AN: Okay, i've got a long list of ppl to thank; All individuals who play creative muse on the voting board; Acer-127, Arica, Princess of Rivendel, Aserene, bloodymary2, bluejay65, BrookeUT, cbw, codedriver, connyM1, daisymh, DD2, Froggy 1319, GermanJagaholic, JAGMama2nutz, Janlaw, Lu78, McRose, Michelle UK, moat58, Rein de Nuit, SamBrace, sam jessup, scottiedog, starryeyes10, Staz, the blur, Verabell…If I've left anyone out, I apologise. You have no idea just how you, all of my helpful all of my reviewers have been!

OOOO

From Chapter 8...

"Harm?" her voice was deep with sleep and Harm couldn't quiet help but think about all the fantasies he'd imagined that voice in.

"Yeah?"

"Please could you stay…and just hold me, tonight?"

"Sure," Harm didn't even hesitate.

He quickly changed into boxers and a t-shirt, in the bathroom and made his way back to the bed, climbing in beside Mac. She had fallen asleep, but stirred as he settled down, rolling in to cuddle in his arms.

"G'night, Marine," he bid her, with a kiss to the top of her head, before closing his eyes, himself.

OOOO

Ch 9

The next day, they were both awake and dressed early, but not because they had to report into work. The next day was the funeral of Commander Willows. They had decided to wait until after the funeral to announce their findings to the families of the victims. The press would scramble to cover the news and the last thing Mrs. Willows deserved was to be hounded by the press on the day she buried her husband. Commander Willows would be buried with military honors, in a plot that already held the remains of two of their children. Harm again identified Mac holding herself in a way that suggested she was employing more than just her military training. This was killing her. She was dying inside. Only her marine training was enabling her to hold it together.

"Mrs. Willlows, We're deeply sorry for your loss," Harm paid their condolences, as they left the graveside service.

"Thank you, both of you…"

At this, she turned her gaze towards Mac, obviously remembering their time together, the day before.

"And Colonel MacKenzie, I'll never forget the support and understanding you showed me, yesterday. If you're ever in the situation where you have to make the decision between holding back or just going for it, please, I urge you to just go for it…Believe me, the regrets you'll have for not doing something will weigh on you more than for doing something and it not working out. Take it from me…"

At this, Mrs. Willows made her way with her parents and her in-laws to the waiting limo.

Mac avoided Harm's gaze, all though the journey to the car, then in the car, on the way back to the hotel. Harm didn't push her just yet, because he knew that she was once again feeling extremely raw, perhaps more so than the night before and that night in her apartment. Something about the Willows' situation had struck a chord, hit a nerve deep inside her.

OOOO

You feel like going out to get some lunch?" Harm asked, throwing the car keys down on the table beside the bed.

Mac simply shrugged.

Harm could tell when they got back that Mac was feeling on the weak side. She was allowing him to open the door for her, to guide her to the elevator, guide her into his room, not heading towards hers. It was a moot point, of course; the connecting door was open, so she would be free to go straight into her room from there. But Mac would usually go and open her own door; do it on her own. That was vintage Mac. She was strong; she was the marine. Right now, Harm could see that Mac was so tired, so worn down, that she had also left her barriers down. She just didn't have the strength to keep them up.

"I could go out and get us something…Do you know what you want?"

Mac knew that Harm was being sweet and thoughtful and she just couldn't take it, just then. She shrugged, not able to find her voice, trapped in all of the emotion.

"You want me to choose you something. Surprise you?" he gave her a small grin.

Mac felt the emotions swell up a bit further in her throat. She forced a smile, though it was not genuine and they both knew it, but nodded her head. Harm pulled out his wallet, checking how much money he had on him, while Mac sank to lie down on the bed, rolling onto her side.

"Harm," Mac's quiet voice spoke up, as Harm had his hand on the door.

"Mac?" he asked, turning back around.

She was lying down on the bed, facing him and the tears were already running from her eyes, although she was holding the majority of the deluge back, for now.

"Aw, Mac," Harm felt the words catch in his throat.

He was back to the bed in a millisecond, sitting down on the edge, lying down beside her and taking Mac into his arms. And when he had his strong arms around her, holding her tightly, securely, only then did she let herself break down completely.

Harm couldn't hear most of what she was saying, at first. He just figured that it was stuff that she needed to get out. As she started to calm down, though, she started making more sense.

"Holding back for so long"…."So incredibly tired"…"so sick of denying"…"just want to let go, for once…"

Harm held her tight, rubbing his hand over her back, soothing her.

"I know, Mac…I know, Honey…"

Then she seemed to get upset all over again and he was back to guessing what she was trying to say. She went on like this for a couple of minutes and Harm listened carefully to everything she was saying, but she seemed to be jumping back and forth at a rate that he couldn't keep up with. A couple of times, she made reference to Webb and himself, all in one sentence, but Harm couldn't pick up what she meant by it. She said something about Commander McCool. Then she was saying something about Commander Willows and his wife. She took a deep breath, seemingly to compose herself. She pulled away from him, but only enough to look him direct in the eye.

"I'm so sorry I made you think that this was about you, Harm…It was never about y-you."

He stroked her face, taking away the last of her tears with his thumbs.

" I've always felt w-weak, out of control and for a while, after I joined the Marine Corps, I was able to rise a-above that. But that ended the day I met you. When I was around you, or even just thinking about you, there was something inside me that would always cave in the wake of the strict guidelines I had set myself and for that reason, I felt weak, not in control. It was relatively unfamiliar, something I had worked at to get past and now it was happening again, I got frightened. I tried my best to hold it back, but it would never work."

Some of this was hard for Harm to hear, especially in the form of Mac's still-quivering voice. But he knew that she would explain it to him and in the process set it free, so it would no longer burden her.

"I thought, after my diagnosis and first lot of exploratory surgery that it would be better to just break myself free from you, so that you'd have the chance to move on and find somebody who would be able to give you what you deserved. But it was just so hard…so draining. If I thought it was hard holding myself back, not allowing you to get too close during our partnership, it was infinitely harder trying to push you away completely…"

She prevented him speaking up at this, pressing two fingers to his mouth and shaking her head.

"In the past, when I have ever thought about having children, my thoughts would always go automatically to you. Even when I was dating somebody else, I'd find myself comparing them to you; to your high ethical standards; your sweet, gentle manner. It was so hard to purposefully hurt you, to see you miserable and to deny my own wants so much I ached all over. I can't do it anymore…I want my kids, if I ever have any, to have your eyes, your smile and that butter-wouldn't-melt way of getting out of trouble with me. If it's not meant to be and I never am able to carry our own child, then I want to raise a child in need of a loving home with you…because it has only ever been you. I can't survive without you. I still want to be your best friend, but denying that I want more with you has been killing me inside. It will only ever be you, Harm…"

Harm was once again wiping tears away from her cheeks, but he thought that these ones might be more healing.

"Sarah, you have no idea how I'm rejoicing inside to hear you say that. All of this time without you in my life has been killing me, too. I know that we can't guarantee what the future will hold for us, but we'll be so much stronger together than we are apart. I don't want to live my life without you, you mean so much to me and at this moment, everything I'm feeling for you is threatening to make my heart explode! Raising a child with you is going to be great, no matter what form it comes in, but it's just icing on the cake. I just want to be with you, hold you in my arms every night, for the rest of our natural lives. You're friendship is something that I will always treasure and seek to preserve, but being with you will add to that ten-fold. Please tell me that whatever we face in the future, we'll face it together…"

"Yes, flyboy," Mac confirmed, nodding, "That's exactly what I want, whatever our odds...I want you."

Harm pulled Mac back into his arms, weaving his hand into the hair at the back of her hair.

"Oh Mac," Harm sighed, hardly able to believe that this was finally happening.

"Say it again, Harm," Mac requested, in between kisses.

"I love you," Harm obliged.

"You do?" Mac sounded almost incredulous.

"Yes, I want you," Harm confirmed.

"You do?"

Harm had to laugh, softly, at this.

"So much, Sarah!" he nodded, capturing her lips again.

To prove his point, he cupped her butt in his hands and pulled her harder against him. She could feel his arousal against her stomach as he bucked softly, against her.

"You're not kidding!" Mac laughed, deepening the kiss, thrusting her tongue deep into his mouth, mating her tongue with his.

"Oohhhhh, Maaaacccc!"

She liked the way he said her name, this time. It was sexy, drawn out that way, in that deep, bedroom-like voice he had occasionally adopted in the past (but certainly not nearly often enough. It was something she was resolving to change!)

"Wait, Mac, wait!" Harm suddenly pulled away, but the way he kept threading one hand through her hair, while the other kept kneading her hip, Mac could tell that he wasn't backing away, not anymore.

"This isn't the time for this, Mac," he sounded so disappointed.

Mac nodded ruefully.

It had been only two weeks since her latest bout of exploratory surgery and although she had been given a clean bill of health and the 'ok' to return work, she had been told the wait ten more days before she resumed 'intimate relations.' At the time, she hadn't given it another thought; she didn't expect having sex again at all, let alone that same month.

She turned to roll off the edge and get back to her feet, but Harm grabbed her around the waist and turned her back to him.

"When the time is right and we've put this case to rest, then we'll concentrate on us…Do you have any leave you could take?"

"A week or so, I think."

"How about we go away somewhere? Somewhere warm. I was thinking of the Bahamas, where my Mom and Stepfather have a holiday home."

"Mmm, that sounds heavenly, Harm!" Mac smiled.

"You like?" Harm grinned.

"Oh, yes!"

Mac lowered her lips to his, giving him several small, quick kisses and though they pooled their willpower, it wasn't long before they were involved in a torrid make-out session.

"Harm?" Mac asked, once they were lying together, getting their breathing rate back to normal.

"Yes, Sarah?" Harm locked eyes with her, stroking his hand affectionately through her beautiful tresses.

"What're we going to tell all of the people at JAG? What if they ask questions?"

They just looked at one another and broke out into matching grins.

"I don't care what they think, but I'm going to let them know that I love you more than life itself!" Harm finally revealed his thoughts.

Mac couldn't stop smiling and only a small part of it was due to his fly-boy smile, staring her in the face.

"Good," she approved, "That sounds pretty damn good to me. And so do the Bahamas! You, me, sun, sand, sea…"

"A very big bed," Harm half-teased, with a lascivious grin on his face.

And considering their long-term attraction and their lacking willpower, it was certain that they'd give 'less-than-5-percent' a run for it's money!

FIN