Chapter 5. Heartbreak

Vala woke up in the morning to the smell of coffee and noticed right away that she was alone in the bed. 'Maybe he's in the kitchen.' She got out and looked over the railing from the loft but he wasn't there, which she could see from her vantage point. She dressed quickly and went down the steps that were built into the wall on the far side of the cabin. The sun was out but because of where they cabin was, it wasn't shining directly on it. Yet, she could see that the side of the mountain across the valley was lit. Looking at her watch, she noted that it was a little after nine. 'Where is he and why didn't he wake me up?'

She looked out the door and saw him sitting on the porch steps with a denim jacket on over his red plaid shirt and blue jeans. He was holding a cup of coffee in his hands and staring off into the distance.

She got herself a cup and went out to sit next to him. She scooted close to him and he put his arm around her. "Morning," she said.

"Morning," he said and then gave her a quick kiss. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, and why didn't you wake me up?"

"You were pretty out of it. Maybe it's the thin air but you looked like you needed your rest."

Vala asked, "Have you been up long?"

"A couple of hours. I heard something so I came out to take a look. It was a small herd of deer. One of them snorted. Didn't you hear it? It sounds like a whistle blowing."

"Apparently, not."

"What? Did I wear you out last night?" He grinned and she punched his arm lightly.

"No, that's not possible. It has to be the thin air." Vala grinned right back.

"Want to go for a walk? I have my zat in case we come across some bears."

"Sure," she said as she took both their empty cups inside. They headed downstream a little ways and he pointed out some the mountains. He held a topographical map and located the different peaks. They turned back and went inside to fix breakfast. After the dishes were washed, they each got a cup of coffee and went out to sit on the porch.

"It's so quiet here." Vala was struck by the beauty of the place and how peaceful it was.

They sat there, enjoying the view around them when he said, "This place is as different from Abydos as it can be. Abydos is a desert planet. There's sand everywhere. You have to go quite a ways to find any trees. This place is covered with them." He gestured with his hand to point them out.

She didn't say anything because she knew he was trying to get up enough nerve to continue telling her about Sha're. So, she took a sip of her coffee and sat still.

Finally, he started talking. "I was on Abydos for a year when Jack came back. It's a long story but when General Hammond found out that Jack didn't set off a nuclear bomb on Abydos, like he was ordered to, He sent a team through."

Vala couldn't imagine any reason for Abydos to be destroyed but she didn't ask. If she interrupted, he might get distracted and she felt that he really needed to get this stuff out in the open.

He stood and started pacing.

"We were so happy. I spent the days teaching English to a group who met with me almost every day. Children, old people, it didn't matter. She would sit in the back and watch. She was such a quick study. Before long, she could speak and understand quite a bit." He sat back down next to her and said, "She told me she sat in the back so that she could watch me without getting in the way. She said she didn't want to take way my concentration on what I was doing. That was impossible! I could barely take my eyes off her!"

"I saw her picture in your office. She was very beautiful!" Vala squeezed his hand and he smiled at her and then stopped and grew serious.

"We wanted a baby but she never conceived. I could tell she was disappointed and was almost tempted to bring her back to the SGC to see if there was anything Janet could do to find out why she couldn't get pregnant. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe we could try en vitro fertilization." He realized that Vala might not know what that was, so he explained it to her.

She waited for him to continue.

When he did, he said, "We never got the chance. Jack came through the gate and told us that the SGC had been attacked by a Goa'uld and he thought maybe it had come from Abydos. I told Sha're to stay at the pyramid while I took Jack's team and showed them the cartouche where the walls were covered with hundreds of gate addresses. We realized that the Goa'uld could have come from anywhere in the galaxy.

That's where I met Sam for the first time. I think if you give her a chance, you'll like her. She's so smart but she doesn't flaunt it. I've grown to think of her as the sister I never had.

Anyway, while we were at the cartouche, the Goa'uld attacked. They took Sha're and her brother Skaara with them when they left. Ferretti saw the gate address on the DHD and we went back to earth, got a team together and went after them. But before we left Abydos, I told my family there to bury the gate after we'd gone. It was the only way I could think of to keep them safe. I told them I would be back in one year."

He stopped again and said, "I need some more coffee. I'll be right back."

She knew he really just needed a few moments to calm down. 'I can't imagine what that must have been like. No wonder he keeps it all bottled up inside.'

Daniel came out a few minutes later with the coffee pot and poured Vala another cup. He put the pot away and then sat back down next to her.

He didn't say anything for a few minutes. Then, he continued.

"They took them to Chulak. We went there to find them and we did. They had both been implanted with mature Goa'uld symbiotes. What was worse was that Sha're had been implanted with Amonet, Apophis' queen. She was a prisoner in her own body and she'd become the wife of a monster." Daniel's last words were almost whispered. He looked so grief stricken that Vala reached over and started rubbing his back.

"A year after the day I left Abydos, I returned to ask Kasuf to forgive me. That I hadn't found Sha're. He took me to his tent and there she was. And she was very pregnant."

"What? You mean..."

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean. Apophis had gotten her pregnant with the intent to have the child become his host. Amonet was keeping herself suppressed so that Sha're wouldn't go into premature labor. Sha're felt so ashamed and it took quite a while to convince her that I still loved her. While I was there, she went into labor. I delivered her son and then gave the baby to Kasuf to hide. I couldn't let Amonet have him.

Vala felt almost sick. She'd heard stories about how evil Apophis was but this beat anything she'd ever heard. And to think that Daniel had to deliver the baby!

Daniel looked down at his coffee and said, "It was two years before I found her again. It wasn't her though. It was Amonet and she tried to kill me with a ribbon device. She came close to succeeding, too, but Teal'c came into the tent and shot her with his staff weapon."

"Oh no!" Vala was quietly weeping now and leaned into his shoulder, offering what support she could.

"She died right in front of me, but right at the end, she was in control and she told me she loved me. I was injured and lying on the floor next to her and it happened so fast that I didn't get to tell her I loved her, too, until after she was already dead."

Daniel had tears running down both cheeks as she reached around him and held him in her arms. She had never heard anything so sad in her entire life. She couldn't fathom the pain he was in. It was almost too much for her.

Daniel put his arms around her and rocked her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." He handed her his handkerchief and she wiped her eyes and blew her nose.

"Daniel, don't worry about me. I'm worried about YOU! How did you cope? I would have been furious with Teal'c."

"I was very angry, at first," he said. "But, somehow, before she died, Sha're communicated to me through the ribbon device that I had to forgive Teal'c because he was doing the right thing. She must have known she was going to die."

"What did you do?" She leaned back and looked into his eyes, concerned that he would be alright.

"I learned to live with it."

0 0 0

Daniel thought that if they took the zat gun, they could probably go on a hike. The exercise and fresh air would do them both good after the emotional morning they'd had. He packed a backpack with some sandwiches, granola bars, apples and a few bottles of water. He added his journal and a pen for good measure. 'you never know.' He also had his zat holstered at his right hip.

Vala dressed in jeans, a warm shirt over a lighter weight one and hiking boots. She also carried a backpack with a first aid kit, thermal blankets and more water. She took the hand Daniel held out to her and they started up the trail.

The first part of the walk wasn't difficult. The trail led over a grass covered hill and towards some trees. But, with the thin air, they were both struggling a bit so they paused often. They came out of the trees to find some large rock formations on their right, with a massive snow covered peak behind them.

"This is so beautiful," Vala said as she stopped to catch her breath. She looked around at the vista and marveled at the sight. Mountain peaks were scattered for miles, some of them taller than the one they were on.

"Yes, it is." Daniel was in better shape than Vala so he wasn't struggling to breathe as much. "Let's climb up on one of these boulders and have some lunch. We can enjoy the view while we're eating."

They climbed up some smaller boulders and then pulled themselves up on top of a really big one. The surface was warmed by the sun and they spread out their lunch and ate quietly. They put their lunch things away and Daniel laid back with his head on his backpack and closed his eyes for a few minutes.

"Are you tired?" Vala couldn't blame him. They hadn't really gotten a lot of sleep and they had hiked for a couple of hours before stopping.

"A little. I think it's just from out talk this morning." He paused for a moment, rolled over on his side and said, "Why don't you tell me something about yourself?" Daniel didn't really know a lot about Vala and he was surprised by this revelation. 'Has she only been on earth a few months?'

He watch Vala as she pondered the question. She was beautiful, sitting in the sun. She was tough as nails by default but he'd noticed a softer side this morning when he told her about Sha're. 'She puts a shell up around her to protect herself and I wonder what it would take for her to let me in? Sure, we're getting closer, that's hard to avoid, given the circumstances. But, she's still got a barrier up.'

Vala noticed Daniel watching her and wondered what was going on behind those gorgeous blue eyes. He had taken off the sun glasses that clipped onto his frames and he smiled.

"Okay, let me see... When I was a little girl, long before my mother died, she used to let me brush her hair. She'd sit back in her chair and close her eyes and let me brush it as long as I wanted. Usually, it was mid-afternoon when she had some time before she had to fix our dinner. I remember singing to her..." Vala stopped and looked away.

Daniel could see that she was trying very hard to hold it together but was really struggling. He reached over and took her hand and said, "You still miss her, don't you?"

She nodded, unable to speak.

"Come here," he said and hugged her to himself.

She sniffed and said, "Someone told me that you lost your parents when you were a little boy."

"Yes, but I'll tell you about that some other time. Right now, let's concentrate on you. How old were you when she died?"

"Nine. She kept getting pregnant and losing the babes. It was very hard on her. I remember hearing her crying. I think she died more from a broken heart than anything else. She grew depressed and just slipped away." She leaned into Daniel shoulder, and started to cry quietly.

He didn't say anything. What could he say? He knew how she felt so he just held her and rubbed circles on her back. After a few minutes she pulled back and used her sleeve to dry her face.

"Thanks," she said and then took a deep breath.

"You're welcome. You've been there for me. It's okay."

"Maybe we should go. I'm not sure how far you want to hike before we turn back."

Daniel looked at the trail that led down the hill, the way they came and stopped. "Vala, don't talk and don't move."

"Why? What's wrong."

He lunged for her and held his hands over her mouth and forced her to lay flat. Then he looked directly into her eyes and whispered, "There's a Grizzly Bear down at the bottom of the hill. I don't think it saw us but it might have smelled us." He reached for his zat and had it ready, just in case.

"What are we going to do?" She really wanted to take a peek over the side of the boulder and see what a bear looked like, but it was obvious by Daniels panicked behavior that that wasn't a good idea.

"I'm gonna see if I can tell where he went." He slowly got up on one elbow and glanced towards where he'd last seen the bear. "I don't see it. We need to wait a bit before we move. I want to try to find out what direction it went before we go back." He peered over the side again and listened. "I think it went into the trees. I can hear branches breaking in the distance."

She whispered very quietly in his ear, "Daniel, tell me, why is this bear so frightening?" She saw how white his face had gone when he held her down. 'He really is scared.'

"They're the closest things to monsters that are real. They're really big, they can move very fast and they have very long claws."

That couldn't be all of it. After all, he'd made friends with Unas' and that's a good description of them, she thought.

"And they eat people," He said.

"So do Unas!"

"Yeah, but you can reason with an Unas. You can't with a Grizzly."

He looked for the bear and couldn't find it so he said, "We'll wait a little bit longer and then we'll head back. Maybe it winded us but when we laid back on the boulder, it lost our scent."

He quietly laid on his stomach on the boulder and looked around but didn't see anything. After about 15 minutes, he said, "I think we can go. Let's be really quiet."

They stepped down off the boulder and started when he heard a roar from the bottom of the hill, just as the bear came out of the trees. He pointed Vala upwards and yelled at the top of his lungs, "RUN!"