AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Teen Titans, and neither do you!
Chapter 4
It felt so nice to shower; to stand up and be on your own to wash and cleanse your body. The hot water massaged her and washing away that horrible hospital smell. No longer did she need to wear a bandage over her chest, it had healed. As she stood there, water cascading down her body, she felt her scars. How she wished her healing powers were able to remove scars. But, they couldn't. Her powers helped her to heal. And that was what a scar was, it was healed over skin.
Most of her chest was numb from the nerve damage the doctors had made when they went in. They told her that the feeling should come back, but it would take a very long time. Everything was going to take a very long time.
She slowly followed the seven inch scar with her finger. It was still slightly swollen and little stitching holes could be seen on either side of it. She then placed her finger on the bullet scar. It felt odd to touch it, since the area was completely numb. She closed her eyes and for a moment she imagined that this wasn't her body, that these scars belonged to some other pour soul.
She took her time and when her showering hunger had been satisfied she went to her room to change. She took out a fresh leotard and smiled as she felt the material between her fingers. She hadn't worn her uniform in so long. She slipped it on and just the feel of it made her feel like maybe her life could go back to the way it was before this all happened. Maybe Beast Boy, for the first time in his life, was right.
She went out to the common room to make herself some tea. She hadn't done anything for herself in a month and just knowing she could be independent for a moment made her feel more positive. Sure, she could go sit in her bed and pull the paging cord and have someone else do it, but she wanted to be herself again. She wanted to take care of herself.
She had been home for a week now and they hadn't even let her lift a finger. Cyborg was constantly checking up on her vitals and making sure her heart was doing well. She was becoming stronger, but that didn't mean her friends worried any less. Robin went over her training for when she was strong a dozen times to make sure she knew exactly what to expect. Starfire would barge in and force her into 'girl time', which was worse than being in the hospital.
Beast Boy was different, though. She had expected him to try to cheer her up with a few bad jokes and try to talk her into playing some videogames. That was what he always did when he was upset or felt bad for someone. But he always asked if he could spend time with her, he didn't just barge in. And he only wanted to talk to her, and only if she wanted to. Sometimes he would push her, but it was the fact that he only wanted to chat was what made Raven look at him differently.
Currently her friends were out taking care of a robbery. She had heard the alarm go off and Beast Boy had filled her in before they left. He always told her what was going on, which she was very appreciative of. She hated being in the dark about anything. Even in the hospital he would come in right after a battle, still sweaty and bruised, to tell her all about it. He wanted her to feel normal, and she was more thankful for that alone than anything else.
It was the fact that they were gone that energized her. She knew that as long as they weren't around she could get up and do whatever she wanted. Her first stop was the shower and now the tea. In a way she hoped they wouldn't be back soon, but of course she didn't wish for them to have a difficult mission. She just hoped that they would take care of the robbery and go for pizza or something. Leave her be for an hour at least.
She sat on the couch and sipped her tea in pure bliss. It was a nice day out and she happily stared out of the large windows of the tower watched the clouds float by. Silence surrounded her and she soaked it in. It had been so long since she had nothing but silence around her. Even when she tried to go to sleep at night the sound of her heart monitors constant beeping echoed in her ears.
She suddenly felt rather dizzy and faint. She nearly fell over, but it faded away. She found this odd, but she shrugged it off. She decided to be daring and try to catch up on her meditation. Her friend didn't know that that was the reason she felt so weak all of the time. It really had nothing to do with her heart. All of her energy was going into keeping her emotions under control. They must have forgotten that if she really was upset something would have exploded by now.
She crossed her legs and slowly levitated into the air. Just the feel of being airborne sent pleasant shivers down her spine. She closed her eyes and began to recite her mantra. "Azerath… metrion… zynthos…" she said softly. She repeated her three words over and over, feeling everything melt away. All of her cares and worries were fading away as she become one with herself.
Hours passed and finally her teammates, scratched up and tired, returned. At first they didn't notice Raven levitating there, nor did she notice them. She was too deep in concentration to even hear Beast Boy's groaning as they all entered. Starfire was the one who noticed her.
"Raven, you are up!" she exclaimed.
Ravens mind seemed to be shattered and she gasped, collapsing back down onto the couch. Her heart was racing and she suddenly felt a horrible pain surrounding it. She grabbed her chest and winced as the sharp pain stabbed at her. She slowly breathed in and out and waited for her heart to calm down. The pain began to fade away.
"What are you doing out of bed?" asked Robin.
"I'm not sick, I'm just slightly weak," said Raven in an unhappy voice. "And you can't expect me to get strong if you don't allow me out of my room."
"You okay?" asked Cyborg, concerned. "You're lookin a little flushed."
"Well I was in deep meditation until someone broke it," she said, looking at Starfire.
"I am sorry," said Starfire. "I was just… stunned to see you out here."
"It's okay," said Raven, slowly standing up. "Just don't sneak up on me, any of you. My emotions are barely being controlled and if you startle me I could blow something up." 'And my heart may kill me,' she thought.
"Well, now that you're up, we'll keep that in mind," said Robin.
"So when am I going to be allowed out of the tower?" asked Raven.
"Out of the tower?" asked Beast Boy, nervously. "Like… outside?"
"What's your definition of out of the tower?" asked Raven.
"Well, I guess you can go out if you want," said Robin. "But I would really feel better if at least one of us went with you. Just in case something happens. Does that sound fair?"
"As long as I get to get out of here, yes," said Raven. "Who wants to go out with me then? I just want to go to a café to read."
"Oh, I shall go!" said Starfire, excitedly.
"No, I'll go with her," said Beast Boy.
"I don't need two of you," said Raven.
Starfire and Beast Boy now were in a stare down to see who was going with Raven. Robin nudged Starfire and she remembered that Beast Boy was in love with Raven.
"Oh, uh, I can not go," said Starfire.
"Why not?" asked Raven.
"Because I, uh, must… must give Silkie a bath!" she said, proud to think of a reason. "Yes, that is it, it is bath time for Silkie."
"Uh… okay," said Raven. "Let's go, Beast Boy."
"Just let me change into a fresh uniform and I'll be right back," he said with a large smile and bolted out of the room.
"Aren't ya a little worried about spendin time with Beast Boy?" asked Cyborg, curious to hear her response.
"Not really," said Raven. "He's been oddly tame around me. I think my being shot really scared him. In fact, I think he may have a little PTSD."
"Please, what is the PTSD?" asked Starfire.
"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," said Robin. "And I don't think he has that."
"Well I think he does," said Raven. "He hasn't been himself lately and it worries me."
"Don't worry, he's just tame around you," said Cyborg with a smile. "He's the same old grass stain when he's with us."
"Alright, I'm ready!" Beast Boy announced as he sprinted back into the room.
"Good, let's go," said Raven and with that the two left.
"Cyborg, you have done the lying to Raven," Starfire scolded. "Beast Boy has not been his usual self."
"I know, but that's because he's in love with her," said Cyborg. "And he hasn't told her yet, so we have to pretend that nothin's going on."
"When the hell is he going to tell her?" asked Robin. "She nearly died and he still hasn't said anything."
"He said he's waitin for the right moment," said Cyborg.
"Why does a moment matter?" asked Starfire. "The moment he proclaims his love to her shall be the right moment. So it shall not come until he says it."
"Hey, he said he's got it all under control," said Cyborg. "So let's just keep out of it. We don't even know how she'll react when she finds out."
"Should she not be happy?" asked Starfire.
"She should be, but you know her and Beast Boy have never had the smoothest of friendships," said Robin. "That's why she's freaked out right now, because she can actually tolerate him. Who knows what'll happen when she finds out he's in love with her."
Raven took a seat down at her favorite table in the café. It felt so good to be out in public again, not in a closed in room. She was, however, getting rather tired of strangers walking up to her to say how glad they were that she was okay. Until then, she hadn't even been aware that anyone outside of the Titans knew about what happened.
"Are you kidding?" Beast Boy chuckled. "You made the front page of the newspaper three days in a row!"
"Please tell me you're not serious," said Raven.
"Wish I could," said Beast Boy, shrugging.
"What pictures did they use?" asked Raven. "Not of me unconscious in bed, I hope."
"No, of course not," said Beast Boy. "Actually, I saved them so you can see them when we go back home. And I taped every special report they did on you on the news."
"I never knew I was such a celebrity," said Raven, sipping the tea that had just been served to her.
"Celebrity nothing!" said Beast Boy. "Everyone thinks you're a hero."
"A hero?" asked Raven. "I didn't do anything heroic, I was shot."
"Yeah, but you were shot in the line of duty," said Beast Boy. "Therefore, everything thinks you're a hero."
"Well that's just ridiculous," said Raven plainly.
"Well we have thousands of get well cards and flowers and teddy bears that say otherwise," said Beast Boy with a grin.
"And just where is all of this?" asked Raven.
"Well, we donated the stuffed animals to the children's wing and the flowers went to all of the new mothers in the maternity ward," said Beast Boy. "The cards are in six boxes in the storage closet. So you can go through them when you want."
"I'll have a look tonight, I suppose," said Raven, sipping her tea and opening her book.
Beast Boy smiled and took a sip of his hot chocolate. Raven began to read and he knew he had to find something to do. He looked around and saw that the café had a small library. He went over and scanned through it. After about ten minutes of looking through a selection of twenty books, he chose one.
"What did you chose?" asked Raven, not looking up from her book.
"I'm not exactly sure," said Beast Boy. "But it's got a lion drawn on the cover."
"That one has to do with medieval times," said Raven, slightly chuckling. "It may be a little… advanced for you. Not to mention it's basically a love story."
"Oh, so you've read it," he said.
"How else would I know what it was about?" asked Raven.
"I didn't know you read mushy books," said Beast Boy, smirking.
"I read all sorts of books," she said simply. "In fact, I've read all of the books in this café. That's why I have to bring my own now."
"Well, if you've read them all, can you tell me which one I should read?" asked Beast Boy.
"You should read all of them," said Raven. "Reading will expand your mind."
"My mind is plenty expanded, thank you," said Beast Boy smiling.
"Oh yes, how silly of me, of course it is," she said sarcastically and turned a page in her book.
He smiled and watched her silently for a few seconds. She was so beautiful and so smart. He could stare at her for hours, even if she was only reading. He could see her absorbing all of the information she read, increasing her intelligence with every word within every sentence. In a way, he felt inadequate to her. And, in a way, he knew he was. He would never be as sharp and brilliant as her, even if he started reading three books every day for the rest of his life.
"You know, you have to open your book in order to read it," said Raven. "I would hope you wouldn't need instructions on how to work a book."
"Oh, yeah," he said. He opened it up and began to thumb through it. About three pages in he knew she was right. It was definitely too advanced for him. He put it back on the bookshelf and looked around for something else.
After a while he gave up and decided to just people watch while Raven read. Though that wasn't very entertaining since everyone was just sitting and drinking their expensive caffeine filled drinks. The truth was that he was just pretending to watch the people around him. He continued to watch Raven in all her silent glory.
'Soon,' he thought. 'I'll tell her soon. I can tell that the perfect moment is coming. What is she gonna say when I tell her? Probably nothing. She'll probably just stand there in shock and then hit me with something. He he, she's so predictable sometimes. But, maybe deep down inside, she likes me too. Yeah, I know, it's a long shot, but for now it's all I've got. But I've got to tell her soon. Before anything else bad happens. Before I regret not telling her when I had the chance. Soon. I'll tell her soon.'
Nearly an hour had passed and Raven was reading quite peacefully when she felt that dizziness return. She didn't want to draw attention to herself, but she had to grab the table to keep her self from falling over. Luckily, Beast Boy was absorbed in watching a mother give her three year old a coffee because she wouldn't stop crying. Raven took a few deep breaths and felt the weakness and dizziness fade away.
"Well, I'm ready to go home now," she said.
"You sure?" asked Beast Boy.
"Yeah, I'm tired," said Raven. "And I have all of those lovely get well cards to go through."
Beast Boy chuckled and stood up. Raven did the same as he and picked her book up. As she did the bookmark fell out and floated to the floor. Raven sighed and bent down to get it.
"I'll get it," said Beast Boy, bending down to grab the bookmark.
They both reached it at the same time and their hands, for the briefest of moments, touched. Beast Boy felt a spark shoot through his body and he slightly shivered. Raven felt her heart race and with that came a sharp pain. She let go of the bookmark and winced.
"You okay?" he asked, seeing the sudden change in her.
She was quiet for a moment and then said, "Yeah, I'm fine." She slowly stood up and took a few deep breaths in. Beast Boy slowly stood up and handed her the bookmark. She quietly took it and tucked it into her book.
"Thanks," she said, not looking at him.
"No problem," said Beast Boy with a small smile.
And with that they headed back to the tower. Beast Boy couldn't help smiling as they walked to the car. They had had a moment, even if it was only for three seconds. It had happened and if he felt something, does that mean she felt it too? Raven was not as happy as he drove her back to the tower. The pain in her chest had gone away, but it only reminded her that she was still weak. And she knew that the dizziness and weakness must have been from her heart as well. But she didn't want to think about.