A Shattered Demon Child

Part 11

I know, I know. It's rare I post updates on this story, or on any of my stories these days. I had some time to kill and thought about doing some writing. So, what the hell, here goes nothing. Let me know your thoughts because I actually do read all the reviews when I get notified someone leaves one. I appreciate reading what you guys think and your input. Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

-xXstarryXnightXx

Naruto was a little on edge after their meeting in Tsunade's office. The blond let his mask slip up once again after taking two years to build it back up again on the road with Jiraiya. It would be a lie to say the blond didn't enjoy his time away, but he didn't realize coming back would effect him so much after just walking into the village. He and Sakura would go up against Kakashi the next day, and it was going to be interesting to say the least. Naruto had worked hard during his trip, and he'd made progress, but there was part of him that still thought he should've done more.

It also didn't help a certain raven-haired teammate crossed his mind when he had to remind himself what he was working towards. Naruto was determined to bring Sasuke back; he couldn't leave his best friend behind to suffer in his darkness alone. Naruto thought of him as a brother, and Naruto would never let him go down that dark road alone. Even if Sasuke hated him, it didn't matter to Naruto. He wanted to save Sasuke from himself; if he couldn't do that, what chance did Naruto have to save himself? He had to keep going and getting stronger to bring his teammate home.

Naruto loved his village, loved his friends, even if he hated himself for not always being strong enough to protect them, he still tried to block it out with love for those around him. He had a rough start when he was a kid, and when he returned to the village, he noticed people acted differently than before. The whispers in the street were gone and the hateful looks; they were indifferent all except for a few shinobi who did say hello to him and welcome him back.

In fact, while he walked down the street heading towards the apartment, Naruto noticed a familiar scarred face walking towards him. The blond grinned as he rushed towards Iruka. The older chunin smiled at the blond as they approached each other.

"Hey, Naruto," Iruka greeted. "I just ran into Sakura and she told me you were back."

Naruto nodded and said happily, "Yeah, I just got back a little while ago, ya know? How's it going, Iruka-sensei?"

The chunin nodded as he replied, "Things are good. Do you wanna catch up over ramen later?"

The blond thought for a moment before he replied, "Don't have to ask me twice, I'm in! I've missed Ichiraku ramen!"

Iruka smiled. "Alright, then. I'll swing by your apartment later this afternoon and we'll catch up."

The blond nodded before parting ways the the chunin. His smile dropped the moment Iruka was out of his sight. Naruto knew he was trying too hard, but it seemed to be working. The only thing he really worried about was if Jiraiya elected to talk with Tsunade about the incident from several nights ago while they were on their way back to the village. Naruto knew that despite the fact he presented to be better, he assumed they'd catch on eventually. He'd worked on hiding his darkness the past few years; trying to throw his sunny personality forwards rather than letting his darkness slip through. Jiraiya thought Naruto was doing better up until he got busted. Naruto did seek around on his master, and he felt guilty for it, but he reasoned with himself he had to keep up his image; to be the loud, orange-wearing brat they seemed to prefer over the mess he was under the surface.

The meeting was simply words to Naruto; he barely took note of any body language from the adults in the room. The few details he got were that they seemed hopeful he really was doing better. While they didn't openly address it, he knew they were studying his words and his behavior the entire time. He doubted he'd fool them for long and that he'd eventually face the reality that was his bad habits and all-consuming dark thoughts. It wasn't as exhausting for him to put his front up for short periods of time, but he learned to hold out for longer in a mindset he presented to everyone, even his master. Naruto was better than he used to be, and he acknowledged it with a bit of pride, but he knew he had a long way to go still. He hoped things had changed for the better like Jiraiya said, but he had his doubts still.

When Naruto reached his apartment, his mind cleared as he dug out his apartment key. He unlocked the door, half expecting it to be destroyed after being empty for so long. He stepped into his small apartment to the stale air that hadn't smelt in years. It was strange for him to be allowed to live alone again considering he lived with Iruka previously. The deal was that he could live alone unless he gave them a reason to believe he was a danger to himself. Naruto flinched at the idea of having his independence questioned again; he liked having his space to think and be avoid people when he felt like they were just too exhausting to deal with.

Naruto went to his bedroom and began unpacking as soon as he entered his apartment. He pulled out his scrolls and his clothes he packed, including his old jumpsuit. He put them in the back of his small wardrobe and started unpacking his weapons. Naruto slid a kunai in the small gap on the edge of his bed between the frame and the mattress itself. He also slid one under the mattress itself. He figured that if they found the one on the edge of his bed, they wouldn't go looking for another under his mattress if they bothered to search his apartment for hidden weapons. He did the same when he hid one in a drawer of his wardrobe under his old clothes. Naruto took off his headband and set it right next to the photo of team seven with Sasuke's headband hanging across the frame.

The blond looked at it somberly as the thought of Sasuke leaving came back. He had to push past it; he had to keep thinking about the future, not about the past that he couldn't change. Naruto envied the way Sasuke could use hatred to numb himself of his own pain, unlike Naruto who wallowed and drowned in his pain. Sasuke used his pain like a knife to fight the world, while Naruto used it to against himself. They were always opposites; Sasuke being popular and smart, while Naruto was just am all-around loser in everyone's eyes. Naruto sat down heavily on his bed before he looked back to the photo of his team. He was an orange idiot then, and Naruto knew he still was despite how hard he had worked.

You're a real selfish bastard, Sasuke, Naruto thought grimly to himself. You left to seek revenge while I was left here to deal with the aftermath. Sakura loves you, and still, you choose revenge over being having someone around who really loves you. I stayed to deal with the pain you caused myself, and in the end, you made me realize she can't love me and I can't be with her. I can't take away the one person who loves you despite the fact you don't care about her at all. If I can bring you back, I know you'll see it too. I'll beat it into your head if I have to. She acts the way she does because she wants to be strong like you, and she fronts just like the two of us. She's hurting just as much as you, and it's all your fucking fault. I can't help her aside from acting oblivious to it and pretend she's not lashing out. I can't blame her, though. I do the same thing to myself.

The blond looked down at his arms, remembering he had to check on the cuts from a few days before. He didn't want someone, like Iruka or Kakashi, to notice he had been indulging in his destructive habits once again. Naruto got up and went to the bathroom before shutting the door behind himself just in case someone decided to drop in unannounced. He rolled up his sleeves as he unwrapped his arm. When he removed the bandages, he saw no trace of a scarring of discoloration where his cuts had been. Naruto had to admit that the Kyuubi's healing had been doing him a favor for some time; he didn't scar his skin anymore. He assumed this was because the demon wanted him to die just so he could break free. Naruto didn't mind it for the fact it made hiding his injuries much easier.

Naruto was content as he tossed the bandages into the trash before leaving the room. He stretched his arms over his head as he crossed his room to plop down on his bed again. Naruto laid there quietly as he starred blankly at the ceiling above him. He hadn't been alone to think since the night Jiraiya busted him for hurting himself again. The blond wasn't sure whether he wanted to just lay in the silence, or if he wanted to start punching a wall in frustration. His mind was one caught between keeping the lid on his emotions or if he wanted to let it some of it out for just a few minutes.

Naruto didn't realize he summon a clone until he saw his own face looking down at him. The clone stood there calmly as Naruto sat up and stared at him. He stood up slowly, looking at his clone from head-to-toe. He sighed before he spoke to his clone.

"What do you think? Blow off some steam before Iruka-sensei shows up, or later?"

The clone thought for a moment before he replied, "Might be better to get it out of the way, just in case, ya know?"

Naruto nodded dully. "I guess you're right."

The clone only gave a short nod before he hooked his fist into Naruto's stomach. Naruto felt the air leave his lungs, leaving him breathless. He put a hand over his stomach as he stayed on his feet. Naruto knew he should've been in pain, but instead, he felt nothing at all. The clone waited quietly for him to say or do something, waiting for instructions. Naruto shook his head, feeling defeated as he realized his cheap tactics for feeling pain without leaving a mark was pointless. It worked for him when he was on the road with Jiraiya and the sage left him to train alone, but his pain tolerance had clearly went up.

"It didn't work," Naruto commented to his clone.

The clone sighed before he asked, "So what now then? You want me to keep going or what?"

Naruto shrugged before he replied, "I dunno... My arm just finished healing... I could just use my legs or something."

The clone nodded. "That would work. Do you need help with it?"

"I've got it from here, thanks."

With that, the clone vanished. Naruto began to plot out how he was going to avoid suspicion and how he could hide a weapon and bandages without getting caught. In that moment, an idea crossed Naruto's mind as he remembered he had a blank scroll he could use to store anything incriminating and nobody would know about it but him. To most, it was a simple scroll he used to store weapons. He quickly dug out his old medical box from under his bathroom sink and got two kunai from his stash under his bed. He sealed one of them to the scroll and took the other weapon to the bathroom. He knew he had a few hours until Iruka showed up, but he wasn't sure if anyone else would drop by if Jiraiya told Kakashi or Tsunade what happened a few nights ago. He quickly locked the door to the bathroom and turned on his shower as a cover in case someone did happen to sneak into his apartment.

He let out a heavy sigh as he slid down his pants just enough to expose the skin right below his hip on his thigh. Naruto held the kunai to his thigh for a moment, silently hoping he wouldn't screw up and cut too deep like he did in the past. He dug the kunai into his thigh and quickly slid the sharp edge across his leg. The sting from his actions made Naruto feel weightless, like the world outside the small enclosed room didn't matter at all. His thoughts were gone as he felt the weight on his chest lift once again. But, when Naruto felt that weight return for a moment, and his hand instinctively slid the kunai across his leg again.

His mind went blank for what seemed like an hour, but he didn't realize he was sitting there for fifteen minutes until he realized the pain he was feeding off was gone. Naruto sighed as he started to clean and wrap his leg. He was bleeding enough to need pressure to keep it from getting on his clothes. After a few minutes of observing his work, Naruto didn't see any signs of bleeding through the layers of bandages wrapped around the small area on his thigh. He closed the plastic medical box quickly before washing off the kunai with small traces of blood on the edge. He dried it off, taking it along with the medical box to his room again after unlocking the door.

He quickly put the two items on the scroll laid out on his bed and sealed them away. He rolled up the small scroll and slid it into his pouch. Naruto sat back down on his bed as his mind began to wonder about how his life could slowly fall apart and play out before his eyes while his mind raced faster than the world around him. The few moments of stability he felt in his life revolved around pain that gave him peace of mind for maybe a few minutes at a time. His blue eyes were dull and void of life as he laid back on his bed.

This isn't fair, Naruto thought to himself dully. I wish I could hate the world like Sasuke. Maybe then I won't feel like the monster I know I am. I guess that just proves how much of a loser I am; I can't hate this fucked up world despite what it's done to me and what it's taken from me. That selfish bastard was right from the start; I'm just a fucking loser.

Jiraiya and Kakashi stood on top of the Forth Hokage's head looking down at the village. The sun was starting to set, bringing an orange glow to the sky. The copy-ninja had to admit the orange glow was fitting, considering he knew the conversation he and Jiraiya were about to have was about a familiar blond who wore the color orange as his trademark. Kakashi put his hands in his pockets as he looked towards Jiraiya impatiently.

"What's this about, Jiraiya?" Kakashi asked. "Why the secrecy from Lady Hokage?"

The toad sage sighed and said dully, "I don't want the kid to get worse, and Tsunade finding out will only make things worse. I'm trusting you with this for a reason, Kakashi."

The gray-haired jonin stiffened. "He's at it again, isn't he?"

Jiraiya sighed before he stated bluntly, "I caught him a few nights ago... I don't know what set him off, he wouldn't give me a straight answer when I did ask him about it the next morning. I don't know if he's really made progress or if he's just fronting at this point. Before the other night, I thought he hadn't cut himself in over a year. Now I'm not so sure anymore. I want to trust him, but I don't want to give him space only to find him dead the next time he slips up."

Kakashi let out a heavy sigh before he replied, "None of us want that for him. He deserved more than get got growing up. I wish I had seen it before all of this came out into the open, before the damage was already done. Now, we have to deal with the aftermath of it."

Jiraiya nodded stiffly. "That's why I can't tell Tsunade. It'll break her heart if I tell her, and I can't watch it happen again. Naruto isn't trying to hurt any of us, and he can't see that he is when he indulges in his destructive habits. I have to leave on a mission soon, and I don't want to leave him here, but I don't have a choice."

Kakashi's gaze fell as he looked out to the village below the monuments. "I'll keep a close eye on him."

Jiraiya let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Kakashi. For now, just try to keep this between us. If Tsunade or Iruka ask, you're just being cautious. We don't need to involve them until it escalates. He had one slip, and that's how we'll look at it unless something happens."

The copy-ninja looked over towards Jiraiya before he asked quietly, "Why did it have to be Naruto? Why couldn't he be the happy knuckle head we thought he was?"

The white-haired sage replied calmly, "He's still the same Naruto, he's just caught in the darkness right now. When this is over, he'll be the happy idiot we all know and love dearly. He's just in a dark place right now; you know that better than anyone."

Kakashi nodded stiffly. "I unfortunately do."

"That's another reason I'm trusting you," Jiraiya replied. "You've seen dark before, and you made it out the other side."

The copy-ninja admitted lamely, "I trained Sasuke in an effort to save him from himself, and we see how that worked out. I should've been there more for Naruto instead of focusing on Sasuke. I'm part of the reason he's suffered so much to begin with."

The sage shrugged as he replied, "Blaming yourself won't do anything, Kakashi. What's done is done, and we have more important things to worry about than blaming ourselves for what we did or didn't do for Naruto. We're all partially to blame, myself included. All we can do is do better by him now and try to help him."

Kakashi only shrugged. "Either way, I've failed my sensei's son."

"He's still alive; we haven't failed yet."