Oh dear, we are so, so, so sorry for the long break between posts. We would have thought that because it was summer break that we'd get more time to work on this but work and our vacation kind of ruined that and we are so sorry. We hope that somehow the next chapters will flow a little better. We are almost finished our other fics and hopefully once they are completed our undivided attention will once again return to this lovely lengthy fic of ours. Our pride and joy. :P Anyway, since it'd be hard to recount every single detail that's passed in the character's lives, we've skipped ahead one week from when Seth and Ryan found out about the separation. Now we know it's not the best we've done but it sure is the longest. :P It's also for the most part dialogue. We hope you like it. Read and Review and of course, Enjoy. :D
Chapter 13: The Jealousy
Kirsten couldn't sleep that night. She tossed and turned for hours. It was her first night without him next to her since her return from rehab. Sandy was stationed in the guest bedroom. Kirsten stared at the ceiling before turning to face the photos taken in happier times. She gave a deep sigh before her eyes shut on their own volition.
As if time had moved forward at unbelievable pace, it had been a week since that night. Her first night without Sandy. Her first night in over 20 years as a non-married woman. The week's events had flown by her in an instant. Maybe it was due to the fact that she did the same thing everyday since the separation. She would wake up and drive herself to the beach, where she would swim and surf with Mark. He was the only person keeping her sane. Her family life had changed so drastically, she didn't know whether or not she'd ever get used to it. She and Sandy rarely saw each other. Seth and Ryan were caught in the middle. Dinners were always spent apart. When the family was together, they'd engage in petty small talk like strangers.
Mark liked to talk to her, really talk to her. He liked being there for her. He would listen to her short rambles and smile as she blushed and apologized profusely for her anger. He loved getting inside her head, understanding and learning everything there was to know about Kirsten Cohen.
Kirsten woke up to the sound of her cell phone ringing next to her. She groaned as she rolled over and picked it up, blinded by the backlight and the caller display. Julie. She pushed the talk button and waited for the voice on the other line. "Hello? Kiki?"
"Good morning, Julie," said Kirsten, stifling a yawn with the back of her hand.
"Oh, did I wake you?" asked Julie.
"Sort of, but it's fine, don't worry about it. I have to get up anyway," said Kirsten. She sat up in bed as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
"Uh, right, what are you gonna do today?" asked Julie pointedly. Kirsten shook her head in amazement at the energy coming from the woman at such a time in the morning.
"Surf," she replied, sitting up. The force of her movement caused a sudden rush for Kirsten as she suddenly became lightheaded. She pressed her hand to her forehead in an attempt to soothe her spinning head. No avail. Sandy used to have the perfect cure for her morning rushes, she remembered. He would kiss her forehead gently, before beginning a trail to her lips, his tongue sliding against hers, forcing her to forget that her head was spinning. The kiss would deepen and the next thing she would know was that she would be straddling his naked body. I miss him.
"Eugh, with the fish?" said Julie, the disgust evident in her tone.
Kirsten snapped out of her revere, smiling shortly as she reminisced. "That's what I used to say when San... It eases me," she said, gently. The memory of Valentine's Day two years ago flashed before her. Their ridiculous argument in her office about the other's duty to the other or something along those lines. It was a silly argument but it was serious enough for her to storm out, confused and angry. She had ignored him at the Valentine's Day Singles Dance Gala until she had heard him tell Marissa about love. She knew he was talking about their marriage, their relationship. The small stint about their fight earlier was a clean giveaway but there was something else that Marissa didn't quite pick up on. Kirsten had watched his eyes glaze over and a change in his voice that he reserved for their special evening dinners alone. There was a love in his eyes, an intensity so powerful that it should have scared her. It didn't, though. For how could she be afraid of such an immense amorous feeling with the same dwelled within her heart every time he looked at her. Smiled at her. Wiggled his insane eyebrows at her.
"And you're not afraid you'll drown?" interrupted Julie, unknowingly. Kirsten sighed, silently as she was once again dragged from the better times in her marriage.
"Oh, I don't go alone, that'd be crazy," said Kirsten, hoping the lack of emotion would remain hidden from her best friend so early in the morning. Julie didn't notice. The wheels in her head were spinning in a different direction. A different man altogether.
"Oh, right Mark! The other reason I called. So, what'd I tell you? He's hot, huh?" asked Julie, quickly. The woman's voice had picked up volume and excitement at her own mention of the attractive surfer. Secretly, she had once lusted for his body. The toned musculature of his pectorals, biceps and abdominals but her heart remained true to Jimmy. No amount of sex could ever force her to replace him in her heart, not even Caleb's money, though it had tided her over momentarily. Money didn't prevent her from having an affair with Jimmy, longing for his embrace or his smile. She loved him, no matter who said otherwise. True loves died hard.
"I can't believe you set me up with him on such short notice," said Kirsten, shaking her head in disbelief at the speed her friend had taken in order to get her a new man. Julie had the perfect man lined up the moment Kirsten had called, crying, upset and frustrated out of her mind at the realization that she would have to go out and find herself someone to try and move on with. Her conflicting feelings had prevented her from looking into her phonebook to try and find some old boyfriend or someone she had had a chemistry with. Julie had been there to ease her search and calm her nerves. She no longer had to find a new man; her friend had taken care of that, removing any anxiety Kirsten had had over her search. The only problem was that Julie's matchmaking was a little more powerful than she had assumed, for the chemistry she felt with Mark was undeniable and her father had always told her not to play with fire.
"Well, I am a master of men. Jimmy introduced me to him earlier this summer. I just thought, 'Hey, Kirsten needs someone and Mark's been kind of lonely these days, they're perfect,'" said Julie, happily at the progress of her work. Her matchmaking skills were definitely homing in. If only she could use her powers at a price… As Julie continued on about her perfection at putting the couple together, Kirsten shook her head, rolling her eyes. There was one flaw in Julie's plan. Kirsten wasn't supposed to start caring deeply for him. Mark was supposed to be the rebound, the healthy rebound that every broken-hearted person was supposed to have. He was supposed to help her forget about Sandy and move on to someone she could fall for, love… She wasn't supposed to be feeling for her rebound guy. Wasn't there some sort of rule against it?
"Yeah, almost too perfect," muttered Kirsten as her thoughts gathered, not realizing she had somewhat hinted at her blossoming affection for the man.
"Whoa, whoa, what! Are you, oh my God… Kirsten crushes Mark. You crush Mark," teased Julie in a singsong voice as she realized Kirsten's secret. At first the news had startled her, half the moral center of the universe wasn't supposed to be feeling for someone in not-so-distant universe. Were there different types of universes? Julie decided to herself that she would choose a better analogy, one she was more knowledgeable on. Nothing about space, time and beyond.
She listened as Kirsten struggled to find words. She really did have feelings for Mark, otherwise she would have remained calm. The thought of Kirsten and Mark together was one that wasn't completely disturbing but Julie was still in love with the idea of a marriage that lasted an eternity. One that had fought the tests of time, differences and family. Sandy was part of her family, even though they didn't get on very well. Kirsten and Mark couldn't possibly be an eternity type of romance. Julie decided that she wouldn't allow it. There was only one storybook romance for her best friend and it had to be with the man she loved for over twenty years.
"What? Julie that's…" stuttered Kirsten.
Julie smiled. Nothing was going to divorce Sandy and Kirsten but Kirsten still needed to find herself and her marriage. Julie smiled at the thought of reuniting Kirsten and Sandy but a part of her felt guilty about hurting one extra person. Mark. Julie shrugged off her doubts and continued to tease Kirsten. After all, there were other times to think about Mark, "Absolutely true? Don't worry. He crushes you, too."
"H-how do you know?" asked Kirsten, cautiously. It was a difficult task hiding things from Julie. She had powers. She always knew what Kirsten was thinking or feeling when it came to men. She knew about her crush on Carter. When Sandy would call her at work for a hotter-than-usual chat, Julie always knew. She always knew when Kirsten would have a little afternoon delight when she went out for lunch or when Sandy came over for lunch. No matter how hard she tried, Julie always knew. Her mastery on men was so overwhelmingly powerful that she knew when Kirsten had slept with Sandy or when she was thinking about making love to him.
"Boys talk too. God, I know you've been married since the dawn of time but you can't forget how men work. Mark told Jimmy, who of course told me," said Julie, matter-of-factly.
Kirsten struggled to find words. It had been a longtime since she had had to analyze men. Sandy was her oasis, her other half. She never had to figure out what he was thinking or how he felt, she always knew. "I…"
"I'm so sorry, Kiki. I shouldn't have mentioned the married thing," apologized Julie. She mentally slapped herself, learn to think before you talk, Julie. Quit reminding her.
"Don't worry about it," said Kirsten, sadly. Julie was right. She had been married for the majority of her lifetime. She didn't know much about men anymore… other than Sandy.
"So, when are you going out with Mark?"
"I don't know," answered Kirsten, honestly. It wasn't as though she didn't want to date him but there was someone else in her life that she'd rather date.
"You never gave him your number," stated Julie. Sometimes her friend just needed a little push before she ever did anything. Kirsten needed to sort out her feelings. Kirsten was aware of it and so was Julie.
"I know but I keep thinking. 'What about Sandy?'" Julie frowned on the other line. It was completely evident to her that Kirsten was still devoted to her marriage regardless of the fact that they were temporarily on hiatus. Julie realized that Kirsten was trying to find her way back to Sandy, even if it meant taking a few detours. Mark was a detour. She just needed to be thrust into the situation so that she could be with Sandy sooner rather than later. Julie knew it. Kirsten did too.
"Kirs…"
"I know that we're separated but that doesn't stop me from thinking about him and missing him all the time." Kirsten's eyes welled with tears as she exposed her feelings to her best friend.
"Sweetie, it's going to be hard," said Julie, wishing she could take her friend into her arms and comfort her.
"I know. The boys know and that made it feel so permanent," confessed Kirsten.
"They know?" asked Julie, shocked. Didn't she tell me NOT to tell the boys? Or anyone for that matter?
"Ryan saw us that first day. He saw me with Mark and Sandy with Katherine," explained Kirsten with a sigh. She replayed last week's events in her mind, the talk, the broken family.
A silence was heard on the opposite end of the line. Kirsten shook her head gently, knowing full well that Julie was confused. She hadn't told her about Katherine quite yet.
"This brunette surfer, lawyer type person," said Kirsten, shortly. She didn't have to go into how Katherine's legs were long, tan and slender. Or how flat and toned her stomach was. Clearly, Katherine had never bore a child.
Julie heard everything from the intonation in Kirsten's voice. She knew her best friend all too well. She knew she was hiding the sculpted figure and flawless face Katherine had, "Oh, wow, I'm sorry Kirs."
"I don't know Julie. If I do start seeing Mark, I'm worried that it'll mean the end of Sandy and me and I'm not ready for that. I still love him," began Kirsten. She was grateful for Julie's presence. Someone she could count on. Someone she could tell all her feelings to….
"I know you do, Kiki, but I'm sure Mark's not asking for you two to get married," explained Julie, making an attempt at pushing her friend a little closer to finding what it was she was looking for.
"I know, I just can't help but think about him…"
"What if I told you that Sandy was seeing Katherine…?" said Julie, slowly, waiting for Kirsten's reaction.
Kirsten's eyes grew wide as she gasped inward, deeply, "Sandy's seeing Katherine!"
"I don't know, it was more of a rhetorical question…." said Julie, carefully.
"I hate rhetorical questions," pouted Kirsten. For a moment, she really believed that Sandy had moved on. Just like she was supposed to do with Mark. If Sandy dated Katherine, would that mean the end of the Cohens?
"Kirsten, you need to make a decision here."
"I know," expressed Kirsten, sadly.
"This isn't permanent you know. It can't be. You two are the moral center of the universe. You're Sandy and Kirsten. I couldn't handle it if you two got divorced," said Julie, enthusiastically. She knew Kirsten was smiling lightly on the other end as she revisited that fateful rainy day last year. They had broken into Caleb's liquor cabinet and smoked his cigars while comparing life stories.
Kirsten's voice turned serious as the smile faded, "Then how do you explain this?"
Julie thought hard for a moment before countering, "This is a temporary arrangement before you two realize that Julie is right and that you were just being stupid."
"That's great, Julie," laughed Kirsten, softly.
"Thank you."
"Julie, What would you do?" asked Kirsten, innocently.
"W.W.J.D? What would Julie do? I like that," said Julie. Kirsten rolled her eyes as her friend had managed to turn the conversation to a completely different topic. A popular phrase… and her name.
"Julie," interrupted Kirsten.
"Right, sorry. Look, Kirsten, I have no doubt in my mind that Sandy's going to try and do the same thing as you're doing but with that woman. What's her name? Kathy. Personally, I'd date him. Kiki, you have to sort out your feelings for Sandy. Mark, he'll help you do that. Just base your decisions on how you feel and I'm sure everything will turn out the way they're supposed to," said Julie. An air of wisdom through her. Julie's answer shocked even herself. Never before had she shone with such knowledge as she did this moment at 6 in the morning. Julie shrugged, it might have been the week she had spent with Jimmy on his boat. That with the amazing sex they had had that morning.
"Isn't that using him?"
"Well," began Julie, her voice slightly in a singsong tone, "Not if you actually do have feelings for him, which I know you do."
Kirsten let out a light chuckle, "You know, you're a lot more persistent than you let on."
"I know."
"Wiser, too." The compliments kept coming and Julie's morning just kept getting better.
"I know. I'm starting to think that you think that I'm dense or something," prodded Julie in hopes for yet more praises.
"Oh, no of course not, Julie but I guess you're right… I do kind of… sort of… perhaps crush him… a little bit," confessed Kirsten, reluctantly. She took in a deep breath. Admitting to her feelings toward Mark was the first step in conquering whatever it was that was keeping her from the man she really loved.
"Mmkay, so, Kiki, what's it like being his student?" said Julie, suggestively.
Kirsten groaned, "Ugh, Julie!"
"Ah, Jimmy's up, I have to go, Kirsten but I'll call you tonight, see what happened between you and Mark?" asked Julie, her voice sped up as Kirsten heard a low growl on the other line.
Kirsten cringed at the sound, rushing suddenly to get of the phone, "Uh, yeah sure. Bye, Julie." She shuddered as right before she heard the click of Julie putting down the phone she heard the moans of the couple on the other line.
She lay back down against the mattress, holding her cell phone against her chest. She took in a deep breath as she heard a shuffle of padded feet in the hallway. Sandy was always awake at this time, either to go surfing or to gather his clothes as to not disturb her later in the morning. He, however, was always unaware that she was always awake as well. Waiting, holding her breath that he would come to her and whisper into her ear that he loved her. She was always waiting for the impossible. This morning, however, was different.
Kirsten wasn't waiting for Sandy to kiss her on the forehead before leaving or praying that he wouldn't notice her watch his every move. Kirsten was too nervous about what she had decided to do. She was a newly single woman, destined to go out on a date that she hadn't been even asked to go on yet.
The door slowly opened as some light filtered through into the bedroom. She looked at the shaggy haired figure before her through half lidded eyes. Sandy looked around briefly before slipping inside and tiptoeing into their closet.
Kirsten's eyes snapped open at the feel of a vibration at her chest, the light of the display blinding her momentarily before a ring tone blasted off her phone. Her gaze went straight to Sandy who simply stared at her expectantly. She looked at the screen, "Unknown number."
"Kirsten?" asked the English voice on the other line.
"Uh, Hi. Did Julie give you this number?" stuttered Kirsten as she sat up in her bed. Sandy returned to his previous activities as an attempt to distract himself from the beautiful blonde. Her hair was at a slight disarray, her pajama top stopping just above her breasts, teasing him. He watched as her chest rose and fell with each breath, her lips, soft and inviting. He missed Kirsten.
Kirsten smiled, slightly as she heard the discomfort in Mark's voice at the question. She assumed he was probably rehearing the sounds she had just heard herself. "So very uncomfortably but uh, yeah, she did. I hope that's okay," stuttered Mark.
Kirsten looked up at Sandy nervously. Their eyes met briefly as their breaths caught in their chests. They both looked away quickly, trembling gently as they both took deep breaths in an effort for focus and control. Kirsten sighed gently as she heard Mark cough on the other line, "What? Oh, yeah, it's fine. I should have been the one to give it to you though."
"Haha, yeah or I could have asked," chuckled Mark, awkwardly.
"Hmm, right," said Kirsten, "Wow, this feels really high school."
"I know, I'm sorry."
"Oh, don't be," said Kirsten, in a less than reassuring tone. Her mind kept slipping back and forth between Sandy and Mark.
"Um. So. I guess Julie told you that I wanted to take you to dinner?" asked Mark.
Kirsten nodded as she watched as Sandy disappeared further into their closet, "She did."
Kirsten didn't notice the small pause at the end of her short reply. Mark interrupted her gaze, "And?"
"She didn't tell you anything else?"
"No, she didn't but I'm starting to think that maybe she didn't want to hurt my feelings or something. It's okay, you know, we can just surf today, no dinner or anything," said Mark, quickly. Kirsten blinked in amazement. He was kind of like Sandy; rambling absolute incoherent babble.
"You know, letting me give my answer would suffice," said Kirsten, ignoring yet another likeness to her husband. She rolled her eyes, amused at his words. It was, kind of, cute. She was almost certain that he was blushing on the other line.
"Right, sorry. I tend to ramble," said Mark, obviously slightly embarrassed.
Kirsten let out a light laugh, "I've noticed."
Both lines were then suddenly silent as they waited for the other to reply. Ten seconds had elapsed and still no response. Twenty. Thirty. A clearing of the throat. Kirsten twitched softly, "What?"
Mark laughed, as he lightened up considerably, "Dinner? Me. You. The Arches. Tonight?"
Kirsten thought for a moment. She had already decided hadn't she? Date Mark. That was the right thing to do, not only because she had to but also because she was attracted to him and it was only fair to investigate that while not jeopardizing the relationship she had with Sandy. Kirsten ran it through in her head one last time before letting out a quiet sigh. "Right, of course. Uh, yeah. Sure, Let's have dinner," she answered.
"Really? Great, let's do it. But not it because I don't want to do it with you, not that I don't want to because you're very attractive but we can't do it because you're still married and I can't do that but it's not that I can't do that because I can and I'm sure you can too, not that I've imagined it because that'd be weird not that it would be weird or anything because I'm sure it'd be good…" rambled Mark
"Mark."
"…not that I'm thinking about us doing it because I'm not, not that I don't want to…"
"Mark!"
"Uh, yeah?" asked Mark, as though nothing was really wrong. Kirsten smiled as she heard him take deep breaths to stabilize his breathing as it had quickened along with his words.
"The rambling?"
"Sorry, I get nervous and then I can't stop talking," confessed Mark, slowly.
"Why are you nervous? We're having a conversation over the phone, seems pretty harmless to me," shrugged Kirsten.
"I didn't want you to get the wrong impression."
Kirsten laughed softly, "I wouldn't have. Now you're leading me to believe that you have thought about sleeping with me." Kirsten looked up to see Sandy's eyes, intense as ever, through the darkness of the closet. Clearly, the mention of Kirsten sleeping with anyone other than Sandy was enough to make him stop in his tracks.
"Oh, um, no of course not, Kirsten. I have only honorable intentions with you."
Kirsten smiled, "Like sleeping with me." She took care to speak a little louder, staring into Sandy's eyes before turning away, blushing.
"No, no, no, no," emphasized Mark.
"You need to relax a little more," said Kirsten, a little seductively.
"I know," concurred Mark, his voice deep.
"You weren't like this on the beach."
"That's because you were my student," countered Mark. Kirsten chuckled lightly as she was reminded of Julie's sexual implication earlier about being Mark's student. To Mark, there was a difference between being someone's date and being someone's student. To Julie, there wasn't one.
"And now…?" asked Kirsten, curious of what he thought of their relationship now. Would he jump straight to calling her his girlfriend?
"Well, I'm dating you. Who knows what will happen. Uh not that I…" stumbled Mark.
"Dinner," interrupted Kirsten, firmly.
"Yes, dinner," replied Mark. Kirsten looked up to see Sandy, still staring at her. Something in his eyes told her that perhaps the conversation should end.
"Uh, I have to go but I'll see you in a few hours on the beach again today," rushed Kirsten.
"Um, okay, take care, Kirsten," said Mark affectionately.
"You, too. Bye-bye."
Kirsten turned to stand up only to be face to face with Sandy, whose eyes flared with a passion she had rarely seen before. "Who the hell was that?" asked Sandy, abruptly.
"What?" asked Kirsten, taken aback as she rose to her feet.
"Kirsten, don't hide things from me. Who was that on the phone just now? Who are you meeting?" asked Sandy, strongly, to the back of Kirsten's head as she walked briskly away from him.
"It's none of your damn business, Sandy," said Kirsten, grabbing her robe, which was slung over the back of the expensive chair. Sandy watched her in awe, her hair sweeping behind her as the robe was pressed to her milky skin. She looked like an angel. His angel.
He gazed at her, his eyes blaring with jealousy, "It is my damn business. I want to know who the hell is cavorting around with my wife."
Kirsten stopped and turned to look at him. She pointed a finger at him as she defended, "He's not cavorting." Their breaths deepened as they stared into each other's eyes. His hair was scruffily sexy as it used to be, his eyes piercing through the messy bangs. The undershirt he wore clung to his body, defining his already perfect musculature.
"So, now, you're defending him?" accused Sandy, angrily. Kirsten rolled her eyes. Sandy was never the jealous type, at least, he never showed he was the jealous type. Perhaps that was because she was his and now, her marital status was less than clear. For the moment, she wasn't part of Sandy and Kirsten, Kandy, Mr. and Mrs. Cohen. She was, plain and simple, Kirsten. Not, Sandy's Kirsten. Just Kirsten and it seemed as though as that fact scared Sandy into a sense of uneasiness. His once angel was now dating someone else.
"You don't even know who he is! Don't you judge him!" spat Kirsten, glaring at his piercing dark eyes.
"Is it that man I saw you with?" Sandy's voice softened.
Kirsten took a breath as she felt him calm down slightly, "What man?"
"Don't lie to me. I saw you at the beach yesterday. You know, the guy with the shirt off. Dark hair. Steroid induced muscles," explained Sandy.
"They are not steroid induced! And you're following me now? That's great, Sandy, really great. I love how you trust me," said Kirsten, turning from him.
Sandy moved closer to her, his breath hitting her neck, "I see the way you look at him." Kirsten shuddered, gently, as she listened to him, his voice deep, his words colliding into her. There was no particular way she looked at him,
"Tell me then, because I'd really like to know," said Kirsten, narrowing her eyes at him.
"You ogle him. You drool over him like a schoolgirl," emphasized Sandy.
"You are ridiculous," said Kirsten, rolling her eyes at him before turning away from him yet again.
Sandy's voice was soft, jealous, "Then why do you smile every time he touches you? Why do you blush every time he looks at you?" The sound of his voice was heartbreaking for Kirsten. The only time she had ever heard him sound this was two years ago when he had confronted her about her kiss with Jimmy.
"I don't smile or blush, Sandy. How can you question my loyalty when you've been running around with that surfer girl?" she asked, just as softly.
"She has a name," he paused, "Kirsten." He said her name in a bare whisper, almost inaudible. Kirsten sighed inwardly. She didn't know how much it hurt him to tell her about Katherine. Katherine meant nothing to him compared to how much he felt for Kirsten. Uttering another's name broke his heart. The only "she," and "her," for him was Kirsten. Hers was the only name that mattered.
"So you admit it," Kirsten began, "You have a slutty little surfer girl on the side." She hated that she was being so rude and mean to him but she needed to disconnect herself from him in order to grow. She needed to at least make an attempt at being with someone else, living without Sandy's constant love and affection. Without her own heart beating for him.
"Kirsten, you're talking crazy," said Sandy, his eyes questioning hers as he took her hands into his own, stroking the flesh on her slender digits.
"Am I Sandy?" she replied, pulling her hands away from the hypnotic feel and rhythm of his fingers, "Because I seem to remember walking on the beach, seeing you hold her towel while she changed, naked! You know, that surfer woman with the dark hair, long. Too long. And the tanned skin. Too tanned. On the body, which, might I add, is unproportional to her face." Kirsten folded her arms against her slim figure, pouting lightly. Her banter had crossed the boundary of anger and had entered into the world of confusion. Her feelings had altered her speech, apparently. Usually when she acted this way, Sandy would chuckle before gathering her into his arms for a sweet embrace. His lips against hers would make her pout disappear, her facial features to soften as she lost herself in his caresses to her skin and brushes of his tongue against hers. His body would press against hers, pinning her to him, pelvis to pelvis, chest to chest. Their bodies entwined in a passionate dance.
"So, you've been stalking me and making up words," concluded Sandy, abruptly pulling Kirsten away from her thoughts.
She glared at him, through narrowed eyes. "Don't you judge me," she hissed, "I have a husband who lies to me about his little girlfriend. I have a husband who thinks I'm cavorting with some strange man."
"Strange man with ripples made from steroids," countered Sandy, childishly.
"Mark is not on steroids!" she cried, throwing her hands up in defeat. She let out a quiet groan of frustration, staring at the way Sandy's chest rose and fell with the spasms of his chest. His nostrils flared as his biceps flexed, his hands clenching. Her defense of Mark was beginning to get to him. She used to defend him like that. Raw passion. She couldn't be feeling that way for Mark already? Could she?
"Again, defending your little boyfriend," Sandy shook his head, gently, as the thoughts of her being in love with someone else consumed his mind. There had to be a reason why she was defending Mark in such a manner.
"Stop acting so smug, Sandy. Who is that girl?" pleaded Kirsten, softly.
"Stop trying to pawn this off on me. I'm not the one making plans with Mark every morning," answered Sandy, frustrated that their conversation was going nowhere.
"You don't know what I'm doing with him. How dare you accuse me of having an affair! I have been nothing but faithful to you Sandy." Tears glistened in her eyes briefly as she reminisced of their romance. Never in her life had she ever experienced such ardor or raw emotion.
"Well, so have I," countered Sandy.
"I see him every morning and you see her every morning," she began, "So what the hell is your problem? We're even."
"How the hell can you say we're even? He touches you. He holds your hand and
steadies you," cried Sandy, grabbing her hand.
"You don't know what you're talking about. She lays your towels down in the sand for you. She sticks your board in the sand. She does so much for you, Sandy," said Kirsten, hoping the envy in her voice would be masked by her broken heart.
"Why are you so jealous, Kirsten?" It wasn't. He knew her. He knew her better than she knew herself. He saw her in every way that was possible.
"I… I'm not jealous. I'm curious. There is a difference," she said, uncertainly, mentally crossing her fingers that he would believe her. She finished with a curt nod. "Why are you so jealous?" she asked, her eyes narrowing suspiciously at him.
The grip he had on her hand softened as he stared down at her milky complexion. He looked deep into her eyes, searching for a sign, anything that told him that their separation was a mistake. It scared him that he couldn't see into her as well as he used to. He sighed, "Because he touches you. He holds your hand and steadies you. He does what I want to do to and for you. I can't and he can. You're right. She lays down my towels and sticks my board in the sand. None of it is personal. Rosa lays down my sheets. The mailman sticks my mail in the box."
"Sandy, those are horrible connections," sniffed Kirsten, with a small chuckle.
"I know but I don't think you're focusing on the bigger picture, here, Kirsten." His voice remained serious and Kirsten's faint smile disappeared.
"I know… Sandy… I…"
"What are we doing, Kirsten?" interrupted Sandy.
"I… don't know. I can't do this, Sandy. I can't. I'll even admit it. I was jealous. But… I just don't know if this is right anymore," confessed Kirsten, gently pulling her hand away from him and walking to their bed. She turned to look at him before sitting on the expensive sheets.
"Even after all this, Kirsten? You admitted it. You're jealous. You can't see me with another woman. You don't want to see me with another woman," pushed Sandy, taking a seat next to her. He cradled her face in his hands, his face inches away from hers. Her breath caught in her chest.
"You're right. I can't. You can't either. Mark and I scare you like you and Katherine scares me. But you see, Sandy, you turn to everyone who isn't me. Rebecca isn't me. She's the complete opposite. Katherine, too. She's a funny, athletic woman from the P.D's office. I'm the serious, spoiled Newport brat who worked for a company and a man you hated," said Kirsten, sadly, tearing her physical connection to Sandy.
Sandy looked at her, shocked. In a way, she was right. His hands froze in mid-air, curling into fists before meeting the soft high-thread count sheets, "Are you sleeping with him?"
"No, Sandy, I'm not," she said, shortly.
"Then what was that I saw? You topless, him rubbing your shoulders. You were moaning Kirsten, in public. You never like big public displays of affection and now, with him all you do is giggle and blush like a schoolgirl," accused Sandy. He was sorry. He didn't know what else to throw at her. He was breaking into pieces and she was still holding up her strong front. He needed her so bad it hurt inside.
"That's not true and you know it," she said, sharply. Her voice pierced into him. Her eyes shot into him like daggers as they met his. He missed the passion she held for him. He took her enthusiasm she had for their separation because it was the only strong emotion that she ever presented to him.
"Kirsten…"
"This is stupid," she uttered, quietly, looking at her hands, folded neatly in her lap.
"What is? The fact that you're jealous and I'm jealous but we're not together? Because baby, that is stupid. We should be together," said Sandy, passionately, taking both her hands in his.
"No," said Kirsten, standing up, abruptly, "this conversation is stupid. I have no right to be jealous or curious. You're right. We aren't together. I shouldn't be trying to pin you down while I go off with Mark. It's not fair and it's wrong. I'm sorry, Sandy. I'll leave you and your leggy surfer girl alone." She began to walk away, disappearing slowly into their closet and toward their bathroom. She refused to look at him, her eyes glazed over with the tears of a broken heart.
"Kirsten. You've got me all wrong," cried Sandy, standing up. Something in his voice made her stop. Something made her stay in place for a moment. He made her want to stay. She shut her eyes, letting the tears stain her face, splashing against her flushed cheeks.
She turned to face him, her hair flowing in the momentum of her movement, "No. I had us all wrong, Sandy."
Sandy stared after her as she shut the door to their bathroom. Their room was quiet, dark. All that could be heard were the deep respirations coming from the brokenhearted man in the middle of the room, staring at a closed door in the midst of darkness. The only thing he saw was the small crack of light coming from behind the closed door and the dancing shadow of the woman he loved. Silent tears fell down his face as he remembered the last words she said to him. I had us all wrong.
Kirsten stared at the door after she shut it. The room was painfully bright, almost blinding. All that could be heard was the silent sobs emitted by the devastated woman in the middle of the room, staring at the closed door in the light, through the darkness of her heart. The only thing she saw was the small crack of darkness seeping into her. The shadow and sorrow of a broken heart. She, quietly, crumpled to the floor as she realized that the last words she said to him were true. She had had them all wrong.
Next time on Back to You:
"…There is someone else I have feelings for and I don't know what to do…"Dum, dum, dum. Haha :P Read and Review, please.