AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Teen Titans, and neither do you!
Chapter 7
A familiar sound filled her ears. The same sound that had lulled her to sleep for months. It was the rhythmic beeping of one of the many machines that made sure she was still alive. She slowly opened her eyes and knew she was correct. She wondered if this was real or she was suffering from a flashback before death took her. She moved her eyes about the room and saw that it was a different room, not the one she had stayed in for a month. This must have been real. She must have been alive.
"Welcome back," said a familiar voice.
She turned her head and saw Beast Boy sitting by her bed, a small smile on his face. "Beast Boy?"
"Hey," he said, scooting a little closer. He took his communicator out and flipped it open. "She's awake."
"Okay, we'll be right there," said Robin's voice.
"What happened?" asked Raven.
"You had a heart attack," said Beast Boy. "After you passed out your heart stopped completely."
"It did?" asked Raven.
"Yeah, you were legally dead for three minutes," said Beast Boy. "Luckily Cyborg was able to get a pulse right before the ambulance finally arrived. Stupid guy got lost on the way to the scene."
"How long have I been out?" asked Raven fearfully.
"Uh," said Beast Boy, looking at the clock on the wall. "About nine hours."
"Well, that's considerably shorter than last time," she said.
"I'll say," said Beast Boy. "You really have to stop scaring us like this. Why didn't you tell us you were having problems?"
"I didn't want you to think I was weak," said Raven, ashamed.
"So you risked your life?" asked Beast Boy. "Raven, you actually died this time! For three minutes I thought you were gone forever, do you have any idea how scared I was? How scared all of us were? You should have said something."
"I know," said Raven, tears falling from her eyes and the blinds of her window shaking and then falling from their hinges to the floor. Her emotions were taking over. "I just… I don't want to be like this. I shouldn't feel pain every time my heart beats a little faster than normal."
"No, of course not," said Beast Boy. "And that's why you should have told us so we could help you before it got to this point. The doctor said that your heart's been strained so badly it's even weaker now. So you have to take it easy."
Just then her room door opened and her three other friends came in. They each looked much better than they had when she had first seen them after she'd been shot. Even Beast Boy looked a little more optimistic. Did that mean that perhaps her situation wasn't as horrible as it seemed?
"Well, look who finally decided to join the land of the livin," joked Cyborg.
"Raven, you feel better now, correct?" asked Starfire.
"I suppose," said Raven sadly as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
"Boy, did you cut it close," said Robin.
"Yeah, I heard," said Raven. "So now what?"
"Well, we've talked with the doctor and he's told us that because of the trauma your heart's been through it's very weak," said Robin. "Also, it's beating very irregularly. That's why you've been having dizzy spells as well."
"How did you know that?" asked Raven.
"Come on, Raven, how could we not notice you fallin over every once in a while?" said Cyborg. "Anyway, because of all of this we're positive that you're heart has been permanently damaged."
"Oh, well that's just great," said Raven, quite upset.
"But, do not worry friend," said Starfire.
"Why not?" asked Raven.
"Because there is a solution!" said Starfire.
"You're getting a pacemaker," said Beast Boy with a smile.
"Excuse me?" asked Raven.
"A pacemaker," said Cyborg. "It's this little device that'll keep your heart beating at a…"
"I know what it is!" Raven yelled.
"Raven, calm down," said Robin firmly.
Raven huffed and calmed down. "I don't want one," she said.
"But it shall keep your heart healthy," said Starfire.
"I don't care!" said Raven. "I'm too young to have a pacemaker!"
"Age has nothin to do with it," said Cyborg. "It's your heart that matters. And right now it's not functionin properly and it won't unless you get a pacemaker."
"No!" said Raven, crossing her arms. "This is ridiculous. My heart just needs a little more time to heal, that's all."
"Raven, you're heart is as healed as it's gonna be," said Beast Boy in a concerned voice. "I'm sorry, but this is the only way to keep you from having another heart attack. And the doctor said that the next one will most likely kill you."
Raven felt tears well up in her eyes and all of the machines monitoring her vitals blew up, causing the sirens of her room to sound off. The nurses quickly ran in, but Robin turned them away, explaining the situation.
"My heart will heal," she said looking down at the clean white sheets of her bed. "I just… I just need more time."
"Raven, you have no more time!" said Cyborg.
"Please, why do you resist?" asked Starfire. "This shall make you well. Do you not want to be well again?"
"Can't I at least try some heart medication first?" she asked.
"The doctor said that this is beyond medication," said Robin. "You have to remember that you were shot, Raven. You're lucky to be alive as it is. Yes, we know this is extreme, but it's our only surefire answer to keeping you alive and healthy. Trust me, if we thought there was another alternative we would have considered it first. But we've talked things over with the doctor and we've all agreed that a pacemaker will restore your heart so that it functions properly and allow you to basically live your old life again."
"Isn't that what you want?" asked Beast Boy.
Raven could feel all of their eyes resting on her and it was all too much. She didn't want a pacemaker, only overweight men who abused their bodies needed pacemakers! She was a healthy young woman who had just left her teenage years. If she got a pacemaker then she was admitting defeat; she was saying that she was weak. She couldn't have that. She didn't want that.
She turned on her side, so she wouldn't have to face them, and began to weep. She curled up and sobbed like they had never seen her cry before. The lights in the room overcharged and exploded, leaving them only with the light from the blindless window.
They decided to leave her alone for a while so she could think. Even Beast Boy left so she could calm down. They were not happy with her reaction at all. They had expected this to be the answer to their prayers, but she was being horribly stubborn.
They were, of course, very upset with her for not telling them that she had been in pain for so long. They had ignorantly thought that if she said nothing than she must have been fine. Even Beast Boy, with all of the warnings his instincts had been giving him, had convinced himself that she was fine. She was the old Raven again. Now it was clear that that Raven had died and now they had a new Raven on their team.
Hours passed and the time was coming close where she had to make a decision. The doctor had made room to do the procedure that night; since it was better they do it as soon as possible. She had to give consent soon or they would have to make another appointment weeks later.
"No one's going to treat you any different," said Robin.
"Bullshit," said Raven, wiping a tear from her eye. "You'll all treat me like I'm a porcelain doll or something."
"At first, yeah," said Cyborg. "But once you're body gets used to it you can be just like your old self again. You won't have to worry about it beating too fast or too slow."
"I won't be able to go out on missions anymore," said Raven.
"Without it, definitely not," said Robin. "But with it you will."
"Every villain will know my weakness," said Raven. "I'll be too easy to take down, and then I'll do nothing but burden you."
"We'll work around that," said Robin.
"Raven, please," begged Starfire. "Get the pace-maker device."
"We don't want to lose you again," said Beast Boy. "If you don't get this done then you are signing your death certificate. Please don't do that to us. Please don't do that to yourself. Please."
Raven could swear that Beast Boy had tears in his eyes. She looked around the room and saw that all of her friends were ready to tear up as well. She knew that all that they were saying was true. She knew that she wouldn't survive for very long without it. She had to choose. Should she live a few more weeks because she's stubborn or live a full life with the knowledge that she's weak?
She squinted her eyes and felt some more tears escape. "Alright, I'll do it," she said at last.
All four Titans let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you," said Beast Boy.
"I'll go tell the doctor," said Cyborg and he left.
"And don't worry about the surgery," said Robin. "It's very simple. You should go home tomorrow."
"Now that's better than a month, right?" said Beast Boy with a small smile.
Raven said nothing, she just closed her eyes and shook her head, not believing she was going to allow this to happen. Beast Boy took her hand and tried to comfort her. And she did not pull away. She just didn't care anymore. Why should she? She was admitting defeat. She felt like a coward. And, most of all, she felt weak.
She was in and out in about an hour's time. The surgery had gone very smoothly and they had every reason to believe she would be perfectly fine now. They had to keep her overnight to monitor how it was working and make sure no complications arose. When she woke up she felt a horrible pain in her chest, but that was from the surgery. She looked down and saw that right under her collarbone on the left side of her chest there was a lump and a few inches from it laid bandages to cover up where the insertion had been made.
The night went by without a problem and the next day she was allowed to go home. She was actually allowed to walk out of the hospital. She hadn't said more than two words since coming out of surgery, but they knew that that was because she was still contemplating her decision. They kept assuring her that she had made the right decision.
As soon as she made it home she locked herself in her room. She sat on her bed and tried to get used to the new feeling of the pacemaker. She could feel it ticking within her, but the doctor said that she would get used to it with time and after a while wouldn't even notice it. She looked in her mirror and saw the lump that was pacemaker. Luckily, her leotard would cover it up, as well as the new scar. She wondered what the new scar would look like, but she wouldn't be able to see for a little while.
She sat on her bed silently and thought about what her life had become. A year ago she had been the dark mistress of magic; mysterious, unique, and virtually unstoppable. Sure, she could be taken down in battle, but that was only because she limited her powers as to not destroy anything. They all knew that if she ever snapped, she had the ability to destroy the very Earth if she wanted to. She had held that sort of power since she was a small child.
Now she looked at herself and the tears poured from her eyes. She was nothing like the Raven she was known to be. Now she was weak and crippled. Her heart could not even beat correctly on its own. Her chest was covered with horrible, hideous scars that taunted her every time she looked in the mirror. How could her life possibly get any worse? Even death would've been a welcome relief at this point.
"Please, Raven will be better soon, yes?" asked Starfire in a worried tone. Raven had been in her room for two days now and she refused to see anyone.
"She's fine, Star, she's just very unhappy," said Cyborg.
"And what can we do to make her happy?" asked Starfire.
"Reverse time and stop Johnny Rancid from shooting her," said Beast Boy.
"Shall I fetch Warp's time clock device?" asked Starfire.
"He didn't mean it, Star," said Robin.
"Yes I did," Beast Boy sighed. "But, I know we can't tamper with time again, so that's out." Beast Boy was in the kitchen making her some tea. He needed to talk to her, to make her feel better.
He softly knocked on her door said, "Raven?" He waited but he did not receive a response. "Can I come in?"
"Do what you want," he heard her mutter softly.
He slid her door open and stepped inside. She was meditating, hovering above her bed. He closed her door and made his way over to her.
"I made you some tea," said Beast Boy sweetly.
"That wasn't necessary," she said sharply. "I'm quite capable of getting my own tea."
"I know, but you've been in here for two days," said Beast Boy. "I just figured you could use something to fill your stomach."
"I don't need you to take care of me," she growled. "If I wanted some tea I would have gotten it myself."
"Oh," said Beast Boy, his ears drooping. He placed it on her bedside table and said, "Well, if you want it it's right here." He stood in front of her and watched as she continued to meditate. He hated the feelings that were coming off of her; all negative and full of despair and anger.
"Why can't you understand that I don't want you here?" she practically yelled.
"I'm just trying to help you feel better," he said coolly.
"Nothing will make me feel better," she said angrily. "So just leave me alone."
"Look, I know you're upset about this whole pacemaker thing, but if you give it some time you'll see that this was the best thing for you," said Beast Boy.
"I am not upset," she said through her teeth, causing a pillow on her bed to explode.
"Come on, Raven, it's okay to be upset," said Beast Boy. "You're dealing with a lot of stuff and if you talk about it then you'll feel better."
Raven fell from her spot in the air and landed on her bed. She placed her face in her hands and let out a groan of absolute frustration. "Get out!" she screamed. "Just get out and leave me alone!"
"Okay," said Beast Boy, backing up. "I'm going. Just don't feel like you have to hide from us. If you want to do everything on your own, then just do it. We're not going to stop you. We know you're strong and capable." And with that said he left her alone.
Raven sat on her bed and thought about what he had said. Did they really think she was alright to do things on her own? They weren't going to baby her? She looked over to the tea and suddenly felt weak from hunger. She grabbed it and sipped the still warm liquid greedily. He had made it perfectly.
Beast Boy sat down outside of Ravens room. He just wanted to be there, to be close to her. If anything were to happen to her again he was going to be there to help her. He never wanted her to leave his sight again, and he knew that that wasn't what she wanted. So he would have to keep a close eye on her without her knowing it. That was the only way he'd be able to protect her without her feeling inadequate.