Remus and Adriana were sitting in his dorm room. It was the only place they could really be alone, what with the Hogwarts grounds covered with people all enjoying the nice weather and students studying for their OWLs and NEWTs. They had now been dating for several months and everything was going well. Or, at least it appeared to be going well.
Even though he knew that she knew about him being a werewolf and that she didn't care, he was still very reluctant to talk about it. His lycanthropy was not something he liked to share with people, and he was still terrified that the more she learned about his darker side, the less she would care about him. Every time she tried to bring it up he would become uncomfortable and change the topic which annoyed her because she felt that he didn't trust her. She tried to convince him that she too had to undergo prejudice because she was a Metamorphmagus but he was unconvinced.
Metamorphmagi did suffer from prejudice, but they were not considered half-breeds. A Metamorphmagus could still go out and get any job they wanted while werewolves were discriminated against to the extreme. And no matter how much she tried to convince him that she did, Remus knew that she didn't understand. Nobody except for other werewolves could ever understand.
But it wasn't just her constant desire for him to share his 'problems' with her. There was something else too. Every week before the full moon Remus became more bestial. He became rougher and wanted her so much it was painful. His animal instincts became sharper and he could hear and smell things much more intensely. He was embarrassed of this and how it made him act and he tried to stay away from her whenever he was affected, but after the first time it happened she refused to let him.
And as they sat there on his bed, Adriana curled up against his side, her hand on his chest, Remus felt desire so strong it almost knocked him out. It was the day before the full moon. He could hear the calm beat of her heart so loudly it was as if there was a bass drum next to him on the bed. She smelled like vanilla and strawberries and the scent of her nearly drove him insane. She had refused to wear her hair as it should be and the curls were gone, it was a dark brown that tapered into violet in the ends and flipped up. Her eyes were still the same though and they stared at him adoringly as she continued telling her story about the time she pretended she was her grandmother so she could freak out her cousin.
Her hand moved a bit on his chest and his heart beat quickened. Remus really wanted to ask her to leave before he did something he'd regret. She seemed to sense his discomfort and she stopped talking and shifted so that she was looking up at him. Her eyes moved across his features in concern as he breathed heavily. He held his whole body rigid against the urge to roll on top of her and take her right then and there.
"Lupin? Is everything alright?" She asked, brushing a strand of purple from her face. He swallowed hard and shook his head. "What is it?" her voice was tinged with worry.
"It's just … I think you should leave." His voice cracked a bit as he spoke and he ignored the look of hurt that crossed Adriana's face. But the hurt didn't last long, Adriana was well aware of how he got whenever a full moon came by.
A serious look covered her features. "Do you really want me to?"
Remus thought about that for a moment. No. He didn't really want her to leave, but she had to before he hurt her, and while he would never mean to, it was his the animal in him that would do it.
She read his thoughts and whispered "You won't hurt me." She brought up her hand and brushed his hair away from his face. Remus's jaw clenched and he shivered at her touch. God, how he wanted her.
He couldn't hold himself back any longer and in one swift movement he slid his arm behind her and pulled her closer to him, kissing her intensely. She sighed against his lips and he deepened the kiss, sliding his hand through her hair.
Remus brought his hand slowly up her side, savoring the feel of her against him. He could no longer think, but if he could've he would have pulled away. He heard her pulse speed up and he groaned, moving his hips against her. He pulled his mouth away from hers and began to kiss her neck, feeling her pulse with his lips.
But then he heard footsteps on the stairs. Sirius and Circe. He could hear them coming as they made their way to the door and he quickly pulled himself off Adriana, moving so that he lay next to her again, half-seated so that they couldn't see how aroused he was. He just hoped he didn't look too guilty. Adriana looked at him in confusion and hurt for a moment, but before he could explain Sirius opened the door and walked in arrogantly, followed by Circe.
After a stunned second Adriana smiled sweetly at them and ran a hand through her hair. He could still hear her heart beat, it was racing.
"Hey!" Sirius said as he took a seat on his bed. "We thought we'd join you guys in here, hope you don't mind."
Remus shot Sirius a look that he was sure could have scorched even the best of men if looks could kill. Sirius smiled mockingly back at him, knowing exactly what he had intruded upon. After all, this was Sirius, he had snuck countless girls up here to 'talk' in the last two years countless times.
Circe looked uncomfortable for a moment as she eyed the room. Remus considered for a moment that the two had come up to 'talk', but realized that that definitely wasn't the case, Sirius had known he and Adriana were up there. He mentally shrugged.
After moments more indecision Circe decided to follow Sirius and took a seat next to him on his bed. Sirius moved his arm so that it rested behind her.
A silence took over the room and Adriana seemed to be calming down now. He too, now that there were others in the room, managed to hold himself in check and school his own heartbeat down.
"So …" Sirius attempted to break the silence.
"What were you two up to?" Adriana asked, looking at Circe. Circe nodded slightly and he saw Adriana raise an eyebrow out of the corner of his eye. Remus knew that they had just communicated something between the two of them, but for the life of him he couldn't figure it out. Girls had a strange way of knowing what each other was thinking.
"We were playing chess. Then we decided to come and visit you guys." Circe said simply after her little exchange with Ri..
Remus frowned slightly. He hoped that Sirius was treating Circe with respect and not like he treated other girls. Circe was their friend and she didn't deserve to be another one of Sirius's playthings. Of course, Circe was dating Seamus and was also smarter than most of the girls Sirius fooled around with which probably meant she wasn't stupid enough to 'succumb to his charm'. But he had noticed them hanging out a great deal more, and he knew that Sirius was infatuated with her.
Remus cleared his throat and decided to speak. "Right. Great." He shifted slightly and put his arm around Adriana who giggled.
Another silence followed and it was once again Sirius who broke it. "So Finn, what're you doing for the summer?"
Adriana shrugged and Remus felt the movement against his side. He swallowed again. He wondered to himself if Adriana would come and visit him during the summer. After all, a lot could happen in two months. "Not sure yet. You?"
Circe turned her face to look at Sirius and he didn't speak for a second. Remus raised a brow in question at the odd sight that was a besotted Sirius. He almost laughed when he saw Sirius notice Adriana and himself staring at him and Sirius cleared his throat. "I'm living with the Potter's now, so Prongs and I will probably think of something cool to do."
"You two will be up to a lot of mischief, no doubt." Circe teased.
Remus felt bad for his good friend who had just recently moved out of his own house and in to the Potter's. He knew Sirius was upset that his family and him didn't get along. "I feel sorry for Mr. and Mrs. Potter." Remus joked. "Not only do they have to deal with Prongs, but they'll be left to keep you out of trouble too."
Adriana laughed at his joke and Sirius and Circe followed suit. They all continued to talk about summer vacation and the upcoming exams for a good half-an-hour when James suddenly burst into the room, looking absolutely furious. He flopped angrily onto his bed before noticing that anyone was in the room. He mumbled a quick "hello" and then lay down disgruntled.
Remus held back a laugh at his disgruntled friend. "Alright there Prongs?" Remus asked.
"Peachy." James replied, his words muffled against his pillow.
Adriana and Circe exchanged a look and both smiled at a silent joke that only they knew.
"Everything went well in the library then?" Sirius asked, suppressing a smirk and looking over at Remus. Remus knew he was missing something, but he couldn't figure out what.
James grunted and Circe snickered. James sat up at scowled at her. "What are you laughing at?"
Rather than answering his question, Circe asked one of her own. "Is Lily still down there?"
Comprehension dawned and Remus suddenly grinned, Sirius started to laugh and James's scowl deepened. "I wouldn't know."
Everybody laughed again and James flopped back down on his bed, muttering insults at them under his breath.
Remus decided this would be a safe time to leave as he wanted to talk to Ri. He whispered in her ear, "Wanna go for a walk?" She nodded slightly and they both stood up. "We'll see you guys at dinner." Remus said as he took Adriana's hands his and the two left the room.
They made their way down from Gryffindor tower and were walking down the hall when Adriana, suddenly apprehensive, dragged him into a nearby classroom. He got even more confused when Adriana shut the door and walked across the room taking a seat on a desk.
"Ri?" He looked around suspiciously. "What's going on?"
"I wanted to talk to you?" Adriana said, swinging her feet in the air as she stared at him.
Remus suddenly felt very suspicious. "We couldn't talk in the hall?"
Adriana tilted her head a bit before speaking, seeming to have to think about what she was about to say. "Not about what I want to talk about."
"Umm …" Remus instantly knew he wanted to be anywhere but there. He knew what she wanted to talk about without her having to even say anything. She wanted to talk to him about his lycanthropy, and that was a subject he really wanted to avoid. He opened his mouth to tell her how he felt.
"I know that you hate speaking about it," Adriana rushed her words, interrupting anything he might have said. "But we can't tiptoe around the subject forever Lupin."
He took a deep breathe and fixed his gaze on the floor. She didn't understand – couldn't understand how hard it was for him to be what he was. How hard it was to live with the knowledge that your life would never be normal. How much it hurt whenever he had to transform. These were things that only other werewolves could ever understand. He was so afraid of speaking about him being a werewolf with her because he knew that she could never love him if she knew. Truly knew about what he really was.
"Just … just talk to me. Please." He looked up at her from underneath his bangs and saw how sad and nervous she looked. And because he loved her and couldn't deny her anything, he sighed and moved so that he sat down in the closest desk to him. "Don't you think it would be better if we just … talked about it?"
Remus laughed sardonically "Doubt it."
"Come on Lupin. If we're going to be together we should be able to talk about this. I really like you, and it really bothers me that you don't trust me enough-"
"This isn't about trust." Remus interrupted, needing for her to know that he did trust her.
"Well, what is it then?" Adriana hoped off the desk she had been sitting on and walked to where he was sitting. "What is it? Are you afraid? Embarrassed?"
He raised an eyebrow, as always astounded at how well she knew him.
Adriana smiled as she knelt in front of him. "There is nothing to be ashamed about. I've known for years about you and it has never changed how I felt about you. And I know a lot about werewolves, or have you forgotten that Defense Against the Dark Arts is my best subject?"
Remus finally gave in. They were going to have to discuss it sooner or later, so he may as well get it over with. But this logic didn't make the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach go away. He sighed and looked at her, starring into her beautiful chocolate eyes. "What is it you want to know?"
Adriana hesitated a bit, obviously trying to decide which question to ask first. She took a deep breath and spoke, her words just above a whisper. "When did you get the bite?"
Disturbing memories clouded his mind. Terrifying images of a young boy and a dark shape with dripping, sharp fangs. He shivered. "I was six." He didn't elaborate on that. Couldn't revisit that experience without breaking down.
She seemed to understand and decided to ask another question. "What - Do you - Where do you go to … transform?"
"The Shrieking Shack" Remus mumbled, not quite sure if he should really be telling her this. He didn't want to break Dumbledore's trust, but he also knew that Adriana felt she needed to know this.
"But it's haunted," Adriana said, followed by a loud "Oh" when the truth dawned on her. Remus was the real reason the townsfolk feared the Shrieking Shack. She looked over at the wall for a moment, and then turned back to face him. He had to strain to hear her voice when she spoke this time. "Will you show me?"
Remus didn't know what to say. Show her the Shrieking Shack? He opened his mouth to protest but no sound came out. What explanation could he give for not wanting her to see it?
"Please," she whispered, taking his hand in hers. "I need to understand." She pleaded so earnestly that he couldn't say no, so he nodded.
They got up in silence and left the room after Remus whispered in her ear, "I know a shortcut." Together they walked down the hallway, Remus feeling his heart slam against his ribcage in nervousness. When they reached the secret passage to the Shrieking Shack outside on the school grounds by the Whomping Willow Adriana shot him an anxious look. When he was absolutely sure that no one was looking (which wasn't that difficult because nobody ever wanted to be anywhere near the dangerous tree) he grabbed a stick and pressed it against the knob on the trunk. The wailing arms stopped swinging long enough for Remus and Adriana to make their way down the hole.
She clutched his hand as they walked down the path, shifting closer to him.
And then they walked into the Shrieking Shack, Remus embarrassed at the thought of Adriana seeing the destruction he had caused. But she did not react as he had she would. She did not look disgusted at the torn drapes or at the shattered furniture. She did not sneer at the stains of blood or the gnawed wood. Instead, a look of unparalleled sorrow covered her face and he could see that she was holding back tears.
He stood rooted to one spot as he watched her make her way around the room, trailing her hands lightly over everything she passed. She stopped at the one and only window and fingered the curtains. "I had no idea …" she said, finally looking at him. Her voice tinged with sadness.
Remus shrugged, at a loss for words. This room represented his worst side. It was a symbol for everything wrong in his life, everything wrong about who he was. And here he was, standing inside it with the one girl he would always love.
Adriana walked towards him, stopping when she stood a foot apart. "Does it hurt?" She asked almost hesitantly. He didn't need to ask what she was referring to.
Remus breathed a deep sigh and fixed his gaze at the clawed board just over her shoulder. "Yes" he answered. "So much I can't stand it." So much he wanted to die.
He started at the feel of her touch as she slid her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. "I wish I could fix it for you." Her words were muffled against his shirt.
He blinked rapidly against the prickling in his eyes caused by unshed tears. More than anything in the world he wanted to be normal. But there was no point in voicing that wish, it would never happen.
Adriana moved back from him and dropped her hands from his waist. There were two tears running down her cheek and he swallowed hard. Even in sorrow she was perfect.
He clenched his hands into fists to keep himself from touching her. It was a full moon the next night and he didn't want to hurt her.
She brought one of her hands up slowly so that it rested just below his heart where she knew a scar was. She brushed her hand lightly across it and he shivered, his heart slamming against his chest. She leaned forward and lightly kissed the spot, stroking her hand slowly down his chest until it rested at the waist of his jeans.
"Ri …" he didn't know what he wanted to say, but he knew that he had to get out of there and away from her or he was going to do something he'd later regret.
She silenced him by putting a finger to his lips. His palms got sweaty and he released the fists and shoved them into his pockets. The urge to kiss her was painful in its insistence. She brushed his hair out of his face and he knew his control was going to break.
"We should go," he croaked his throat dry and constricted with need.
She smiled at him and she looked so uncertain and so shy that all he wanted to do was bring her to him.
"We don't have to …" she whispered, her hand cupping his cheek. "Nobody would ever have to know."
God, she couldn't possibly know what her words did to him. He was sweating and his heart beat was going so fast he was afraid he might have a cardiac arrest. And she wanted to stay!
Remus breathed in deeply again, breathing in the scent of her. He began to explain to her why they had to leave. "Ri … if we don't go something-" Adriana cut off his words with the touch of her lips against his.
He lost control and, bringing his hands from his pockets, crushed her to him. He thrust his tongue into her mouth and kissed her with all the need that was bubbling inside of him, his animal instincts taking over.
Suddenly, as if waking from a dream he realized what he was doing and pushed her away, stumbling backwards from her as he did so.
She stared at him in shock, her breath coming fast. Because of his werewolf senses he could hear each labored intake of breath. Could hear her heart as it slammed hard against her chest. "Let's go," Remus said, breaking the heated silence.
He took a step towards the door but when she didn't move he stopped walking.
"You can't keep pushing me away Lupin," Adriana said quietly, but in the silence of the room it sounded like she had screamed the words.
He brushed a shaky hand through his hair. "Ri …" Remus wanted her so bad it hurt and all he knew was he had to get as far away from her as possible. He really didn't want to hurt her. He loved her too much.
"You never want to talk about it." Adriana was frustrated and she walked over and took a seat in the broken chair, a gesture that meant they would be there for a while. "Every time we do anything you freak out! What is it … don't you want me?"
He couldn't believe her insecurity. Of course he wanted her. She was the most amazing person he had ever met. "I just … it's hard." He didn't want to tell her that he was afraid. Afraid of what might happen if they went too far. Afraid that he might scare her, or worse, hurt her.
"Am I not attractive enough?" He laughed in disbelief. She was the most beautiful girl in the world. But when he saw the expression of hurt in her eyes he stopped laughing.
"Of course not." He walked over and crouched down in front of her, keeping far enough away so that he didn't touch her.
"They why? Why is it that you don't want me?" Another tear fell down her cheek.
Remus's voice was laced with longing. "I do want you."
"Then have me." Adriana whispered. He stared into her eyes and couldn't hold it back any longer. Dropping to his knees he leaned forward and kissed her, nibbling her bottom lip slowly.
He brought his hands up so that they were cupping her face as he kissed her and Adriana wrapped her legs around his waist and slid closer to him on the chair, hooking her arms around his neck. He groaned as he broke away, trailing kissing along her jaw as he made his way to her ear, nibbling on the love and whispering "I need you."
She withdrew her hands from around his neck and took her shirt off. He groaned again and kissed her harder, putting his hands on her hips and dragging her closer to him still.
Their kiss only broke long enough for Remus to get his shirt off and when they finished taking off their clothes he only said one more thing to her. "I don't want to hurt you." He was still terrified that he might and she read the fear in his voice.
Adriana smiled at him, cupping his face and brushing her thumb across his lips. "You won't." He kissed her forehead lightly and kissed her again before pulling her closer to him and standing up so that he held her in his arms. He walked towards the bed and placed her down on top of it, unable to hold back any longer.
For the first time in his six years of using this room, Remus felt content for once to be in it. And when they lay there in the bed afterwards Remus knew, without any shadow of a doubt, that he loved Adriana more than anyone or anything in the world. He knew that he would always love her, until the day he died.
A/N: Sorry for the long wait between chapters, but this one is really long so hopefully that makes up for it. And if you don't like long chapters, sorry but I am trying to get as much done on this story and my Sirius one before I go away for the summer! Well ... I hope you liked it, and thanks to all who have reviewed (I really appreciate it!)