A Shattered Demon Child

Part 13

It's the Kazekage of the Sand. It seems he's been taken prisoner by the Akatsuki.

Those words shook Naruto to the core. As a fellow jinchūriki, and as a friend, the blond refused to believe his friend had been taken by the enemy. Naruto at his core hated the Akatsuki, mostly because they wanted to use him for their own gains, but also for what Itachi did to Sasuke so many years ago. It also didn't help that Orochimaru was also a former member of the organization. Naruto reasoned to himself they were all scum, and they were evil at their core like the demon he played host to that the wanted to possess. He didn't want the power given to him, and he knew Gaara didn't choose to be a host either. He was happy to hear Gaara had become Kazekage, and maybe as a little jealous of his friend.

No one in the Sand could understand the pain he and Gaara faced growing up alone. Gaara knew Naruto's pain, and somehow, he changed and seemed to be doing well. Naruto refused to let the Akatsuki take that happiness his friend had without hesitation. In part, Naruto wanted to believe people like him, people like Gaara, that there was hope for them to be happy and to simply exist in peace. This mission was personal, and Jiraiya warned Naruto to keep his cool, unless he wanted to risk releasing the Kyuubi. Naruto was in too much shock and anger to sleep during their journey, and so, Jiraiya's words seemed to fade from his memory more and more as time went on.

When Lady Chiyo explained that removing Shukaku from Gaara was going to kill him, Naruto's mind erased those words of warning from Jiraiya. Naruto wasn't moving anymore despite the fact his body raced to Gaara's location, it was the Kyuubi moving his limbs that turned to stone. Naruto stopped speaking and he thought for the duration his lost control, he'd stopped breathing entirely. Internally, Naruto was raging and writhing in the fear of losing another friend. He couldn't understand why evil and darkness had to exist in the world, why people couldn't just live peacefully. It was a fever dream to think it was even possible with the world ridden with hate and evil.

Naruto wanted to banish the pain of harboring his hatred that he brought upon himself. He didn't want to admit the hate and the pain were something he'd grown used to, but it was his reality. He'd battled the demon living inside for too long, and he'd run out of fight to keep it at bay. He was mentally exhausted and couldn't find it in his heart to have mercy or hold back his anger. He decided for a split second to allow his pain, his anger, his hate, to take over if it meant saving Gaara. This happened a few times, but it wasn't until that split second lasted for seconds that turned into minutes that he lost himself in the darkness.

Naruto remembered later on what happened during those times, especially trying to attack Kakashi. It disturbed the blond he could've seriously hurt his sensei, and it was all because he lost his cool for a split second. Naruto didn't want to believe Gaara was dead and he wanted to avenge his fallen friend. He was in shock until Lady Chiyo started the Reanimation Jutsu and brought Gaara back to life. He went off on her and took out his pain on her, and in the end, she gave her life to bring Gaara back. The blond forgot all the pain and hate in his heart for a short time while they traveled back to the Sand with Gaara and Lady Chiyo's body along with him.

Naruto was grateful to have Gaara back, but the dark truth was, it was only because someone else had to die to make it happen. The woman who sealed the tailed-beast in the redhead gave her life to make sure the future was lead by Gaara and Naruto. It was a heavy weight to carry on top of the work that would need to be done to make Naruto the Hokage. The blond wasn't sure if he should've been the one to help lead the future when he didn't know if he'd be around to have one at all. In truth, it was overwhelming to imagine himself in the next week, let alone years into the future.

After they returned to the Sand Village, Naruto was relieved they were leaving the next morning. He didn't want to deal with his thoughts on the road and risk getting caught, but he still had to be pretty careful. He had to make sure that night he slipped away without being seen. Naruto knew he'd have another sleepless night ahead of him, and he didn't want to sit up thinking about what he'd done the entire time. He needed at least a few moments of relief, a few moments of peace. He'd been keeping up his mask after his little outburst earlier with Chiyo. In the day they were gone and fighting the Akatsuki, Naruto felt like he'd aged several years.

On top of the Kazekage's Mansion, Naruto stared at the stars above the village. His eyes seemed to lose their color and lose their shine as his mind focused on the kunai in his hand. Naruto was still pretty scratched and beat up, so he knew he could get by with making a few additions. He hated himself for this, but he couldn't keep his mask up forever if he was traveling. This was to minimize the chances of losing his cool again like he had done earlier. Naruto rolled up the sleeve of his jacket up to his elbow before he studied the patterns. Most of them were healed, but there were still scars that were almost fully healed. He had come up with several points of argument if anyone got suspicious, and he was ready to deploy them at any given time.

As Naruto put the tip of his kunai to one of the healing scars, he took in a deep breath. Once he pressed the sharp edge in, his mind silenced for the first time in days. He exhaled once he slid the kunai to make a cut the same two inches long as the scar that was almost fully healed. The world around him silent just like his mind. The feeling he felt was a heavy emptiness that snuffed out the thoughts he'd forgotten about. It was about five seconds long and gone too soon for Naruto's taste. The blond frowned heavily at the small cut, realizing it was too shallow to last as long as he wanted. He cursed under his breath before quickly finding another healing scar to tear open again.

Repeating the same actions as before, Naruto slid the kunai across his lower bicep. This time, however, it was different. Naruto felt the emptiness take hold quicker than before, and it was lasting longer than he expected. He blinked in realization as he noticed a lot of blood seeping out of the new cut. He didn't care about the blood slowly rolling across his skin to his elbow, he felt relief. He quickly cleaned the kunai and stored in the small scroll beside him. He also summoned the small medical kit he made for traveling. The moment he did, he realized a figure kneeling right beside him.

When the blond looked up in horror, he saw the Kazekage's intense stare looking right back at him. Gaara looked to be a little in shock, but mostly, he looked defeated. Naruto stayed frozen in place as Gaara turned his attention to Naruto's bleeding arm. The blond didn't say anything before Gaara opened the box of medical supplies and started wrapping his arm. They stayed perfectly silent; Naruto wondered if Gaara was disappointed or simply disgusted. It was Gaara who broke the silence as he finished carefully wrapping Naruto's arm.

"Naruto?"

The blond looked at him with a remorseful look on his face. "Yeah?"

"This isn't good for you," Gaara stated calmly. "It only hurts the people around you."

Naruto stated dully, "I've got it under control."

"Maybe for now, but eventually, they'll get deeper and deeper with time," Gaara warned somberly. "You need to stop before it gets out of control."

Naruto defended weakly, "I'm fine, Gaara."

"We both know that's a lie, Naruto," Gaara said calmly. "Otherwise, you wouldn't be do this in the first place. Perhaps you can fool the others, but not me. I would hate to attend your funeral before you become Hokage."

The blond could only reply in a low tone, "That won't happen."

The redhead crossed his arms before he said firmly, "I hope you're right. It would be a shame to lose my friend to such a fate. If I could make it out of the darkness, I have no doubt you will. Maybe not tomorrow or the day after, but someday soon."

Naruto hid his injuries during the trip back well enough to avoid suspicion. None of the chunin or jonin he traveled with back to the Leaf Village acted out of character or seemed to suspect something was different with the blond. He made sure to stay in tune with his charade; he was still a little hyper, and still made a few comments every now and again almost on cue. His behavior was calculated and exhausted him, but still, he played his role perfectly. Kakashi was too out of it to really notice anything strange, and Naruto made sure to use this time to his advantage.

Naruto dreaded the lecture he was going to receive when they got back to the village from Jiraiya. He hoped his injuries would heal while he traveled back just in case the sage decided to check him for injuries. The last time he lost control of the Kyuubi, he really spiraled out of control. Jiraiya almost died, and that damn near killed Naruto too. Jiraiya somehow managed to restrain Naruto for a day or two about a week later. Naruto remembered blacking out and waking up in a pool of his own blood with Jiraiya putting pressure on his arm to stop the bleeding. The blond had no idea what happened, but he did remember finding traces of blood under his fingernails once Jiraiya was confident the teen wouldn't try something again.

The events took a toll on Naruto when he remembered them; the guilt and the shame overwhelmed him easily when he was reminded about what happened. The blond knew he deserved whatever lecture awaited him and whatever punishment they decided to give him. Whether they removed him from missions for a few weeks or not, he accepted his fate. It the last day of traveling did Naruto realize his mask had fallen just enough to draw attention to himself.

When they stopped for the night, it was Sakura who climbed up the tree Naruto sat in while on watch. Everyone else was asleep, all except the two teammates. Naruto was surprised when Sakura jumped up onto another branch right beside his. In her green eyes, he could see she was worried about something.

"Hey, Sakura," Naruto greeted cheerfully.

"Hey, Naruto," she greeted in a low voice.

"What're you doing up here? Coming to hang out alone with me?"

The pink-haired chunin sighed before she said, "I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You've been quiet today."

Naruto's happy expression faded a bit as he replied sheepishly, "I'm fine, really."

"Are you sure about that?" Sakura challenged gently.

The blond nodded and said quietly, "Yeah, I'm just thinking about stuff."

"Like what?"

Naruto shrugged as he stated calmly, "Nothing, really. Don't worry about it."

Sakura took her leave shortly after, grudgingly accepting that he didn't want to talk about what on his mind. The moment she was gone, Naruto let his mask fall again. Switching back and forth at the drop of a hat was taking its toll on him. The last thing he needed was Sakura catching on and pitying him like he knew Iruka and Tsunade did. Jiraiya and Kakashi treated Naruto differently; they seemed to know what to say and how to deal with his outbursts. The blond felt a twinge of guilt as he thought about the fact he was lying and keeping secrets, but it wasn't like he wanted to. He wanted them to leave him alone and leave him to his own devices, and they simply refused to leave him be.

Naruto made sure to push away the painful memories before the morning sun rose. He was supposed to wake Sakura up for the last watch shift, but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep until they returned to the village again. He half expected Kakashi or Guy to scold him, but Sakura didn't point out to them Naruto neglected to wake her up for her shift. Naruto was grateful she didn't say anything in front of them, but she did make a quiet comment at one point to Naruto when they stopped for a break. He did thank her for not saying anything and admitted he just couldn't sleep. The pink-haired teen accepted his explanation and advised him to just wake her up next time anyways. Naruto kept his mask up pretty well until they stood before the gates of the village once again.

His heart dropped when he noticed his pervy master standing by the gates patiently. He greeted the group as they entered the gates. Everyone was due to report to the Hokage upon their arrival, including Naruto. He hoped that would be enough of a reason to delay the lecture he'd be receiving when they were alone. Naruto knew Kakashi sent a message out before they left the Sand Village with a short report, and he assumed Kakashi may've also put in that Naruto did lose control and try to attack him. The blond dreaded the moment he was cornered away from the others and confronted about the incident.

That said moment happened right after everyone reported in. Tsunade dismissed everyone except Kakashi and Naruto. The fellow shinobi present didn't think anything of it, except for Sakura. She seemed hesitant to leave and decided to leave last. She gave her sensei a worried look before she left quietly, and Naruto knew the look she gave was one of concern. It warmed his heart a little bit to see the display of worry from her, but it also created a crater once she left the room. The moment Naruto turned his attention to Tsunade, he realized Jiraiya appear beside Tsunade's desk in a puff of smoke.

Kakashi was sitting in a chair Tsunade had pulled over for him while he reported in. The blond woman laced her fingers together as she looked to Naruto with a serious expression on her face. Jiraiya stood with his arms crossed and a neutral look on his face as he stared at his student. Naruto felt the dread of being cornered hit him all at once when Kakashi motioned for Naruto to come over to the desk to join the adults. Naruto was reluctant and wanted nothing more than to run away, but he knew it would be a mistake that would only make things worse than they already were.

"So Naruto," Jiraiya stated firmly as he broke the heavy silence. "Do you mind explaining what happened?"

The blond tilted his head to the side slightly, giving his sensei a fake look of confusion. "What're ya talking about, Pervy Sage?"

Tsunade sighed heavily before she said sharply, "We're referring to the fact you lost control of the Nine-Tails, Naruto."

Naruto sighed and admitted dully, "I know I fucked up, okay? It just... It just happened."

Jiraiya sighed before he lectured, "I told you to keep cool, Naruto. We're lucky nobody was hurt this time."

The blond nodded limply, but stayed silent. He hung his head as Kakashi's visible eye gazed at him with empathy. Jiraiya and Tsunade kept their serious looks as they waited for Naruto to say something, but he didn't. Naruto knew there was no point in trying to defend himself, it didn't matter what the circumstances were; he could've killed Kakashi or one of his allies. There was no excuse or defense; he deserved whatever they decided.

Tsunade asked sternly, "Naruto, what happened?"

Naruto lifted his head as his dull blue gaze landed on her. "They killed Gaara."

The blond woman stayed silent before she asked, "Is that all? There's nothing else?"

The blond teen shook his head as he swallowed his words of anger. He knew they were all staring at him, and their eyes were burning a hole in his mask he was barely holding onto. He was losing his grip again, and he was desperate to keep them from knowing just how many different things raced around his head in circles. He hated how they could stand there and stare at him with judgmental gazes and cold words. He deserved it... Right?

Kakashi raised his hand before he said calmly, "I think given the circumstances, it's reasonable Naruto lost control."

Naruto looked at his sensei with shock. The two sages seemed equally surprised at the jonin's words. Jiraiya's stare remained cold and serious as he focused his attention on Kakashi, and Tsunade did the same. This was not expected.

"Kakashi, we can't just ignore what happened," Tsunade stated harshly.

The gray-haired sensei responded, "I agree with you, Lady Tsunade. I'm not saying we should, I'm suggesting that just this once we take into consideration the situation and circumstances that brought out the Nine-Tails."

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow before he asked, "Nothing else happened on the mission or on the way back?"

Kakashi stated firmly, "That's correct."

Tsunade thought for a moment before she turned her attention to Naruto. Her warm brown eyes seemed to make Naruto's heart ache just a little bit more. Kakashi was vouching for him, and yet, he had no idea Naruto was back to his old ways again. The blond wanted to speak up, but knew he'd only bring cause more arguing. Naruto didn't want them to know, especially his sensei who was sticking up from him. The past week had taken its toll on the blond, and he couldn't deal with something else coming up the moment he got back.

Jiraiya thought for a moment before Tsunade stood up and started stretching. "I'll leave this to the two of you. Let me know what you've decided when I get back. I'm going to head to the hospital to review how everyone is doing. And Kakashi, have Naruto escort you there once you're done here."

The copy-ninja nodded. "Understood, Lady Hokage."

With that, the blond woman left the room quietly. Once the door was shut, Jiraiya took a few steps towards Naruto. The blond teen flinched internally, but kept his mask up to his sensei. The white-haired sage stared him down for a few moments before he spoke again.

"So, nothing else happened?" the sage questioned.

Naruto shook his head and stated in a dull tone, "No, nothing else happened."

Jiraiya tilted his head before he asked, "So if I have you go get checked out at the hospital, they won't find anything unusual?"

"Like I said, nothing happened," Naruto stated with false confidence.

The sage narrowed his eyes before he said cautiously, "Alright, then. Take your jacket off."

The blond was internally panicking. He wasn't sure if his injuries were in the late stages of healing; they couldn't pass as the ones from at least four days ago if they weren't already gone. Naruto decided he had to roll the dice, and begrudgingly, he unzipped his jacket. He took it off and tried to take as much inventory of his visible injuries as possible. Thankfully, they were already gone. It was a split second for him to take inventory and look to his sensei. Jiraiya looked from his left arm to his right before he let out a small sigh of relief.

"Alright," Jiraiya stated calmly. "Sorry for doubting you, kid. We'll let this incident slide, but just don't let it happen again. Okay?"

Naruto nodded happily. "Thank you."

Kakashi, who was silently observing the two, seemed relieved. Jiraiya helped get Kakashi to his feet and let Naruto help him walk to the hospital. Naruto felt like he'd barely walked away from the lecture with his life. He did quietly thank Kakashi for vouching for him, and the jonin responded by weakly ruffling his blond locks. Naruto wanted to feel happy his sensei was standing up for him, but the guilt he felt doubled instead. After leaving Kakashi at the hospital with Tsunade, Naruto made a break for his apartment before someone decided to follow him.

When the blond entered his lonely apartment, he locked the door and ran to his bathroom. Naruto slammed the door and locked it. He slid down the door allowing his guilt wash over him like a tidal wave. He pulled out his small scroll from his backpack and quickly got his kunai out from its seal. Naruto let out a heavy sigh as he looked towards the ceiling above his head.

I'm a fucking monster.