Dear Journal,

I've decided that I'm going to try and salvage as much of you as I can by trying to only recount the most important of moments that happen. Since this journal is special and all because it came from Miles himself (and Stella), I want this journal to count and have the most important things in it and as many as possible inside of it. That's why I haven't been writing as much in you because honestly, not much has been happening.

Arnold and I have been doing more things together lately. We've been hanging out at his place and bonding with his parents. We've even started this game night with Gerald and Phoebe on Saturdays that we'd really like to continue even when school starts. It's pretty fun, we all gather up, the boarders and us, in the living room and play game after game laughing and eating snack after snack playing new games and old and talking until late in the evening. It's helped me get to know Geraldo a little better than I used to know him and I have to admit, as much as I HATE to admit, the guy is pretty fun. He might even be cool.

But anyway, that's what my summer has been basically. Lots of games and laughing and bonding. It's been a summer unlike any other and honestly? My fears of losing Arnold are kind of going away. Maybe we can do this middle school thing. Maybe I don't have to switch teams just to see Arnold.

But even though my thought process might be changing, it didn't mean I didn't want to be on his team. So when our letters came in the mail with our schedules on them, we saved them and I brought mine over so we could open the letters together. Call me superstitious, but I hoped that it would bring me some luck on getting onto the same team as him.

Anyway, our letters finally arrived the other day, so I went to his house tonight so we could open them together and check out to see if we shared any classes together. If we weren't on the same team, there was the off chance that we would share gym together or swimming, but I sure hoped I wouldn't have to go through THAT pain all over again. I hated Arnold seeing my competitive side and my body so the two just didn't mix.

"You ready to do this thing?" I asked him as I plopped down beside him on his bed with a smile and letter in hand.

He pulled his letter out from beside him and waved it in the air. "Ready as I'm ever gonna be."

We held the letters in our laps, poised to open them, but I chewed my lip, not wanting to open mine and deal with the fate that it held inside. "What if... what if we DON'T get on the same team?" I asked as I'd asked many times and he smiled while looking at me with soft eyes.

"I told you, we'll work with it. Together. I care about you, you have to know that, Helga."

"I know, I know," I insisted, though part of me wanted to ask how much and I forced that part down into myself, deciding not to ask that question.

"So are we ready to open these now? No matter what they hold?"

I glanced at his letter, addressed to Arnold Shortman and to mine, Addressed to Helga Pataki and sighed before nodding my head. "Yeah," I said with a sigh, "I'm ready."

Carefully, we ripped open our letters to reveal the paper folded inside with printing on it that told us all about our classes with an enclosed map of the layout of the school so we would be able to find where to go. I tossed the papers aside and held the paper with my schedule in front of me and stared at the words looking back at me.

TEAM: Red

GYM CYCLE DAYS: 2, 4, 6

MUSIC CYCLE DAYS: 1, 3, 5

And then I skimmed through the rest of my classes before taking the paper and hiding it from Arnold by pressing it tightly to my chest.

"You see your team?" I asked and he nodded his head.

"Yeah, I did. And your cycle days for gym and choir?" He wondered as I swallowed hard.

"Mmhm." I hummed. "Let's... let's say our teams at the same time and find out if we're on the same team, okay?"

"Are you sure that's how you want to do this, Helga?" He questioned and I frowned while crossing my arms, paper still in hand.

"Well doi, I suggested it, didn't I?" I said with heavy sarcasm and Arnold took the hint while taking a deep breath and nodding his head.

"Alright, we'll do it your way. On the count of three, okay?" He told me and I quickly nodded my head.

"Yeah, on the count of three. One..."

"Two..."

"Three!" We both called out in unison before announcing our team names.

"Red."

"Blue."

I stared at him in shock as I heard what I'd been afraid of this entire time. Disbelieving him, I snatched the paper out of his hands. "Gimme that," I said while glancing over his paper.

TEAM: Blue

GYM CYCLE DAYS: 1, 3, 5

MUSIC CYCLE DAYS: 2, 4, 6

I stared at the information on the paper for a long while before slowly setting the paper down and shaking my head; tears welling in my eyes. "We didn't even get GYM or CHOIR together for cripes sake..." I mumbled as Arnold took the paper back from me and folded it back up to return it into it's home of the envelope it came from.

"Helga..." He quietly said while reaching out to touch my shoulder and squeeze it softly.

"What?" I snapped back at him though he brushed it off and ignored my hostility towards him.

"It's okay. You don't have to worry about not being able to see me," he encouraged, though I wasn't convinced.

"And why's that? We don't have a SINGLE class together. You mean to tell me that we'll see each other in the HALLS and that will be ENOUGH?" I asked pointedly and he shook his head slowly giving me another answer all his own.

"What about here? Have you forgotten about the world outside of school completely?" He asked and I frowned.

"It's not the same..." I said while looking down at my lap and he nodded his head.

"You're right... it's not the same. But it is something, isn't it?" He questioned me as I remained staring downward at my legs where I sat as he continued. "We'll always have my house to come back to and see each other at. Especially on tough days."

"We'll grow apart. We'll see less and less of each other and soon you won't even think about me or care about me at all." I insisted and Arnold smirked.

"That's a little dramatic and exaggerated I think," he claimed, "I think that it will give us endless things to talk about. You'll be able to tell me about your day and I'll be able to tell you about my days. Besides, Helga," he went on, "What do you think adults do when they go off to work each day? They don't see each other all day but in the end they come home to each other and tell each other about their day. That's how they keep things interesting. I think having too many classes may be bad for us, even."

"Bad? How could it be bad?" I countered and he shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know. Maybe because we'd be seeing too much of each other. We'd have the same stories to tell. We'd be experiencing all of the same things." He said and I frowned while turning to look at him.

"That's what we've been doing for the passed 6 years in elementary school," I pointed out and he smiled a half smile.

"And look what good that did for us, Helga. We only just got together now. You spent most of our time together picking on me instead of being the real you. Maybe middle school will give you the chance to find the real you and expand on it. Don't you think that would be good for you?" He asked me and I frowned knowing he had a point, but I wasn't ready to accept it.

Maybe middle school WOULD be good for me. Maybe not having classes with Arnold would give me a chance to explore the real Helga that lie within myself... the Helga that Arnold clearly saw that nobody else did because I never allowed them to. Maybe it was high time I DID allow them to see her and I let her out of her cage inside myself.

And maybe to do that... I couldn't have Arnold around me in every class. Or any class for that matter.

But only time would tell. I would give this schedule a try, but if it sucked and if I couldn't see Arnold during in-between times as much as he claimed I would, I was going to go to the counselor and ask to switch teams. I'd have to figure out a good enough excuse though, that's for sure, or they'd never let me switch my schedule.

That's a part of my plan I'd have to work on.

But for now, I'd let it be and trust Arnold the way he wants me to. After all... school was only a few weeks away now. There wasn't anything I could do at this very moment, at least. So I'd have to be patient. Patience- a virtue that I have yet to learn.

Oh well. I could handle being patient a little longer until school began. I'd have to be.

And until then, I had to figure out where the heck my classes were. The map they gave us was very confusing the way they'd laid it out and it would take me at least a few days to figure out just where everything was. Maybe I'd get lucky and run into Arnold during my venturing around the school to classes. Everything was pretty close together it seemed. But that didn't matter much, Arnold would find his way to me somehow. He usually did.

But I couldn't focus too much on this stupid schedule. I had to focus on Rhonda's upcoming beginning of the year party she was throwing this Friday. Arnold insisted on going so we could have our last hoorah as being mighty 6th graders. And our whole class was going before we had to start mingling with all the other kids our age from all the other schools joined our official 'class.' For all we knew, this would be the last time our little group would be together in the same place until our graduation.

Kinda sad, really. We've spent our lives growing up together and now all of that would be thrown down the tubes. Soon, we'd all have new friends and new people to hang out with and to add to our group of friends and even sooner yet, cliques would form the way they always do and badda bing badda boom, we'd be just like any other middle school class- separated by interests and no longer a family brought together by classroom like we'd always been.

Not that it mattered much to me. As long as I had Arnold and Phoebe in my life, I 'd be fine.

I just hoped that middle school didn't go changing all of that. There was so much up in the air now with middle school arriving as quickly as it was. It seemed like just yesterday I was 9 years old and still pining after Arnold from behind trash cans and smacking Brainy in the face for breathing over my shoulder.

Life was changing, that's for sure. And am I ready for it? Who knows.

Change is a-coming,

Helga G. Pataki

The NERVE of Lila. The NERVE of RHONDA! The nerve of those two wicked girls who I wish I could rip their smug smiles right off their smug and horrible lips. How could they? How could Rhonda insist on something so horrendous? And how could Lila go along with it? Even though she protested, it doesn't take away the fact that she DID it! Ugh!

I just got back from Rhonda's stupid party with Arnold. And what a freakin' party it was. Of course it was lavish like any lame party that Rhonda plans, filled with finger foods and punches of different variety for every kind of taste you could have, but it wasn't the food that has me so irritated.

It's Rhonda. And Lila. ESPECIALLY Lila. Why did she have to be there? Anybody, ANYBODY but stinkin' Lila!

Okay, calm down, Helga. Explain so you can remember this and plan your revenge one day.

It was late in the party, around 9 o'clock. We had just finished watching a movie we shouldn't have been watching at our age without parental supervision (even though people do it all the time, I mean, c'mon, it isn't like Scream is all that bad anyway. Chump change if you ask me.) and Rhonda had the brilliant idea of playing some party games to liven up her party.

"Alright everybody," Rhonda announced with a clap of her hands as soon as she took the DVD out of the player and put it back into it's case. "How about something fun. Something... scandalous."

The group of kids glanced around at each other in curiosity as Arnold and I exchanged a look.

"What do you mean by 'scandalous,' Rhonda?" Eugene asked and Rhonda took an empty yahoo soda bottle off of a nearby table and waved it around with a sly smile on her face.

"How about a game of 'spin the bottle?'" She suggested as the crew of kids all murmured their disinterest in the idea. "Oh c'mon, it'll be fun. Unless you're all too scared of a little game."

"We ain't scared," Stinky piped up.

"Yeah," Sid said, "It's just... kissing is..."

"Gross," Harold finished for him and Rhonda merely laughed a light chuckle and shook her head.

"Boys, boys, boys," she scolded in a soothing tone while approaching them with her bottle; tapping it on her perfectly manicured hand, "You'll have to change your tune if you're going to go into middle school, don't you think? I mean, how will you ever have girlfriends if you don't expect to kiss them? It's all part of growing up."

She then went up to Harold and sat down beside him and stroked his chin briefly before saying, "And besides, wouldn't you like a little... experience... before you go off into middle school? And what better way then to play spin the bottle? The best kissing game known to man?"

The group fell silent as Rhonda looked around at everyone that she had single handedly convinced of her ploy to play her kissing game. With another look around the room, she stood up and placed her hands on her hips. "Well?" She asked. "What are you waiting for? Get into a circle already and let's play the game!"

Hesitantly, the group adjusted to get into a circle as Rhonda placed the bottle in the center with a smile on her face, clearly happy that her plan had worked in getting everyone to play her little game. But I felt scared. I didn't want to go kissing anybody other than Arnold and from the look on Arnold's face, it seemed that he felt the same way. And poor Pheebs and Gerald, they were clearly sweating the game too. The four of us were already happy in our relationships and wanted out of this little game. Maybe that's why Rhonda had called this so scandalous.

But Arnold was on it. He quickly stood up, grabbing my hand and gestured with his head for Phoebe and Gerald to do the same. Just as we did so, Rhonda raised her brow and spoke up. "And just where do you think you four are going?"

Arnold cleared his throat before speaking. "We just don't think this game is suited for us. We're going to head out for the night, but thanks for a great party, Rhonda-"

"Oh no, no, no," She said defiantly, "that's what will make this game...interesting. Besides, it's just a little kissing. It won't mean anything."

"But it isn't something we're interested in, Rhonda," Phoebe squeaked out, "The premise of it is simply preposterous if one is in a relationship already."

"Oh don't be such a party pooper, Phoebe. Just stay. Please? It won't be any fun without you four. I'll only make you guys go once. Okay? Just one round and then we'll play something much more fun." she promised and we all exchanged a look before sighing and returning to our seats. Why you ask? I have no idea what compelled us to sit back down. We should have just left. But we figured what were the chances we would land on someone else?

Looking back now, that was a stupid thought. There were at least twenty people there so of COURSE the chances were against us of landing on our actual significant others. But everyone was staring at us and we just gave into the peer pressure of sitting back down and joining the group.

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, STUPID.

"Alright," Rhonda said while taking her seat in the circle,"the rules of the game are simple. We go clockwise around the circle taking turns spinning the bottle. Whomever the neck of the bottle lands on, you have to kiss. And that's that. As the host of this amazing party, I'll go first."

And that's how it all began. One by one, the people of the circle reached inside to spin the bottle and continued with the rules of the game by kissing those who the bottle landed on. It was awkward, weird, and completely uncomfortable. Especially when Curly landed on Eugene and everyone laughed but they kissed anyway, surprising us all. Then came my turn and I spun hoping to land on Arnold and, with luck on my side, I did. A bunch of boos let out as I leaned over to kiss Arnold, a smile on my lips at succeeding in getting through the first and only round of this game.

Then it was time for Arnold's turn. The second leg of the nightmare that was spin the bottle. I watched as the bottle spun and spun on the marble floor, my heart racing at each round it made passing me by. Suddenly, it began to slow and I leaned in in anticipation at who it would land on.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon..." I mumbled, my hands in fists as they rested on my legs where I sat cross-legged on the floor.

Spin, spin, spin, spin, spin...stop

I stared with my mouth wide open at where the neck laid pointed at none other than Lila who's mouth was also ajar at the outcome of the bottle's spinning. She struggled for words as both parties remained in place where they sat.

"I...I..." She struggled while shaking her head; her braids moving to and fro with her head, "I'm ever so certain I don't feel comfortable kissing Arnold, Rhonda."

"Well tough luck," Rhonda said without any sort of sympathy, "the bottle has spoken. You and Arnold have to kiss. It doesn't have to be long or anything. Just a little peck."

"I don't know..." Lila said, "It just feels wrong."

"I agree," Arnold spoke up. "I don't feel comfortable with this, Rhonda. I don't think it's fair that you make us do something we aren't comfortable doing."

"It's just the rules, I didn't make them!" She said defensively. "Don't hate the player, hate the game."

"This is stupid," I grumbled. "C'mon, Arnold. Let's leave."

Rhonda stood up as I stood up and pointed in my direction. "You leave and you will NEVER be invited to another Wellington Lloyd event for the rest of your days."

I stared at Arnold who stared back at me with pain in his eyes. He didn't want to do this but we knew that we didn't want to be exiled from her parties for the rest of our lives over some stupid little kiss. So with a deep breath, Arnold leaned in the circle to meet Lila who was visibly unhappy and she pecked his lips which instantly made my blood boil underneath my skin.

I wasn't mad at Arnold. WE had no choice. We were going to be excluded for life if we left. But Lila could have refused with us. SHE'S the one who pecked HIS lips. He didn't do the kissing, SHE did. The whole thing was utterly ridiculous and it made me angry to see it happen before my very own eyes. All my biggest fears from my childhood played out before me for myself to actually see instead of just see in my nightmares.

But the game continued on and Gerald and Phoebe had to suffer with us, both of them having to kiss others that weren't their partners so I guess I wasn't the only one who had to suffer. I just wondered how they were handling it. But THEY didn't have to watch their arch nemesis kiss the love of their life.

Then it got around to Lila's turn and she hesitantly reached out to spin the bottle only to land on none other than, you guessed it, Arnold.

"Oh! What are the odds?" Rhonda called out with a clap of her hands and Arnold flat out refused this time.

"No. I'm not doing it this time. I've had enough of this game, Rhonda." He said with slight anger in his voice, something nobody was used to hearing coming from Arnold.

"It's alright, Arnold," Lila coaxed, "Then it will be over."

"I thought you were against all of this?" He asked with a furrowed brow and she nodded her head.

"I am. I am just ever so much. Only, it's the rules of the game and I'm afraid that Rhonda will... well..."

"Rhonda will what?" Rhonda asked with acidity in her tone and Arnold sighed while taking my hand in his and leaning in across the circle towards Lila so she could peck his lips AGAIN.

I knew he didn't want to do this. The way that he held my hand and squeezed it told me so but Lila. LILA. She didn't have to do what she was doing. CLEARLY she enjoyed kissing him and right in front of me too. I wanted to thump her. I wanted to do MORE than thump her. But thankfully Lila was the last of the circle and the game was over.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" Rhonda asked though I had a few choice words for her question.

"That bad? THAT BAD?" I said while standing up from the circle to confront her. "You made us cheat on our significant others just for your own amusement. I'd say yeah, it WAS that bad."

"Oh Helga, you may be angry at me now, but all will be rewarded in our next game." She promised while gesturing for Arnold to stand with me and walked us to a nearby closet.

"A closet?" I asked and she smiled wildly at me while wrapping her arms around the two of us as the others stood up from the circle to follow us over to where Rhonda had brought us.

"Not just any closet. The closet where our next game will be held," she explained.

"And what on earth is that?" I wondered and she grinned while opening the door.

"Seven minutes in heaven and you two, my dear friends, are the first of us that will take part. You know the rules?" She asked and we shook our heads as she nodded her head and began to explain.

"See, you two go in the closet for seven minutes. We'll time you. And whatever goes on in that closet stays in the closet. So anything goes, lovebirds." She finished with a wink before shoving us into the dark closet and shutting the door on us.

A few seconds after our eyes adjusted to the darkness, the door opened again to reveal Rhonda who then said, "And no lights!" before she shut the door again to leave the two of us in the closet to do whatever we wanted, make-out is what they all assumed, I guessed.

I stared into the darkness where Arnold stood ahead of me and sighed as he began to talk quickly.

"I didn't want to kiss Lila, Helga." He began to speak. "You have to believe me. I really, really didn't want to."

"I know," I answered softly.

"I have no feelings for her anymore. That part of my life is over. I'm completely over her. The only person I feel that way for is you now." he went on and I nodded my head.

"I know."

"Helga..." He said while fumbling around the closet to find my cheek and brush his fingers against it making the nerves in my skin go wild.

"Yeah?"

"Can I... can I tell you something I've never told you before?" He asked and I nodded my head though he couldn't see.

"S-sure," I told him so he knew I was listening.

"I think that... well... I think that I love you." he told me and my eyes widened at his words.

He was right, he'd never told me that before. And honestly, I didn't think he'd tell me that for quite a while. But after what we'd just been through with Lila, maybe he felt like he had to tell me his feelings even if he wasn't entirely sure of them just yet.

"You know," I said, "You don't have to tell me if you aren't sure yet. I understand. Love is a loaded word."

"I know, but I thought you should know that my feelings for you are more than just a casual crush. I might not be sure entirely of what they are yet, but I think that that's what I'm feeling." He explained and I smiled in the darkness and reached blindly for his hand.

"Oh Arnold," I spoke while squeezing his hand. "You know I love you. You have for a long time now. And I'll wait for you to catch up to me. I'd wait a lifetime."

I think he smiled as his words came out. "I know you will."

"Can I ask something of you?" I wondered aloud.

"Sure. What?"

"Can we... can WE kiss now? I just... I just keep picturing you and Lila kissing and it's driving me mad. It's making me think back to all the times I saw you with her and all the feelings you once had of her and all that jealousy I once had that I thought was gone... it's all coming back and I just want it to go away." I explained and Arnold chuckled while pulling me close to him.

"Of course we can kiss. I have no qualms against that."

I couldn't help but laugh at his use of the word before our lips touched and we kissed in the dark closet among the coats and other Wellington Lloyd items.

If everything else hadn't happened with Lila, I suppose it would be romantic but even as we kissed my mind was still roaming on the thoughts and images of Lila and Arnold's lips pressed together across the circle of my friends.

Ugh. The jealousy has returned even though Arnold is with me. How is that even possible?

Lost in Emotion,

Helga G. Pataki