Author Note: Hehe I did enjoy writing the last chapter, which I found rather odd since I never saw them as a couple (to much unrequited love going on there already) but that sparked the idea. anyway thanks for the reviews guys. Any requests for a pairing? I'll take them into consideration when brainstorming for ideas.

Title: Suffer in Silence
Author: Neochick
Theme: #11 Pain
Fandom: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Pairing: Shinji x Kaoru
Disclaimer: Sadly the characters of NGE do not belong to me in anyway or form. They belong to GAINAX.
WARNING: This is a slash paring fic, meaning a same sex paring.

"My death is the only absolute liberty." Kaoru's words echoed though out the chamber of Central Dogma, the angel only moment's away from his imminent destruction. His fate, within the hands of a young boy who struggles to accept what Kaoru already has.

"What, what are you taking about!" It's all Shinji can do to stop himself from crying, his Evangelion's monstrous hand curled around the creature he had once trusted. "Kaoru! I don't know what you're taking about!" The pilot balls his fist and in pure desperation cries out "Please Kaoru!"

The enigma smiles sadly, the ill-fated form of Lilith watching from its post as the final moments unfold. "My dying words… Now please erase me or else you will be erased. The living thing that escapes the time of annihilation and that obtains the future is only one." The 'boy' pauses for a moment to look directly into Shinji's eyes, sending a shiver down the third child's back. "And, you are not the one that must die. You need the future." Shinji places both hands on the butterfly handles slowly.

"Thank you. I am glad I met you." Ikari, tears threatening to escape, squeezes his hands around the bar.

…

A sickening crunch.

…

A splash.

…

Then silence.

---

The third child sat within the locker room in his plug suit, still drenched in LCL, the silence undisturbed since his final choice in the prison of Lilith. He was alone, once again, alone with his thoughts. Shinji stared at his shaking hand in disbelief; staggered rasps for air ended his denial.

"I killed him…" It was merely a faint whisper as the boy broke out into quiet sobs. No one there to console him, the room was empty. His number was still etched into one of the lockers, along with Touji's as well.

Still there as reminders…

'Reminders of what, to be more careful?

Remind us of the sins we've committed?

To make us aware of reality, pain…

… To make us more afraid?'

Shaking, Shinji Ikari rises and places his palm against the cold surface of the steel locker door, 05 stenciled in at the top. No one had listened to his fearful prattle as he descended into the depths of NERV, and now Kaoru was dead. He wasn't stupid, despite what Asuka said. He'd heard the rumors flying, born on the day of second Impact, records wiped clean, abnormally high synchronization records.

But even so, he understood him, listened to him unlike any other. He couldn't help but wonder if he was so terrified of people that he would kill even those that he held dear.

'But he was an angel, I had to kill him.' He cut in, trying to reason with himself.

'…He was the enemy,

If I didn't everyone would have died.

I didn't want to but

I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE!

…

…

… Did I?' Shinji laid his head gently down on the door, long needed tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. 'Why did you have to leave Kaoru…?'

"You were the only one that cared… the first to say those words," His whispers were full of pain as his knees bucked and he slides down the side. The third child wrenches, bashing his hands into the locker mercilessly. "Why did you have to leave? Why did you have to leave me all alone?" His questions are met with silence, which causes the fourteen year old to retreat into the fetal position, heart wrenching realization of reality setting in. "I… loved you."

At that moment warmth surrounds Shinji like a loving embrace; a hopeful feeling consumes the boy as he looks up, tear streaks apparent from his puffy red eyes. It's brief but the sensation of his touch lingers. A broken tune of Joy to the World escapes his lips as the third squeezes his eyes shut, a stray tear released.

"I'm sorry…Kaoru."