Part 6

At every visit Chris told Vin he would get him out of the 'Mic' soon. The teen had stopped believing his father, but pretended he still had hope. Instead of hope he had emptiness inside him. There was nothing and he was nothing so when he got ready for court he did so mechanically without any expectation. He would go to court and then return to the 'Mic.'

So when Vin heard the not guilty plea, and some other stuff about expunging his record there was a shout of joy from the audience, but all Vin felt was empty. He sank down to the chair and took off his tie. He thought for a moment. What was he supposed to do now? Buck and Chris were reaching out to him, hugging him.

Tanner kept repeating the one thing that sounded like the right thing to say. "I wanna go home."

His bed smelled clean. Vin inhaled the soft sheets and pillow case. It was the little things that comforted him. His belly was warm with his favorite food, Buck making chocolate cake for desert. He lay back, resting his head on his folded elbows and listened to the quiet sounds of the house, identifying each one and not being frightened by them.

JD shifted in the bed next to him. "Vin?"

"Yeah?" Tanner replied drowsily. He had been so mindful at the 'Mic.' He needed to be on guard for the other kids at night.

The younger boy paused for a moment then asked his question. "What was it like?"

And Vin's eyes opened wide, sleep escaping him. For a few moments he had forgotten where he had been for the last month. He pretended he had never left, but that would never be the case. "It was bad, real, bad." Tanner coughed back a sob. "Go to sleep JD."

The next morning he lay in bed. It was after lunch. Chris had decided he could sleep in. JD wasn't due back from school for another two hours. The emptiness was still there. Surrounded by all his belongings, Vin thought that he would feel different. Instead he felt the same as he had felt at the 'Mic.' He would have to figure out how to fill that emptiness.

After a week it was decided Vin would return to school. He had gotten his hair cut and Chris had spent the week with his son, trying to make up for lost time. Back at school, Vin was quickly bored.

Chris made an unexpected trip home during the day. He had forgotten some paperwork, only to find Vin had cut school and was watching cartoons. Vin could see the vein on his father's forehead pulsing in controlled anger that threatened to boil over. Immediately, Chris turned off the television. "You need to go to school, Vin. You can't fall behind."

The teen shrugged his shoulders. "No one will notice." And, Vin was correct. Chris had not received a phone call from the school.

Larabee sank down on the couch, sitting next to his son. "I'll notice." He placed his hand on Tanner's knee. Vin felt uncomfortable with the moment of closeness. He moved away and picked up the remote on the coffee table.

Chris sighed. The teen knew his father had to head back to work. "Look, promise me you'll go back to school tomorrow," Larabee said as he stood.

"Sure." Vin nodded his head and turned the television back on.

Vin was surprised when his father left. He assumed Chris would bring him back to the school and then ground him for a month. Vin decided to return to school the next week, and make an effort to stay, if nothing else he could talk to Chanu. The rest of the students were wary of him and kept their distance. They were too afraid they may be Vin's next victim. Chanu, being Native American already was ostracized. He had been Vin's friend before the accident, and after, believing in Tanner and their friendship.

School was a struggle, but home life was worse when all his actions were questioned. Vin and JD threw the football outside, the younger boy held the ball tight, not wanting to throw it again. Tanner tackled his cousin, and began to tickle him to release the ball. And maybe, he should of noticed when JD began to push him off, instead he reacted, wrestling Dunne, pinning him on his back, before Buck pulled him off.

Vin rubbed his stomach where Buck had gripped him, nursing the soreness and avoiding the ATF agent's gaze.

"Vin!" Buck tilted the teen's chin up. "You're going to hurt him!"

Tanner wrenched his chin free and ran off into the barn for solace with his horse. Outside of Chanu, Peso was Vin's other secret keeper.

Later, after dinner, the two adults sequestered themselves in Chris's study. Vin listened through the closed door.

"Something isn't right." Buck told his friend. "I've given him a wide berth, but I don't think that's the way to deal with this."

"I know, Buck. I'm trying." Chris repeated the mantra over again.

Vin heard the pause before Wilmington replied. "I know you are, pard. You need to talk to him."

Tanner felt he was on eggshells, waiting for Chris to talk to him about his behavior. The discussion never arose, and Vin was secretly glad because the only answer he was able to provide was, 'I don't know.'

The turning point came ten days later. Vin had retreated to the barn in order to do chores, but really to spend some time away from the house. He felt stifled by the four walls. He pulled out the pack of cigarettes he had been nursing since leaving the detention center.

He sat against the furthest wall of the barn, inhaling the smoke and exhaling it through his nose. Vin closed his eyes, and as the cigarette dwindled he felt himself relax.

"This another habit you picked up?" Vin knew the question was coming from Ezra as soon as he heard the southern tinged accent.

The teen opened his eyes, and Standish pulled the cigarette out of his mouth, taking a few puffs before extinguishing it on the ground.

Tanner stood up. "You gonna tell Chris?'

The undercover agent shook his head, "No, I came here to talk to you."

Vin shrugged his shoulders. "'Bout what?'

"Talking back to Buck and Chris and hurting JD. . ." Ezra counted the infractions on his fingers.

Vin interjected, his eyes blazing at the accusation again. "I would never hurt JD."

"I know, Vin. I can listen. . ." Standish began what seemed to be a well rehearsed speech that sounded more like Josiah.

The teen interrupted with a harsh laugh. "Seems to me you're busier talking."

"You got another cigarette?" Vin handed the Southerner one, but he took the offering plus the remaining in the pack. "Don't ever let me catch you smoking again." Ezra lit one up, and smiled.

Vin raked his hand in his hair, still not used to its shorn length. "I'm all fucked up, Ez."

"Not yet, but I can see you are determinedly working on it." Standish glanced over the teen, noticing his disheveled appearance.

Tanner dusted off his clothes under the scrutiny, but honestly did not care. "When you're undercover and then come out –what do you do?"

"I have a cigar, a brandy, sometimes not in that order and more than one of each, and then spend time with my friends." The Southerner explained. "Does that help?"

"No, thanks for trying though." Tanner kicked at the ground, scuffing his boot. "Never going to the police academy." Vin blurted out the dream that he had written on his heart since he moved in with Chris and Buck.

Ezra put out the cigarette, and then squinted in confusion. "Police academy?"

Vin looked down. He never shared the secret before, too scared to hope that it could come true. Fate had stepped in and taken the dream away. "Had it in my head that I wanted to be an ATF agent."

"You still can be. . ." Ezra placed a hand on the teen's shoulder.

Tanner looked up, studying the undercover agent's face for the truth. "With a record?"

Standish nodded. "It's all sealed, not guilty and expunged."

Vin shrugged the hand off his shoulder, and looked past Ezra, through the open barn door and the distant scenery. "But people will remember. They always remember."

Ezra brought his hand to the back of his neck. "You will remember," he commented.

"I killed someone." The teen looked directly at the ATF agent, his eyes pooling with unshed tears before he blinked them away.

Standish persevered to try to help the young man, but guilt was a stalking mistress and difficult to restrain. "It was an accident."

Tanner sharply exhaled with a snort. "Is that what you tell yourself?"

"That was uncalled for," The Southerner's mouth came into a hard line, his disappointment in the teen's remark evident. "In my line of work, it's different. You know that."

Vin nodded. "Yeah, sorry, I know." He felt he had been apologizing for his very existence since Bobby died.

"Accepted." Standish held out his hand, which Tanner gripped. Ezra kept the connection for a moment, before sensing Vin's unease. "Your father sent me to tell you that lunch was ready." The undercover ATF agent had invited himself over for a Saturday at the ranch, to check on his teammates and Vin. No one was doing as well as he expected.

The twosome walked in silence to the house. Ezra giving time for Vin to process their discussion. Standish should have known that the smell of smoke would linger on their clothes. Chris greeted them at the kitchen, setting grill cheese sandwiches on the table. He sniffed the air.

"Dammit Vin, were you smoking?" He slapped the oak table.

"What? No," Tanner replied, looking back at Ezra, daring him to breach the confidence.

Standish walked past the father and son to avoid any confrontation. Instead he went into the family room to join JD, who was watching television.

Larabee roughly ran his fingers through his hair. "No smoking allowed-ever."

"Yeah, I know." Vin raced up the stairs to his room, and tossed himself on the bed, lunch forgotten in the kitchen.