Y1: A Hard-Knock Life

Saturday morning dawned bright and early, unfortunately; Remus awoke to the sounds of James and Sirius shouting more loudly than a Banshee with a stubbed toe.

"GOOD MORNING. WE ARE GOING TO THE QUIDDITCH PITCH. DOES ANYONE WANT TO COME."

"Do you have to shout?" Remus mumbled, stuffing his head under the pillow and internally cursing his sensitive hearing.

"YES."

"Shut up. Go away. Let me sleep. It's only... what? Seven?"

"IT IS EIGHT O'CLOCK."

"But it's also Saturday. Let me sleep."

"YOU WILL MISS BREAKFAST."

"Lunch will be my breakfast. I expect to sleep half the day away. Leave me alone."

"FINE. PETER, ARE YOU COMING?"

Remus heard Peter give an affirmative answer, and then he drifted off to sleep once again. Remus, half-awake, heard them slam the door and run down the corridor.

Finally, some peace and quiet.

Remus dreamt that he and the Sorting Hat were having tea.

"See, I told you that you were a Gryffindor," the Sorting Hat told him.

"Someone's going to find out that I'm a werewolf," murmured Remus, curling his hands around the bright pink mug half-full of tea. "Then I won't be a Gryffindor; I'll be out of Hogwarts and lonely and jobless and homeless and..."

The Sorting Hat morphed into Snape. "You're a werewolf? I knew it!" he said, pointing his wand towards Remus threateningly. As Remus was begging Snape not to hurt him, Peter entered, wearing a multicolored robe worthy of Dumbledore.

"Hey, werewolf!" said Peter, his voice three octaves higher. It hurt Remus' ears dreadfully. "We figured it out. But Sirius says that you make such good puns that we'll allow you to stick around."

"Shh! Not so loud!"

The entire school's heads turned. "You're a werewolf? Somebody find the pitchfork!" they said in perfect unison.

"We've changed our minds," said James. "We hate you. We're gonna tell the Ministry that you were threatening us, and then you'll really get it."

All of the sudden, there was a knock on Remus' window. Fenrir Greyback, he thought, though he did not know how he knew who it was. He look up to see giant claws tapping on the window, dripping fangs longer than Remus' forearm, matted fur and yellow eyes and giant paws capable to smashing the window to smithereens...

Remus looked around for the Sorting Hat, or Peter, or Questus, or anyone... but no one was there to help him and he was about to be devoured whole by the ginormous creature tapping on his window... the tapping turned to banging and Remus jerked awake and instinctively covered his head with his arms, hoping to minimize the damage done to his neck.

He realized where he was. He smelt James and Sirius outside his window. Remus tried to control the shaking of his hands, peered through his fingers—and there they were, floating on broomsticks and looking utterly confused at the sheer panic of their friend.

Friend, Remus thought; he smiled somewhat shakily.

"Idiots." Remus opened the window and sighed, trying to act nonchalant. Seeing as he was certain he was going to die a few seconds ago, it proved to be very difficult. "What were you trying to do?"

"Wake you up! We thought it would be funny!" Sirius said.

"Are you sufficiently amused, then? Will you let me sleep?"

"Were you having a nightmare or something? Looks like we scared you half to death," James said.

"Yes, I was having a nightmare."

"Ooh, what about?" said Sirius eagerly. "Once I had a nightmare that Dumbledore and Helga Hufflepuff were cooking James."

"What? Ew," said James.

"No, not you. James the Owl."

"Oh, that's much better."

Remus shook his head in exasperated amusement. "Well, I was dreaming that something big and terrifying was at my window, and then—lo and behold—I heard banging on my window as I was trying to sleep!" Remus mentally patted himself on the back for telling the truth in a way that was not suspicious whatsoever. Well, he hoped that it wasn't, as least.

"A Lethifold? I was terrified of those as a kid," said James.

"No. I don't know what it was. But it was big and scary and it had giant teeth and claws."

"A dragon? A werewolf?"

Fiddlesticks. "I don't know! But it was going to eat me!" Remus threw his sheets aside and gave his friends one last dirty look. "Well, I'm not getting back to sleep now. Thanks a lot for ruining my lazy Saturday." Remus got out of bed and headed for the toilet.

"Does that mean you're coming out to fly with us?" called Sirius. Remus rolled his eyes.

"No, it means I'm doing my Potions homework."

"Marauders don't do homework!"

"This one does!"

"Fine. Be boring. We don't care. Come on, James, show me how to do that neat loop-the-loop that you did a second ago..."

Remus smiled, glad that he had taken Questus' advice. For all James' and Sirius' flaws, they were fun to be around.

Even though they'd nearly scared him to death.

Remus finished his Potions homework. Then he practiced Wingardium Leviosa and Aguamenti. Then he read ahead in his History of Magic textbook. Then he practiced Reparo by ripping a bit of parchment and mending it, over and over and over again. He was getting quite good.

Finally, his friends entered the dormitory once again. "Remus, it's nearly lunchtime," Peter said, out-of-breath and smiling. "Come and sit with us."

"Sure," said Remus, mending the parchment one more time. James gaped.

"You're good at that spell! Why couldn't you do it earlier?"

"I can't do it with a teacher breathing down my neck! And of course I'm good at it; I've been practicing it for thirty minutes now." Remus pulled his sleeve over his still-healing hand and patted Bufo's head. "Be good, Bufo. I'll be back soon."

Bufo blinked.

Remus loved Bufo and all, but he was very glad that Bufo didn't have to be his only friend. He was quite boring, really, and not much conversation at all.

Lunch was eventful. James tried to initiate a food fight, but Puttle (the Prefect who had greeted Remus shortly after his Sorting) put an end to it before it could really get started. "What's up with him?" James mumbled.

"Marauders don't listen to Prefects!" said Sirius.

"Where are you getting all these rules from?" asked Remus. "I thought the Marauders were only founded yesterday. Marauders can do whatever they want. I have just as much authority as you on the matter, and I think that Marauders do listen to Prefects, because Marauders don't want to have nightly dates writing lines."

"He's got a point," said James. "Not the last part, I mean, but definitely the first part. I think we need an official list of Marauders' Rules. And we'll take a vote on each one. Make it fair and all that."

Voting was very unfair, Remus knew. James and Sirius would vote on ridiculous rules, and Peter would go along with them. But whoever said that friendship didn't cost anything?

Remus glanced at the staff table and caught Questus' eye, who was watching them intently. He did not smile, but Remus could tell he wanted to. If he... you know, ever did smile...? Remus had only ever seen Questus smile at the macabre. Remus turned back to James, who was already detailing his plans for the "club".

"I think we need a secret handshake. And a secret knock. And a secret password. And t-shirts. And a symbol."

"So you basically want to be a... gang?" asked Remus.

"No! Just a super-secret club that does everything together."

"You're gonna scare Remus off," said Peter, his mouth full of pudding. "He was already scared of commitment before. I think he's going to have a seizure or something if we form a 'super-secret club that does everything together'." Despite his words, Peter was grinning ear-to-ear at the thought of being included. His excitement seemed to be contagious: now Remus was feeling a bit giddy, himself.

"No," said Remus. "You've convinced me. It was a git move to run off like that, and I'm not doing that again. Unless you want me to."

"What would you do without us?" said Sirius. "You'd be all alone and sad and bored."

"I don't need you. I have Bufo."

"Right. The toad. How could we compete with that?"

"He's better than James, at least. James eats mice."

"Shut up."

"You shut up."

James was way too excited about the Marauders. He spent the rest of the afternoon with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, coming up with rules and plans.

"Okay, lads, we're going to focus on pranking. I know that you're super wary about pranks, Remus, but we've got to have some fun. Especially around the holidays! A Christmas prank, a Halloween prank, winter pranks, summer pranks... pranks! And we're gonna be the funniest, most interesting people in the whole wide school. Super popular."

"Two things." said Remus, amused by James' excitement but somewhat hesitant about the Marauders. "First, I'm not opposed to a few pranks as long as they won't hurt anyone or cause damage. Second... I don't want to be popular. I'd appreciate it if that... wasn't a thing."

"Why not?" said Sirius. "You're not as handsome as we are, but you've got that rugged bookworm thing going for you. And a tragic backstory, mysterious scars, all that. And you're quick and clever and funny. You could be very popular. Get a girlfriend, maybe. But Pete... there's no hope for you."

"I don't..." Remus' face grew hot. "I'm not... tragic backstory? Mysterious scars? No, I don't!" How did they know? He kept his sleeves down constantly—was always pulling them over his hands, even. He went through a lot of trouble to do that!

"Yeah, you do. Tragic backstory: your mum. Scars: on your hands. You think we didn't notice? And your neck—right there." Sirius reached out to pull Remus' robes away from his neck, right next to his right shoulder. Remus jerked back and pushed him away; Remus wasn't very strong, but it was clear that Sirius hadn't been expecting that. At Remus' push, he fell backwards on his bottom almost comically. "Merlin's beard, Remus. I wasn't going to hurt you!"

"I'm sorry!" Remus pulled his robes over his right shoulder nervously. "I just... you surprised me. That's all."

"What's up with you?" Sirius brushed himself off and sat up.

James agreed. "Seriously. What happened to your arm and your hand? The one on your hand is still fresh. Sirius and Peter and me have been trying to figure it out, but Peter didn't want to talk to you about it for fear of scaring you off."

"Sirius and Peter and I," Remus corrected, trying to stall.

"No, you haven't been doing a thing."

"I was correcting your grammar."

"And I was joking! It's not like you to not understand a joke."

"You just split an infinitive."

"Stop stalling, Lupin! Just tell us. How do you keep getting hurt?"

"Well," said Remus, taking a deep breath. "The one on my hand is from when I was walking on the staircases to... to go home and see my mum. I saw a spider, and my hand slipped, and I tripped, and I cut myself along a sharp corner of the steps."

There was a pause as the other Marauders considered that, and then Sirius rolled his eyes. "Right... that's completely believable."

"Sirius, mate, I don't think he wants to talk about it," said James.

"I just did!" cried Remus desperately. "I did talk about it! I'm clumsy, that's all. Especially when I'm nervous about my mum."

"Sure. And the one on your shoulder?"

That one was the bite, from six years ago. It hurt just to think about it. "Car accident. Dad was trying to drive it and he crashed into a tree. Windscreen shattered. Broken glass hit me in the shoulder."

"Cool!" said James. "I live in a wizarding neighborhood, so we hardly see any cars at all! Can I see it?"

"The car?"

"The scar. With an S."

"Absolutely not. I'm self-conscious." The real reason, of course, was that it was very obvious from the marks that something had bitten him. There was no way that he could explain that away.

"Come on. We're Marauders. You can trust us."

"From what you were saying about how much trouble we're going to cause, the Marauders are not to be trusted. But, back to what I was saying before... I really do not want to be popular. That's just not me." The more attention that he drew to himself, the sooner someone would figure it out. "You know I don't like discussing things with people. I'm not used to being the center of attention. And I definitely don't want... a girlfriend. We're eleven, for Pete's sake."

"Are you talking to me?" chirped Peter, and Remus laughed.

"Good one, Peter. I'll just let Sirius and James be the popular ones."

After a moment, Sirius and James nodded their approval. Remus started to breathe again.

"Time to vote on rules," James said. He seemed to be much too excited for his own good.

With that, the topic shifted, and Remus was very thankful. That had been a close call. How on earth was he going to last another year without anyone finding out... much less seven years? There was no way.

"First rule: we must serve at least seven detentions, each, during our years at Hogwarts. It's sort of an initiation. We're to be troublemakers, after all."

Remus wasn't sure about that. "I'm all right with making trouble. A little, I mean. Not much. But... why do I have to be caught?"

"Detentions are a staple experience of Hogwarts, Remus! They're fun! Well, not fun, but you have to serve a few."

"I don't like that rule."

"Fine. Let's vote. All in favor, say aye." Three voices said aye in unison. Remus rolled his eyes. "Fine. Write it down, Sirius."

Sirius had decided to be the official Marauders Scribe, since his handwriting was the neatest. He wrote painfully slowly; James watched in earnest. Sirius seemed to be understandably annoyed that James was hovering over his shoulder. "A watched pot never boils," Sirius told James as he finished painstakingly outlining the calligraphy.

"Next rule," said James (just as Sirius dotted the parchment in a motion that appeared to be a period). "We must play one major prank per year. By major, I mean pranking the whole school. Causing chaos. Possibly permanent damage. Everyone in the school must be affected in some way. All in favor?" This time it was unanimous. Remus didn't want to cause trouble, but it would be all right as long as he didn't get into trouble... wouldn't it? And Remus knew that, with his wonderful sense of hearing and smell, he was not likely to get caught. Plus, it could even be fun...? The Ink Prank had been fun.

"I have a rule!" said Peter. "I think that we should meet up every summer at least once."

"Dunno if my parents would let me," said Sirius. "Specially since the Potters are blood-traitors, the Pettigrews are related to a Muggle somewhere down the line, and Remus is half Mudblood... Sorry! Sorry, Muggle-born. I'm sorry, Remus."

Remus ignored the accidental slur. "Don't worry about it. Besides, you know I don't like to leave the house," said Remus. "But it was a good idea, Peter. Maybe we can promise to write, instead."

"Perfect," said Sirius. "My parents might block owls to and from my house if they're angry enough. But any of these rules may be broken if we're all in agreement, right? Is that reasonable?"

"Of course," said James. "Except the detention one."

"Except that," agreed Sirius. "Remus, do you have any ideas?"

"I do, actually. I want to avoid hurting people. Pranking is one thing; bullying is another."

"Okay. No bodily harm."

"Or emotional."

"Well, we can't help it if someone is ultra-sensitive and we accidentally scar them for life," said Sirius, and Remus was strangely reminded of Questus.

"But do try not to."

"Right. Fine. I have one more rule," said James, smirking slyly. "We hereby swear to make life at Hogwarts miserable for our mortal enemy."

"Who?" asked Remus. "We don't have any mortal enemies."

"Are you mad? Snivellus!" crowed Sirius.

"But he hasn't done anything to us!"

"He's a greasy, Muggle-hating git who represents all things Slytherin. And his friend Evans is a traitor to Gryffindor..."

"She is not! She's the most Gryffindor person I've ever met! Did you hear what she said to Questus? She's had more detentions than me. Maybe she should be a Marauder."

James choked dramatically. "Ew, no. No girls. Fine, she's definitely a Gryffindor. But Snape! We are going to make him wish he never went to Hogwarts."

"He hasn't. Done. Anything!"

Sirius yawned. "Look, Remus, if you're not going to swear undying hate to Snape than you really have no business being a Marauder."

Remus felt his mouth drop open. "Well, maybe I don't want to bully people just because they're different! If that's being a Marauder, I don't want to be one!" Really, this was just reinforcing what Remus already knew. If they weren't willing to be kind to a boy just because he was in Slytherin and had greasy hair, then what were they going to do to a werewolf? "It's not fair to hurt people because of something they can't help," he finished timidly. "If you don't like him, then you don't have to have anything to do with him."

"We're not going to hurt him!" Peter said earnestly. "We're not going to bully him, either. We just want to prank him! It's all in good fun."

Remus wanted to say no. But really, what business did he have ordering around these boys who were only letting him into their club out of the goodness of their hearts? They could prank Snape—if it was all in good fun—as long as Remus was concerned. And maybe he could gently change the subject whenever it went too far—a little like he was doing whenever they teased Peter. "Fine."

Sirius whooped and wrote down the rule. "Now, I think we need a secret handshake. Or knock. Or something."

"Since Remus is so fond of knocking on his own dormitory door."

"Shut up."

James snapped his fingers, and Remus could almost see a lightbulb visibly going off in his head. "We should all have individual knocks so we know who's at the door. Since a war's coming up and all that. People could impersonate us; we need to have a code."

"Okay," said Sirius. "Here's mine." He rapped his knuckles on the floor: the pattern sounded familiar, but Remus couldn't place it.

"That's just Morse for S-O-S," protested James.

"Exactly. The S-O stands for Sirius Orion."

"And what's the other S?" asked Peter.

"Stupendous. No, scintillating. No, super. Superior!"

"Stupid." deadpanned Remus. "Your middle name is Orion?"

"Yeah. Got a problem with that? What's yours, Remus?"

"John."

"Oh. Well, that's boring. Peter?"

Peter shook his head. "Haven't got one. James, what about you?"

"I'll never tell," said James. "It's worse than yours, Sirius."

Sirius begged James to tell him for a few minutes with no avail. "Anyway," said James, when Sirius had finally given up, "here's my super-secret knock."

Knock, KNOCK,
Knock-KNOCK, knock,
Knock, KNOCK,
Knock...

"Any reason behind that one?" asked Sirius.

"Nah, just sounds cool. What about you, Remus?"

Remus thought for a second, and then tapped out the main melodic theme of Moonlight Sonata. He wouldn't forget that.

"That's kinda weird," said Sirius.

Remus wanted to tell them what it was, but he couldn't. That would be much too obvious. "No weirder than James'. What's yours, Peter?"

Knock, knock, knock-KNOCK, knock.
Knock, knock.

"Shave and a haircut, two bits?" said Remus.

"Peter!" cried James. "That's boring!"

"I don't care. I like boring."

There was a small tussle, but it fizzled out as soon as James realized that Peter was stronger than he looked. Remus knew that James wouldn't risk losing to Peter, whom he believed to be weak and stupid.

"Well, lads," said Sirius. "I think we've done enough for one night. Wait a second! James, Remus! Slug Club starts in five minutes!"

"I'm not going. I'm staying here with Peter." Remus very much did not want to go, and he also didn't want Peter to feel left-out. "You two go on. We'll stay here."

"Fine. Stay here. James threw on his robes and dashed out the door. "Catch me if you can, Orion!

"Don't you DARE call me that!"

The door slammed, and Remus heard Sirius tackle James halfway down the corridor. Then he heard the screech of a cat, a hurried "sorry!" from James, and shouting (courtesy of Filch).

Professor Questus may have been correct about Remus' future being bleak, but the present, so far, was wonderful.

AN: Once I had a dream that there was a snake in my room. I was sort of cowering on my bed a bit (I'm not terrified of snakes, but it did look venomous and I'm not STUPID (most of the time)). Then the snake opened its mouth and started TALKING, which made me panic even more. It told me (in a terrifying demonic voice) that if I got off the bed within three hours then it would kill me. I wasn't really that scared (I mean, how hard could staying in bed for three hours be?). But then the snake started antagonizing me and trying to bribe me into leaving the bed. I wasn't falling for anything, but THEN the snake told me that he had a new idea that was DEFINITELY going to get me out of bed... and then I woke up and it was a school day. It was terrifying. I was wide awake, but I didn't leave the bed for another ten-fifteen minutes. Anyway... thanks for reading! Drop a review if you're so inclined.