I was just relaxing when I got a text from Isa.
It was just a link.
A link to the final sentence about my dad.
She really was a good friend for being invested. I guess. You know, checking up on me and everything.
But my chest felt tight before I even opened it.
As I read the page, it felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of my body. Now I knew what Mom hadn't wanted me to read.
Maybe her protectiveness was good sometimes.
I needed Mom. Now. I tried to compose myself.
I knew Callie was over, and I didn't want to cry.
I didn't know if I could stop myself, though.
This was a lot.
"Mom Mom Mom I..." I said when I opened my bedroom door. My voice faded. I thought I had been yelling, but in reality, I wasn't speaking very loudly.
Luckily, Mom and Callie were in the living room. The apartment wasn't that big. They heard me.
"Olive?" Mom turned her head. "Ok, why are you... what's wrong?" Suddenly Mom's arms were around me.
"I can't..." I told her. I felt too many emotions. Angry? Yup. Sad? A little. Annoyed? Yes. Terrified? 1000%.
"Okay, okay." Mom rubbed my back.
"What can I do?" Callie asked.
"Breathe, Olive. You gotta tell me what's wrong." Mom whispered.
I closed my eyes, momentarily stopping the room from spinning around me. "The article. Dad. Isa texted..." I took a shaky breath.
"Oh. Baby..." Mom's voice was sad.
"The... the sentence." I opened my eyes again. Less dizzy. Mom led me to the couch.
"Here." Callie must've googled it, because she passed Mom her phone.
Mom took it, scrolling. I leaned back against the couch, my eyes meeting Callie's sad, sympathetic brown eyes.
I looked away after a moment.
"Oh god." Mom said quietly.
I bit my cheek, just waiting.
"Honey." Mom hugged me again, giving Callie back her phone. I saw Callie immediately start scrolling.
"I hate him." I said quietly.
Mom took a deep breath. "That's okay. It's ok to feel that way."
"I hate him so much." I didn't know if I wanted to yell or cry. My voice was flat. Little emotion.
Mom didn't say anything, she just rubbed my back.
"Why is he so..." I sighed.
"I don't know. I'm sorry. I wish I could change it." Mom said softly.
"It's not-" I felt my frustration boiling up. Mom kept apologizing. It wasn't her fault. I didn't want her to apologize on his behalf. I hated that she felt like she had to. It pissed me off.
"Liv..." Mom sighed.
"It's not your fault. Don't apologize for him. You know he doesn't- care how I feel or... how you feel... or anything. He doesn't care. Stop apologizing." My voice came across as far harsher than I wanted it to be, and I saw Mom bite her lip.
"I know." She whispered finally. "You're right- I need to stop."
I leaned back against the couch, tears forming in my eyes. Now I had yelled at Mom. And I was pissed about Dad.
Why was I such an emotional wreck.
Not to mention Callie was just standing there, not sure what to say or do.
Was I scaring her away?
Too many emotions?
"Olivia. What can I do to help you?" Mom asked.
I let out a breath. I didn't know. Nothing. There was nothing. My Dad sucked. I had to deal with that. It wasn't Mom's fault.
"Hm?" Mom waited for an answer.
"I don't know." I mumbled. It was true. I didn't know.
Mom frowned at that. I knew that wasn't what she wanted for an answer. But, what was I supposed to say?
I looked over at Callie, "I'm sorry." I felt bad. She and Mom were hanging out. I kind of interrupted that. And I was just throwing a lot of emotions around.
"What? No reason to be sorry Liv." Callie sat down. "It's understandable why you are upset."
I sighed. Both of them were so nice.
"I hate him." I said again.
I guess I had a lot of pent up anger. I kept feeling like I had to say that.
Mom let out a breath. "Me too."
"Yeah?" I looked at her.
"Yeah. I hate that he lied and... he put you in danger and I-" Mom ran her hands through her hair, expressing some stress.
"I hate that he treated you badly." I finished for her.
Her shoulders slumped, the anger turning into something else. Something more raw.
"I hate that too, honey." Mom whispered.
I felt that tension relieving itself. My chest didn't feel so tight.
I wasn't alone.
"I don't want to see anything else about him. I don't... I don't care." Just like he doesn't care about me.
"Okay." Mom nodded. "I'm sure now that he- his case is over, the news articles will slow down."
"I don't want to see it." I said again. I felt like I had to... emphasize I guess. I don't know why.
"You don't have to!" Mom said quickly. "You don't have to. Don't feel like you have to." She tilted her head sympathetically.
I just nodded a little. She was right. I didn't have to.
I stayed quiet, but I felt Mom and Callie's eyes on me. I just thought about what I would have to say to Isa.
I know she is just trying to be nice. She didn't mean to upset me.
But, I don't want her sending me things.
I would've been perfectly fine not knowing that his sentence was in place.
I didn't care.
I had to have that same mindset that he does. He could not care less about me.
So.
I could not care less about him.