"Arnold... Beacon of my existence, light of my life, adoration of my soul, how you escape me and yet how you are so near to me. I can feel us growing close and somehow I feel scared at the thought of us becoming something that I've always wanted. One. One person held together by two. How I long for that. How I desire for us to be just that... so why am I so stupidly afraid? Why am I so frightened to be myself in front of you after all we've been through? We've conquered La Sombra together. We've saved your parents together. We've shared the sweetest and purest of kisses together so WHY oh WHY am I so confused about our relationship? WHY I beg you, you sweet, football-headed weirdo... WHY?!" Helga exclaimed from inside her shrine where she hid before school started when a voice startled her out of her monologue.
"Helga?" Phoebe squeaked from behind her. "Are you ready to walk to school?" She asked and Helga spun around to face her friend with wide eyes.
"How'd YOU get in here?" She asked and Phoebe pointed a thumb over her shoulder.
"The door. Helga, I've been in here before. Are you alright?"
Helga stuck her worn locket back into her shirt and sighed before grabbing her backpack from the floor and swinging it over her shoulder. "Yeah, yeah. Let's go." She said as they headed out of the basement and wandered into the light of day to make their way to the inside of the beeper emporium where Bob and Miriam were setting up a new display for beepers.
"Hey, hey, hey," Bob said as they headed for the door, "Where are you headed, little lady?"
Helga sighed and rolled her eyes. "School. AGAIN, dad. That's usually where I head at 7:15 in the morning, you know."
"Oh, right," he said before waving his hand at her. "Well don't let me stop you. Go learn or something. But come right back. You're in charge of register when you get back."
Helga reached up to scratch at her head. "Yeah, that's not gonna happen tonight, Bob."
"And just why not?" He demanded and Helga reached up to cross her arms over her chest.
"Because I have a project to work on at... at somebody's house." Helga explained as Phoebe eyed her from where she stood beside her.
"Oh you do now? Well... FINE then. I guess I'll just have to do all the work by myself. Criminy! What good is having a kid when you can't even help out your old man in the beeper business, huh?" He muttered to himself as the two kids walked out of the emporium and into the sunlight of morning on the Hillwood streets.
"So how are things going with yours and Arnold's project?" Phoebe asked and Helga eluded the question by asking one of her own.
"I think a better question is how is yours and Gerald's going? You two have been practically attached at the hip since San Lorenzo." She noted and Phoebe blushed while looking forward at the street to see the upcoming corner where they knew they'd run into Arnold and Gerald any minute now.
"I wouldn't say that, Helga. We've simply been spending more time together is all. Similar to you and Arnold." Phoebe explained but Helga shook her head.
"Arnold and I haven't been spending TIME together, Pheebs. We've just been stuck on a project together. That's all." Helga said and Phoebe sighed.
"But wouldn't you like to spend more time with Arnold? Helga, you know you can be honest with me."
As they approached the corner, Helga spit out her words as fast as she could before Arnold could interrupt them. "I guess I would but I don't know how to do that just yet. I'm still trying to figure out where we stand."
"Well maybe you should ask him," Phoebe said as they rounded the corner to meet Arnold and Gerald who were already waiting for them, Gerald outstretching a hand for Phoebe to take as they walked across the street together leaving Arnold and Helga behind on the sidewalk.
Helga glanced over to Arnold who looked up at her expectantly with a smile. "Good morning, Helga."
She looked down at him and frowned. "Yeah, what's it to you?" She said and he offered his hand to her though she turned her head and instead walked forward across the street as he hurried to catch up to her.
"Are you alright?" He asked and she instead kept her gaze forward ignoring him.
"Yeah, Arnoldo, I'm fine." She responded as he continued to try and match her pace.
"Then why do you keep trying to ignore me? I thought after last night-"
She interrupted him by turning around once they reached the next sidewalk and scowling down at him. "What? That I'd be all chummy with you now since I bonded with you and your parents? Newsflash, that was me trying to impress your parents, okay? And oh! Update! Mission accomplished."
"But why bother trying to impress my parents if you didn't care about me? I know you care about me." Arnold said with a smile and Helga upturned her head and continued walking towards PS118.
"So what if I care about you? They're just feelings." She mumbled, though Arnold heard every word.
"You're still coming over tonight, aren't you?" Arnold asked and Helga sighed while nodding her head.
"Doi, I'm coming over. Part of our deal, remember, paste-for-brains?"
"Of course I remember," Arnold said with a grin, "How could I forget?"
"I don't know, " She said as they made their way up the steps of PS118, "I try not to ask you any questions."
"Last I noticed, you try to avoid me. Since San Lorenzo that is."
This made Helga stop in her tracks as the walked in the hallway and she turned slowly to face him and frowned. He'd noticed? He'd noticed that she had been trying to avoid him because she was afraid of what they'd become since their kiss? She didn't think he'd notice much of anything being as he was denser than osmium- the densest element known to man.
Helga struggled to find words to reply to him but thankfully the bell rang saving her from any embarrassment that her mouth would come up with. "I uh... we have to get to class," she muttered and then took off for their classroom, Arnold quick to follow.
But Arnold knew. He knew what Helga was thinking even though he was much less than a mind-reader. He knew that she was avoiding him because she couldn't face what they were becoming since their kiss in the jungle those months back. And he knew that there had to be a way to get inside Helga's head to try and get the Helga he knew back out again.
Helga sat on Arnold's bed, her legs swinging to and fro as they hung off the side. Arnold sat on the floor just corner to her, his nose stuck in a book as they researched for their history project. The room had been awfully quiet since they'd gotten there after school, and Helga preferred it that way as it meant she didn't have to explain anything or act a certain way- she could just exist on her own terms with her notebook, writing poetry rather than actually doing anything of real importance.
Not that Arnold knew that.
All was silent until Arnold cleared his throat and turned around to look up at her.
"Hey Helga?" He said and she looked up startled at the sudden noise in the air.
"Uh... yeah?" She responded while pulling her notebook close to her chest as if he could see any of the love-induced words she had written down.
"I think we should uh... talk." He said and Helga raised a brow at him while loosening her grip on her notebook.
"We should? I mean... what the heck do WE have to talk about besides this STUPID project?" She thundered and Arnold chewed on his lip for a moment before taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.
"I think we should talk about San Lorenzo." He finally got out and Helga's eyes widened as she let go of her notebook entirely letting it fall into her lap as her arms remained in place holding onto air before she shook her head and scowled in his direction.
"What's there to talk to about, huh? We went there, found your parents, and came back. Wham bam, thank you ma'am. Done talking. How's about that research?" She tried, but Arnold wasn't having it.
"That's not what I meant and you know it," Arnold said while standing up from the floor and moving to sit beside Helga on the bed at a semi-close proximity. She could feel her nerves heightening at this simple movement and she tried not to skooch away from him despite her better judgment.
"Well what is there left to talk about?" The blonde girl asked through nervous laughter, "I mean, we kinda covered the basics don't you think?"
Arnold shook his head slowly, a smile on his face as he did so. "I think you're missing something in between there."
Helga frowned, knowing just where he was headed, but played dumb anyway. "I-I don't know what you're talking about football-head."
"I think you do."
"I think I don't."
Arnold sighed, becoming frustrated with Helga's antics and decided to just come out with it. "I think we should talk about the kiss."
Helga swallowed hard, her throat closing in on her like any time she would eat strawberries. She took a shaky breath, "Oh, you meant about THAT," she said and Arnold nodded his head while retreating his look down to his lap where his hands were carefully clasped.
"It's just that," he began, "I thought that I had been pretty clear about how I felt back there in San Lorenzo about you... but it seems like maybe you still don't know or you're... you're still hiding from me that you do know. And I can't figure out why you're still being so mean to me."
Helga turned to look away from Arnold and instead stare down at the creases of his pillow where he'd slept just the night before. She focused on those creases rather than the feelings brewing inside of her as Arnold glanced away from his hands to gaze over at Helga once more in confusion. "Helga?" He asked and she snapped her head around to look at him once more.
"Remind me again just how it is you feel? Exactly?" She spoke at last and Arnold eyed her suspiciously.
"You really don't know?" He asked and she narrowed her eyes at him while putting her hands on her hips.
"Criminy! If I were asking do you think I'd know?" She retorted and he pursed his lips before nodding his head as if understanding completely.
"Alright..." he said slowly before looking down at his hands again and sighing as if to relieve himself of any tension he'd built up in his small system. "It's just that... well... after everything that happened back there and after everything you did to help me find my parents... I really realized that you... that I..."
"Yes..." Helga dragged out waiting for the words she'd been hanging on since he'd begun.
Arnold moved to look over at Helga, his eyes locking with hers as he stared over at her. "That I like you. A lot. I... like you like you."
A smile spread across her face as he spoke the words she'd been longing to officially hear but her smile dropped when Arnold continued his sentence. "I just can't figure out why it is that you're still being so mean to me when we clearly feel the same way about each other."
Helga's brow raised as she realized just what he had said and just how meanly she'd been treating him since they'd returned. Not letting him hold her hand and not letting him be the nice guy that he was towards her. Not letting herself be true to him like she'd always longed to be and not letting her true self come out like it was meant to be once finally with Arnold. A wave of emotions hit her like a ton of bricks and she stayed silent on the bed beside him as she tried to sort through them in her brain.
"Helga?" Arnold asked and she turned to look at him and opened her mouth but no matter how hard she tried, words wouldn't come out.
"Helga? Helga?" A voice asked and she shook her head to wake up from where she'd clearly dozed off at her desk in class.
It was Phoebe who was standing over her, staring down at her and shaking her just so gently. "Helga?" She asked again and Helga moved to wipe some drool from her face before sitting up straight in the desk.
"What?" She snapped at her friend and Phoebe merely shook it off and smiled down at her.
"It's time for lunch."
Had it really all been a dream? A sweet, wonderful dream? A dream where Arnold finally confessed his feelings point blank to Helga in the way she'd always dreamed? It certainly had brought food for thought to the table. She'd been nothing but mean to Arnold since they'd come home from San Lorenzo and as she ate with Phoebe, Gerald and Arnold, she couldn't help but stare at him and wonder just what the dream had been trying to tell her. Should she be nicer to him? Was it finally time to quit the act and just be herself around the boy of her dreams who obviously liked her back, or was her pride too strong to allow her to actually cut the crap and let her be the person she knew she was on the inside, and that Arnold clearly knew too?
The remainder of class went by quickly as Helga stared at the clock secretly looking forward to going back to the boarding house and working with Arnold on their project. As much as she pretended to hate being around him, she knew that she wanted to find a way to be herself around him and figure out where they stood when it came to their relationship. Her dream had been fulfilling, but it wasn't the real deal. She knew that she had to figure out where they were when it came to their relationship.
That is, IF they still had a relationship.
It was hard to tell when she was so focused on keeping up her appearance. But that all had to change, and it had to change fast.
What even was her appearance anymore? Why did she care so much? It was like being at the boarding house was being in another world entirely. When she was there, her guard could come down and she could just simply be, rather than when she was in school where she knew she had to be the bully that was expected of her. The whole thing made her brain spin inside her head like a merry go round and she found herself becoming dizzy at the simple thought of it anytime it entered her head.
So when the final bell rang, she was happy to leave school and go with Arnold to his house and escape the world that felt fake to her now; the world that felt unreal to her now that she had this secret with Arnold that she couldn't tell anyone. A secret that would have to remain until she could figure out the ins and outs of it.
But how would she do that?
And what would happen when this project was over? What would she do then?
"You ready to do this thing?" Helga asked Arnold who was surprised she had actually come to him at his desk this time around.
He picked up his blue backpack and nodded his head with a smile on his face. "Of course. Would you like me to carry your books for you?"
Helga looked around at the eyes peering in her direction and she quickly shook her head while scowling in his direction. "Criminy, we're partners, not PARTNERS, okay? I can carry my books just fine, alright?"
Be nice, Helga, you have to BE NICE, Helga reminded herself, the memory of her dream coming to the front of her mind as Arnold smiled up at her from his desk.
"Okay, Helga, I was just asking," He said while standing up from his desk and leading the way to outside where they'd walk the few blocks to his house where her safe haven awaited.
Just a few more blocks, Helga, you can do this, just be quiet and nothing mean can come out of your face she encouraged herself as they walked in silence down the street, much to Arnold's dismay.
He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to tell her it was okay to talk to him and that he understood why she was acting the way she was acting, but he knew she wouldn't hear it. Gerald was right when he said that she had to tell him herself, that's just the way Helga worked. She was a no-nonsense kind of girl.
As they approached the boarding house, Arnold reached for the door and held it open for Helga as she turned to smile in his direction forcing out a 'thank you' leaving Arnold stunned in her wake, but followed behind.
"Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, I'm home!" Arnold called out and a pair of figures came out of the living room to greet the two kids with smiles on their faces.
"Arnold!" Stella and Miles called out while reaching out to hug him and then step back to smile in Helga's direction.
"Helga," Miles said with a smile. "Great to see you again. Back for more research on your project or for more food?"
Helga nodded her head and smiled. "Couldn't stay away I guess," she responded and they chuckled at her response.
"Well you're always welcome here," Stella said. "Don't let us stop you two. Will you be joining us for dinner?"
Helga glanced over to Arnold who was nodding his head in encouragement. "Well," Helga said, "I guess I could stay... if it isn't too much trouble for you guys..."
"Nonsense!" Stella boasted, "It's no trouble at all. I'll just let Gertie know we're having an extra person for dinner tonight. Why don't you both head up to Arnold's room and get working on your project until it's ready, okay?"
"Alright," Arnold said while gesturing for Helga to follow him up the stairs and to his room where he promptly shut the door and headed for his computer to turn it on so they could begin on their project. "I'm really glad you'll be staying for dinner again. Although, you'll have to deal with the boarders, so I apologize in advance for any trouble they might cause you."
"Eh, it's nothing compared to MY family," Helga replied while heading to sit on Arnold's couch and take out her notebook from her backpack. "You'd never survive an evening with THEM."
"So how do you?" He asked and Helga scoffed.
"Years of practice."
Arnold smirked while blurting out his next statement, this thoughts not catching up with his mouth before he could take back the words. "Has anything changed since moving out of your house?"
Immediately Helga froze where she sat and turned to look at him, trying to keep her composure while Arnold spun around in his chair and held his hands up in surrender, he spoke quickly to try and smooth over the situation "I'm so sorry," he said, "I didn't mean to say that, I just-"
"It's fine," Helga said to his surprise, "I knew people would figure it out eventually. I mean, it isn't like the beeper business is BOOMING or anything."
Arnold nodded his head slowly, treading the newfound waters carefully. "So how has it been? Living there?"
Helga shrugged her shoulders, trying to remain calm and keep her pride at bay. "Nothing different than how it USED to be I guess. Although it's kinda nice not to have trophies LOOMING over me night and day."
"Oh?" Arnold mused. "They packed away Olga's trophies?"
Helga nodded her head while turning her notebook to a fresh sheet of paper. "They kinda had to. There isn't much room for anything in the emporium. Even though they lugged the piano with just for Olga's occasional visits. Kinda funny seeing a piano in the store."
"Is anything selling?" Arnold asked and Helga sighed while picking up a pen and beginning to doodle hearts in the margin of the page.
"Not really," She responded, her eyes focused downward on the page in front of her, "It isn't like anyone needs BEEPERS anymore. The oaf hasn't figured out that cellphones are the golden age of technology these days."
"And you've tried to tell him?" Arnold asked and Helga scoffed while rolling her eyes.
"Ha, right, like he'd listen to ME, the daughter he can't even figure out the NAME of on most days. Yeah, right."
"That's really sad, Helga," Arnold said with a frown and Helga shrugged her shoulders unphased by this dreary part of her life that had become the norm since she had been a toddler.
"It is what it is," she said before twisting around to face Arnold more head on and looking at him directly. "Look, I'd like to talk to you about something."
"Okay," Arnold responded while setting his hands in his lap and giving her his full attention. "What's that?"
Helga took a breath and let her notebook rest in her lap while setting her pen down and trying to focus on her words as they came out of her mouth. "See, the thing is, I was thinking in class today about... about STUFF, and I think... well I figured... that I uh... I could be... more... NICE to you... and stuff."
Arnold's eyes widened for a brief moment before falling to a half-lidded gaze as he looked at her. "And what made you decide that?"
"Well I don't know!" Helga snapped before taking a deep breath and trying to focus on her new resolution. "I mean... I guess I just figured that after San Lorenzo and all... maybe... you f-f-f-felt the same way... I felt?" She asked and Arnold reached up to rub at the back of his neck.
"Well I do, Helga. That's kind of why we kissed, don't you think?"
"I just figured that was all in the heat of the moment, I guess," Helga said and Arnold smiled while shaking his head.
"Not this time, Helga. Not this time, no." He said and Helga grinned at him.
"Well then it's settled. No more bullying. But I do still get to call you names. I've become rather fond of calling you football-head."
Arnold laughed and nodded his head. "I gotta say Helga, I don't know what I'd do if you didn't call me that."
Yes! You did it, Helga! She congratulated herself. Now you just have to follow through. You can do this... only... how do you keep up your appearance with everyone else...
"So does that mean I can hold your hand now when we walk to school like Gerald and Phoebe?" Arnold asked interrupting her thoughts and Helga found herself nodding her head.
"Sure, Hair Boy. If that's really what you want is to be seen with the school bully."
"I don't care what people think," he said and Helga fought back the swoon that was trying to escape her lips.
He doesn't care what people think! Ooh!
"Well," She said with a shrug, trying to show nonchalance, "your poison."
And it was, happily. Arnold could beam from the growth Helga was showing by their conversation that day and he knew things were changing. Maybe Gerald was wrong when he told him that he shouldn't bring up things with Helga and let her bring it up herself. Today, she seemed in a great mood and willing to talk with Arnold about all things. They talked and talked about a lot of things, new and old and for once Helga felt like she was getting somewhere with Arnold. It seemed like the boarding house was working its magic once again.
If only things were as easy at school as it was there.
Just then, a knock cam from the door, both Arnold and Helga turning to look and see Stella peeking out from the corner of which she'd just opened to peek her head in through. "How are you both doing in here?" She asked and the two shrugged their shoulders while exchanging a look.
"We're fine, mom. What's up?" Arnold asked and Stella opened the door further to step inside the frame and stand inside her son's room.
"Well, I'm almost done with dinner, but I was just wondering if I could borrow Helga for some assistance."
Helga looked around the room as if there were another Helga hiding out somewhere alluding her view. Without finding one, she pointed to herself in confusion. "Me?" She exclaimed and Stella nodded her head.
"Gertie isn't feeling very well so I offered to make some soup for dinner and I'd love some help cutting up the vegetables. What do you say, are you in for the task?" Stella offered once more and turning to look at Arnold who muttered a quiet, 'go ahead,' she nodded her head and shrugged her shoulders.
"Sure, why not. I can cut a few vegetables. As long as Arnoldo here can hold down our report fort."
Arnold chuckled and grinned while gesturing towards the computer. "I think I can handle that, Helga. You go on."
So with Arnold's blessing, and despite her better judgment, she followed Stella into the unknown territories that were the boarding house kitchen during dinnertime... to prepare a meal with the elusive woman known as Arnold Shortman's mother.
Having a lot of fun writing this and i really hope you're enjoying it too! lots more is to come so be sure to leave a REVIEW and let me know what you think!
-Polka