corner.

He froze when he looked. There was Potter with a knife in his hand cutting into his arm. He watched as he cut again and fell to the ground crying still frozen in place trying to understand what he was seeing. Then Potter slumped to the ground not moving and he snapped out of his trance. Working in an almost automatic state he rushed forward and rolled Potter over looking at his arm. The cuts were still bleeding heavily and he took out his wand muttering a sufficient enough healing charm. He wasn't skilled in healing but he knew enough to heal his cuts when he slashed his own flesh.

Not knowing what else to do he grabbed Harry's coat, the knife which he slipped into his pocket and pulled his sleeves down. Pulling him up with difficulty, he supported his weight and wanting to know what was going on with the Golden Boy decided to take him to his room. With a quick thought of not wanting to be caught hauling an unconscious Gryffindor around he cast a disillusionment charm on the black haired boy. Harry blended into the landscape and Draco began the trek back to his room.

It was slow because he had to drag Harry with him who had shot up in height over the summer and was his height maybe an inch taller than him. He didn't know why he was doing this, why he was so keen on knowing what was wrong with the Boy Who Lived but he was and that was that. He made it to his room without incident remarkably and said the password for the door before dragging the boy in. He laid him on his couch in the sitting room, took the charm off and put the coat on a side table as he sat in the other chair in the room.

He looked at the boy on the couch in front of him, trying to figure out why the Golden Boy of Gryffindor would do such a think as cut himself. This was the Boy Who Lived; he had friends and the perfect life, right? This was a curious predicament indeed. He decided to wait for the other boy to wake up. This was something he didn't want to miss and he couldn't wait to see how Potter would talk his way out of this one. To pass the time Draco picked up his Transfiguration book and, settled into the chair in front of the crackling fire.

A half hour passed in an almost silence except for the crackling of the fire, the turning of pages and the occasional sigh. Draco looked up when he heard a soft groan and saw his guest moving and his eyes fluttering. Finally the lids lifted to show cloudy emerald eyes and Harry sat up with another groan, clutching at his head that began to pound at the sudden movement. Harry looked up and looked directly into the face of Draco Malfoy.

"What the fuck!" he exclaimed scrambling off the couch and falling on the floor. His head began to hurt more and he saw the room un-focus and go blurry. Clutching his head again he glanced at the blonde who looked amused at his actions.

"Welcome back to the land of the conscious Potter," Draco drawled with a smirk, eyes glinting in amusement.

Harry looked around the room slowly, taking everything in. He wasn't familiar with this room and he was on guard immediately. Then he caught on to what the other boy had said. "What do you mean?" and then it all came rushing back: His breakdown this morning after looking at the pictures, getting showered and dressed, going outside and cutting his arm and then…nothing. He couldn't remember anything after that. He looked sharply at Malfoy who was still smirking at him.

"Well you were unconscious, the opposite of conscious. That's being awake, aware, alert, cognizant-"

"I know what it means you prat!" Harry snapped glaring at the blonde, interrupting him.

"Then you need to be more clear on what your asking." Draco said matter-of-factly, staring innocently at the black haired boy.

Harry took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The dizziness had worn off but he still had a headache that was throbbing dully in his head. He chose to push the pain to the back of his mind and find out what was going on. Looking back at Malfoy he sighed and then scowled. Then it hit him like a horde of rampaging hippogriffs, what Malfoy had said earlier. He had been unconscious, most likely after cutting himself which meant he had blacked out in the court yard in the snow. If Malfoy had found him unconscious, which he was almost positive he had, then the blonde Slytherin had found him…

"No," he whispered eyes wide and panicked. "No, no, no." he kept whispering softly to himself shaking his head slowly. A cold fear had washed over him at the possibility that Malfoy knew his secret.

Draco was looking at Potter no longer as amused as before. The panicked look that crossed the other's face told Draco he should speak up before Potter did something rash and stupid. "Potter, calm down." he stated calmly and firmly watching the Gryffindor.

"Calm down? CALM DOWN!" Harry nearly yelled as he stared at the blonde. "How the fuck do you expect me to calm down when you…when …you know!" He said looking at the blonde accusingly. He took a deep breath wanting to calm down. He couldn't approach this hot-headedly. He would calm down and find a way to get Malfoy to keep his stupid mouth shut.

Draco watched Potter throw his tantrum before trying to calm down. He was amazed to see Potter drop the mask and pull it back on so quickly. He wasn't so sure about this now. What was he to say to Potter? 'I saw you slicing your arm up and wanted to know why?' Like that would work. He watched the boy as his face became a blank mask, eyes unreadable and face expressionless.

Finally calm Harry stood up from the floor and looked around. He saw his coat that he had worn on a side table and, grabbing it, he began to search through the pockets. He came up with his wand but his knife was gone. Turning to Malfoy who was sitting there looking the slightest bit impatient he fixed the Slytherin with an intense look. Draco looked back as the teen in front of him stood there.

"Why don't you take a seat Potter?" Draco said softly raising an eyebrow. Potter's intense stare was starting to make him slightly uncomfortable, like the raven haired boy could see into his mind and was slowly stripping down his defenses, yet he didn't squirm under the scrutiny.

"You know don't you? And where the hell is my knife?" Harry asked ignoring the question to sit. This was Malfoy and he was bound to use this against him.

Draco took a moment to decide where to begin and then sighed inwardly knowing this was going to be hard. "Know what exactly? That you cut yourself? Yes, I know. I found you in the courtyard after you passed out." Draco said, omitting a few facts. Potter didn't really need to know that he had followed him out to the courtyard. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the knife he had picked up earlier. He looked at it, having not really looked at it before. It was strange but nice looking. He had never seen a knife like this before and was mildly intrigued.

"You can hand it over Malfoy," Harry interrupted Draco's inspection. His voice was a low and calm tone. Draco looked at Harry and raised an eyebrow before handing the knife to the raven haired teen who put the knife in his pocket.

"Since when does Gryffindor's Golden Boy mutilate himself? Something gone wrong in Perfect Potter's life?" Okay, so he wasn't being quite nice about this but he didn't see why someone with Potter's life who was probably worshipped by his muggle relatives would cut himself. Plus baiting Potter was an added gift.

But Harry didn't rise to the bait like he knew Malfoy was expecting him too. "You don't know anything about my life Malfoy and its none of your business when I started to cut myself. I want to know what it's going to take for you to keep your mouth shut about this?" Harry said keeping his gaze on the blonde.

So, Draco thought looking back at Potter. He didn't rise to the bait and he, naturally, wants me to keep quiet. Maybe I can find out what he's hiding? "Seriously Potter, what could you have to hurt yourself over?" He knew he was most likely treading into dangerous waters but he had always been a curious person and he was definitely curious about Potter.

Harry glared at Malfoy heatedly, stare almost burning through his head it seemed. "You wouldn't understand and anyway, I'm not going to tell you anything." Harry snapped.

"Who says I wouldn't understand? I might. You don't know me Potter, just as you claim I don't know you, so whose to say I won't understand?" Draco retorted with a slight sneer, not at all liking Potter's assumption of him.

Harry looked at him for a moment in silent contemplation. Could Draco Malfoy of all people understand him and what he's going through? Could he understand what it feels like to not be loved, to be abused and degraded? Harry didn't think he could. This was Malfoy, he was thinking about. Rich, obnoxious, snobby, pampered and spoiled beyond measure Draco Malfoy. He couldn't be able to understand what Harry was going through. Could he? Most people thought he, Harry, were rich and spoiled at his muggle relatives' house but they didn't see behind the mask he wore to ensure everyone continued to think that. Could Malfoy be like that? Harry wasn't sure.

"How could you possibly understand Malfoy? You, rich, spoiled pure-blood that you are?" Harry asked with a scowl and veiled curiosity.

Draco thought how to go about this and not make himself to vulnerable to the other teen. As of now he had something against Potter but if he gave Potter something against himself, something he wanted kept secret then neither could speak of it without getting their secret told by the other. It was risky, but Potter seemed the type to keep something secret to save his own skin, Draco could see that. So with careful deliberation he pulled his wand from inside his robe and cast a silencing charm on the room, smirking as he saw Potter tense even more when he had drew the long piece of wood from his robe.

"Alright Potter, I'm too damn curious for my own good. You want to know how I could possibly understand you? Well, you'll find out but this goes no further then this room and stays between you and I got that?" Draco asked with a hard note in his otherwise emotionless voice.

Harry looked at Malfoy with a calculated look. How was he to trust that Malfoy was telling the truth? Could he risk it, knowing what would happen if others found out his secret? But, he had to admit to himself, he was curious about what Malfoy was going to do to show he understood. If he had a secret of the blonde's then Malfoy couldn't speak about his secret without Harry telling Malfoy's, if the blonde truly wanted it kept secret. With another moment of consideration Harry nodded his head. "Okay, as long as you don't say anything about what you know about me."

Draco took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. This was harder than he thought but something spurred him to continue to show Potter that he might understand. Maybe it was that small inkling that had never truly left of him, in some way, wanting to befriend Harry that he had constantly denied. He didn't know but with a heavy sigh he took off his robe and rolled up the sleeves of the sweater he was wearing. Picking up his wand again he muttered the spell that would cancel the concealing charm he wore.

Review Responses:

GinnyGin: Thanks for the review but this isnt Snape/Harry slash this is Draco/Harry slash.

Lanfear1: Thanks for the review! Don't worry I have an idea for Snape and Harry getting along but it wont be for quite yet and it will be a slow process like the Slash between Harry and Draco.