'Thus one who is skillful at keeping the enemy on the move maintains deceitful appearances, according to which the enemy will act. He sacrifices something, that the enemy may snatch at it'
'This is Ranma Saotome. No, I mean I'm writing this letter right now. By the time anyone reads this, I may possibly be driven out of my mind by the hoards of women and a guy chasing me to the ends of the earth in order to do the deities know what with me. Now, I am not scared or anything, but if you understood the circumstances of my ordeal, you'll get the idea.
What is this all about? Well, I have no idea, really. It started a couple of days ago when Akane started acting funny, the 'Ryoga is trying to talk to Akane' type of funny. Now, I may not act like the brightest firefly in the field, but do not take me for utterly stupid. As that Chinese guy said, 'When you're strong, act weak, when you're weak, pretend to be strong', or something like that. Anyways, after Akane knocked me skywards, I ended up at Ukyo's. She's my best bud, and I know how Hiroshi and Daisuke like looking at those nasty videos and stuff, but I never thought girls liked that stuff, too. Well, before it got awkward, I let her have time alone. That's when I got jumped... literally... by Shampoo.
Well, not to say she was not agressive before, but now she was outright violent, I mean past 'Akane-is-on-the-rag' violent. I try not to hit girls, but I figured, hey, if Shampoo wants to play rough..
Needless to day, my day did not get better, nor did the next day. After it was all said and done, Akane, Shampoo, Ukyo, (ew) Mousse, Kodachi, Ms. Hinako, and (double ew) Cologne have been hunting me down like rapid dogs on the scent of fresh beef, all for the purpose of having their way with a gorgeous stud like me. I also suspect Nabiki and Kasumi are in the act, too, while Mom keeps giving me uncomfortable looks that make me feel... unsanitary.
Now, as I said, I am not exactly a rocket scientist, but even with Kodachi and Shampoo's less than inhibited behavior, this is far past normal for them. Pantyhose boy's appearance also is more than a coincidence, so when I see the jerk, I think I will kindly ask him to fix the girls before I fix him with a pantyhose noose.
Anyhow, I wanted to get this down, in case I do not make it. It is the third day of the ordeal, and I feel my resolve failing...'
"So let it fail, already!"
Ranma froze, before slowly turning around to find his 'cute' fiancee leaning atop the stacked gym mats Ranma had been hiding behind, "Ah..."
"And Akane dear does get a bit intense during her cycle, huh? They got medication to help that, you know? Maybe she just isn't eating right..."
"WHY CAN'T YOU ALL JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Ukyo sighed as she watched Ranma disappear like rabbit tailed by a wolf, realizing she missed her chance to end this obnoxious competition right then and there. But gosh darn it, when you got past Ranma honey's penmanship, he was actually a rather captivating writer.
Ranma finally stopped, and quickly pulled himself into one of the school lockers. He had hoped hiding in the school after hours would give him some reprieve; alas, it was as if he had a tracking system on him that kept the girls well informed of his whereabouts.
"Wooly Bully to Femdom; target 'Choirboy' is located in the west hall, fourth floor, hiding in locker 427."
"Why you call Shampoo 'Femdom'?"
Tarou sighed, before adjusting his binoculars to view the rather delicious sight of a lavender haired voluptuous Amazon, barely restrained in chrome studded leather brazier, thigh high stiletto boots, and thong panties with something... potruding from them. He shuddered, and hoped for Ranma's sakes he was a girl when Shampoo found him, "Just go with it, alright"
Ranma concentrated on calming his breath, before the light sound of tall heels clacking against linolium floor came to his ears. Quickly, he held his breath, as the sound approached, until it was right in front of him. The pigtailed boy almost choked, when the sound suddenly stopped. Through the vents of the locker, he could catch a glimpse of lavender hair, but not much else. The sound of the heals clacked, as if she was making a circle, before a femenine huff was heard, and Shampoo stomped off, mumbling to herself that there is no locker 427..
After she was gone, Ranma let out a sigh of relief, "Boy, that was clo-URK!"
"GOT YA!" Akane proclaimed, as she ripped Ranma out of the locker by his throat, and tossed him down the hall. As Ranma was gathering his footing, Akane threw her coat open, "LOOK AT ME, DAMN YOU!"
"NO!" Ranma rolled to the side, just in time to avoid a stiletto heel through the crotch.
"Good Ranma..." Shampoo congradulated, as she struggled to remove her heel from the floor, "No look at Akane! Be punished by Shampoo instead!"
"HEY, CAREFUL WITH THAT!" Akane shouted, "We're gonna need that!" Akane blinked, before pointing to Shampoo's crotch, "Uh, what the heck is that?"
While both were distracted, Ranma made a dive out the window, drawing the girls' attention to his escape.
The pigtailed boy sighed, as he began his decent towards the ground, once upon it he was homefree to make his esc-
"I'LL SAVE YOU, RANMA!"
"Huh?" The pigtailed boy questioned, before he found himself dashingly caught within the toned grip of a long haired Chinese native.
"Are you okay, Ranma?" Mousse enquired with genuine concern, "Those trollops didn't hurt you, did they?"
"Ah, n-no," Ranma whispered, before rubbing his head against Mousse's chest. He paused, realizing what he was about to do...
...and what gender he was about to do it in...
"RANMA! Not until we land!" Mousse demanded with a flustered yet aroused tone, as the pigtailed martial artist began rummaging through his robes while they were still swinging in the air by the grapple rope Mousse was holding onto with his free hand. Once he found what he was looking for, Ranma quickly cut the rope, and used Mousse as a platform to launch himself to the School roof.
The pigtailed, irritated martial artist breathed heavily and ignored the sudden seismic vibration from a body's impact with concrete ground, before quickly looking around, and spying a glimmer on a distant rooftop. With a growl, he launched the throwing knife he got from Mousse in it's general direction.
Tarou sighed, as he pulled the binoculars from his face, then tilted out of the way of the projectile. He then put the binoculars back to his eyes, and spoke over his radio reciever.
"So, that jerk's the one telling them where I'm at!" Ranma seethed, deciding it was time to take the battle to Tarou.
"Son-in-Law, Tarou wishes for me to inform you that those binoculars belong to Nabiki, and if anything happens to them, he's taking the cost of them out of your ass"
It was around two in the morning when Ranma finally made it home. Almost listlessly, the exhausted pigtailed martial artist crept into his room and quietly climbed into his bed. With a blissful sigh, he rolled over, finding himself face to face with a smiling Kasumi. "What are you doing in my bed?"
"Well, yours looked so comfortable, and I thought I would try it for a little bit," the eldest Tendou daughter replied, wringing her hair nervously.
"Uh huh, yeah," Ranma's dry tone relayed his belief in her statement, "and how, prey tell, did you get into my room? Mr. Tendou, Pops, and Mom promised not to let anyone in."
"Well, I had to come in and make your bed!"
Ranma groaned, "You make the beds in the morning."
"Well, it took me all day to get your bed just right..."
"Of course," Ranma replied with a hooded gaze, before he lifted the covers, finding exactly what he was expecting to see Kasumi wearing. He sighed, as he got out of bed, and tucked Kasumi in, "Good night Kasumi."
"But Ranma, it's your bed, aren't you going to stay? Ranma? Ranma-kun?"
Ranma nearly dragged himself into the hallway, before the door to the front left of him opened, revealing a haphazard and thoroughly piss drunk Nabiki. They stared stared at each other for several moments, before she pointed an accusing finger at Ranma, sloshing the bottle of gin in her hand as she raised it, " 'S your fault, Shaotome. Sh'ur falt I can't get laid." She broght the bottle to her lips, taking a hearty swig, before glaring at him with drunken anger, "Now lay me."
Ranma took in Nabiki's mussed, strangly sexy appearance; her unkept hair that draped over one eye, her tanktop sliding off of one shoulder, threatening to expose one non bra clad breast, and the way her already short shorts rode up to nearly forming bikini bottoms...
Ranma realized that in her drunken state, Nabiki was completely vunerable. She probably wouldn't even remember the next morning...
..it was an ample oppurtunity to relieve some stress...
Ranma sighed, knowing the internal victory was already won, "Alright, let's go into your room..."
Nabiki giggled, as she linked her arm with Ranma, and used him to support herself as she stumbled to the bed.
'If we do not wish to fight, we can prevent the enemy from engaging us even though the lines of our encampment be merely traced out on the ground. All we need do is to throw something odd and unaccountable in his way'
Ranma sighed in content, having been waiting for this release for the whole day. After being chased by amorous women for three days, he could only hold on for so long. With a languish stretch, Ranma rolled over, "Good night, Nabiki."
Nabiki didn't respond, as she herself was out like a light. Good thing too, as Ranma was getting irritated at her demanding to be undressed before he tied her face down onto her bed, while propping a pillow under her chest so she wouldn't drown in her own vomit if she happened to do so. Even without bedding, the floor underneath Nabiki's bed was quite comfortable. He doubted anyone would come searching for him in the middle Tendou sister's room, so he may just get a refreshing night sleep.