July, 16th- 7:00 am, my 16th birthday.

I am the Crown Princess Ashkyla Treleverte, daughter of His Majesty King Phillip IV and Her Highness Queen Taralia, heir to the throne of the kingdom Canderon. But that is in no way all there is to me. To most, that simple (well, not so simple) statement means so many things about me. I must be beautiful, kind, happy, welcoming, and most every positive female adjective. I must learn the history of our country, how to read, and simple math, but besides reading never seem in any way scholarly. Everyone must love me, and I must love everyone. I should be simple-mindedly obedient and always act with perfect politeness and discipline.

So everything anyone ever sees of me, publicly, is this. This image. This mask I've had to make for myself. I wear expensive dresses and jewelry, style my hair, am kind to everyone, never express real opinions, act like everything is something to be excited over… here I go, listing again. Despite having to be simple-minded, I also have to consider political standpoints on everything and make sure never to offend anyone, even though I am almost always higher than them socially.

So no one really knows the real me, the me who daydreams about adventures far away, starting as a poor mill girl and eventually becoming the country's heroine. The me who stares out the window and wonders about a real life. Even Para, my maid, knows barely anything of me. The only real source you could get anything from is Kari, my kitten, to whom I tell everything. Sometimes I wonder if all the other nobles are just like me underneath, wonder if we're all just playing a game, trying to please each other when all any of us would like is to stop.

I hate my life sometimes, being princess. Perhaps its human nature to want what you don't have and be unsatisfied with all the good things around you, but if it is, it's well-founded. I have no real friends, as the only people on a high enough social standard to befriend me are noble's children who can be just as stuck-up or empty headed as they are expected to be. I know there are people out there who would do anything to be me, and I would do anything to be them. There are also people out there who would kill me on sight, and so many people I don't know who know me that I can't possibly have them all think well about me, or subdue various rumors.

I almost never leave the castle, but when I do it's glorious. We sometimes go for Royal Picnics in the fields outside the city, and although guards and nobles pretty much block out the countryside I would otherwise be soaking in, they are still better than sitting, completely lonely, in my boring rooms with only a limited view of the side courtyards. The gardens are my other refuge, but it is often hard to have enough time alone to manage to be there. There are few places a Princess is allowed to be alone. Their rooms, private gardens, and the library. No where else really, unless something rather strange happens.

But today is my birthday, one of the most annoying days of the year. I have barely any free time, especially today, my crown birthday when I officially become crown princess. Oh joy. Everyone is so happy for me, but it is really just the day that forever seals my fate, sews me into this life that I so dislike. Today I will greet all the commoners who wish to see me, meaning I have to keep up my mask all day, smiling and happy to see everyone, fairly overwhelmed by so many 'wonderful' gifts and wishes of happiness. Once again, oh joy.

Now that I have relieved myself of my jubilance, I must dress in my uncomfortable but beautiful dress and go downstairs to sit in my uncomfortable but ornate chair and greet the uncomfortable but excited populace. Oh joy.

July 16th -5:15 pm, still my 16th birthday

I am so bored. All day, on my birthday, I have been bored out of my mind by the traditional Crown Birthday procedures. First the greetings of the citizens come to wish me well. That took well over three hours. Then I had to more personally greet all of the nobles who came to see me, and tolerate their extensively pointing out the merits of their various expensive gifts, and finally the King of Nirdan gave me fabrics made from some sort of foreign worm. He purchased it from a merchant who had traveled far with his wares, and it is supposedly very rare. It is called silk, or some such, and is very soft, but it seems even more impractical than what I usually wear.

After everyone had given me their gifts, my parents presented me with the Royal Ring, and my gratitude from that resulted mainly in the fact that I didn't have to go through a ceremony to get it. The Royal Ring proves that I am the crown-princess and will someday be Queen. That at least means that when I get married, I can stay here, although that also means I don't get to see more of the world. I'm supposed to wear it always, as a symbol to my people. When I do become Queen it will be removed and replaced with the Royal Crown, which symbolizes my new, larger responsibilities or something. I just know that I will soon begin extensive studying on that topic so that when I have to give an acceptance of the Crown speech I will have some semblance of what I'm saying.

But, at least I'm allowed to take off the crown, because I've heard that it can sometimes be hard to remove the ring after it's been on too long. Two of the dukes were talking about it when they thought no one was listening, which I really shouldn't have been doing, except no one would have been able to pay attention to Lord Merle explaining in great detail how hard it was to ascertain his mirror "Made of the best glass in the Kingdom and placed in the most beautiful wooden frame, inlaid with rubies and sapphires, etc…". As if anything I owned wasn't 'beautiful' and 'jewel encrusted'. And how are mirrors, of which I own at least 20, supposed to elevate anyone in the eyes of the Crown? Which doesn't really happen much anyway, as my father tries to avoid favoring anyone.

And just imagine that torture 37 times in a row (the number of people who had come with presents that they had to prattle on about, including a large statue depicting a stream. It was rather pointless in my opinion, but it will be placed somewhere in the gardens so that people can wonder at our Royal Taste. Hopefully it will be behind a bush.) Meanwhile one of the dukes suggested that most royals simply take the ring off at night. Which is what I was planning to do, but I can hardly prove them right, can I now? The other duke began telling him an amusing tale about one of the larger crown princes, most of which I missed because Lord Merle had finally taken out his grand mirror, and I had to make a great show of being surprised at how well it gasp reflected me, and how I would have to find the perfect place for it (in some storage closet along with the others).

After the gift giving, we had lunch and then entertainment, in which people competed for a prize of 10,000 gold coins, and a number of the nobles judged them. It was by far the best part of the day, after which the whole thing adjourned until dinner, at 5:30. I thought I would have the next two hours to sit up in my room and rest, but two other noble girls my age whisked me off for a walk in the gardens to, essentially, giggle in high short blasts about the ball and congratulate me on my birthday for an hour. I barely had time to get up to my room and change into an evening dress and re-do my hair. I have to go back now, but I'm certainly not looking forward to it.