Today was the day.
Today was the day where the entire class heard a poem by me, actually CLAIMED by me and not by 'anonymous' for the very first time.
And it felt AMAZING. Well. Sort of.
I sat in my assigned spot next to Arnold and Phoebe, Gerald sitting ahead of Arnold, and waited patiently for the teacher to announce my success at the young writer's conference on Friday; my anxiety growing as I knew he'd read my poem to the entire class. But why be anxious? I thought, Why bother be anxious when the poem would soon grace the magazine of Life and Times by next month for the entire nation to read at their own leisure?
"Class," the teacher greeted us before we started the English portion of our day just after lunch, "before we begin English hour, I'd like to announce something very important that happened just this last Friday to one of our fellow classmates."
Being as hardly anyone knew about the existence of the young writer's conference, the class began to chatter among themselves in wonderment about what the announcement could be and about whom as I sat quietly in my chair awaiting the news with Arnold smiling my way and Gerald and Phoebe exchanging a look as I hadn't told them of my exciting information just yet.
"What news?" Curly piped up from the crowd as a chorus of 'yeah's followed his question and the teacher gestured for everyone to quiet down before answering.
"This last Friday was an event called the young writer's conference where one person from every class was chosen ahead of time to attend down in the city from every school in the state. And at that conference, kids were allowed to bring pieces of their work to be judged for the prestigious award of 'All Conference Winner' where their work would be published in the next issue of the Life and Times magazine which runs throughout the nation." The class oohed and ahhed at this while looking at each other in question as to who had been chosen to attend the conference our teacher was talking about while I sat silently awaiting for my name to finally be brought up.
"You ready for this?" Arnold whispered over to me and I smiled while looking over to him.
"For once... I think I actually am." I replied before our teacher spoke up once more.
"And our very own Helga Pataki was chosen to go on this retreat and not only did she attend this conference, but she took home the all conference title with her poem, 'Ode to Myself!'" He announced before starting a clap that soon spread through the classroom as I blushed and looked down to my hands on my desk where they lay perfectly still as I awaited what was to come next.
And I wasn't disappointed.
"Now, in celebration to her amazing win at the conference, I'd like to start out our English lesson by reading her poem for the class and analyzing it for our poetry lesson today. It truly could be by one of the greats and end up in one our textbooks one day. Bravo, Helga," he said and my blush reddened in my cheeks as I glanced up to meet his eyes before he pulled out my poem from the sheets of paper on his desk and cleared his throat in preparation to recite it to the class.
After he did so, the class looked over at me, staring, clearly in confusion that words so deep could come out of me, Helga G. Pataki.
"So class," our teacher said while setting down the poem on his desk once more and then leaning against the wood, "what did we think?"
Rhonda raised her hand and our teacher pointed to her as she dropped her hand and began speaking. "Personally, I'm impressed. I never knew such deep thoughts could ever come out of Helga G. Pataki."
I rolled my eyes knowing her comment wouldn't be one of nice nature and sighed from where I sat, Arnold glancing over to look at me before turning to glare in Rhonda's direction before raising his hand.
"Yes Arnold?" The teacher called on him and he lowered his hand to voice his opinion on my poem.
"I'm not surprised at all, Rhonda-"
"Of COURSE you're not," she mumbled, though Arnold merely continued talking.
"-I think that this poem shows a deep side to society's views as to who we show ourselves to be versus who we actually perceive ourselves to be. It shows that there is a divide to our personality. As least, that's what I get out of it." Arnold said confidently and I grinned knowing he was completely right at what I was trying to say in the poem. "And furthermore-" furthermore? "-I think that this poem shows that the writer feels lost within themselves even though they know there's someone behind the mask they are aware of. Something that...that...remains to be seen fully."
"Well said, Arnold," the teacher stated before turning to look at me, "but unlike with our textbooks, we actually have the writer here to ask if we are correct about their motives behind the poem so now I ask you, Helga, was that your inspiration behind this exceptional poem?"
I felt the heat of my classmates' eyes staring at me and I adjusted in my seat uncomfortably before glancing to Arnold who mouthed the words, 'it's okay' and then nodded my head. "Yeah that uh... well it's something like that I guess."
So that was my experience with my poem in front of my class and thankfully nobody brought it up again after we talked about it in class which I was thankful for. I didn't want them to read into it any further than Arnold already had for them. They didn't need to know what was going on in my head and why I wrote that poem. They didn't need to know that my whole life was just some act to hide my deep, meaningful feelings that made me feel weak and worthless and an entire push-over which I secretly was.
Well, at least when it came to Arnold that is.
That kid could make me do ANYTHING if he so chose. But he'd never use that power in vain. That's just the kind of guy he was. And for that, I am eternally thankful.
Anyway, time to give that football-head a call since I couldn't make it over to his place tonight.
Till later,
Helga G. Pataki.
We're deep in wintertime here in Hillwood and wintertime means the winter concert for the sixth graders which is something I have not been looking forward to, almost as much as I am not looking forward to the sixth grader talent showcase that takes place in the spring.
But either way, Mr. Simmons is in charge of the concert so I guess there is a plus side to having Granola Boy in charge of our choir of fools- the guy knows music.
Anyway, we'll be singing some song from this animation movie called, "The Snowman" called, 'Walking in the Air' followed by 'Somewhere in my Memory' and finally finishing off with 'Let it Snow' the ever classic puke-fest of a winter-tune. At least the first two are pretty decent songs.
The concert is a week from tomorrow and we have a lot of cramming to do. I hate the whole singing thing, but I guess I'm good enough to get a solo or something next to Gerald the singing sensation. Arnold seems to be pretty proud of me though, and for that, I'm pretty pumped.
Doubt my parents will show for the concert though as it's the same week Olga will be gracing her with her presence again and we'll have to try and go forth with the same charade we pulled off the last two times she was home. But who knows, with mom on this whole new lifestyle change, maybe she'll win out and tell Olga everything against Bob's wishes and they'll show up after all. Either way, THIS time Olga'll be home for a whole WEEK so we'll see if our disaster-of-a-family can pull THAT off again. But who am I to lay claim on bets here? Maybe Olga will be the one to drag them along to see her 'dear baby sister' perform in the concert or maybe both her and mom will take Bob in chains. Honestly, anything can happen in THIS family.
Whatever happens, at least I know Stella and Miles will be there alongside with Arnold's grandparents and all the boarders, so I mean, SOMEONE will be there waving the flag for my honor. Well, OUR honor.
Off to do homework or maybe just blow it all off and write,
Helga G. Pataki
Wow, it's been a while since I've written in here.
You've got a LOT to catch up on my dear confidant.
What did I even talk about last? Let me re-read real quick...
Okay, the concert. So the concert went fine and all. My solo was... alright. I kind of forgot some of the lyrics but I recovered nicely if I do say so myself though I think I gave Mr. Simmons a mild heart attack from where he stood in the wings. I was just really nervous, okay? All those stupid kids and parents watching me with their cameras clicking and lights shining on me. You'd think I'd be all over the stage-fright after my dabbling in theatrics in the past but considering Olga had forced my parents to come and support me in the whole deal, I was shaking and sweating like a madman and I just...forgot what I was singing halfway through. And it was ALL CAUGHT ON TAPE.
Criminy. What is my life?
My parents tried to convince Olga of our fake-life once again, though, with little success this time from a little birdie telling her the truth. And it wasn't even me this time! Mom broke down and spilled the beans, much to dad's dismay. I was pretty proud of her. She stood up tall in front of Bob and Olga and announced loud and proud that we were flat broke and living out of the emporium. Honestly, my jaw dropped to the floor. I wanted to burst into applause, but I thought that might be a little inappropriate. Of course Olga erupted into sobs and then anger which was a side of Olga I'd never seen before. She was furious at our parents for lying to her and not telling her the truth about their financial struggle. I kinda felt bad for her, being so out of the loop and all. Our parents never seem to have either of our best interests in mind, only their own and I went to Olga from where she cried in the back of the store once the illusion had been broken.
"Olga?" I asked quietly and she quickly wiped her tears away though she continued to blubber.
"Oh, oh Helga, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to live like this," she said while reaching out to touch my shoulder. "How long have you been in this emporium?"
I shrugged my shoulders, not as phased by all this as her. "Months now. Probably more than half a year."
"OH!" She broke while flying back into a flurry of tears and I tried my best to make it sound better than it really was.
"Hey, hey, hey," I said calmly, "it isn't SO bad. I mean... yeah, dad makes me help out a lot with the business and yeah there isn't really a kitchen to make food in so we eat take-out a lot but I have...somewhere to go. Somewhere that's safe for me."
Olga looked up with mascara-stained cheeks, her sobbing calmed for the moment. "You do?" She asked and I nodded my head.
"A...a good friend."
"Phoebe?" She suggested and I shook my head, deciding to come clean if it would bring her any sort of peace in the situation and stop her from even possibly giving me the option to come away and live with her.
"Arnold," I stated while looking down to my feet, "You remember him, don't you?"
Olga nodded her head, an odd expression on her face. "That boy you saved while we were in San Lorenzo? The one with the funny shaped head and blonde hair?"
I smiled, his face coming to my mind as I agreed with her description. "Yeah, Olga, that's him. His family has been more than kind to me and most nights I go over there to their home and spend time with them just to escape this place. I feel...welcome there. Like a home away from...well...here." I said with a gesture to the emporium which we were standing in.
"I'm glad you have somewhere you can go. This isn't a suitable place to raise a child, Helga. Our parents...they've really messed up this time and I'm just so sorry you have to be in the middle of it." She apologized and I sighed while saying the only thing I could think of that might give her some hope in the bleak situation.
"Look, I was planning on ditching here and going to Arnold's in a little bit. Do you uh... do you want to come with? I'm sure his parents wouldn't mind. And then you could see that it really is all okay. I have... I have parent figures now that DO care about me unlike Mom and Dad. So I'm really alright. You don't have to worry about me while you're gone."
Olga shook her head tentatively, "Oh Helga, I couldn't..."
"Nah, you really can," I said, "I don't mind. And trust me, neither will they. Or Arnold."
So off we went, Bob protesting all the while, to my safe haven, Olga in tow. And when I knocked on the familiar boarding house doors, Arnold was more than surprised to see my guest standing next to me with a smile planted on her face.
"Olga?" He asked and I nodded my head while she spoke.
"Hello Arnold. Helga told me she's been spending a lot of time here lately and she invited me over to-"
"To get away from our parents," I finished for her. "The cat's out of the bag about Bob and Miriam losing all their money."
"Oh boy," Arnold said while reaching up to rub at the back of his neck before he opened the door further. "Come on in, we're just getting ready for dinner."
Olga leaned over to me before we entered the house, "Do you usually join them for supper?" She asked and I nodded my head.
"All the time. It's fine, really. Just relax, alright? You're in my safe haven, now." I confidently said and she nodded while following me inside.
Of course, Stella and Miles were gracious to Olga as she cried while explaining how foolish she felt to have believed them and how horrid she felt to know that I'd been living in that situation for so long now. She thanked them for taking me in and making sure that I was safe and doing alright and of course they said it was no problem as they loved having me around, something Olga was thrilled to hear.
"Helga's never been the greatest at making friends," Olga said as she sat on the couch and I rolled my eyes while crossing my arms.
"I make friends just fine, Olga," I mumbled though only Arnold heard me and he chuckled softly.
"Well she fits in just great around the boarding house," Miles said from where he sat on the chair next to the sofa. "She's really become part of the family and a great addition to our Arnold's life." He said with a wink and Arnold blushed while looking down to his lap.
"I'm just so happy to hear that. Helga's really needed more people in her life to support her. And with me being gone so much, I worry about her and how she's doing," Olga said with a small frown and Miles nodded his head sympathetically.
"Well you don't have to worry. She's safe here. And she always has somewhere to stay as long as we're around." Miles said proudly before pushing himself up to stand and stretching slightly. "Well, I'd say from those eluding smells from the kitchen that dinner is just about finished. Whattya say we head on in there for some grub?"
So of course we headed in for food, homemade lasagna, and Olga stole the show like she usually did but I didn't even mind this time around because the conversation didn't revolve all around her and her achievements. In fact, she spent a lot of the time gushing over me and how proud she was of all that I'd accomplished, including my big steal at the young writer's conference. It was slightly embarrassing, but also amazing to have a meal with Olga where she wasn't constantly the center of attention and being the best daughter in the entire world. And Miles and Stella were the best hosts. They asked plenty of questions about Olga, but asked about both of us as well, our lives together and growing up, the lives that we'd led and what life was like for us now. They seemed genuinely interested in all we had to say and around that table, we could be completely honest without having to fake any of our answers like we usually had to around Bob and Miriam.
It was refreshing to just be ourselves, and I could sense that Olga felt so too. By the end of the night, as we were saying our goodbyes and headed for the door, Olga stopped me and set a hand on my shoulder.
"Helga, thank you so much for telling me to come with you tonight. I can see why you call this place your safe haven. Stella and Miles are amazing." She said and I smiled in agreement.
"They really are. They're the kind of parents I hope to be someday. If I ever get lucky enough that is."
Olga glanced over my shoulder at Arnold and then back to me with a smile on her face. "Something tells me you will, but I'm afraid dear baby sister, that this is where I leave you for the night."
"What?" I asked, and she let her hand fall from my shoulder while nodding her head.
"I think your little friend Arnold wants you to stay just a bit longer, and if I were you, I'd stay. After all, he is your boyfriend now, isn't he? And first boyfriends are awfully special."
My eyes widened. "How-How did you KNOW that?" I asked and she shrugged, her smile wide on her face as I confirmed her suspicions.
"I'm your big sister, Helga. I can sense these things. And I wholeheartedly approve. Let me deal with mommy and daddy. Besides, I think we have a lot to talk about."
And with one more goodbye, she was gone, leaving me with Arnold at the front of the boarding house before he whisked me away to his room where we took a seat on his couch and bed to talk about the night we'd just had.
"So Olga, huh? Never thought you'd invite her over here," Arnold stated and I shrugged with a blank expression.
"She needed to get out of the emporium after figuring out all the facts of the situation." I responded and Arnold nodded his head with a sly look on his face.
"And just how exactly did she figure it all out? It wasn't you, now was it?"
I laughed nervously, looking around myself awkwardly, "Me?" I said mid-laugh, "What on earth makes you think it was ME that spilled the beans and told her all about my parent's lame plan to convince her we were still rich and living the dream life back at home?" I blurted out quickly and Arnold read right through me with his half-lidded gaze and crossed his arms.
"Helga..." He scolded and I threw my arms in the air.
"What?!" I exclaimed, "She had the right to know what I'm going through over there! And she had the right to know that our parents were lying to her outright. Don't you think?"
Of course he agreed and we spent the rest of the night talking about homework which was our poetry assignment that he desperately needed my help with. It was nice. And at the end of the night he gave me a peck on the lips that I am still thinking about to this moment as I sit here writing about it in you.
Is it too much to say that every moment spent with Arnold is a moment spent in pure bliss? Is it too much to think that this could be the beginning of the rest of my life? Maybe. Maybe I'm being hopelessly optimistic about it all, but honestly? I don't care. I'm just happy it's all happening the way it is and I'm trying to live one day at a time.
It's hard. Like REALLY hard. Like STUPID hard. But I'm trying my best to look at Arnold as my saving grace in this dumb world. He's become my rock, oddly enough.
And I'm never letting go.
Strangely Optimistic,
Helga G. Pataki
Arnold and I got into a fight today.
It was dumb, really and fueled by some emotions I didn't even know where they sprouted from.
I was at his house, just doing homework, when he wouldn't listen to what I was saying about the poem I was writing.
"It's just not good or something." I said and he looked up from his book and turned to gaze over at me.
"I thought it was really good."
"Well what do YOU know anyway?" I spat back at him while tapping my pencil on the notebook angrily. "This poem has to be PERFECT, don't you get it?"
"But why?" Arnold asked, "It's just an assignment."
"People expect so much from me now after that conference," I explained, "Every poem has to top the last."
Arnold frowned while closing his book. "Isn't that a little unrealistic? I mean you can't always top the last poem you write. You'll go crazy trying."
"What, you think I'm crazy now?" I assumed and Arnold's eyes widened at my statement.
"WH-what? Helga, that's not what I was implying-" he tried but I slammed my notebook shut and stood up from the couch where I had been sitting and shoved my notebook into my backpack and forced it onto my back.
"Yeah, SURE you weren't." I said sarcastically, "Just like you weren't implying that my poetry can never top the one I won with."
"What are you talking about, Helga?" Arnold asked growing more agitated as I continued talking like word vomit protecting out of my mouth.
"Just quit with the act, football-head, I KNOW what you're thinking- you're thinking EXACTLY what I'm thinking. I'll NEVER beat that stupid poem no matter HOW hard I try."
"That's not what I'm saying at all Helga, why are you acting like this?" He asked and I threw my hands up in the air, tears beginning to well up in my eyes.
"I...I don't KNOW!" I hollered while reaching up to wipe the tears spilling onto my cheeks, "What the... what is WRONG with me?" I questioned as Arnold stared at me questioningly from where he sat before standing up and walking towards me though I reached out to stop him.
"Don't... just don't, Arnold. I don't need a pep talk or some words of wisdom from your freakish head, okay? I just... I need to leave or something, clear my head," I sniffled while trying to stop the tears from forming as they continued flowing down my cheeks.
And I left. I just ran out of there, Stella and Miles calling after me wondering where I was headed though me and my freakish crying had no idea where I was headed next. It wasn't like I could just go back to the beeper emporium covered in salty tears.
So I went to the only other place I knew I would be safe and might have a clue as to what the heck was going on with me.
I went to Phoebe's.
"Helga?" She asked when she answered the door and I wiped my face as I nodded my head. "Are you alright? You're crying."
"Well no doi, Pheebs," I replied with a sniffle, before she offered me inside and up to her room where we sat on her bed and she asked for the recap of what happened which I messily gave to her until she nodded her head and finally gave me the answer I'd been searching for to my sudden change of mood.
"Helga," Phoebe said soothingly, "It sounds to me like perhaps your hormones may be taking control of the situation at hand."
"My hormones?" I repeated and she nodded her head.
"They can have a great deal to do with our emotions, especially in females and particularly around the time of menstruation." she continued to explain and I rolled my eyes.
"Yuck, Pheebs, I don't need a sex-ed lesson. I'm sure we'll be getting one of those soon enough in Health class."
"Within the next few week, actually," Phoebe said and I sighed while looking down at my hands.
"If it IS hormones, do you think Arnold will forgive me? Like...understand and all that?"
Phoebe smiled, looking to me and nodding her head. "Arnold is an understanding person with an extraordinary sense of compassion. I'm sure if you ask for forgiveness, he'll be more than willing to grant it to you. Especially since the two of you are in a solid relationship." She set a hand on my lap and squeezed my thigh. "I have a feeling it would take a lot more than a silly argument to break the two of you up so easily."
I just hope Phoebe is right and all it is are some whacked out hormones inside of me going crazy or something. And I really hope that Arnold forgives me for whatever it is that happened between us.
Maybe health class can shed some light on what happened next week. Either that, or it'll just be a big hour of hot embarrassment.
Finally cried out,
Helga G. Pataki
oooooh health class is coming up so that's exciting. are you all excited for what's to come? Please leave a REVIEW and let me know what you think!
Also, to those of you wondering if 3rd person chapters are coming back, the answer is yes, but it is still a few chapters ahead before they return but i promise they will be making a comeback!
stay tuned!
-Polka