AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Teen Titans, and neither do you!

Chapter 8

That first week had been the hardest for her. Not because of soreness or anything, but because she wasn't allowed to shower. She had to have Starfire wash her hair in the sink and then she would wash her body down with a washcloth. Oh yeah, her life really was improving. But then she realized that the week had gone by and she had not once felt any pain. Just that ticking in her chest, which she gradually got used to and only felt when she remembered it was within her.

She was finally able to remove the bandages and see the scar that had been left. It was about two and a half inches long and resided about an inch away from where the pacemaker was. After she had gotten a good look at it she quickly dressed so that she didn't have to see it any longer.

Slowly she began to fall back into her routine and acted as if all was well and normal. But when the alarm went off she stayed behind. Seven missions; that was all her heart could handle on its own. Actually, it couldn't even handle seven. She was reminded of this every time the siren went off.

Robin told her that she was fine to come out with them, but she declined. She felt that it was too dangerous for her. She could be easily taken down with a slight shock of electricity or a cell phone. She really didn't want to be a burden to the team, so she would rather just stay behind.

It pained her friends to see her like this. Slowly the weeks passed and she remained extremely quiet and closed off from them. She would read in the common room while they watched television, but she never acknowledged that they were there. She lived in her own little world now; a numb world where she could not be touched by anything. Reality turned out to be too painful, so she escaped as often as possible. She would go out to her favorite café alone and not come home for hours, claiming that she lost track of the time.

And now Aqualad's birthday party had come. This was the day that had scared her the most. She knew that there was no way she couldn't go, all of their friends wanted to see her. She hadn't seen any of them since she had been shot and it was important to them that they could see their injured friend. But she refused to wear a bathing suit. Come Hell or high water, she was not going to wear a bathing suit.

"I don't even own one!" said Raven. They were leaving for the Titans East in an hour and it was going to be a long drive, so they were putting their suits on now.

"But, Raven, you purchased one," said Starfire. "Don't you remember?"

"No," said Raven sternly.

"Yes, the day your heart had the attack we went to the mall and bought clothing," said Starfire. "And you and I bought bathing suits. I shall fetch yours."

"That doesn't mean I'm going to wear it!" she called after the happy alien.

"Come on, Raven, everyone's gonna be wearin one," said Cyborg.

"You're not!" she said.

"Well, no, but I don't really have a choice," said Cyborg.

"And even Robin's wearing one," said Beast Boy. "You'll stand out if you don't wear one."

"I'll stand out if I do," she said under her breath.

Starfire returned with the black one piece bathing suit. "Here you are," she said with a smile.

"I already told you I'm not putting this on," growled Raven.

"Come on, Raven, you'll see you have nothing to be embarrassed about when you see everyone else wearing one," said Robin. "And you can wear it under some clothes so if you really don't want to show it off you can just stay clothed."

"I don't own any clothes," said Raven crossing her arms.

"Yes you do, I shall fetch them as well," said Starfire flying back out of the room the get the clothes Raven had been forced to purchase that day.

Raven groaned and felt like she was fighting a losing battle. Starfire returned and gave Raven the bag of clothes she had bought. Raven snatched it away angrily and stormed off to her room. They knew she was not going to be pleasant company that day, but getting out with their friends would be good for her.

She poured the clothing onto her bed and went through it. It was all items that Starfire had chosen for her. Granted, it was somewhat dark. The colors ranged from black to dark purple. But, still, it was not her style at all. It was tight and the shirts had cute little sayings or pictures on them.

She grabbed the black bathing suit and slipped it on. She had her back to her mirror and she did not want to turn around. She knew what she saw wasn't going to be pretty. But her curiosity got the better of her and slowly she turned. She kept her eyes closed and once she was fully turned around she slowly opened them up.

She saw a pale girl with scars covering her chest and lump resting just under her collarbone on the left side of her chest. How could a body look any uglier? What kind of a superhero was she to be so covered with scars? She felt her eyes fill with tears and turned away from the mirror. How could she go out there, knowing that only a shirt covered this shame of hers?

The team waited for twenty minutes and still Raven had not returned. Beast Boy volunteered to go see what was taking her. He, himself, had a pair of blue swimming trunks on and a whit tee-shirt. He couldn't wait to get to the party and show off how much better he was at swimming than the birthday boy.

He knocked on her door and said, "Raven, you ready yet?"

"I'm not going," she said in a tearful voice.

"Not this again," Beast Boy sighed to himself. "Come on, Raven, you gotta go."

"I don't care," said Raven softly through her door. "I just… I can't."

"Yes you can," said Beast Boy. "Now come on."

"Just go!" said Raven, her crying coming through entirely now. "Tell them I'm having a bad day or something."

"Raven, what's wrong?" asked Beast Boy. "You can tell me."

She was quiet for a moment and then said, "No."

Beast Boy knew that the correct thing to do was turn around and leave her be. He knew that he should respect her wishes. But his own heart told him that the right thing to do was go in there and make sure she was okay. For all he knew she was having another heart attack and she was just hiding it. He couldn't let that happen; he wouldn't let it happen. He slid her door open and entered.

She sat on the edge of her bed, her arms crossed and holding each of her shoulders, hiding her chest. She knew that he was there and he had entered against her will but she couldn't tell him to leave. She couldn't do anything anymore. These scars defined who she was now. Weak and a coward; unable to keep her own body alive.

He got down in front of her and said, "Rae, please talk to me."

She sadly looked to him and he saw her tear filled eyes. "I can't go out there," she said.

"Why not?" he asked softly.

"Because… of this," she said, lowering her arms so he could see her chest. None of her friends had gotten a good look at her chest, since it was either covered by bandages or she had hid it beneath her leotard.

For a moment, Beast Boy was shocked, but only because he had never seen these scars before. He saw the line that went down her chest and the scar that had formed where the bullet had entered her. He saw the outline of the pacemaker just under her skin and the newest scar from the insertion of the device. He looked to her eyes and saw only sadness.

"So?" he said.

"So?" she said. "So look at me! How can I go out there with these… things covering me?"

"We've all got scars, Raven," he said comfortingly. "They come with living life. There's not a person in the world that doesn't have at least one scar."

"But mine aren't from falling off of a bicycle," she said. "Mine are from all of the mistakes I made. They're a reminder of how stupid and cowardly I am."

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Beast Boy. "Raven, you're the smartest, bravest person I've ever met! Don't you ever say anything different."

"I don't want to go out there," she said shaking her head. "They're all going to stare at me."

"So? Who cares what they think," said Beast Boy. "You should be proud of these marks. They're proof that you're so strong you've outrun death twice now! Who wouldn't want to brag about that?"

"I don't want to brag about being shot and having a heart attack!" she said quite upset. "I'm ashamed that it happened to me, not proud."

"Raven, you shouldn't be ashamed of anything," said Beast Boy. "And you shouldn't be self conscious of your scars."

"How can I not be?" asked Raven. "They're so… ugly!"

Beast Boy sighed and thought for a moment. He then pulled his tee-shirt off and turned a little the right. "You see that?" he asked as he indicated to a six inch scar on his side. He then looked around at his left arm and then pointed to another scar. "Or that?" He showed her his knee that looked like it had been scraped up and then healed over. "How about this?" He then turned around revealed three little scars on the right side of his back. "Isn't that one good? See? We've all got scars, Raven."

"Where did you get them?" she asked, looking at them with concern.

"Where else? In battle, of course," he said, putting his shirt back on. "And I'm not ashamed of them or anything."

"Yours aren't out where everyone can see them," said Raven sadly.

"They will be when I go swimming," said Beast Boy. "And do you think I care at all?"

"Well that's you!" said Raven. "I'm different. I hated my body already and now I've got these disgusting scars covering it. And I know that everyone will either stare or avoid me altogether."

"Well it doesn't matter what they think!" said Beast Boy. "Raven, you never cared what people thought before. Why should now be any different? Besides, I'm looking at you right now and I'm neither staring nor avoiding you. Because I know that no matter how many scars or changes your body goes through, you'll always be Raven."

"I don't feel like Raven," she said, looking down shamefully.

"You are Raven," he said, lifting her face so she would look at him. "And no bullet, pacemaker, or scar is ever going to change that. You're the only one who can change who you are, nothing else."

Raven looked at him silently for a minute, and then wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly to her. Beast Boy was rather shocked at this, but he quickly wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back. He could feel the device in her chest pressing up against his own and he could just feel it ticking. It was an odd sensation, but for the first time he felt like he was sharing her pain and her struggle.

'Now,' he thought. 'This is it you fool! Tell her now!'

"Raven?" he said softly, gently pulling him self away from her. She looked like she was ready to cry again, but was doing her best not to. "There's been something I've been trying to tell you for a while now. And every time I've tried to tell you an alarm as gone off or I've been interrupted. But I don't care if the whole tower falls around us, because I'm telling you now."

"Telling me what?" asked Raven.

"Raven," he said, taking her hands and looking deep into her glistening, violet eyes. "I'm in love with you. And I have been for some time now."

Ravens eyes widened and she felt her breath catch in her throat. "Wh… what?" she said, shocked.

"I love you," he said firmly.

"You… do?" she said.

"Yes," he said, nodding and squeezing her hands. "And I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to finally tell you. I swear, I've been trying and waiting for just the right moment, and I'm hoping this was it. If not, I'm gonna feel really, uh, stupid."

Raven was quiet for a few seconds, thinking. "So… this is why you stayed with me in the hospital after I was shot?" she asked.

"Yes," he said.

"And why you were the one always checking in on me and helping me?" she asked.

"Yes," he said.

"And you're not saying this out of pity?" asked Raven, feeling fear creep up into her.

"Rae, I tried to tell you this right before you got shot, remember?" he said with a slight chuckle. "We were in the hallway talking and just as I was about to tell you, the alarm went off and we found out Johnny Rancid was tearing around downtown and we had to leave. I've felt this way about you long before any of this ever happened."

Raven thought some more and then a slight smile crossed her face. "I knew I could feel something different about you," she said. "I mean, that whole day is basically a blur, but I remember that you were very quiet and I could feel something odd about you."

"Yeah, I was really nervous about telling you," said Beast Boy with a smile. "And then, when you got shot, I thought I would never be able to tell you. And that was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life."

Raven was quiet again. "Do the others know?" she asked.

"Yeah," said Beast Boy. "It all kinda came out when you were shot."

"And they were able to keep it a secret for this long?" asked Raven, shocked.

"Well, there were a few close calls, but they knew that I wanted to tell you when I felt the time was right," said Beast Boy. "So… how do you feel about it?"

"I… I'm not sure," said Raven, uneasily. "I just can't picture anyone… loving me. Loving this." She felt the long scar in the middle of her chest. "How can you say you're in love with me when I'm this weak? When I look like this?"

"Raven, I didn't fall in love with you because of your body," he said. "Well, I kinda did, but I first fell in love with who you are. And no matter how many scars you get you'll always be beautiful to me." Raven closed her eyes and Beast Boy could see tears filling under the lashes. He pressed his forehead to hers, closed his eyes, and said, "You'll always be Raven."

Then he ever so lightly brushed his lips against hers. She gave a small gasp, but did not pull away. She leaned in with him and they had their first real kiss. She lightly took his face into her hands and kept him where he was. He weaved his arms around her and brought her body close to him. Then he trailed the kisses down her jaw line, to her neck, and then to her chest. He softly and gently kissed each of her scars.

She knew what he was doing, even if she couldn't feel the kisses. Just the fact that he wasn't disgusted by them made her happy. He ended his kisses on her chest and gave her one last strong one on the lips. Then he rested his head against her once more, both with their eyes closed, and tried to catch their breath.

Suddenly there came a barrage of knocks upon her door. "Yo! What's takin so long?" Cyborg yelled.

They both jumped and looked towards the door. They looked back at each other and Beast Boy smiled. "We'll be right there," he said.

"Bout time!" said Cyborg.

Beast Boy stood up and brought Raven up with him. "Are you alright to go?" he asked softly.

"I… guess," said Raven unsurely.

"Raven, close your eyes," he said. She looked at him oddly for a moment and did as she was told. He placed his hand on her largest scar and said, "Can you feel this?"

"No," said Raven, shaking her head.

He moved his hand to another scar. "Can you feel that?" he asked. She shook her head again. "If you can't feel it, then why should you worry about it being there? If it doesn't bother you, then it doesn't bother us."

Raven opened her eyes and saw Beast Boy smiling at her. She took a big breath in and said, "Okay, let's go."