OOOO

From Ch 4...

Seconds passed and all that Harm was able to think about was the bile that was rising in his throat. He swallowed it down, hard, before opening his mouth and attempting to speak, again.

"I'm sorry, Sir…I had no idea…I…Mac never said anything to me. Neither did anyone else…I…I guess that I haven't been paying the colonel much attention, this week…"

"I'd say so, Commander," the General let his irritation get the better of him, but powered down when he saw Harm's pale, repentant countenance, "I think you owe those people out there an explanation. Especially the parents of your Godchild, whom they buried in similar tragic circumstances and who have relived it all again this week, in a bid to help a friend who they saw was struggling with everything on her own. Then, I think you need to take off and offer your friend and fellow officer an apology and some support that has been sorely lacking, this week…"

"Yes, Sir," Harm snapped to, with admirable energy, despite his shaky appearance.

OOOO

Ch 5

After a long and contrite explanation and apology to all those present in the break room, Harm got all his things together and got into his car to go home. He didn't make it past the turning for Georgetown, he took off his uniform jacket and loosened his tie, deciding that this couldn't wait for him to go home and change.

Mac looked surprised to see him, when she opened her front door. He could tell that she had been crying at some point; her face was once again washed and dried, but her red-rimmed eyes and slightly shaky façade told him that she was not dealing with her day well.

"Harm, what are you doing here? I don't want to…" she looked at him like he was the last person she wanted to see, but Harm was determined and unperturbed.

"Mac, wait…I came here because I owe you an apology…"

This stunned Mac into silence, so Harm continued.

"Today, I was less than sympathetic when you had had a really tough day and I started throwing questions and comments at you when you were far from prepared to answer them, far from able to…"

"Harm, I'm sorry I didn't say anything, but I was at a funeral this morning…"

"Yeah, I know…and I'm sorry that I wasn't paying enough attention these past few weeks to notice just how much you were struggling with. What you did for that baby…Mac, it was a wonderful thing to do. I'm sorry for not being there for you."

"Harm, I could have come to you at any point for help…but I didn't. I don't even know why…"

"And I owe you an apology for what I said today…"

Mac looked at him, puzzled. The only thing she could remember him saying that had irritated her was, 'Maaaacc!'

"After you left the office today, I'm afraid that I flew off the handle and made a thoughtless comment to some of our co-workers. I had no idea what you had been through today and never would have said what I did, if I knew. The General chewed me out and put me straight. I also apologized to our friends. I am so sorry, Mac. I really need to stop speaking before I've had chance put my brain into 'drive.' You deserve more than that from me…"

Here, Harm really did become alarmed, when Mac sunk down to sit on her couch and burst into tears. It was only a second before Harm came to his senses and crouched down beside her, reaching out cradle the side of her face in his hand and apologize to her again.

"I'm so sorry, Mac. I don't know why I keep hurting you like this, but it is certainly not because you deserve it; It's because I'm an ass…"

What he didn't know was that Mac wasn't thinking anything about what he had said in front of their friends at JAG Headquarters. She was focusing on his ending sentence;

'You deserve more than that from me…'

After all she had said to him, all the ways she had hurt him, made him think that he was not good enough for her; good enough to father her child, he was saying that she deserved more from him…To say that Mac was floored was an understatement.

It was as if a flood barrier had been destroyed; weeks, hell, months worth of emotions came crashing forth and Mac was helpless to do anything to stop them. When she only began to cry harder, Harm didn't hesitate to scoop her up into his arms and sit down again on her sofa with her on his knee. He held her as she cried even harder, rocking her gently and whispering words of comfort in her ear. When the sobs finally slowed, she tucked her face further into the junction of his neck and his chest, feeling so much lighter now that she had let it all out and allowed him to hold her like she had always wished for.

"I know I've been putting you under stress when you've got more than you can handle, Mac. I'm sorry. I promise that I'm not going to do that anymore. You made your decision and gave me your answer and I didn't want to accept it. That was wrong of me. It would be your body going through all this and not just the nine months of any potential pregnancy, but all of the tests and therapies and invasive procedures before we even got to that point. Unless the both of us are sure that is what we want, we can't go ahead. I'm not going to pressure you anymore. It's not fair to coerce you into doing this when you don't want to. And I don't blame you, when the cost is so high and I am hardly treating you the way I should be."

"Harm, you're my best friend…not only are my chances of conceiving very low, but our chances of getting through all of those procedures with our friendship intact…It's probably even closer to zero….I couldn't…I just can't…"

"I know, Mac. You're my best friend. Yeah, I wish that things could be different and we could have more, but there is nothing that I wouldn't do for you and if you don't want this or me, then I'm going to respect that. Having you in my life is enough. I couldn't survive you not being in my life Mac; you're very important to me."

"It's not that I don't want you, Harm," Mac just couldn't let him go on thinking that he wasn't good enough, "You're a great friend to me and from the day we made our baby deal, I couldn't ever see anyone else fathering my children. I wasn't totally truthful, that day I came to testify for you in the family courts. You aren't just that type of man, you are the man I picture being the father of my children. But you're also the friend I couldn't possibly cope without. And these near-impossible odds mean that if having a child together doesn't work out, you and I would be emotionally divided and have no choice in the matter…I'm sorry I said what I did about not wanting you. I didn't mean it."

Harm pulled her in for another hug, before lifting her from his lap and settling her on her feet.

"How about we fix coffee?" he suggested.

Mac was silent for a second, having just realized that she had not only been ensconced in Harm arms, but also settled in his lap.

"Uh, how about tea…I've got to sleep tonight."

"Sure," Harm nodded, smiling, before turning and walking into her kitchen.

Mac just stood, slightly perplexed and certainly with a bit of a complex building. She had just spent perhaps 15 minutes sitting in his lap. Sure, she'd been crying uncontrollably for about ten of those fifteen minutes, but he'd sat with her on his knee, her face snuggled into his neck, her arms around him, blowing into his neck and ear, while she told him how much he meant to her and how she wished they could be more than friends…For a whole five minutes. AND NOTHING! Something like this was very disconcerting to a woman!

"Tea's ready, Mac!"

Mac jumped out of her thoughts when she heard Harm's shout, accompanied by the whistle of the tea-kettle.

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