Series: Saiyuki
Title: A Death Well Earned
Author: cesmith
Beta: narrizan and OtakuPrincess
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: Saiyuki and all of its characters were created by Kazuya Minekura. They belong to her and were used without prior permission. No profit is made through this story.
Summery: Hakkai finally finds the peace he desires.
A/N: I don't really think of this story as an AU, more like one of the possible futures open to Hakkai, Gojyo, Sanzo and Goku. Thanks go to Ditch Gospel for many of the ideas in this one-shot. In her review to "Who I Have Been: I Am Not Now", she asked questions that I myself suddenly needed answers for. Ditch Gospel, I hope I answered them for you.
A Death Well Earned
Hakkai lay on his bed, the weak rays of the early morning daylight filtering through the curtains covering the windows in his bedroom. He watched as the beams battled with the darkness, as the daylight attempted to conquer the night.
Slowly and carefully Hakkai stretched his fragile frame. Too many years of over-extending himself while using his Ki had left him physically weakened, though by no means an invalid. However, today, the thought of rising was too much for him. It was just another day, nothing special, merely one of many in the nearly sixty years since he and Sanzo had completed their mission of revenge and returned to their so called lives.
When they had arrived home, each had had to make choices, decisions on how their lives would continue. Sanzo, for all that he declared the Gods help no one, had retained his title of Sanzo, even though the Three Aspects had offered to allow him to abdicate without disgrace. Being a Sanzo was his life, the only one he had ever really known, even if he had pursued it in his own unique way. He had decided to stay and though not truly happy in his choice, he was content with it. The idiots in the temple kept him busy and he asked for little more.
Hakkai had returned to the little bungalow in the woods, saddened to find that three years of being empty had reduced it to little more than four walls and a dangerously sagging roof. Inside, animals had made homes out of what little he and Gojyo had left behind.
Gathering up a few pictures and memories of better times, Hakkai had turned his back on the place and sought out a small village that did not know of his deeds, neither the good nor the bad. He had settled in this village, far removed from what many considered modern life. After being on the road for so long, he really didn't need much, just a bed, some food and perhaps, finally, a place to call home. He started as the teacher to the children, since there wasn't one, and assisted the local Doctor when needed. Rainy days still reminded him of all he had lost, but having a place to fit in, a place he was needed eased the pain and as time passed, much more quickly than he would have believed, the pain reduced to a dull ache. Here, he had finally found peace, or as much as his tortured soul would permit him.
A small groan escaped Hakkai as he continued to gently stretch his muscles before attempting to rise. He could see that gradually the daylight was winning; the shadows were retreating as the sun's illumination reached into the far corners of the room. It would be another sunny day, with much for him to do. First he had to meet with his students, and then help with the healings. The Town Elders, whom he had reluctantly joined after much urging by his former students, were meeting to discuss digging new wells, constructing a new school and hiring a new Doctor. There was much to accomplish, Hakkai thought, but first he had to be able to get out of bed. Today that task seemed more difficult than usual, his muscles protesting at even the mild stretches.
The light was approaching his bed now and he was entranced by it as it seemed to grow in intensity. Memories sprang into his mind of a time so many years ago when he had been confronted by Gonou and met Tenpou Gensui in such a dazzling light.
Hakkai had never been able to tell Sanzo about his experiences. At first, Hakkai had kept his silence because he knew Sanzo would have doubted him, would have told him that he had hallucinated the whole incident due to blood loss. Only much later did Hakkai admit to himself the real reason he hadn't told Sanzo about his meeting with Goku. At the time, Sanzo had needed a reason to keep living and knowing that Goku waited for him would have given him a reason to die, not live. Hakkai would have failed to take care of Sanzo for Goku as he had promised, if he had permitted his death. There had been many times, when things seemed too difficult to endure, that Hakkai had been tempted to end his own life and join his friends, especially after Sanzo's death ten years before. Hakkai had set next to Sanzo's bed during his last moments, reminiscing about their journeys. Only then had he finally decided to tell Sanzo that Goku was waiting for him, but before he could start, Sanzo had suddenly said Goku's name, and then breathed his last breath. In that brief moment, Hakkai had nearly joined Sanzo in death, only his vow and need to redeem himself had stopped him from doing it.
Slowly a powerful pressure began to build in Hakkai's chest and radiated down his arm. The pain robbed Hakkai of his breath and he felt himself start to black out. The next thing Hakkai knew, he was standing in front of his bed, his body no longer old and wizened, but young and strong, the pain completely gone. In front of him, on the bed was his physical body, the light of his ki was rapidly fading.
For a moment, Hakkai panicked, then a calm swept over him and he knew he was there even before he heard Tenpou's voice.
"Hello, Hakkai," Tenpou said quietly, gently.
"You always said you would return for me at a later time. I suspect the time is now?" Hakkai asked.
"Yes," Tenpou simply said.
"But where is Gonou?" Hakkai asked as he looked around. "I expected him to come with you."
"You never really noticed?" Tenpou asked, and then without waiting for Hakkai's answer continued on with his response. "No, I don't suppose you did. Gonou is dead. Your self-sacrifice time and again for your friends, a life of service to others, the years of atonement for your past sins, these deeds are what killed Gonou. It wasn't the atrocities of Cho Hakkai, but the unselfish actions of Cho Hakkai the healer, the teacher, the friend that finally and truly laid him to rest." Tenpou looked at Hakkai. "Your death is still your choice you know."
Hakkai looked down at his feeble body lying on the bed. He thought of his responsibilities as one of the Village Elders, as the healer, as the children's teacher. There were others to carry on for him and he was tired, oh so tired.
"I think I will choose to die now," Hakkai whispered. The ki in his body on the bed was extinguished.
Tenpou smiled at him. "You have more than earned it my friend. I think there are others here who would like to greet you," Tenpou said as he stepped aside. Behind him, Hakkai could see his friends, all three looking as they had when they were young.
Without a backward glance at the bed, Hakkai walked toward his friends.
"Sure took you long enough," Gojyo kidded him when Hakkai drew near to him.
"Well, "Hakkai answered with a laugh, "you told me not to hurry didn't you? I just followed your directions for once."
Together again, the intense light swallowed them all.
The End