TW: Talk of past suicide of a character

Hawks took a shuddering breath in and was ashamed when it came out uneven. There was no one else around; he was alone in his boring, plain apartment, but his cheeks burned with shame of not having total control over his emotions, nonetheless.

Hawks had naively thought that, if anything was going to truly be his, it would be his soulmate. But now that he found Dabi, he came to the hard realization that nothing was ever truly going to be his; nothing was ever truly going to go well with no-strings-attached. No, not for Hawks. But this is what it takes to become the number two hero. He squashed down the inner voice that said that all of this wasn't worth it, even if he were to advance to being the number one hero. He was a dead man walking, anyway, so it didn't help to have any thoughts at all. The truth was, he wouldn't live long enough to ever get the chance to be the number one hero, so why even think about if all of this was worth it or not?

When he would betray the League of Villains, they'd kill him. If the moment came, and he failed to deliver, the Commission would see to it that he was "killed in the line of duty" as it were. Now he just had to figure out which would be a more dignified way to go.

If he betrayed the League of Villains, he might feel some cathartic relief that he got back at his soulmate, but that wasn't fair, was it? It wasn't Dabi's fault that he was unfortunate enough for fate to match him up with a good-for-nothing failure of a human being, if Hawks even could be considered human anymore. He wasn't so sure these days. It wasn't Dabi's fault that he had already fallen in love the old-fashioned way with someone who suits him so perfectly that Hawks wondered why fate decided to mismatch them together instead of letting Dabi and Shigaraki live and love in peace.

If he betrayed the Commission and went back on their plans for him, he would die a meaningless and staged death. But at least he would be released from the never-ending hell that was his life.

Damn. He was really banking on finding some semblance of happiness once he found his soulmate. Now, though, he kind of wishes he didn't have a soulmate at all. That would hurt less than having a soulmate who looked at him with anguish and disappointment in his gaze every time he was unfortunate enough to make eye contact with Hawks.

When Hawks had first infiltrated the League of Villains and was finally in, he had noticed that the gaming system was religiously used by Shigaraki and his chosen number two. After they had discovered that not only were Shigaraki and Dabi not soulmates, but Dabi was Hawks's soulmate, Hawks hadn't seen anyone use the gaming system since. In fact, it seemed to be gathering dust, untouched even by Kurogiri, like it was cursed or something.

It was awkward—every interaction with the League of Villains was so painfully awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe the awkwardness would kill him before the League or Commission had a chance. It all had been going so well, too, before the whole soulmate disaster. He was even getting closer to Shigaraki before it all came crashing down.

Hawks tried to get pulled from the mission, explaining the very unusual and extenuating circumstances to the Commission. He wasn't exactly surprised when his handler basically lit up, saying that this was something they could use to their advantage, like Hawks would be able to just turn around and betray his soulmate at the drop of a hat. Well, with the way they had conditioned him, he might have been able to.

The problem was Shigaraki, oddly enough. The few things Hawks let slip as he was trying to gain the League's trust was met with intense anger and indignation from Shigaraki, not directed toward him but on his behalf.

"They shouldn't treat you like that," Shigaraki had growled once, surprising Hawks. It almost sounded like he actually cared. "It's not good strategy either. 'Loyalty begets loyalty' or something like that."

The way Dabi had looked at Shigaraki anytime he said literally anything—Hawks felt the sting of envy before pushing it away, knowing that if it was meant to be, then he would have a soulmate out there somewhere. Look how that turned out. Hawks should know better than to get his hopes up.

Hawks had smiled easily at Shigaraki and offered a nonchalant shrug. "It's not one of your games, though, boss man. The Commission has all the power, so what they say goes. That's why I'm cheating the system—coming to you guys, getting the cheat codes or whatever game analogy fits."

The lie tasted bitter on his tongue at the time, but what was once only his cover story started sounding more and more like a good idea. The last thing the Commission could have planned for was that this ragtag group of villains, with their outstanding shows of outraged empathy, to have more sway than their years of unrelenting conditioning and unspoken threats of what would happen should Hawks fail.

Shigaraki had hummed, the suspicion in his eyes about Hawks's true motives, even after finally extending the invitation to meet the boss man himself and disclosing the location of at least one of their safe houses. So damn observant, and not just Shigaraki, no. All of them were, and maybe that's why they had lasted so long and only seemed to be growing in strength. The Commission was right to fear the League and to try to wipe it out, destroy it from the inside, but maybe, just maybe, they chose the wrong pawn for the job.

To try to make a firm decision that he wouldn't change his mind about five minutes later, Hawks had tried to sit down with his intern, Kaminari Denki, and ask him about what his time with the League was like. He had intel that Denki was under Force Majeure's nasty quirk and wasn't able to tell anyone anything, and he was disappointed to find out that the intel was accurate. That made Hawks question his own motives once again. Was the League of Villains as empathetic as they seemed when they could really put a teenager through that quirk? Or was it just their own underhanded strategy to turn Hawks against the Commission so they would have their own inside man?

All he was doing was thinking in circles. Hawks groaned as he slammed his head backwards against the drywall of his apartment, wincing at the loud noise, and then sighing in quiet relief when he didn't hear a shout of complaint from his neighbors.

He wished more than anything that he could just waltz on into the League's base, call a meeting, sit down with everyone, say exactly what was going on with him from both sides, his thoughts on the matter, and get his questions answered so he could finally make a decision for himself for once in his life. But that would be a death sentence all on its own, wouldn't it?

Hitoshi and Denki had tried and failed multiple times throughout the week to get Neito alone and cornered so they could force him to talk through his feelings instead of wallowing in solitary self-pity. Neito was an expert at chasing; he had to be to get anything for his quirk to latch onto. So, it made sense that he was also really good at evading. He knew all of his own tricks, and he had more tricks than the average person, so he was really good at staying out of reach, and sometimes even out of sight. He didn't choose 'Phantom Thief' as his alias for nothing!

Bakugou had seen the little blonde menace creeping around the common grounds after classes ended, eyes fixated on Denki who was looking all around. Denki had slumped when he didn't spot the blonde hiding behind a tree, and Neito slumped, too. Even when Neito had succeeded, he seemed to fail.

Bakugou let out a heavy sigh. Why the fuck had he wanted to be a hero again? He figured that he had the time, and Hitoshi and Denki were his friends, and for some incomprehensible reason (fate), Neito was important to them. Plus, he had his own frustrations to work out after a certain green-haired nerd started acting strangely.

"C'mon," he grunted, kicking lightly at Neito's shoe as he slumped against the tree in pained relief at not being discovered.

Neito startled, looking up, relaxing when he saw that it wasn't one of his boyfriends, and then tensing again when he realized that it was Bakugou fucking Katsuki.

"You gonna kill me?" Neito asked, but stood nevertheless, following Bakugou after a quick glance around to make sure the coast was still clear.

"Haven't decided, yet," Bakugou deadpanned, only half-joking. "Looks like you're on death's door anyway. Looking more like your soulmate with those bags under your eyes."

Neito offered a small smile, hands starting to trail up to his eyes before forcing them back down to his sides.

"Well, shit," Bakugou barked as he led the tired, blonde boy off campus. "If you're so damn head-over-heels that you fucking swoon and shit when I compare you to your sleep averse boyfriend, why the fuck are you avoiding him, huh?!"

"You haven't heard?" Neito asked, surprised.

"That you said a bunch of fucked up shit to everyone within sight?" Bakugou asked, scoffing when Neito flinched at the reminder. "Get over yourself, copycat. Not even you can just resist a fucking quirk like that. How bad could it have been, anyway?"

Neito took a deep breath, ready to die if it was his time. "I told Denki that he forced his way into our relationship, and he didn't actually belong."

"Big deal," Bakugou grunted. "Probably didn't even phase dunce face. He's… resilient like that."

"Yeah," Neito agreed, thinking about the time he tried to distract him during training by saying terrible things.

Bakugou took a water bottle from his bag and started to chug it viciously. Neito snorted. It figured that everything Bakugou did, it was with aggressive energy.

"I also told Hitoshi that his father killed himself because he wasn't good enough."

Neito would swear that he didn't find it amusing when Bakugou spit his water out in surprise, and he would be lying. Even through the intense fog of guilt that had settled over his mind, Neito was immensely entertained.

"Shit, copycat."

"I know."

"That's—"

"I know!" After a few more steps taken in blissful silence, Neito sighed. "He wasn't even mad. He laughed. They both did, and they both agreed with everything I said, turning it into a joke."

"So, what's the issue then? Why are you playing super-spy and somersaulting around campus to avoid your boyfriends?" Bakugou asked patronizingly with a sneer.

"First of all, it was QQQ behavior, not 'super-spy,' you neanderthal," Neito snapped. He rushed to continue before Bakugou could retort, "because I don't deserve any of that. I didn't deserve for them to laugh and smile and brush my comments off. I didn't deserve for them to even stay and keep me company."

"What would have happened if they didn't stay? If they just locked you in a room alone?" Bakugou asked, scuffing his shoe on the ground as they walked, taking more sips from his water bottle more carefully, just in case Neito tried to drop another unexpected bomb on him.

"I, uh… I would have turned the negative thoughts onto myself if there wasn't another… target." At Bakugou's incredulous look, Neito rushed to argue, "it would have been fine, though. I could have handled it."

"If you could have handled something like that, why don't you trust that your boyfriends could handle what you threw at them?" Bakugou asked, turning it back around on him.

Neito cursed him in his mind for making sense. Since when was Bakugou the reasonable one? Neito had followed Bakugou to meet his untimely demise, not to have sense talked into him. Neito groaned at his misfortune.

"It's not that they can't handle it. It's that they should never have had to," he attempted to explain.

"But they did. Life isn't full of 'shoulds' and 'should nots.' It's full of 'is' and 'is nots.' You can't go back in time, so you have to look forward and decide what the fuck you're going to do about it," Bakugou spoke like he knew from experience as he used the motion of putting his water bottle back in his bag to avoid looking directly at Neito.

"Well, what the fuck can I do about it?" Neito asked, angrily kicking at the ground.

"You can start by blowing some shit up."

At that, Bakugou swept his arm out to present the vast junkyard that stood before them. Neito nodded slowly before gaining speed and energy to his movements. If Bakugou was going to kill him and still wanted to continue working to become a hero, this was a great place to do so. But when Neito looked over at Bakugou, he was just standing there with his hand outstretched, glowering at him.

"You gonna copy my quirk or not?!" Bakugou snapped. "Fuck, copycat. Do I have to walk you through this shit step-by-step or some shit?"

After another pause as Neito processed the unexpected offer, Bakugou decided to initiate contact for him, reaching out to grab Neito's hand and giving him an intense look that said he better be copying his quirk dammit, because Bakugou wasn't going to do this again. In that moment, for the first time, Neito felt that 'copycat' might even have an affectionate ring to it, if he listened hard enough.

Neito smiled at him, copied his quirk, and turned to look at the endless expanse of shit that he was going to blow up with one of his favorite quirks.

"Thank—"

"Don't," Bakugou cut off. "I'm not doing this for you."

Neito hummed, though it was obvious that he didn't believe Bakugou for a second.

"Shut the fuck up—"

"Didn't say anything," Neito snarked, amusement dancing in his narrowed eyes.

Ignoring him, Bakugou continued, "you're going to blow shit up, put on your big boy pants, and go fix what you fucked up. Understood?"

"Aye, aye, captain," Neito drawled with a lazy salute.

"That's Captain Explosion Murder to you, copycat." Bakugou smirked at him.

Bakugou had made a joke, and not at Neito's expense. No one would ever believe him.

Neito laughed, palms crackling as he turned to face the endless options of targets for his frustration, and he felt more like himself than he had in a week. His laugh became more and more manic as he took off running, straight for an ugly ass vase that was begging to be destroyed.

Hitoshi and Denki were going to owe Bakugou. Big time.

Now with Neito checked off of his list, Bakugou only had to find out what the fuck was wrong with Deku. Before that, though, he was going to enjoy himself by destroying some shit.