A LITTLE PLACE CALLED HELL…OR HEAVEN
CHAPTER 6
EL DOUCHE AND SNICKELFRITZ
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TYA
"Why hello on this lovely mourning class. You might be wondering why so cheery today, well that is because today I get to tell you about my mom! My mom is my favorite person in the world. She is the most bestest, funniest, coolest person ever.
You see, my daughter also used to be able to be tied for that position, that is until she figured MY secret out and rubbed it in my face. Evil daughter.
OH! Your guy's faces are funny! You didn't realize I had a daughter! Ha ha! I win! You guys all know my daughter, Lory!" My mom started, suddenly everyone looked at me. I just smirked a typical Hutzberger smirk.
One of the kids suddenly called out, "You mean you got impregnated by Mitchum Hutzberger?" I fell over laughing. A look of utter disgust passed over my mom's face.
"EWW! GROSS! How could one even think like that? I mean Mitchum's…old! No, her dad's Logan Huntzberger." After my mom saying that, gasps could be heard all around the room.
Finally someone spoke, "You mean, like, the hottie(at this point I looked like I was going to barf) who seems to be socially shattered because one Ace Hayden broke his heart?" My mom fell over laughing.
"He still refuses to use my real name…" My mom said, all the students looked at her in disbelief so she continued. "Oh right, let me introduce my self 'properly'. I am Lorelei Leigh Gilmore the 3rd, daughter of Lorelei Gilmore, now Danes, and Christopher, life wrecker, immature, butthead, HAYDEN.
Ace was the butt-faced miscreant's, Logan's, nickname for me.
Any way, no more talky about buttheads, on to my mommy dearest! My mom was the coolest, most bestest, most awsomest mom any one could ask for.
She was even less mature then me.
She worshiped coffee, as we all should, it IS the elixir of life!
She was in love with Oompa Loompas; she actually had several dreams about marrying them.
She woke up late for my first day at Chilton because her FUZZY alarm clock didn't PUR on time.
When people didn't agree with her at town meetings, she'd throw fries at them.
Just to annoy her now husband when she first met him, she would call him Duke instead of Luke.
She nicknamed Head Master Charleston El Douche and Snickelfritz.
Well, to sum it up, she is crazy, and I love her!
Okay, well I can't tell you why my daughter is the EVIL child, or I'd tell you my secret. I could tell you embarrassing stories, but why waste MY precious time talking on the person who is an EXCACT replica of her great grandma?" My mom ranted, and I gasped.
"Take it back! Take it back or I'm telling your mom what you said last week, that she was becoming great grandma. And remember how mad she got at you last time you compared her to great grandma? She withheld Gramp's coffee from you." I said smirking.
"Fine I take it back, MEANY!" my mom yelled very immaturely.
The rest of the class was staring in shock. For one of 5 reasons: 1, they are still in shock that Logan was my dad, 2, they were still disbelieving that my mom was Ace Hayden, 3, her mom was daughter of Lorelei Gilmore and Christopher Hayden who got pregnant at 16, 4, they couldn't believe the relationship between Mom and Gran, or 5, they could not believe the relationship between me and her.
Just then the bell rang.
"Hasta La Vista class, I will see you tomorrow!" my mom shouted as the students started returning back to normal. Now it's time to visit Gran and Gramps to get some answers about Mr. Mar…I mean Jess, and who in hell was the Etch-a-Sketch dude?