A/N

I know I'm about to get chased with pitchforks. This chappie is like... a million days late. Sorry. Thanks for the reviews everyone. I loved them very much.

Dedication: Secret Murder. Long reviews are my favorite! And everyone who was patient with this chappie.

Classes began, and today they had potions first.

Unfortunately, Draco was sitting behind her, prepared to bug her or make a big scene.

Coughing slightly, Snape came in glaring at the chit-chatting students as usual.

"Today," he drawled in an unfriendly voice."We are going to make a fast-talking potion. It causes the victim to talk quickly without thinking, perfect for getting the dirt out of someone. Your ingredients are on the board. I will be checking your brewings in twenty minutes. You may begin."

Everyone huddled next to the people they were working with and began their work.

Ron, Hermione, and Harry were in group together. Ron went to go fetch the supplies and Harry and Hermione were talking casually.

All of a sudden, a large BOOM was heard beside them, making Hermione and Harry flinch.

Laughter was tossed around the room from person to person. Finally, Harry and Hermione discovered Draco was the cause of all the laughter.

Down rolling on the floor furiously was a snow white ferret.

Harry and Hermione burst out laughing. Ron was too, but over closer to the ferret who was apparently Draco.

Ron smiled devilishly and tried to pick up Draco by a strand of small white hair, but as soon as Draco was a centimeter off the ground, he crashed down to the floor and scurried away. The red head chuckled at hurting Draco. After all, who wouldn't love to pick up their enemy by a hair?

Snape was outraged, and was yelling for everyone to remain calm and not mess with Draco.

The snow white ferret was bouncing off the walls, terrorizing people everywhere.

Hermione, Harry, and Ron were all throwing various things at him but they seemed to miss him every time. Then Hermione threw a piece of parchment at his head.

Furious, he snuck up behind Hermione when she wasn't looking and hid in her hair. Hermione shrieked slightly, and tore at her hair, releasing Draco from her bushy hair.

"Stay out of her hair you git!" Harry said aggrievedly as the ferret sped away.

Snape was still yelling for all the kids to stop the fuss, but no one listened. Only because they didn't hear him at all.

Out of the blue, a bump under Snape's robes developed and the stupid professor grew the ugliest look on his face that it could have killed a butterfly. He tried to get the hyper ferret out of his robes, but it wouldn't work.

"You prat! Get off of me!" Snape hollered, exasperated.

Snape, with Draco still hiding in his robes, tripped and fell into the same brew that Draco fell into.

Snape turned into a brown ferret and scurried out of class, while Draco jumped out the brew as himself.

Draco glanced around the classroom, which suddenly grew quiet, and smiled his gay little smile.

"Snape's gone! Guess what comes next? A DANCE PARTY!" Draco yelled excitedly, doing the sprinkler on the spot.

Draco was so excited, he threw a bunch of ingredients into his cauldron, and watched it swirl madly into a pinkish color.

"Ah. The sweet color of pink," Draco said, feeling accomplished. He then began to hard-core dance and suddenly fell into the brew once again.

Hermione sighed. Obviously, she was a bit tired of the whole gay thing.

The students stared at Draco in horror as he arose from the cauldron, growing bigger in size each second. A minute later, his head was touching the ceiling and his hands were as big as Snape's desk.

"That reminds me of the giant in Henry and the Tomato Plant," Ron stated.

"You mean Jack and the beanstalk. Ron, you need to work on memorizing your muggle fairytales," Hermione told him, a bit frustrated.

"Right, I knew that," Ron said, scratching his head with a weak smile.

Hermione rolled her eyes and laughed.

With wide eyes, Snape ran into the classroom, in shock.

"Mr. Malfoy! How dare you mess with the ingredients in my classroom! I'll have you know that those kinds of things can lead to a suspension!" Snape yelled.

Draco didn't seem to hear. He picked up Snape, and started to toss him in the air with one hand. Everyone exploded with laughter.

"Put me down before the consequences are more severe! I will be talking to Dumbledore about this ruckus!" Snape screamed, unable to keep his cool.

Draco smiled devilishly. He popped Snape in his mouth.

"Eww," the class chorused.

Instantly, Draco spit him out, Snape going mad, screaming his head off. He was covered in a thick blanket of spit. Snape rushed to his cupboard, pulled out a potion, and let it hit his foot.

"Dammit," Draco said as he shrunk down to his regular size.

Snape then dragged Draco to Dumbledore's Office. The whole classroom grew quiet.

"Daaammnnn. He was huge!" Dean yelled, which then started up the talking again.

A couple days later, Hermione was in the Head's Common Room, reading a book intently. She didn't notice Draco coming in and sitting on the couch next to her.

Sniffs were repeated again and again, but Hermione did not care at all, since she was so absorbed in the book.

"Sniff," Draco said aloud.

No answer.

"Sniff..." Draco said more louder.

Still no answer from Hermione.

"SNIFF! I SAY SNIFF! CAN'T YOU TELL THAT I'M SNIFFING!" Draco yelled.

Hermione put the put down and glared.

"Well now you've got my attention, you self-centered prat. Can you learn that sometimes people just don't want to pay attention to you?" Hermione replied, annoyed.

"Well... You know what... Shut your bloody mouth!"

"I think you should. Honestly, you talk to much. When is your last day of gayness?" she asked, picking up the book from the coffee table.

"Tomorrow," Draco replied. "I bet you just can't wait, huh. The day after that will be when you have to be a little slut," Draco said smirking madly at her.

Hermione glared and left him there to laugh.

"Hey we need to play truth," Draco yelled as she laid a finger on her doorknob.

"You go first. I'm not coming back down so your just going to have to talk from down there," Hermione told him. Draco pulled out his wand and cast the truth spell.

"Ok, are you going to break up with your ugly boyfriend?" he asked her.

"Not yet," she replied.

"Hmm. All right, we'll... what's the most disgusting food in the world?"

"What? Umm... I hate seafood. It makes me gag."

Draco smirked.

"Well... I'm going to ask this cause it makes me laugh. Do you think I'm sexy?"

"Yes, you prat."

Draco laughed, and tried to remember that Hermione hated seafood. He had the best idea ever.

"Ummm... it's my turn and answer these 3 questions because I don't really care about truth at the moment. Do you like your Mom? Do you think your Mom is hot? Do you think your dad is hot?"

Draco laughed. "Those are the dumbest questions I have ever heard. Yes, I sort of like my Mom. But she's a bitch for marrying my father. Uh... Ok, I think my mom's hot. So save your damn laughter. My dad is not hot. He's an ugly bastard. Obviously, I got my good looks from my mother."

Hermione raised and eyebrow and shut her door behind him. She had to get ready since she was meeting Harry and Ron to go set Neville up with his crush.

When the time came, Hermione hurried downstairs, sat on the couch next to Draco waiting for Harry and Ron. She decided to lounge on the couch until they came into the common room, and then she heard a large "crack".

"AH!" a squeal came from the couch next to her. "NOT AGAIN!"

Hermione looked under her, and there lay a broken pair of sunglasses.

"Opps. I didn't mean to," Hermione stated, handing the parts of the sunglasses to Draco.

"I hate you! Now I have to give it a coffin!" Draco stomped to his room furiously and shut the door behind him.

Just when Draco left to his room, Harry and Ron came in.

"Hey Hermione!" they greeted her. Neville quietly was trailing them.

"Hey guys, let's go," Hermione said excitedly. "So whose his crush anyway?"

"It's one of your friends," Ron told her as they left the Head's Common Room.

"Luna?" Hermione questioned.

Neville nodded quietly. "I don't know how to talk to her. I really fancy her too."

Hermione smiled. "We'll I'm just the girl for this job."

Harry and Ron laughed.

"Ok, we'll how about we go the Gryffindor Common Room and teach you how to talk to her first," Hermione suggested.

"Sounds good," Neville replied.

When they got to the Common Room, no one was in sight. Who knows where they might have been.

"So, when you like a girl, you have to remember to be yourself. So just act normal and pretend she's like one of us," Harry instructed.

Neville nodded.

"Girls like compliments. But don't give her to many. Just say how nice her hair looks, or how much you like her eyes," Hermione told him.

"Remember to respect her opinions too. If you don't... then hell comes your way," Ron said, recalling on a past relationship.

Neville seemed to understand.

"So let's test this out. Neville, I want you to pretend that Hermione is Luna. Remember what we were talking about," Harry reminded him.

Neville nodded nervously, and walked up to Hermione hesitantly.

"Hi Neville, how are you?" Hermione said politely.

"Uh... hhi? I think your hair is really...pleasant to look at. And your eyes are... the color blue."

Ron and Harry smacked their hand against their heads.

"Ok, nice try Neville, your getting better," Hermione reassured him.

"But stop with the pausing and the 'uuhhhing' it makes girls think your too nervous. And instead of saying your hair is pleasant, say why it is. Like say, your hair is nice. I like the color of it," Ron instructed.

"Oh and don't tell her what she already knows. Don't say her eyes are blue, say her eyes are a pretty blue color," Harry added.

Neville turned red. "I think I got it."

"Okay, let's try again," Harry said, excited to see how Neville would do.

Neville approached Hermione in a less nervous fashion, and he looked a bit confident.

"Hi Luna, uhh- oh your hair looks nice today, I like how it's extra straight. And your eyes are...nice since they are a pretty blue color," Neville said a bit hesitantly.

Harry and Ron clapped and Neville looked much happier.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple hours later, Neville was on his way to perfection. Now everyone was just fooling around.

"You know what's fun? A pillow fight, muggle style," Hermione stated, taking a pillow to Ron's head.

"Hey!" he said, grabbing his own pillow and hitting Hermione. Harry and Neville soon noticed and started to beat Hermione and Ron with pillows.

Hermione had a really fun time, but she had to get back to do schoolwork. She bid goodbye to her favorite boys, and as she walked to the Head's Common Room, she soon realized she had developed a crush for...

Ron.

She really needed to write in her diary about this situation.

Oh boy, did Draco have a treat for Hermione. The other day, he heard Weasel and Potter talking about Hermione's surprise birthday party coming up on Monday. They were trying to get no homework that day so Hermione could come down and visit. Draco was going to find the Gryffindor Common Room's password and give Hermione a little present... Shrimp. He figured she would throw up as a gift for everyone who showed up. All night a stupid voice in his head was repeating in his head, "Are you joking? Thanks a lot." Stupid conscience of his. Always repeating things he doesn't need to hear.

It was about midnight and Draco couldn't sleep he was thinking about how his last gay day was going to go. He had been thinking about it for a while.

He was bored, so he decided to look at Hermione's diary.

Today I hung out with Harry and Ron and had a great time. We taught Neville about talking to Luna. I had a wonderful time. And today... I realized that I am developing a crush on Ron. How can his be possible? I mean he's my best friend. It would be kind of weird dating him. But I guess that's ok. I mean I'm in a relationship right now, but I feel it's breaking down. So maybe in the future me and Ron could get together... But think of all the consequences... I don't even think he would ever like me. But who knows.

I also can't believe that my birthday is in a couple days! I will be seventeen soon. What joy. Oh my and the ball is coming up. Seamus and I will finally get to share a dance. I think it's terrific.

Draco closed the book. He laughed.

"Granger's crushing on the Weasel! That's hilarious!" Draco whispered to himself.

Draco then laughed himself to sleep...

The next day at lunch, Hermione was on the lookout for Draco. She already noticed that every staff member of Hogwarts was not present in the Great Hall. Finally, Draco's show had begun.

Soon enough, the room grew very dark. Fireworks exploded, and people covered their ears since it was so loud. The fireworks said in big letters, "GO DRACA". There was also a large rainbow with robot leprechauns in pink suits.

Out of the blue, Draco was flying through the sky with a large rocket that said, "FAREWELL TO MY GAYNESS". He was in a pink shirt and tight brown jeans.

Draco was singing a song, out of tune. It wasn't such a pleasant thing to hear.

"OHH I'LL MISS THE GOOD OLD GAY DAYS! OHHH MAN!" Draco sang in a high-pitched voice. "GAY PRIDE FOREVER, BABY!"

It was crazy. Draco is crazy.

His rocket was dragging him everywhere, flying through the sky. Colin was taking pictures as Draco brushed past him. Colin then took a picture of Draco and started to wail since he broke his camera.

"Why did you have to be ugly enough to break my camera!" Colin exclaimed.

"I am not ugggly! You are a little prat kiiid!" Draco sung.

Since Draco was too busy singing, he didn't notice himself drop lower to the tables. Soon enough he was touching the tables. He had gotten many bowls flung in his face. His face had an assortment of things on his face. Like mashed potatoes, pickles, gravy, and beef.

Now, because the food was blocking his eyesight, he crashed into people. Blaise got flung into Pansy, who was complaining because she broke her nail, Justin got his shirt on the rocket's tip and was flung against the wall, and Harry crushed Ginny so she could barely breathe. Harry was so furious, that he threw a bowl of mashed potatoes at Draco's head, so that his head hurt like hell and then Draco crashed into the wall, leaving a gigantic indent in the wall.

"SHIT!" Draco yelled as he tumbled to the ground. "This is worse than the nightmare about breaking my sunglasses! Wait a second... That actually did happen!" Draco began to cry madly.

Out of the blue, a pink leprechaun came down and hit him in the head.

"OWW!"

The Great Hall was filled with laughter. This would certainly not be forgotten.

Back in the Head's Common Room, Hermione was eyeing the dress she had picked out for the ball, and Draco was laying on the couch, sleeping. He then finally awoke.

"That is an ugly dress Granger," Draco said sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

She shot him a glare and hit him on the head.

"Prat," she muttered.

"I can still bother you by acting gay. The day is not over yet. And guess what? You have to be a slut for four days, after the ball," Draco stated, laughing at her.

"Shut up," she muttered once again.

Draco wanted to annoy her so, he began acting gay once again.

"Ah, my hair smells like daises, with a sliiiiighht hint of lavender. You wanna smell?" Draco asked.

"No."

"Please...?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Just no."

"SMELL IT!"

"NO!"

"DO IT! SMELL IT"

"DRACO MALFOY, SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

Draco glared at the back of her head. A few seconds later, he was sniffing loudly.

"I think I'm going to get high of my hair's scent..." he muttered, laughing.

Hermione sighed, picked up her dress, and pulled at his hair. She then hurried upstairs before he could catch her.

"Damn that girl, I appreciate my hair very much... Now to find a date for the dance..." Draco trailed off, once as he walked into his room.

The next evening, everyone was getting ready for the Fall Ball. Girls were squealing and wearing their dresses with pride. Ginny and Hermione were up in her room, helping each other look beautiful.

Ginny finished putting make-up on Hermione's face. She held up a mirror to her.

"Merlin Hermione, you look so pretty," Ginny said in awe.

Hermione was dressed up in a midnight blue dress which went down to ankles and had ruffly small sleeves. Her dress sparkled in the light, and was the most beautiful shade of midnight blue you had ever seen. Her actually down and was in goldilocks curls. She didn't look like a girl that you would usually find at a ball. She wore blue bracelets that matched her dress, and they clung to her wrist. Their was the most beautiful necklace that was hanging from her neck- it was a small silver chain with a blue, diamond shaped gem that glittered every time you looked at it. Her heels were also a dark midnight blue, but they weren't very big heels. She looked like a blue princess.

Ginny smiled. She looked a bit like Hermione but was decked out in a lightish green. And her dress was ruffly and shorter. She was going to the Ball with Colin. Harry was going with Parvati, even though he wanted to go with Ginny. And Ron... well Ron was going with Padma. So Harry and Ron would be able to stick with each other throughout the whole ball.

Hermione and Ginny went down to the Head's Common Room and found Colin and Seamus waiting for them. Seamus hugged Hermione as soon as she came down and told her that she looked marvelous. Hermione smiled.

The Ball was going great. Soon a slow dance came up. Mostly everyone got onto the dance floor. Sadly, Neville didn't ask Luna to the dance, so he was just talking to her instead, even though he wished he had asked her. But anyways, Hermione and Seamus were sharing a great dance. He was kinda bad at dancing though, like Ron, because he kept stepping on her toes, which made her let out a little yelp. Seamus mumbled a sorry every once and a while. Hermione saw Ron and Padma, and sort of wished that she could be with him. But she wanted to be with Seamus more. She really cared about him. She kept pondering if she was in love, but she thought she wasn't yet. Hermione had never been in love yet. But she hoped she would fall in love soon enough. As the song progressed, she finally saw Draco with Pansy. He didn't seem like he was having a very good time, but Pansy looked like she wanted to make out with him on the spot.

Finally the dance ended. Hermione went over to go talk to Harry and Ron. Seamus told her that he was going to go the bathroom.

A couple minutes later, while Hermione was having a conversation with Harry and Ron, Draco came and interrupted them.

"Granger, we've got Head's business. Let's go," he said ushering her away from Harry and Ron.

He took her wrist and hurried down the corridor with her.

"Why are we running?" she asked.

"Look Granger, you need to see something. Be careful, don't let this guy get to you," Draco whispered as he pointed to a closet. Draco turned the corner and left.

Hermione nervously opened the door. There was Seamus and Lavender, making out. Seamus then noticed and gasped.

"Hermione, sweetie, it's not what you-"

"Save it for some shithead who believes it. We are so over."

Seamus tried grabbing Hermione's head, but she shut the door on his head. She ran for it, hearing him yell vulgar words. He then came out of the closet, coming for Hermione, yelling, "NO ONE LEAVES SEAMUS FINNEGAN!"

Draco came speeding down the corner, and made Hermione run quicker. He grabbed her wrist and made her run faster.

Damn, she could run so fast in heels, it was scary.

Hermione then held his hand, needing comfort and Draco was the only one around.

It was weird for the both of them to feel each other's warmth. They each got a fuzzy feeling in their stomach.

Seamus was coming faster and faster. He could almost knock Draco and Hermione down from there.

Seamus finally got to Draco and Hermione. He pushed them both to the floor, and right as he was about to lay a hand on Hermione...

Harry and Ron tacked him down and started to punch him in the face. Soon enough, Seamus was beat up and laying on the floor.

Draco then punched his stomach and made Seamus groan in pain.

"If you tell anyone about this, your dead," Draco threatened him quietly. Seamus nodded.

Harry muttered a spell and all of his wounds were gone. Well, they still hurt though. Harry only covered them up.

Hermione was crying, mascara running down her cheek.

Harry and Ron took her to her room, Draco following.

Later that night, Hermione was resting. She smiled at Draco.

"Thanks for telling me that he was a cheater. And for getting me out of the way of Seamus," she said thankfully.

"I just did that because I felt sorry for you," he replied.

"Whatever... But thanks anyway."

"Ok."

"Good night then," Hermione said nicely as she left up to her room.

"Good night Gra-Hermione," Draco replied, shutting his door behind him.

A/N

I loved this chappie. Yay. Uh. I didn't do a good job of describing Hermione at the Fall Ball. I haven't been to a dance really, and I don't look at dresses that often, so that's why. And I don't think I did a good job of capitalizing... so sorry again. I hope you liked this chappie, I made it real long. Oh and by the way... I don't think I can make 100 chappies out this, so sorry. The next chappie is when Hermione's a slut! Enjoy! And hopefully I will update soon!

SiriuslyFunny