A few weeks later she was sitting at Colette's dining room table eating cocolate-chip cookies fresh fromher oven. "So," Co said slowly, drawing the word out into several syllables, "How's your love life?"

Sara smiled and shook her head. "You are so nosy."

"That I am. Now back to the question. How are you and Mr. Sanders doing these days?"

"We're doing... okay." She took a bite of her cookie.

"Okay doesn't sound very good."

"Better than okay." Sara paused. "He's very young... and very sweet. He's smart and funny and we talk about anything and everything. He makes me feel special, cherished, like there's no woman on earth he'd rather be with."

"How is he in bed?"

"Colette!"

"Haven't done it yet, then. Why not?"

Sara was silent for a few moments. "It's just... he isn't exactly really aggressive in that department, and I'm, well, I'm trying to give him time, to, you know..."

"He's never done it before and you aren't sure you're up for that."

Sara sighed. "Yes, but not because I think he won't be any good or because I don't want to show him the rules of the road. I just think, you know, that first times should mean something more than just satisfying an urge. He's twenty-one, so obviously he must feel that way too. I need to be clear on what I feel for him before we cross the line."

Co nodded. "Yeah, he's crazy about you now. Once you sleep with him he'll fall head over heels. That kind of devotion can be overwhelming, but damn, it can be a beautiful thing."

"And it wouldn't be fair to him to put him into a situation where he's bound to be hurt, and badly. Right now, I'm not really sure how I feel about him. I mean, I'm attracted, and I care about him, but I'm not sure where this is going."

Co snorted. "Well, I hope you figure it out soon. You've been dating the boy for five weeks. Poor kid's probably got a world-class case of blue balls, and pretty soon you're going to have to take a second job to pay for all the damned batteries this is making you go through."

"Co!"

"I'll tell you what I think. I think you KNOW you love him, and that scares the hell out of you. I think you know that once you make love he'll be wanting more emotional closeness than you've ever given anyone, and that scares you. You hate making yourself vulnerable, and you know he's going to be so open to you that you'll have to let him in, and that's a risk. This really isn't so much about you hurting him as it is about you being afraid he might hurt you."

Sara didn't answer, just carefully examined the last bit of her cookie. Colette continued, her voice gentle. "You know, there's no shame in being afraid. The more someone means to you, the greater the hurt you risk, and the fact is that no relationship comes with a guarantee. He might hurt you, you might hurt him - or you may have an outcome neither of you could have antcipated. The point is this: The only way you can be sure you won't get hurt is to stop dating and resolve to spend your life alone. Greg Sanders genuinely cares about you. He is less likely to hurt you than those old goats you seem determined to chase after."

Sara frowned. "I don't agree. If we, well, get more involved, I'll be his first lover. Sooner or later he's bound to want to experience what sex with someone else is like."

"Perhaps one day he might - or he might not. You really can't know that. Sara, you're looking too far down the road. You can look and analyze and plot the likelihood of breakup from various causes all you want, but the bottom line is that you can't know what the future holds. Look, Sara, you can't apply logic and science to the dance of love. People aren't predictable. Look at me. I've been married to Will for nineteen years. Everyone said we wouldn't make it. I'm black, he's white, I came into the relationship with three smart-mouthed boys who didn't like being told what to do. His family literally disowned him when he married me. We struggled for every penny for the first ten years of our marriage - Will worked two jobs to put me through college, then I returned the favor so he could do the same. It was hard, and anyone looking at us would have said we had no chance, no chance - but Sara, look at us now! We're still together, still in love when a lot of those 'golden' couples everyone swore would be together forever didn't make it to their fifth anniversary. There's just no predicting relationships."

Sara sighed. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I need to let life happen this time."

"I know I'm right. You need to stop writing off the guys who are good and decent and really want to be with you and apply that gear to the old buzzards who don't want anything from you but a little ass. You're going about this whole thing backwards. The ones who don't push your boundaries closeness-wise are like that because they don't give a damn. A man who really loves you won't be content being held at a comfortable distance. Remember that."