Y1, C11: Enough to Feed a Third-World Country

Madam Pomfrey kept Remus overnight for observation "just to make sure", but she did let him out of the Hospital Wing the next day… albeit reluctantly. "Try not to walk around too much," she told him sternly. "Be careful on the steps to the Astronomy Tower. You have Double Transfiguration first thing today; make sure to tell Professor McGonagall if you're feeling unwell. Remember: you were visiting your ill mother."

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey, I know."

"Your hands are still pretty bad. Stop taking notes if you need to."

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey."

"Your arm is all healed up, but the nasty gash on your side isn't getting any better. Don't strain yourself. Drink plenty of water. Come back here if you need to rest."

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey! May I go now? I don't want to miss breakfast."

Madam Pomfrey sighed. "Very well. Be careful. I don't want all my hard work undone by a reckless eleven-year-old Gryffindor."

Remus swung his legs over to the side of the bed and stood up for the first time in days (besides trips to the toilet and getting changed). It was surprisingly easy to do so, and there was hardly any pain at all. "Reckless? Me? Never," he said.

"Good. Now get out—I daresay you're sick of this room."

"That I am," said Remus, opening the door with his nearly-mended hands. "Madam Pomfrey—really, thank you. So much."

"Shush, it's my job," said Madam Pomfrey. "Out."

"Yes of course," said Remus, and then as an afterthought, mumbled, "See you next month." And with that, he walked down the corridor to join his dormmates for breakfast.

"Lupin! Where have you been?" asked Sirius with his mouth full, spraying crumpets and jam all over James' hand. James wiped his hand on Sirius' sleeve and then stole some bacon off of Peter's plate.

"Doesn't matter," said Remus, even though it mattered very much.

"We missed you!" said Peter. "I took notes for you in Potions."

"Really? Thank you so much!"

James rolled his eyes. "Your raw excitement and emotion over Potions notes is incredibly sad."

Remus grinned and grabbed a crumpet. "Says you—you get tears in your eyes every time you look at a broom."

"Oi!" said James. "That's different. Quidditch is much more interesting than class notes. Plus," he added quietly, "just between you and me—Peter's handwriting is illegible. So the notes won't help much."

Remus thought that saying so was very unkind, but he kept quiet, not wanting to ruin the banter that made him feel so at home. "Like mine is much better," he joked, taking a bite of his crumpet.

"You're kidding, right?" said Sirius. "Your handwriting is second best to mine, and I learned Perfect Pureblood Handwriting at the age of six. James, on the other hand—that boy's handwriting looks like someone gave a chicken a pencil."

James pulled a sock out of his pocket and threw it at Sirius. Remus wasn't sure why James had a sock in his pocket, but he didn't question it. He knew better than that at this point.

Madam Pomfrey was wonderful, but there really wasn't anything like his dormmates.

Transfiguration was like a breath of fresh air. Professor McGonagall still refused to look at Remus—but Remus had been watched quite enough over the past few days, thank you very much, and was thankful for the break. They were finally using wands that day (James had gleefully informed Remus that they'd used wands in Charms class the previous day, as well, and that he and Sirius had been the first two students to achieve the Wingardium Leviosa charm). Today, the first-year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws were attempting to learn Reparo with a broken dish.

James got it on the very first try, and McGonagall granted him a rare smile. Sirius got it not too long after, along with a few other students in the class. Eventually, most of the class had achieved the charm—all except Remus, Peter, Lily, and three Ravenclaw students. Remus scowled. "Reparo. Reparo! Reparo. Reparo? Reparo!" No matter what inflection he used, he could not get the broken dish to do more than reluctantly wiggle. He glanced over at Peter, who now had a mended dish in front of him and was smiling broadly. Remus' first instinct was anger and frustration, but he repented and immediately felt ashamed.

Lily had not achieved the charm, either; her face was nearly as red as her hair. McGonagall was next to her, showing Lily the wand motions and giving her tips. McGonagall had just finished helping Peter. Remus wondered if she was planning on helping him.

Once Lily had successfully cast the charm, McGonagall walked past Remus to assist the three Ravenclaws. "Why isn't she helping you?" hissed James in Remus' ear. "You missed Charms class! You've never used a wand before! She should have been helping you first!"

Remus wondered if it was because McGonagall was afraid of him. "I don't know; maybe I just need practice," he mumbled, but James wasn't satisfied with that answer.

"McGonagall!" said James loudly. "Come here! Remus needs help!"

"Shush!" said Remus, his face heating up. He did not want to call any attention to himself; people would only be more likely to notice the pattern of his absences if they knew who he was. Besides, Remus didn't want McGonagall to help—not if she was going to be uncomfortable around him.

"I can't help everybody at once, Mr. Potter, and you are to refer to me as 'Professor McGonagall,'" said McGonagall snippily, but made her way over to Remus regardless. "Very well, Mr. Lupin: cast the charm, then."

"Reparo." Nothing happened.

"I must say, that is some of the most precise wand movement that I have ever seen," said Professor McGonagall, and Remus nearly smiled. "I think your problem is confidence. You have to except it to work, you know. Think of it this way: witches and wizards do not surprise themselves with successful charms."

That was an interesting way to look at it, Remus thought. He lifted his head to thank McGonagall, but she was already looking somewhere else. Remus again wondered if she was afraid of him.

He lifted his wand with the pure intention of casting the spell. "Reparo," he said. The plate mended itself slowly—not perfectly; the faint outline of cracked porcelain was still visible—but it was mended nevertheless. Remus turned to look at James, who poked him encouragingly in the shoulder.

"If she had just told you that earlier you could have gotten it before Peter," scowled Sirius. "I don't know why she was avoiding you."

"Peter's not bad at magic," Remus said, "and she has a lot of people to help."

McGonagall turned her head in Remus' direction, who quickly looked away. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable. Goodness knows he completely understood being afraid of werewolves.

History of Magic was uneventful, mostly. Sirius caught Remus' eye about halfway through class, and Remus mouthed "dead boring." This resulted in an outburst of stifled laughter from Sirius that Binns didn't even seem to notice.

Remus typically enjoyed the relaxing process of taking notes, but his hands felt like they were on fire after twenty minutes of writing. When he put down his quill to take a break, however, it clattered on the desk a little more loudly than he had expected it to. James looked over at him and smirked, but the smile fell off his face when he noticed the gauze on Remus' hand.

"What happened?" James mouthed.

"Nothing," mouthed Remus.

James furrowed his eyebrow and started writing. Remus picked up his own quill and resumed his note-taking as well.

Thirty seconds later, a paper airplane hit Remus in the back of his head. "Ow!" he said aloud. Binns gave him a stern look. "Sorry, Professor."

Remus picked up the paper airplane and glanced at James, who had obviously thrown it. "Open it," James mouthed. Remus did.

Remus Lupin, you are hiding something, and you are going to tell us the story in full detail later.

Remus rolled his eyes at James and put the note in his pocket.

When lunchtime arrived, Remus decided to sit with Lily and her friend. He didn't really feel like explaining himself right now, and he wanted to wait a few hours to make sure that he had the details of his story straight. He was stalling, actually, but stalling was such an ugly word.

"How do you do?" Remus asked Lily's friend with the dark hair. "I'm Remus Lupin."

"Snape," said the boy sourly. "And the fact that you feel as if you may sit wherever you choose, without permission, speaks very poorly of your upbringing."

"Sev!" said Lily indignantly. "Remus, don't mind him. He just has an odd sense of humor. You're welcome to sit here."

"Thank you, Lily," said Remus.

"Since when are you two on a first-name basis?" asked Snape.

"Since when do you care?" retorted Lily. "So where were you yesterday, Remus? I didn't see you Sunday, either: Peter said that you were in your dorm."

"I was visiting home," said Remus slowly. He did not want to lie to anyone right now.

"Homesick?" sneered Snape.

"I don't particularly like to talk about it," said Remus, "especially with people I barely know."

"I don't particularly like to sit next to people I barely know." said Snape. Well. Remus was done playing nice.

"How do you get to know them, then, just shout at them from afar?" Remus asked. "Or are you pen pals first? Maybe you're some sort of stalker?"

Lily snorted. "Didn't you watch me for a few days before you got up the courage to speak with me, Sev? Remus isn't that far off."

Remus thought that Snape rather looked like he was going to murder someone with his bare hands. "At least I've never insulted your friends. We are the company we keep. And speaking of friends… yours are rather idiotic, aren't they, Lupin?"

"They're actually pretty nice to me," said Remus. "Why don't you like them?"

"You were absent," said Lily. "The comment they made about Slytherin on the train was bad enough, as was that awful nickname they gave him, but yesterday they..." She trailed off.

"Yes?"

"They wouldn't stop following me and teasing me," fumed Snape.

"Well, they tease me too—It's just what they do. Sort of like your 'odd sense of humor'. I'm sure they don't have anything against you."

"No," said Lily. "It was pretty mean-spirited, even compared to Snape's humor."

Remus tried to be diplomatic for fear of further insulting Snape. "Well, I'm sorry they did that, but I'm not responsible for their actions. They're my dormmates, not my... clones or evil minions or something."

Severus, unfortunately, did look insulted. "You think you're funny, don't you?. You think we can be friends. Well, sorry to break it to you, but Lily and I are not your friends," Snape said.

"I'll thank you not to put words in my mouth, Sev," said Lily. "I, for one, rather like Remus. Oh, I nearly forgot! I took notes for you in Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts! Here." Lily handed Remus a fistful of papers.

Remus looked at her immaculate Defense notes and felt a little guilty. She could not have known that he had already received notes from Questus, and he felt bad that she had spent so much time on his account without reason. "Thank you so much, Lily," he said. "You really needn't."

Snape snorted. "Well, if it isn't Mr. Remus Humble Lupin," he said, and then in a mocking voice: "You needn't spend time on me, Lily! I don't deserve you, Lily!"

Remus felt very uncomfortable. That was pretty close to how he felt, actually. He knew full well that every second that Lily spent on him would be wasted when Lily inevitably found out what he was and hated him. Remus gave a half-hearted laugh, hoping that Snape was only joking. "Does anybody deserve Lily? The girl just took notes for someone that she barely knew. I don't think any of us are worthy, your Majesty," he said, pretending to bow and making Lily giggle.

"See, Sev? He's not all that bad. Give him a chance."

Snape did not look like he wanted to give Remus a chance.

But that was all right by Remus. He knew that he wasn't likely to stay at Hogwarts all seven years, and friends were not a necessity to getting a good education. Especially Snape, who seemed to be thoroughly unpleasant.

All the same, he did want people to like him. It was so nice to be liked and to have people who enjoyed his company without knowledge of his condition. Spending time with other people his age was so new to him, yet he enjoyed it so much.

In all honesty, he wasn't sure how he was going to say goodbye to Hogwarts when it was all said and done.

But he'd worry about that later. There was plenty of time, wasn't there?

The day finally ended, and Remus stopped by the Owlery to deliver the letter to his mum and dad. Part of this, of course, was to avoid his dormmates: he knew that James, Sirius, and Peter were going to demand an explanation as soon as he got back to the dorm. His leg hurt dreadfully at this point. Remus knew was going to have to change the dressings undetected when he got back to the dorm. That was going to be difficult.

On the way back to the dorm, he practiced his story in his head over and over again. He had an ill mother… she might die… he had to help take care of her… he didn't like to talk about it….

Finally, Remus arrived back at the dorm. He knocked before entering in spite of himself.

"Do come in," said James in an overly posh accent. "And don't forget to wipe your shoes on the mat." Remus opened the door and then mimed wiping his shoes.

"You don't have to knock, you know," said Sirius. "It's your dorm, too."

"Well, excuse me for being polite." Remus was nervous, which didn't make any sense. Why was he nervous? It wasn't as if he was going to tell them the truth.

"Sit," said James. "I want to know why you were absent. I know for a fact that Madam Pomfrey doesn't let students stay in the Hospital Wing for days—and overnight, too—for a common cold. So spill."

Remus looked at the ground. "Er," he said. "I don't like to talk about it."

"You're going to have to at some point," said Peter reasonably.

"Shut up, Peter," said Sirius, and then he turned to Remus. "Mate, you're going to have to at some point."

Remus raised an eyebrow, trying to stall. "He just said that."

"You're stalling."

"Sorry." There was a pause. "How do I know I can trust you?"

"We sleep in the same room, and we haven't killed you yet," said James. "Is it really that bad? Whatever's wrong, I mean."

"No... well, yes," said Remus, trying to sound reluctant. It wasn't that hard. "It's... my mum. She's ill."

"How ill?" asked Peter.

Remus hung his head in a manner that he hoped was believable. "I might be out for another couple days this year to visit her. She's been ill for a while, but it's getting bad." Remus was somewhat alarmed at how easily he was able to lie to them. "I need to help out when she has a bout, and if she... if she doesn't survive... then I want to be there for my dad."

There was a pause, and Remus worried for a split second that they hadn't bought it.

"That's awful, mate," said James. "I'm really sorry to bring it up."

"No, Peter was right," said Remus. "I had to tell you at some point. It's just that... saying it out loud... makes it feel more real."

"Well, I wish my mum were dying," said Sirius. Remus' mouth fell open, and Sirius rolled his eyes. "What? She's awful. Voice like a banshee. Hates everyone, especially me."

"That's not very tactful, Sirius," said James.

"Er, sorry," said Sirius quickly. "I wasn't thinking. But seriously… I'm sorry, Remus. Your mum must be incredible."

Remus nodded. "She is." That was the truth, at least. There was an awkward silence, and Remus had the sudden urge to fill it, to fix things, to bring back the banter and the joviality... "So: what's the deal with Severus Snape?" he asked.

James' face split into a grin. "That slimeball! Thinks he's so much better than everyone else, just 'cos he's in Slytherin. Did you see his hair? It's like someone dumped grease over it!"

Remus didn't have the heart to argue and bring back the heavy atmosphere. "He was rather rude," he said. "Lily said that he was trying to be funny, but I'm afraid I didn't find him very funny at all."

"Evans isn't that much better," scowled Sirius. "Really rude, she is. Hey, what was the deal with Transfiguration today? McGonagall seemed to be avoiding you. Did you make her angry?"

"No," said Remus. "I think... I think she pities me. Because of my mum." Remus winced, knowing that it was the most unconvincing argument ever, but he didn't know what other excuse to make.

"That's a strange way to pity someone," said Sirius.

"I don't really know," Remus amended quickly. "Maybe she just thought I could do it on my own."

James pulled his shirt off and yawned. "Yeah, well, you did. You just needed some more confidence. Don't you all forget: I was the first to manage it!"

"Only because you have so much confidence that it's bordering on arrogance," said Sirius, tossing James his flannels. "Put a shirt on; you're ugly."

"I am not arrogant!" said James. "And I'm not ugly. Only self-assured."

"You are kind of arrogant," said Peter, wanting to join the conversation.

"It's oozing out your ears," said Remus.

"It's filling up your head," said Sirius.

"You're basically swimming in it."

"It's enough to fill the Black Lake!"

"It's enough to feed a third-world country."

"Ooh, good one."

"Thank you."

James shook his head and pulled the shirt over his head. "You lot are insane," he said. "I'll have you know that I am very humble."

"So you're fantastic at magic, a brilliant flier, funny, intelligent... and humble?" asked Remus.

"That pretty much sums it up."

"Someone needs to deflate that head of yours," Sirius crowed, and hit James over the head with a pillow.

They were distracted, which was a good time to slip away undetected. Remus locked himself in the lavatory to change his clothes and the dressings on his leg, smiling madly and doing his best to ignore the ensuing chaos.

He didn't care what Lily and Snape said. His dormmates were brilliant.

AN: Thrice-weekly updates starting today: updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Let me know what you think so far!