Disclaimer: I swear I didn't do it!
Notes: This is extremely stupid and unrealistic. The characters will remain only vaguely in character, there is no plot, and there is no moral. If I make you laugh or even smile, I will consider my mission accomplished.
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The Cat, the Witch and the Broom Cupboard
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Harry
Hermione
Severus
Mrs Norris
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C'mon, shut the door quick!
Ouch, Harry, that hurt!
Shush!
Meow
Oh, be quiet, Hermione!
That wasn't me!
Who was it, then?
What is going on here?
What was that?
What was what?
That voice...
What voice?
POTTER!
THAT voice...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SNAAAAAAAAAAAAPE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Harry, be quiet, Filch will hear you!
Sorry, having a nightmare.
I was the one having nightmares, until YOU woke me up!
Harry, the voice is back!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! CAN'T BE HAPPENING!
For Merlin's sake, stop yelling. Why would Snape be here anyway?
I swear I heard his voice. Twice!
Yes, I heard it too, Harry.
So that means he's here?
That's exactly what that means, Potter.
NOOOOOOOOOOO YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU KEELED DUMBLEDORE! DIEEEEEEEEE!
Harry, PLEASE!
(Hits Harry on the head with a bucket and knocks him out)
Now, Miss Granger, would you care to explain what's going on?
Harry and I were walking around the castle because... We were just walking around the castle. And then Filch was chasing us and we ended up in this broom cupboard.
That's nice.
Yes, isn't it? Hang on... What are YOU doing here?
I live here.
Really?
NO!
Oh...
What IS this mop? It's scratching my face.
That's my hair!
Oh...
Yeah...
(Purrs)
Miss Granger! What do you mean by that?
What do I mean by what?
You were...purring.
That wasn't me!
Who was it then? Potter?
Maybe we should wake him up, Professor.
So he starts yelling again? No thanks. Besides, I'm quite enjoying the company. Wait, did I just say that?
No.
Oh...Really?
No.
(Purrs)
(Smiles and strokes Hermione's hair)
Professor!
Yes?
That. Is. My. Hair.
I know.
And you're STROKING it!
No I am not.
(Continues purring)
Who is stroking it then?
Whoever is purring, I suppose. (Smirks)
Harry?
Most probably.
But how would Harry purr, and stroke my hair, if he is knocked out?
You're supposed to be intelligent, so you tell me, Miss Granger.
Um...I really can't figure it out.
Meow
Now THAT was adorable, Miss Granger.
I'm telling you, it wasn't me!
Of course. (Continues stroking)
(Grabs his hand) AHA! So you were purring, too?
What?
This is your hand, Professor.
It is.
Please let go.
No.
Harry...
What?
You aren't knocked out!
No...I was...meditating.
WHY?
Because I can.
No you can't. You have the brain capacity of a dung beetle. You can't even Occlude!
You are not even here! You're figment of my imagination!
That's one overly active imagination, Potter. Do you imagine me frequently?
Honestly? Well, yes.
Meow.
Hermione just cut that out!
I'm telling you, it wasn't me. It's Snape. He said the same person who was stroking my hair was purring. Professor, can you PLEASE let go of my hand?
No.
(Coughs up fur ball)
Hermione, are you OK?
That was not me! Professor, are you OK?
Do you honestly assume I'd make that noise?
OUCH!
Harry, what's wrong?
Something just fell on my head.
Good. What is it?
Um...It feels like a...cup.
That's nice.
Lumos! Why didn't anyone think of this before?
I was busy...meditating.
And I quite liked the dark. So, show us the cup, Potter.
(Shows cup)
Isn't that...
It really looks like it...
Helga Hufflepuff's?
IT'S A HORCRUX!
Now what?
I dunno.
Well, we have to destroy it, don't we?
Why?
Good point, Professor. WHY?
Because we can?
Can we?
Probably not.
So let's just leave it for now?
I don't really care. It's time for my afternoon nap.
How do you know it's an afternoon, sir?
Frankly, my dear, I really don't give a damn.
I LOVE that movie!
What movie?
Can you please let go of my hand NOW, Professor?
Fine, I need to sleep anyway. PUT THAT LIGHT OUT!
I hated THAT movie.
Me too!
Me three!
Did I really just say that?
No.
Really?
No.
Oh...
Nox!
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More notes: Ok, I know that was really stupid, but gibberish is so fun to write after philosophical essays for school.
Please review to tell me if you want to read any more of it.