Author's Note: After doing a bit of research on the Harry Potter lexicon I'd like to inform you the dates of the Christmas holiday break. End of term and students leaving – Dec. 23 and students returning on – January 5 and term starts on the 6th of January. So from the time Harry and Draco talk it will be 10 days left to break, the students return of the 11th day and start classes on the 12th day. The last chapter took place December 25.

Chapter 9: Getting to know you, Watching and the students return

The rest of the break seemed to go by slowly in Harry's opinion. After that first talk and truce with Malfoy they had talked at least once every day in either Malfoy's rooms or other discreet places where they wouldn't be seen. The day after the Courtyard Incident as Harry had come to calling it he had met the blonde again and they had talked in the Room Of Requirement. They hadn't talked about anything too deep not completely comfortable with each other as of that point but they did talk about common ground things like classes for one. Harry and Draco traded knowledge on DADA, Charms, Potions and other subjects.

Draco had been admittedly surprised at Potter's knowledge of potions and the art of potions making. He had known since the beginning of sixth year that Potter had improved in the subject but he was surprised to see that Potter had actual knowledge in the ingredients and procedures of making a potion. It was a good discussion between them. Harry found that Draco wasn't as adverse to Care of Magical Creatures as he seemed. While he didn't want to be around dangerous creatures that could maul him to death he did like to learn about them. The discussion of different creatures had been interesting. They had also talked about Quidditch, at the time staying away from serious issues.

They did that for the first week of their truce contenting themselves to getting along and getting to know each other a bit. They found they had a lot more in common then they had previously thought and was surprised when the tense atmosphere gave way to a more relaxed and easy one. The next two days was much of the same with both dancing around the heavier subjects and trying to avoid as much as possible talking about their problems but both knew that they couldn't last long at this as they found themselves liking the other and enjoying the new budding friendship more than either would admit.

It was the day before the students were to return to the castle and Harry and Draco were in Draco's rooms, Harry sprawled out on the couch languidly head resting on his arm as Draco sat in a chair across from him sideways with his legs thrown over the arm and his back resting against the other arm. They looked quite relaxed if one glanced at them but on closer inspection you could seem the mild tension in each of them.

Draco looked at Harry – somewhere along the break they had begun using first names in private – and held back a sigh. He was tired and exhausted even if he didn't look it. It was the fourth of January, one day before the students returned, but that wasn't bothering him really. He didn't sleep last night afraid to suffer through the nightmares he knew would come. He had done as Severus asked and took his last six vials of Dreamless Sleep every three days. The last time he took it was the second before he went to bed and he didn't want to sleep last night learning that on the days he didn't take the potion he had nightmares plaguing him. He sighed and was startled when Harry spoke to him.

"What's the matter Draco?" he muttered softly looking over to the blonde. They had been sitting in a comfortable silence for the last ten minutes when he heard his companion sigh. The break had been shockingly enjoyable and the company of the blonde had been a welcome relief from too much thought of bad things he didn't want to think about. But the last few days things had begun to come back to him, pressing in on him and scrabbling for attention.

Draco looked at Harry and tried to figure out what to say. He could tell him the truth or he could continue to edge around the issue. He thought for a minute as he looked away from Harry to the blazing fire. With a sigh and his eyes still on the fire he said in a neutral tone, "I didn't sleep last night, haven't been asleep since I woke up yesterday morning. I'm just tired is all." It was the truth he was tired and hadn't slept since waking up yesterday morning. He kept his gaze on the dancing flames even as felt the intense stare from Harry boring into his back.

Harry was still sprawled out in his lazy position but his eyes were sharp as he looked at the blonde in front him. Through that neutral tone he could tell that there was more to what Draco said but he also knew that if Draco wanted to talk he wouldn't for fear of making himself too vulnerable. While they had become something of friends they hadn't spilled there deepest secrets to the other and Harry didn't expect Draco too. Biting back a sigh Harry decided to manipulate this in a way to learn more about the blonde and to get him to talk. Not moving from his position he kept his eyes on the blonde as he said calmly, "I started not long before third year, sometime after second actually, during the summer."

Draco snapped his head around and looked at the other teen, confusion evident on what he meant. Harry just gave him a pointed look and then glanced quickly to his own arm and back to the blonde. Realization dawned and Draco looked at Harry with shock. "About the middle of third year was when I started." He stated in a quiet voice, tone flat. Draco didn't understand why Harry just told him that out-of-the-blue and was the tiniest bit confused.

"I started because I had heard things, read things, little things about why people did it. I began to do it as a sort of release in the beginning, something to distract me from other things in my life." Harry stated looking passed the blonde and into the fire. He swallowed hard, took a brief moment to breathe and went silent.

Draco looked at Harry and slowly realization came to him. Harry was giving him a chance to speak what was on his mind or at least a bit of it and get something in return. He was working in an almost Slytherin manner. "It was a bit of wanting release from the troubles of life and defiance against my father; doing something so…un-Malfoy-ish in his opinion though he didn't know about it." Draco said with a small shrug. Draco was a bit…amazed that they were talking almost casually about mutilating their selves. It was almost funny that all that edging around the topic lead to talking about it like they were discussing the weather or Quidditch. He was once again shocked by the obvious change in the Gryffindor. He looked at the teen and noticed him looking at him oddly and was briefly confused until he realized what Harry was waiting for. The next move was his if he wanted to talk any further. He had learned that strange quirk of Harry's over the time they've talked. It wasn't an expectant look or anything it was a sort of intense look that at the same time was indifferent. He looked at him and thought about what he wanted to say. He wasn't ready to divulge anymore information though, even if he got some from Harry but he was silently grateful for the chance Harry was giving. Like a silent: continue or stop, you choose. And so Draco changed the subject and struck up a conversation on some topic or other and they slowly settled back into a comfortable atmosphere that was no longer tense and both breathed a silent sigh of relief for the reprieve.

Snape sat in his private rooms on the day before the students returned in front of the fire in his sitting room. He hadn't been idle during the break making sure to do what Dumbledore had asked (ordered?) of him and kept a watch on Potter. He watched him during meals mostly when he was in the boy's presence the most. He had watched Potter all break and found some things strange about the boy. He knew why Dumbledore had asked him to do it and not the boy's Head of House, McGonagall. He, as a spy, was more skilled to subtly watch a person, to pick up on the small things most people would pass off as insignificant. He knew that the smallest gesture or twitch could mean many different things and nothing at the same time. He knew what to look for.

So he watched Potter and during meals was when he got the time to discreetly examine the boy. Besides the fact of noticing his smiles never reached his eyes or that the majority of his smiles were pasted on and fake, he also noticed the faint discoloration under Potter's eyes. He looked tired with a weary slump to his shoulders, eyes half-lidded like he hadn't been sleeping properly.

He also noticed that at meals Potter was slow in his pace to get to the table and sit down, like he was preparing himself for something that was painful or something he didn't want to do. Then when he got to the table he was reluctant to be added in conversation and only when addressed gave enough to be taken as an answer and then only if spoken too never initiating the conversations himself. Add to that his indifferent attitude towards everything, even through talks of Quidditch that at first Snape thought was arrogance but realized after careful thought was actual indifference, like couldn't care more or less.

Snape had remembered a Quidditch match earlier in the school year, the second match to be exact against Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. He normally wouldn't have paid attention but he had been grudgingly intrigued about the Potter that had come back that year. It had been a slightly chilly November day and Snape had remembered that at breakfast and as Potter walked out onto the pitch that he looked exhausted and worn-out, though he was holding himself very well. Snape remembered how lazy he had been flying compared to his usual technique, like he could care less about catching the snitch. Then when he had the snitch in sight he made – to the trained eye – a half-hearted attempt at catching it but in the end Chang, the Ravenclaw seeker, had gotten it and Ravenclaw had won the game. Potter had left the pitch right after that not even bothering to look back at his teammates.

Snape had supposed he was upset about the lost but with adding everything together that he was seeing now he wasn't completely sure. To top off that Potter was always hastily leaving meals, though there was no noticeable difference in his expression his stride was just that scant bit quicker than necessary.

To Snape, as far as he could tell, the boy was hesitant or didn't want to be around others much. He thought it was some Gryffindor moral or guilt/hero complex to keep others at a distance to keep from them from dying after losing that mutt of a godfather, Sirius Black. But he wasn't sure that was completely it because from what he'd been able to pick up he could see the signs of abuse and depression, knowing them on a more personal level than he cared to think about but that couldn't be it. He snorted as he took a sip from the glass of the scotch he was holding. This was Harry Potter the Boy Who Lived; he couldn't possibly be being abused. It's probably stupid Gryffindor guilt, he thought as he gazed into his fire pushing back memories of a man with black hair…fist pummeling a body of a helpless child, the cries of a woman being raped for trying to save that same boy and the insults and threats spat viciously in a memory thought long repressed. No, Severus Snape didn't want to relive those dead and long ago memories and he decided maybe getting drunk would help him forget.

Harry sat in his dorm room under the window looking out into the night sky. It was after dinner and he had headed back here and locked himself up in his dorm like he done everyday that week. He had his journal resting in his lap and a pen hung in his relaxed grip. He had come to appreciate the black leather bound journal that he not only wrote in but drew also. He found he liked drawing and was pretty good at it. He didn't find the journal as stupid as he first thought when he had opened it on Christmas and not for the first time reminded himself to give Hermione big thanks for her gift. It was something he could write his most private and darkest thoughts in and he savored that.

Looking into the slightly misty night sky Harry sighed as he gripped the pen tighter and pressed it to the journal.

Jan. 4, 1997

Today was a full of surprises and revelations. Draco and I were in his room today, a usual occurrence this Christmas break. We had been talking about some random subject when we had lapsed into silence. In the beginning those silences were uncomfortable between us; we weren't at ease around each other and whenever silences fell we would be uncomfortable and uneasy not knowing what to say to break it or make it more relaxed. But, amazingly, over the break we have become more comfortable around each other. So we had lapsed into a comfortable silence in each other's presence. But when I heard him sigh I knew something was up. I noticed, though it was very near undetectable, that he was looking tired yesterday and today. It was a slight slump to the shoulders and small barely noticeable lines to his eyes. I see that every time I look in the mirror after a nightmare which, unfortunately, has been happening more frequently during the break. I have been having nightmare/memories of Sirius as he fell through the fail and a few of Vernon beating me; my most recent of this summer after the Order's "generous" convention to the Dursley's and the beating I had received in return. That had been one of worst since the summer after first year.

But enough of my rambling on my horrid childhood, or lack there of I should say. So, Draco sighed and I asked him what's wrong. Well to make a long drawn out story short we ended up talking about when and why we started cutting ourselves. Well, the why was of why we cut and not why as in the reason behind it but still it was nice to know someone understands the reason I needed to do it. And it's shocking that it was Draco Malfoy who understood. I wonder what the reason behind him cutting himself is. I mean I've always been of the impression that his life was perfect; money, parents and anything he ever wanted. I couldn't see why he would start mutilating himself.

But then again everyone thinks I have a perfect life too, well, except for Hermione and the Weasley's and Dumbledore who KNOW I don't. But they don't know the extent of my bad life and I'd like it to stay that way. I mean I know the Weasley's are just being friendly and that they care but I don't want more pity then they already have for me. I don't want it and don't need it! Anyway, the rest of the students are returning tomorrow and the castle will be filled once again and classes will start again. Hopefully things will look up for the start of the term.

Closing the pen in the journal Harry sighed and stood up, setting the journal in his new book bag. He didn't want to be too broody before he went to bed as it normally ending in a restless sleep. Already changed for the night he got into bed and stared up at the canopy wondering what tomorrow will bring.

The students returned the next night around dinner time after the train and thestral driven carriage rides. Harry was sitting in the Great Hall that had been restored to its original state with the four house tables once again setting proudly in their places. Harry himself was sitting at the Gryffindor table unsurprisingly. He was facing the Slytherin table and passing a calm and impassive gaze up and down the table. He briefly rested his eyes on the blonde head of Draco Malfoy who stared back just as calm and impassive before sweeping his gaze around the rest of the hall. The students were just now trickling into the room and Harry heard the loud and boisterous voices of his friends and fellow Gryffindors.

"Oy! Harry how're you mate?" came the bellowing voice of one Ron Weasley as he and Hermione came toward their friend. Harry looked in their direction and gave them that brilliant crooked grin of his as they got near.

"I'm good Ron," he said as Hermione gave him a big hug and Ron patted him on the shoulder with a huge smile. "Thanks for the gifts by the way, you guys. I really liked them," Harry said as the three friends sat down.

"Your welcome mate and thanks for what you got me," Ron said turning slightly pink with a shy smile on his face. Harry had gotten him new Quidditch arm and leg guards and a pair of Quidditch gloves all of good quality.

"Yes Harry, thanks for my gift as well it was very educational and thoughtful." Hermione said with a bright smile as she pulled out the exact book he had gotten her. It was a book on magical creatures and beings and the laws pertaining to them.

"Your welcome guys, it was nothing, really." Harry replied with a small smile and eye roll. Dinner began and everyone ate chatting happily about their holidays and what they did. The Great Hall was filled with happy, raucous chatter as dinner continued. Harry talked to his friends and dorm mates, thanking Neville for the book bag he had gotten him. It was good times and Harry smiled as he gazed at everyone around him chattering happy to their friends. He cast the occasional discreet glance at the Slytherin table, more precisely Draco but no one noticed as he kept himself in conversation when talked to but mostly staying silent.

"So Harry how was your break here at the castle?" Hermione asked as she took a bite of vegetables from her plate, looking at the dark haired boy across from her.

"It was fine Hermione. I basically stayed to myself and read or wrote, didn't really do anything interesting," Harry answered with a shrug. Unless you count becoming on good terms, almost like friends with Draco Malfoy, the boy who tormented us for the last five years, than nothing interesting at all happened! Harry thought sarcastically, stopping himself from snorting at the thought he had. Hermione looked at him for a moment, closely but then nodded her head.

"Have you finished your holiday homework?" she said immediately switching to her 'professor' mode. Harry nodded and looked at her with mock exasperation.

"Yes Hermione! I finished it had lots of time to do so. Did you Ron?" he asked, wanting to take the attention off himself. It worked. Hermione looked at Ron and glared at the red faced boy with a look that said 'you better have'.

"Um, not all of it but Hermione I wanted to enjoy my break besides the work isn't due until the end of the week!" Ron whined.

"Ronald Weasley! You have to be more attentive with your school work. N.E.W.T.s are coming up as you…" Hermione went on but Harry tuned her out happy the attention was off of him. Soon dinner was over and the students departed to their common rooms. The trio walked back to Gryffindor and entered the common room. The night was spent talking happily until the students were tired and decided to head to bed. Tomorrow classes would resume and life would fall back into the pattern of school and classes and homework.

Review Responses:

Wykked As Syn: Thanks for the review I appreciate the encouragment.

butterfly-soul: Glad to hear you love my story, Doll. Thanks for the review.

Draco8448: Thanks for the review. Yeah I know what you mean about some stories starting out and getting the boys shagging and snogging before its really even considered a story. I want to work out a friendship first that will ease into a relationship.

crazy-lil-nae-nae: Thanks for the Review!

Disaray: Thanks!

Silver Angel 7: Well as I've mentioned and don't mind doing again is that I'm easing them into a friendship before I throw them into a relationship of something more. And there will be more jounal enrtries.

GinnyGin: Thanks for the review!

xdisturbedx: Thanks for the review as a recovering cutter myself I'm happy to know it's come out as realistic as I had hoped.

kittylyn: Thanks for the review and honestly it was either do something I love, like writng, or let my depression and sadness consume me and relapse back into cutting. I chose the constructive instead of the destructive.