Trick For Your Treats: A Maypole Dance Around Spike

October 31st, 1997

Part 1: Stuck

Angel: Almost there. Just grab hold, and PUUUSSSHHHH! Ughn!

Spike: OH YEAH! Uhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhh! RAAAR!

Angel: Ah! That's it! That's it! Almost there!

Spike: Ooohhh, Peaches! That's it You Big Bad – Hey! Ow! What was that for?

Angel: Fuck you!

Spike: Fuck you too!

"Will you stop with the fucking sound effects already?" Angel exploded, swinging another wild punch at Spike who this time managed to evade him.

"Dunno, Peaches, I'm sorta havin' fun with the 'fucking' sound effects," Spike replied with a snarky smirk.

Love. Peaches. Baby. Angel finds Spike's use of pet names nearly as disturbing as the sweaty sex sounds coming from the blonde's versatile mouth.

Angel deliberately closed his eyes and sucked down several deep breaths, striving for calm. He doesn't know what's worse. The mockery or…the mockery. It never stops. It's gotten so that Angel hears Spike's grating voice in his dreams. The insults are varied and colorful and unending. Wanker. Git. Idiot. Queen Drama. Hair Do. Miserable bastard. Neanderthal browed scary-gel-haired poofter. (And the list goes on.)

Then, occasionally, Spike is nice to him, and that drives Angel even more batty.

"You're sick," Angel spat, doing some grunting himself as he shoved at the metal shelves that pinned both vampires to the factory floor. The damn thing must weigh two thousand pounds, and without Spike's active cooperation, moving it is a stretch even for Angel's formidable strength.

"N' twisted," replied Spike who was enjoying their predicament far too much for Angel's comfort. "It's your fault we're in this mess."

And that is Insane Spike Logic.

"Just push!" Angel snapped. Fuming. His fault! No one has ever been guiltier than Spike!

"Oh, Angel, you sweet talker, you! Just move your sweet arse a little closer and I'll push for all I'm worth!"

"I'm gonna kill you!" Angel shouted, going crazy for a second with flailing limbs to express his rage. He redoubled his efforts, pouring all of his pent up frustration into the effort of getting free just so that he can strangle Spike until his blue eyes bugger out of his skull.

Spike's maniacal laughter rings in his ears.

End Part 1.