AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Teen Titans, and neither do you!
Chapter 3
The Titans explained to Raven what had happened five days earlier. They told her how Johnny Rancid had shot her in the heart and how she had nearly died. They told her that Beast Boy stayed with her the whole time and hadn't been to the tower since the incident. It all seemed too much for her to take in, but she didn't exactly have a choice.
They removed her tracheal tube and she was allowed to breathe on her own once more. She couldn't believe five days had passed. Five days of her life were missing, forever. At first, she could not believe them. Then she felt how itchy her head felt from not being washed and how sticky she felt from the build up of sweat from the past five days.
Her biggest shock, though, was when she saw the mass of gauze and bandages nestled in the middle of her chest. That was where the pain was coming from. Her chest had been cut open and fiddled around with. Now the pain from the natural bruising and the stitches was starting to overwhelm her. Thank goodness for morphine.
"So, when can I go home?" asked Raven. It had been two weeks since she had been shot and she was itching to get out of there. She had forced Beast Boy to go home, telling him that she was fine now. He became very stubborn so she summoned Robin and Cyborg to drag him out.
"Not for a long time," said Robin. "You're still not strong enough to leave the hospital."
"But I hate it here," said Raven. "Everything about it is so… uncomfortable."
"I know, but we hafta do what's best for your health," said Cyborg.
"Yes, we must keep your heart from becoming sicker," said Starfire.
"Can't we just transfer her to the med bay in the tower?" asked Beast Boy, who agreed with Raven. The hospital was, without a doubt, very uncomfortable. "I mean, we've got all of the supplies and equipment. We can hire a few nurses to stay with us until she's better."
"Maybe next week," said Robin. "But, for right now, it's best to leave her where she is."
"I'm right here," said Raven. "You don't have to talk about my like I'm still in a coma."
"Sorry," said Robin. "Anyway, we better leave so you can get some more rest."
"I don't want to rest," whined Raven.
"Then why don't ya heal yourself and get outa here sooner?" asked Cyborg.
Raven sighed and said, "I can't."
"Why not?" asked Beast Boy.
"Yes, we are all quite curious as to why you have not helped the doctors by healing yourself," said Starfire.
"My healing abilities are… complicated," said Raven. "I can heal most injuries I sustain, but there are a few parts of myself that I can not touch. My brain and my heart."
"Why not those?" asked Robin.
"Yeah, those are the most important parts of your body," said Cyborg.
"It's simple," said Raven. "My powers came from my father, and with the powers came the control he held over me. And he was in charge of my brain and my heart, for he had to keep me alive long enough to fulfill the prophecy. But, when I defeated him, the power he had over my brain and my heart left. Unfortunately, my healing powers still don't touch them, even though he no longer owns them. That's why I can not heal my heart."
"Then you're going to have to wait for it to heal naturally," said Robin.
"Though, it's never gonna be as strong as it was," said Cyborg.
"I know," said Raven softly, nodding her head. "Maybe you should go now, I'm feeling tired."
"Alright, call us if you need anything and if not we'll come see you tonight," said Robin.
"Sounds good," said Raven and she moved her bed so that she was lying down rather than sitting up. She closed her eyes and settled in for a good nap. She hated feeling so weak and tired, but it was better than being in pain. She always felt odd when she tried to sleep. She could hear her heart beating and she was reminded that it was damaged.
Later that day a nurse came in to change the dressing on her chest. She was usually asleep when they did this, since she was usually resting anyway, and she had never seen the actual stitching beneath the gauze.
As soon as the nurse took the dressing away Raven got a good look at her chest. And she did not like what she saw. She even gave a small gasp at the sight of it. A seven inch slice had been made right between her breasts. And less than a centimeter away from the scar laid the wound from where the bullet had entered her. The scars would be hideous and she knew she only had another reason to keep herself concealed at all times.
Once the new dressing was applied she was left alone. But she did not rest. She simply sat there in bed, staring off aimlessly, thinking. As she sat there, her right hand rubbed the dressing of her chest up and down gingerly, remembering the smoldering scar that lay beneath it. Her life had been changed forever.
How she longed to stand up and walk around, to leave that blasted hospital. She was always cold and she always felt like watchful eyes were following her every movement. She wanted to go back home, to the Titans Tower. She wanted to sleep in her own bed, and, most importantly, she wanted to sleep on her side or on her stomach, which was what she was most comfortable with. Sleeping on her back made her feel stiff, and that was all she was allowed to do what with the injury being right smack dab in the middle of her chest.
She began to grow very quiet, or, quieter. The Titans noticed right away that she was saying very little now and preferred to be left alone with her thoughts. She had a look of depression on her face and a deep sadness within her. This concerned her friends very much. Beast Boy volunteered to try and talk to her to find out what was wrong.
"Raven, are you okay?" asked Beast Boy.
"Yes," she said simply, looking out the window.
"You don't seem okay," said Beast Boy, shaking his head. "You've been really sad lately and I want you to know that I'm here if you wanna talk."
"I don't want to talk," said Raven.
"Well, maybe you don't want to, but talking will make you feel better," said Beast Boy. "Please, tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong, Beast Boy," she said, finally turning to face him. "You don't have to worry. I just feel tired a lot and talking takes a lot out of me." She had a small, fake smile on her face, trying to convince him that his natural instincts were wrong.
"It's more than that," said Beast Boy, not buying the bluff. "Please, you can tell me anything. And I won't tell the others if you don't want me to."
"I told you, I'm fine," said Raven, looking back towards the window. "I'm just… adjusting."
"Adjusting?" he asked, happy that he had made some progress. "To what?"
"To this new life I'm going to have to live," sighed Raven.
"What new life?" asked Beast Boy. "You won't be in the hospital forever, you know. Soon enough you'll be back at the tower and we can all get back to our normal lives. We can forget that this horrible thing ever happened."
"My normal life, which was never normal to begin with, can never be as it was," said Raven. "I'm different now, changed forever. And, therefore, all of our lives have been changed forever. I'm just going to hate being a burden to the team." She looked down at her sheets sadly.
"Burden?" he asked. "You could never be a burden. Look, I know you're still probably having trouble coming to terms with what happened, but once you're home you'll see that everything's okay. Everything is gonna go back to the way it was."
"You don't understand, Beast Boy," Raven sighed. "Nothing is going to be the way it was. You need to accept that."
"Come on, Raven, don't talk like that," said Beast Boy. "Yes, what happened changed our lives forever, but it doesn't have to disrupt our way of life. You have to just think that no matter what happens you'll overcome it. That no matter what happens you won't change."
"It's not that simple," said Raven. "And you will never understand what has happened to me. Now, please leave, I need to sleep." And with that she pulled her sheets up to her chin and closer her eyes, facing away from him.
"Okay, I'll go," said Beast Boy. "But if you want to talk please call me first."
She made no movement to indicate that she had heard him, but he figured she must have. He sighed and left. He didn't like the way she was acting. Sure, he was used to her being quiet and refusing to talk to him. He was used to her hiding facts about herself for the team's safety. He was even used to her not responding to anything he said to her. But he was not used to this depressed air that came with all of this. She was sad and Raven was usually never sad. Angry, annoyed, amused, but never sad or depressed.
As he walked out to his car, the B-car, as it was called, he remembered how close he had come to telling her. Twice now he had nearly revealed his love but was interrupted. And now wasn't the time. He knew that if he told her that he loved her, she would think he was just pitying her or something. And that's not what he wanted at all. He could wait. He had already waited all of this time, it wouldn't kill him to wait a little longer.
She had been in the hospital for a month and now she could finally go home. She refused to stay in the med bay, since it was too much like the hospital. She gave them permission to set up everything she would need in her room. At this point she didn't care if they saw the insides of her room. As long as she went home and slept in her own bed, she would be happy. Or as happy as she could be.
She was still too weak to walk very far, so she had to be moved around in a wheelchair. She felt very helpless as the nurse pushed her down the halls of the hospital, with her friends acting like bodyguards. She could feel everyone staring at her and she focused on the passing white tiles on the floor.
Upon reaching the T-car she knew she would have to be lifted and placed into her seat. What she didn't know was that Beast Boy was the one who was going to do it. She had figured Cyborg, since he was the strongest, but as they reached the car Beast Boy slipped his arms under and around her and lifted her from the chair. Of course, she could have yelled and objected, but, again, she just wanted to go home and she really didn't care anymore.
Once they reached the tower Beast Boy, again, carried her in and to her room. Everything had been set up, so it looked like any hospital room now. Only, a little darker. He lay her down in her bed and she let out a happy sigh.
"Happy to be home?" he asked with a smile.
"You have no idea," said Raven, snuggling into her favorite pillow.
"I'm happy you're home," said Beast Boy. "The tower's felt so empty without you here."
"Why?" asked Raven. "It's not like I make myself known when I'm here, unlike you."
"You may not know it, but you have quite a presence," said Beast Boy. "And when you're not around, we all notice."
"That's nice to know," said Raven, closing her eyes.
Beast Boy watched as she seemed to melt into her bed. She had a small smile on her usually frozen lips and he knew she was happy. For the first time in a month, she was happy.
"Do you need anything?" he asked softly.
"Not right now," she said. "I just want to sleep in my own bed for a little while."
"Okay, but if you do need anything just pull this," said Beast Boy, indicating to a cord that was hanging over Raven.
"And what is that?" asked Raven.
"It's like a paging system," said Beast Boy with a grin. "See, when you pull it it'll make a dinging sound that we can hear anywhere in the tower. Do you wanna try it out?"
"That's okay," said Raven. "I know if I touch it everyone will come running in here asking what's wrong, and I just want to be alone right now."
"Oh, okay," said Beast Boy. "I'll, uh, see ya later then." He gave her one last smile and then left her be. He could understand her wanting to be alone in her room after being under surveillance every moment of every day for a month.
And he was so relieved that she was happy. She had been going through this low period and to see her actually smiling brightened his day completely. He knew she would see that he was right soon. That everything was going to be the way it was before she was shot. Their lives could go on. And he could finally tell her what he had been longing to tell her.
"How is she?" asked Robin.
"She's happy to be home," said Beast Boy with a smile.
"Did ya show her the cord?" asked Cyborg.
"Yeah, though I don't think she'll use it," said Beast Boy.
"Perhaps I shall go see if she would like anything now," said Starfire.
"No, she just wants to sleep," said Beast Boy. "She's just happy to be in her own bed."
"It's so nice to finally have her home," said Cyborg. "I gotta admit, I was worried for a while there."
"We all were," said Robin. "But I think she's going to be okay."
"Oh yeah," said Beast Boy, confidently. "She's gonna be fine. You just wait, soon she'll be meditating all the time and making sarcastic remarks like there's no tomorrow."
"Oh, I shall be so happy when she does!" said Starfire. "I miss her remarks of the sarcasm and her disinterest in everything we find most enjoyable."
"Yeah, that's our Raven," laughed Cyborg.
"So, when's she gonna be well enough to go out and fight again?" asked Beast Boy excitedly.
"Not for a while, Beast Boy," said Robin. "Once we're sure her heart is strong enough, we'll start her on some easy training exercises. If she does well enough we'll slowly increase the amount of difficulty. And if she is able to do fine without any complications, then she can come back and fight with us."
"But that'll take weeks!" said Beast Boy.
"Weeks?" said Cyborg. "B, it's gonna take months, if not a year or two."
"But she has to fight or she'll feel like things have changed," said Beast Boy.
"Things have changed, Beast Boy," said Starfire. "And we must make sure that Raven is healthy enough to do the fighting or she may get hurt."
"No, everything's gonna go back to the way it was," said Beast Boy, stubbornly.
"We didn't say it wasn't," said Cyborg. "But it's gonna take a long time before we get back to the way things were. You gotta be patient."
Beast Boy sighed and said, "Yeah, I know." He just didn't want to. He was sick of all the waiting he had to do all of the time. Time was his enemy, usually. It took too long to pass and once it had everything he loved had changed. He wanted to stop time and keep everything the way it was. But, unfortunately, he did not have that sort of ability.