By the time the week was over and Helga and Arnold had presented their history project, Helga had become pretty acquainted with the boarding house and its inhabitants. So familiar in fact, that once the project was over, she continued gracing them with her presence almost every day after school. She enjoyed feeling welcome there and feeling like she was a part of something bigger than herself. It was much different than it felt at home and at the beeper empire, that's for sure. At the boarding house, she felt like she was part of an actual family, even if it wasn't one of her own.
She just wished that it was hers.
But even if it wasn't, they had embraced her like she was without any questions asked. She became so familiarized with the boarding house, the boarders and family began to wonder where she was on days she didn't show up and ask her about her days when she would return. They asked her about school and about her home life and soon she wasn't afraid to tell them about how life actually was back with Miriam and Bob. She even began to open up about her life with Olga and her animosity towards her, something she rarely talked about, even with herself.
It was amazing what they had done for her, what they had helped change her into becoming. It was like weights were becoming to lift off of her shoulders and life was starting to be manageable in even the simplest of ways, ways she had never imagined they could be. How had she gone this long in her life without feeling this way?
But even so, even feeling all this, there was something missing within her that made her continue the act that was her life outside the boarding house's walls. At school, Helga continued her charade of being the bully that had become expected of her, the bully that she had forced herself to become. She picked and teased at others, much to their dismay, and it seemed that daily it only got worse as her insides brewed at the lack of attention she paid to Arnold and the more attention she paid to others. It became so bad, that the crew of kids finally went to Arnold in an act of desperation one day when he was away from Helga for the briefest of moments.
"Arnold, we have to talk to you," Sid begged as he pulled Arnold's arm towards the group of kids who were waiting to talk to him around the picnic table.
"What's... what's going on?" He asked, Gerald atop the picnic table with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Phoebe's got Helga distracted so we can talk to you," he said, "you need a SERIOUS Helga-vention."
"A Helga-vention? Like an intervention of Helga?" Arnold asked and the group simultaneously nodded their heads in agreement.
"You're blinded, man," Gerald said. "And don't tell me you aren't because you are, we've all seen it."
"How am I blinded?" Arnold asked while looking around at the group and trying to make eye contact with each individual person, "We still have gin rummy night. We still meet at Gerald field for games. We still do all the same things we've always done... so how am I blinded?" He asked and Rhonda stood up from the group to announce the real trouble concerning everyone.
"It isn't like you're obsessed with her or anything, it's that she's acting horrible to ALL of us!" She said and the group mumbled 'yes's above each other while nodding their heads as Arnold frowned and looked down at his hands.
"Oh," he quietly said while staring down at his fingers.
"Yeah, man," Gerald said, "you've been so busy with Helga that you haven't been paying attention to see just how crazy she's been acting."
"The thing is..." Arnold said quietly, "I have noticed, it's just that... well... I tried talking to her about it and she kind of... she kind of ignored me."
"She ignored you?" Gerald asked, surprised.
"Yeah," Arnold said tilting his head back up to look at everyone. "No matter how many times I brought it up to her, she wouldn't tell me why she was acting so mean to everyone. She won't tell me and she clearly won't stop."
"But you're Arnold!" Sid said from the crowd.
"Yeah! If it's anyone who can show Helga the light, it's you, Arnold!" Eugene encouraged but Arnold merely shrugged his shoulders.
"I'm not sure she's ready. She's clearly doing it for a reason, I just can't figure out why yet," He said solemnly. "And if I can't figure out why, then I can't stop her from doing anything or convince her to quit."
"But you have to try," Sheena squeaked while clasping her hands in front of her chest, "you're our only hope."
"Yeah man, YOU'RE the only one who can get through to her, after all..." Gerald said with a hand on his friend's shoulder as he looked down at him with sympathetic eyes.
Arnold looked around at his friends who were pleading with their eyes for him to help them in the only way they knew how... and he knew he had to try again. Even if that meant he had to deal with the wrath of Helga G. Pataki once again.
"You know my mom and you sure do make some great pasta," Arnold commented as they headed up the stairs to his room and Helga shrugged her shoulders.
"It really wasn't that hard, actually," She said, "I'm just glad I was able to come around for another family dinner."
"Well, this has been your fourth one now," Arnold said with a smile and Helga grinned.
"That's true. I've kinda put a kink in your tradition, haven't I?" Helga chewed on her lip for a moment for fear he'd agree, but Arnold merely shook his head.
"You've just made the tradition better, Helga," he said honestly and Helga nodded her head, actually believing him for one of the first times in her life.
"If you say so, football-head," She replied as they entered his room and he shut the door behind him, making his way awkwardly to the couch and patting the spot beside him.
"Sit down, I uh... I wanna talk." He said and Helga eyed him curiously before wandering to his side and taking a seat beside him.
"Talk?" Helga repeated, her heart suddenly racing as she recognized the phrase most people used to break off relationships with another person. Had she done something wrong? She thought that since she'd made her decision to treat Arnold nicer, things had been going really well. They'd held hands everyday, they even shared another kiss (even if it had only been on the cheek), and Arnold had just said that she'd made his family tradition all the more better- weren't those all signs of a good relationship? Or was there something she just wasn't seeing that he had seen all along?
Nervously, she nodded her head as he continued to gesture for her to sit down next to him and she made her way towards him before sitting down beside him and taking a deep, shaky breath. "Sure, Hair Boy, let's talk. What's on that football-headed mind of yours?" She tried with humor and Arnold took an equally shaky breath at what he knew would be disastrous if he didn't go about it the right way.
"So things have been going well lately, don't you think?" He began, testing the waters of Helga's mood and she nodded her head, unsure as to where he was headed with this particular conversation.
"Well that depends, smart guy, do YOU think they've been going well? Cause you've kind of got me all nervous here with this sit down talk you've got going on..." Helga demanded and Arnold knew immediately that he'd started in the wrong direction.
"No, no, I think it's going fine-"
"Fine?" Helga asked, slightly disappointed.
"Great, really, Helga, this isn't about us, I promise," Arnold reassured her and she took a deep breath before letting it out along with most of her tension before relaxing into the couch.
"Well THAT'S a relief. Criminy, Arnold! You had me panicking over here!" She exclaimed and Arnold reached up to rub at the back of his neck slightly ashamed.
"I'm really sorry, I didn't mean for it to come across like that..." He said and Helga nodded her head before turning to look at him.
"So what is it then?"
"What is what?" Arnold asked and Helga raised her brow.
"What...did you want to talk to me about?" She asked and Arnold nodded his head more to himself than to her, trying to remind himself just what it was again that he had brought her over to talk with him about.
"Right, right," he said nervously, remembering the conversation back at school with his friends and knowing just what he had to do. But as he looked at Helga, as he looked at her strong brow and deep azure eyes, he didn't know if he could muster the courage it would take to talk to Helga about the sensitive topic he knew he had to bring up for his friends' sake. As important as it was to them, he wasn't sure he was willing to risk this great thing he had going with Helga for the sake of everyone else.
Was that being selfish of him, he wondered to himself. Was it selfish to want to keep this nice Helga all to himself and not share her with everyone else? He was so enjoying the time they shared together and the relationship they were building with every day that went by that they shared. But with a deep breath, he knew in his heart of hearts what he had to do, and he adjusted in his seat before struggling to do the right thing.
"Helga, the other day I brought something up, and you kind of avoided telling me an answer." He said quietly and Helga raised her brow at this.
"Oh?" She said, "And what was it that I didn't answer?" She asked, knowing all too well what it was he was talking about.
"You see," Arnold began again, his hands wringing together in his lap in anxiety, "our friends sort of brought it up to me again today and I realized that I hadn't been persistent enough in trying to get it out of you. I realized that I'd been too focused on us and that has been really selfish of me."
"Selfish, huh." Helga stated while crossing her arms over her chest, "doesn't SOUND very selfish to me."
"Well it has been," Arnold said sadly, "because I haven't been thinking of the good of our classmates and frankly, well, neither have you."
Helga straightened her posture at his words and frowned. "Just what are you SAYING, huh, bucko?" She insisted with a pointer finger; her guard coming up slowly as Arnold continued on his quest of the right thing to do for the good of the people.
"What I'm trying to say is," Arnold tried before taking a deep breath and deciding to just come out with it, "your bullying is really getting out of control. I don't know if it's because you feel the need to because you aren't picking on me so much of the time anymore or what, but you're really hurting a lot of people's feelings and-"
"So what?" Helga said nonchalantly with a shrug of her shoulders. "So what about a few feelings? Aren't OUR feelings more important?"
"Nobody's feelings are more important than another person's, Helga," Arnold explained, "and I think that if you really tried, you could break the cycle of bullying and just-"
"Just WHAT, Arnold?" Helga fought back, her words growing harsh as she spoke. "Be some stick in the mud like you?"
"A stick in the mud? Really, Helga?" Arnold repeated and Helga sighed.
"That isn't what I meant-"
"Then what did you mean?" Arnold asked, Helga trying to find a good excuse to get her out of this conversation while still salvaging their relatively-new relationship.
"What I MEANT to say is that I don't want to just be some NOBODY who gets pushed around all the time and picked on, okay? I don't want people to start SEEING me different just because we're together." She explained and Arnold nodded his head while disagreeing with her.
"I understand that, Helga, but I don't think that people will see you any different. Right now, they're just afraid of you. And is that what you really want? Is for people to be afraid of you?" He asked and Helga thought about this for a moment as Arnold frowned.
"You really have to think about this, Helga?" He asked and she held up a finger.
"It's a hard decision for me, okay?"
"To choose to be feared?" Arnold asked and Helga threw her arms in the air.
"Well what do you EXPECT, Arnold!? I've been like this my whole freakin' life in case you hadn't figured that out yet!" She exclaimed and Arnold sighed while dropping his head into his hands.
"I knew this was a bad idea..." He muttered and Helga stood up from the couch to face him with her hands on her hips.
"What, BE with me?" She asked and Arnold snapped his head up to look at her.
"No, Helga, that's not what I said-"
"You've said enough for my liking, pal," Helga said with acidity in her tone and Arnold's eyes widened at her sudden change of tune. "Look, if you don't like me for who I am, JUST as I am—"
"But I do!" Arnold tried to explain, but Helga wasn't having it and just continued to speak over him.
"-then you have another thing coming ENTIRELY. I'm Helga G. Pataki, Shortman, and that means you get saddled with whatever baggage I have which, newsflash, is sort of a lot. And if I'm not ready to give up all my bullying yet just for you, then I'm sorry, but that's just the deal. I'll get there, but not at your moronic pushing or the pushing of our 'friends' either." She turned around to walk towards the door, Arnold standing up to try and stop her but without little luck.
"Helga..." He tried while reaching out for her, but she merely shook her hand at him to keep him at bay and took the doors handle into her hand.
"There's a lot more to me than you or even I know. And maybe we just aren't ready for this kind of commitment. Maybe Bob was right..." She said sadly, Arnold's throat closing in on him as a lump grew at the base of his esophagus.
"Helga, if you'd just listen-" He tried once more but Helga shook her head, her eyes now focused down on the ground.
"I'm done listening, Arnold," she muttered, her voice cracking as pools of tears started to well at the bottom of her line of vision. "Thanks for letting me be a part of your family. Even just for a little while."
"Helga... please..." Arnold begged while walking towards her, but before he could stop her in her tracks, she was gone, leaving Arnold to himself in his room as Helga walked away from him for what he felt like would be forever.
Much to Arnold's surprise, Helga didn't resume her tyranny on their classmates or himself, but chose to ignore everyone instead after their big fight. Even though Arnold tried to reach out to her, she wouldn't budge and he found that every day which went by that he didn't spend talking to her or even being picked on by her or her casual nicknames, was a day wasted. It made him feel sick. It made him itch from the inside out and while his friends were satiated by Arnold's taking action, Arnold couldn't have felt any worse.
Sure, he'd finally gotten Helga to stop, but at what cost?
Helga had stopped talking to him. She'd stopped entertaining at games and other events the kids had planned. She'd even stopped coming over. It was like she'd stopped existing towards him completely and the whole thing felt like it was breaking his heart just as it was starting to become full once again.
Even the boarders and his parents were saddened by the lack-of-Helga in their lives, and it didn't take long for them to say something at the next family dinner in hopes to get something out of their son.
Arnold picked at his food on his plate while supporting his head by his hand and sighed, his parents exchanging a look before Miles cleared his throat and spoke up.
"How are you doing champ? You've seemed a bit down since Helga stopped coming over." He said and Arnold shrugged his shoulders while continuing to play with his food rather than eat it.
"I guess I'm just disappointed is all," he replied, his eyes downcast on the mashed potatoes, green beans and meat loaf that they were having that night.
"Disappointed in what?" Stella asked. "Surely not yourself..."
Arnold looked up then at his parents, his eyes sad and lost in the world around him. "Of course in myself. If I hadn't brought up the subject about Helga's bullying, she wouldn't have gotten so mad at me and stopped talking to me altogether."
"Her reaction isn't your fault, Arnold," Miles said understandingly, his voice calm and rational, "we can only control our own reactions, unfortunately."
"I just wish I had tried to bring it up some other way. I just thought that since we'd had a good night, maybe she'd be up to listening to me... but she never even gave me a chance." Arnold explained before turning his head back towards his food, his parents continuing to eat their own as they silently talked with their eyes about how to handle this sensitive subject.
After some eye-dodging and a head nod or two, Miles spoke up, trying to give the best advice he could.
"You know, Arnold, when it comes to Helga's bullying, you may have some more experience with it than us, but she seems to need it more than you might understand." He said, Stella nodding her head in agreement.
"She's a very sweet girl. Incredibly intelligent and has a heart of gold-"
"Exactly!" Arnold exclaimed as Stella held up a finger to try and finish her sentence.
"But that doesn't give her the right to act out against you or your friends."
Arnold nodded his head. "I know," he said, "If it means anything, she's stopped completely. But at the same token, she's stopped joining us at Gerald field for our weekly games and she doesn't talk to anyone anymore, not even Phoebe, Gerald told me."
"I wonder if she's journaling..." Miles muttered and Stella eyed him from across the table though Arnold hadn't caught his statement.
"That's certainly her choice, honey," Stella said, "but I think Helga will come around. You just have to give her some time."
"And what if she doesn't?"
Both of Arnold's parents shared a look before turning to face their child once more and sighing, knowing they couldn't give him an answer to his question. Predicting people was too hard, but predicting how we would feel was even harder, they knew that. All they could offer Arnold were words of encouragement as he struggled with his feelings towards Helga and knew there was nothing they could say that would indefinitely help him in the way that he needed- what he needed was Helga.
Meanwhile, Helga sat at the emporium, eating from a bag of cheese-os and staring at a blank sheet of paper.
"Nothing," she muttered to herself. "Nothing!" She couldn't find any more words to the heartbreak she felt of leaving Arnold the other day at his house. There was a hole in her heart that she'd never felt before at the absence of Arnold and an even bigger hole at the absence of his family that she'd become so accustomed to seeing most days. It had finally felt like she was part of a family, and now that family was gone. She was family-less. Again.
And now she didn't even have Arnold to fall back on.
"Oh, man, what do I DO?" She asked herself, feeling restless as she sat on a box in the corner of the emporium where she knew nobody would find her. "I COULD just go back and apologize... I mean... surely Arnold didn't WANT me to leave. He kept trying to tell me something but I was just so... so... MAD at him for bringing up the bullying thing. Jeez, I'm sure he's just STOKED that I've quit pestering everyone once and for all."
She spun around on the box to look out past the boxes and boxes of unopened beepers to see Bob working on another new display while Miriam lay on her usual bed of the couch zonked out once again.
"But maybe he ISN'T pleased with himself for getting me to quit bugging everyone. Maybe he's just as frustrated as I am even while I sit here miserable. I mean, sure, he has his family to keep him company where I have nobody, but maybe he's just as miserable as I am and wishing I'd come back. After all, we WERE getting pretty close..."
Helga shook her head while staring down at her feet. "No, that's ridiculous. Arnold doesn't care. If he CARED he would be trying to find YOU you ignoramus. He'd be calling the emporium or stopping by here or doing anything in his football-headed brain that he could think of just to get you back, wouldn't he?"
She thought about this for a while, her brain going this way and that at the possible situations that Arnold could be dealing with when it came to the two of them before she stood up from the box and brushed off any dirt from her skirt. "No, Helga," she said to herself definitively, "You aren't DOING this anymore. There's no more waiting for Arnold to come to you. You're a big girl, you can just as easily go over there and admit you messed up as he can come over here. After all, you WERE being pretty mean to everyone and for no real reason..." She marched her way on up towards the front of the store, grabbing her jacket from nearby and slipping it on.
"You're leaving?" Bob asked, unphased by her going out.
"Yeah," she said while opening the door.
"Are you coming back tonight?" He asked and she shrugged her shoulders.
"Probably," she answered before shutting the door behind her and making the walk to get to Arnold's house on this, their family dinner day.
She knew if she ran, she might make it in time for dessert and she soon found herself sprinting just to get to the boarding house in hopes that she would interrupt the meal so she could be reunited with the family she had come to love as if it were her own. Once she got there, she took a deep breath and made her way up the steps, pausing in front of the door.
"Okay Helga old girl, you can do this. All you have to do is apologize. It won't be so hard, just quick and painless like a band-aid. Surely you can shut your pride up long enough to do THAT," she pep talked herself before reaching out to knock on the door, but just as she did that, the door swung wide open and Arnold's face was the one that greeted her there, his eyes wide like saucers the moment he saw her.
"Helga?" He asked.
"A-Arnold..." She said and he smiled before reaching out to envelop her in an unexpected hug.
"I can't believe you came!" He said and as he hugged her, Helga saw the heads of his parents peek out from the kitchen, smiles on their faces before disappearing again to leave the two kids alone with one another.
"Well I had to apologize you dummy," Helga said as Arnold released her and he shook his head.
"You don't have to, I should have tried to reach out to you more but I was... I was-"
Helga raised a lone hand to stop him and decided to apologize anyway, wanting to do so before she lost her nerve. "Look, I shouldn't have freaked out on you like that," she began, "and better yet, I shouldn't have just stopped coming here and talking to you and going MIA the way I did, but I was hurt and I didn't know what to do with myself."
"I'm sorry you felt that way." Arnold said.
Helga shrugged her shoulders. "It's really fine. I realize now that... that I have to take charge of myself sometimes and that I'm the only one in control of my actions."
"Funny, I kind of realized the same thing too, today."
They stood out on the stoop for a moment, silence sitting between them like an elephant before Arnold shook his head and opened the door wider. "What are we doing standing outside like this," he said before stepping aside, "Mom made dessert and I was going to skip it but now that you're here, I'm sure you'd love to have some."
"Would I ever," Helga said with a grin before stepping inside the walls of her safe haven once more, the world fitting back into place like pieces of a puzzle finally finding their way back to each other.
And just like that, the hole inside Helga's heart finally filled back in and she knew that things were right with the world.
At least for now. And now was good enough.
hopefully you all enjoyed this chapter as much as i enjoyed writing it! be sure to leave me a REVIEW letting me know what you thought!
-Polka